My Mum says i'm crazy to want a baby when my eldest child is 15 this year

[lovelymumof4]

I have four children whose ages are 7, 8, 11 and 14. I would love another baby but my mum says it would be silly of me. She says it would be ridiculous for me to have a baby when my eldest will be 15 this year. My Son is a really good lad, never gets in any trouble, just stays in his bedroom most of the time playing his Xbox. Mum says all that could change though, he might turn into an unruly teenager and so might my daughters. She says i would never cope with a baby/toddler and a houseful of naughty teenagers. Mum only had me so i'm an only child and i never was too keen on it. I always knew i wanted between 4-6 children. I know i would cope, although i realise it would be hard. I'm just so broody!! Thing is i'm almost 39 and me and husband have been trying for a baby for a year or so now, nothing happening. So not sure if my mum is saying all this to try and make me feel better as i'm struggling to conceive or if she really does mean all this stuff. Other people cope with large age gaps. It would be different this time also as i have a good husband who would help out unlike my children's father.

Shelly, Congratulations on your new arrival! Wow, 6 children! You are lucky you are still really fertile at age 40, i sure wish i still was.

Your posts do read bit twee and unrealistic,is this about dh wanting own kid
you'll not be spending weekends as little family you'll have 5dc inc a newborn
So will you be on mat leave?can you afford it?os house big enough?you're basing all this on al the other 4 not minding a newborn

Although if you and your DH would really love a child together and it would be his first then I see your point. Otherwise, no.

Yeah i think i have to stick with 4 children, my body refuses to let me have anymore anyway. My husband is fantastic with my kids but he is quite an anxious person and i do wonder how he would cope with a crying baby and sleepless nights. The last thing i want is to be a single mum of 5, i did that for a few years with 4 kids and it wasn't pleasant. My children adore him and would be really upset if he left. It would be all down to my selfishness that would cause them to be unhappy.

Also i don't go out to work and husband is a low wage earner so really everything is against me having another child.

Right you already have your answer dh says we can't afford it
You don't need to produce his biological baby with you
You have an existing family and overcrowded rented house.

Oh good grief,you're so unrealistic.you don't work?he's on low wage?
Come on be realistic,you've got a family.you're all happy
And your dh said you can't afford it

Our kids are 21, 20,17,6,4 the 21 year old boy is looking after the 2 smallies and myself and dh are celebrating our anniversary by having a night away. Just got a text from him telling me that he is bringing them to the cinema :-)

Yep, unless we win the lottery and we get a bigger house and i can afford lots of fertility treatment i think i'm forced to keep it at 4 children.

Thanks Scottish, i need sensible people like you telling me i'm being unrealistic. I know i am. Just that friends and outsiders keep saying to me, go on and have a baby. Also i'm just so broody!

You're coming across v silly
You're not going to win lottery,you're in overcrowded house,on limited finances
Your posts are contradictory?dh saying cant afford yet you're ttc?why?

Sounds like your kids are great all happy,and you and dh stable.thars great
You've got that family,cherish it
Broody doesn't fill the fridge.use contraception if you both don't want a baby

That's lovely Neither, how sweet of your son. Are all your children with the same man as i see you have a large age gap after the first 3 ?

I wouldn't consider having a large family unless we could comfortably afford it and accommodate it.

Do you feel you need/want to have a baby that is dh biological child?

I don't think i need contraception as iv'e been ttc for ages. Husband says he doesn't want achild of his own yet he wears no protection when we make love. He must know there might be a chance, even if very slim. This makes me think that deep down he wants me to get pregnant.

You are both v reckless,using no contraception leaving it to luck
What if he can't cope?hes said you can't afford it,what if this splits you up
You're coming across totally unrealistic in all your posts,as if you'll just be Mother Earth popping out newborn,irrespective if whether you can afford it,or he wants it

I do feel that need to have his biological child yes. Everyone tells him he would make a great dad. He's quite a bit younger than me and although he says now he doesn't want a child, i worry he may feel differently a few years down the line. People do change. Iv'e spoke to men who have kids that say they definately don't want more then they get into a new relationship and go onto have another child after all.

Yes you feel need to give him his biological kid,thats apparent in your posts
He knew taking you on you had kids,he knows he has none.youre not compelled to give him his own
You're both very reckless,no contraception and limited finances.this has potential disaster written all over it

Op.

When Exdp & i planned our newest dc we were financially comfortable. Both work. I was the main earner. Space not an issue as older dc had moved out. Mil helped out occasionally. Ds9 has sns but he was improving...

long story but Exdp left in December. Ds is in crisis. Youngest ds now also being assessed. Mil tragically died last summer. Dd22 had to move back in only last week.

I'm now a single parent. I have a choice of returning to work in the next couple weeks or claiming benefits. I will be returning to work, as I won't be able to step back into my job in 6 months. I'm also self employed-
I've been building up my business for 4 years.

Life can be unpredictable no matter how well you plan things!

You know a baby won't make him stay with you.it won't cement the marriage

Wow Shelley, bless you. You sound really strong and able to cope. Amazing lady x

That's what my mum says Scottish. You do sound a bit harsh but i think that's what i need to hear. Wish my friends were as sensible as you! A baby really would be a disaster waiting to happen as sad as that sounds. I don't want to be in the other posters situation, with a newborn baby and no husband. Poor lady. I think that could well happen to me.

I know better than anyone that babies don't cement a relationship.

I don't know you,it's not my intention to berate you,it's fact no baby cements a marriage
You're unrealistic and all gushy over a new baby,thinking it'll make him stay,cause it's his
You need to think v carefully why you feel you must give him gp his own baby

He's sending you mixed message,uses no contraception,but doesn't want baby
And you're desperately trying to tie him to you by providing him his very own baby