My Mum says i'm crazy to want a baby when my eldest child is 15 this year

[lovelymumof4]

I have four children whose ages are 7, 8, 11 and 14. I would love another baby but my mum says it would be silly of me. She says it would be ridiculous for me to have a baby when my eldest will be 15 this year. My Son is a really good lad, never gets in any trouble, just stays in his bedroom most of the time playing his Xbox. Mum says all that could change though, he might turn into an unruly teenager and so might my daughters. She says i would never cope with a baby/toddler and a houseful of naughty teenagers. Mum only had me so i'm an only child and i never was too keen on it. I always knew i wanted between 4-6 children. I know i would cope, although i realise it would be hard. I'm just so broody!! Thing is i'm almost 39 and me and husband have been trying for a baby for a year or so now, nothing happening. So not sure if my mum is saying all this to try and make me feel better as i'm struggling to conceive or if she really does mean all this stuff. Other people cope with large age gaps. It would be different this time also as i have a good husband who would help out unlike my children's father.

I'm perimenopausal and have been told by my doctor it's highly unlikely i will ever get pregnant again. I guess now i know i can no longer conceive my longing to have a baby has got really strong.

You need to think about your self esteem and worries. Be kinder to yourself
You've said you and dh are happy and in love.dont sweat the what ifs

Thanks Scottish. You have been a great help and made me see sense. Very wise lady x

You under estimate yourself,don't let unfounded worries trouble you
Sweat what's real,not the what ifs
Best wishes you've been really interesting - you're v reflective

Hi OP. Really interesting reading your thread. I'm the same age as you and about to get marine to DP and have DCs of similar ages. Some of them are DP's but we have no joint one and part of me would love to. But on the downside I think with 4DCs you are stretched very thin already. Older teens don't come demanding your attention the same way toddlers do but I don't think that means they need it any less. I worry that our older ones would suffer from lack of a parent having time for them. There's a lot of things I enjoy doing with them that we'd not have time for with a new baby. I worry the older boys in particular would just shut themselves off with their computers and DP and I wouldn't have the energy to get them doing anything else, to keep up with their school work, interests, views on the world. And though it would be really lovely to have a joint child a baby also puts a lot of pressure on a relationship. On balance I think we won't have any more.

I also think your fears that some of your children might decide to go and live with their dad could be serious one. My ex recently had a new baby in a really overcrowded flat and it did result in our DCs not being able to sleep well there and having to reduce the time they went there for. I would worry that DSD1 in particular might feel pushed out of a more crowded house and become more distant from DP (and me).

You could also find your DP doesn't have the energy to be such a good stepdad with a baby_toddler around too.

Sorry that should read about to get married! (Trying out new Google keyboard on phone...)

Sorry that should read about to get married! (Trying out new Google keyboard on phone...)

Congrats on your forthcoming wedding! Thank you for your advice, another wise lady. A new baby wouldn't be good, it would spoil everything. Just need to keep telling myself that!

Thanks. I do too. Though my DP isn't up for another which kind of makes the decision easier really.

Just that mu husband has no kids of his own and i worry that one day he will feel he had missed out. But if i can't have a baby anyway due to early menopause then the decision is taken out of my hands. I don't think most men ever feel the need to have a child as much as a woman anyway. My mum thinks my obsession for wanting a baby is due to my falling hormones.

I don't think all men fell that way. If your DH is saying he's OK about not doing and doesn't feel you can afford it then I'd take him at his word.
Plus he married you knowing the situation.

Maybe your mum's right - we're evolved to reproduce and it's hard to override that knowing it's kind of now or never. Doesn't mean that we or our existing kids would actually have a better life with a new baby in it though.

Yes i have to take my husband at his word and stop looking too far into the future and wondering what if. We are perfectly happy as we are, things are running smoothly. I think a new baby would throw everything into complete chaos. It's just not meant to be and i do think that's a good thing. I know deep down that i wouldn't have the time or energy for a baby. Not big enough house, not enough money, it's a no-go.

My 7 year old must have heard me talking about it to my husband as she came upto me earlier this evening and said, "Mummy, your'e not going to have another baby are you. I want to be your baby and i won't be if you have another". Now that's telling me, bless her little heart!

Awe, that's sweet. It's not all positive giving kids a sibling. I'm just consoling myself that with 6 kids between us, surely one of them will end up living nearby and giving us grandchildren before I'm all that ancient.

I have 17 yes between my oldest and youngest. I had 3 teenagers (on with ADHD and ODD), a toddler and a baby. It keeps me busy but is perfectly doable. No one else every looks after or helps out with my children (other than dh), so it is no one else's business how many I have. Have more children if you want, but your mum does reserve the right not to help.