Put me off having a fourth!

[threecurrantbuns]

Please...i keep thinking about it but deep down know i would struggle and we cant afford it!! Need to get it out of my head, somehow!?

annie

Maybe we do NEED 4! Even though this half term has been one constant sickness bug i still feel broody what is wrong with me!??

I wish i didnt alot more reasons not to than to go for it!

Me and dh are still knackered alot with 3 4 and under and part of me looks forward to the huse being free of baby equipment...and i know it could put so much pressure on me and dh for the first yr esp as dh doesnt enjoy his job but it pays fairly well and he is hoping to change it once all our children are in school and maybe i ca earn a bit somehow as im a sahm atm!

If we had another he wouldnt be able to change jobs.

But dispite all this i still feel broody i need to find the off switch!

Everyone has their own limit, based on individual circumstances. We have 4, eldest 6, youngest 17 months so very very close together. It's hard work.

Some days are easier than others, I wouldn't say that the washing is that different between 3 and 4, or the cooking or the ironing really. It's more about the pregnancy, the childbirth, the other year of sleepless nights whilst looking after 3 other children.

I have days where I feel totally overwhelmed and days where all is great. We are definitely able to do a lot less with them, not because of finances but because of logistics....

Think we have crossed on similar threads before emy Do you think your age gaps are a big factor in how hard it is with four then?

Its a tough one as our three are quite close 4,2 and 11mth. Was 21mth between 1&2 and 24mth between 2&3. I do like them all being close as they are into the same things, at similar developmental stages. But can see bigger gaps making it easier to have individual time and enjoy it rather than rushing around like a zombi

Think now though that if we did have a fourth it would be better sooner rather than later as first three are close?? Would worry it would be like 3 plus 1 otherwise!

But i know it would prob be alot more managable in some way with a bigger gap. For example the 3 things i can imagine dreading would be pregnany, sleepless nights, and all getting out and into the car!!

I have had small (16 month) and larger (almost 5 years) gaps and the larger gap was much easier to manage. I struggled with my middle two being so close in age and think they may have suffered as a result. Although they are older now they fight like cat and dog. I have read every book going on sibling rivalry but nothing seems to work. I know deep down (very deep) they think the world of each other as my dd had an accident when she was with him (he had nothing to do with it there were witnessess)!! But he was totally devastated, never seen him so upset. Think his distress was worst than the accident itself.

I can see what you are saying about the three plus one but it would be a different experience for you and your family, not necessarily a bad thing. My eldest is almost 15 and youngest is two and its wonderful to see them together. It may give you the extra time to really enjoy your last little one? I feel like my children's childhood is like sand through the hour glass - running away far, far too quickly. I would give anything to slow it down.

Would worry it would be like 3 plus 1 otherwise!

I have three plus 1 and I have to say it's great, the older ones are off at friends houses a lot now, 10 and 8 years, the 6 year old still enjoys some of the little stuff that she missed out on because when we had a 6 and 4 year old she was 2 so doesn't remember it at all.
I've no regrets about my big gap I think i'd have stuck my head in the gas oven if i'd had 4 under 6 tbh.

mamatomany couldn't agree more!!

I have 1 plus 3 - 5 year gap and then the little 3 in 3 years & 6 weeks.

If I could go back in time I would have had 2 big gap then 2.

5 year gaps are a pain IME

Thats good to hear dont think i would leave more than i three year gap as cant imagine trying to please everyone is summer hols etc.

Maybe thats the way forward if i was lucky enough to concieve around the three yr gap they would then be 7,5,3,and newborn looks alot on screen

Ive thought recently if i had known i would have wanted four orignally...i think i would of had two then a gap then two more.

Although saying that i like the idea of them all being grown up around the same time and my dh is 37 and thinks he his getting on loves being a parent but would rather the children closer

IMO Think 4 is OK if have nanny/ au pair.
Balanced/friendship thing depends on ages and personalities. You will have 4 close together in age. Think about primary and secondary school trips/holidays? Can be V expensive and they will all want to go.
I have 3 and thing that put me off a fourth- career and just got going, and thought I had used up all my luck with 3 healthy births/kids. But I know many with 4 of same so no argument. I am glad now- 3 is enough- you do eventually get to point where you want some adult (child-free)time.

If I could go back in time I would have had 2 big gap then 2.

Yes me too, my children are all having 1 child though apparently so it's put them off.

Well a nanny is never going to happen for us, i have to agree one big thing that worries me is that i have had three text bk pregs and births and three gorgeous healthy children, me and dh have said is it worth pushing our luck!

But i do have a big niggle about the no.3 makes me worry alot as there is alot of negativity thrown around about 3s, which annoys me as i dont want the seed planted in my childrens head if we dont have another!

My dh does say that if we stick with three when our youngest is 20 we will be 46 and 47 so still fairly young and hopefully in good health and still at an age to go off on hols etc and enjoy some couple time aswell as our children.

Oh well lots to think about. Its hormones though- my workings out put you in your 20's- the drive to reproduce will remain powerful I fear. I still felt broody until about a year ago- am now 41! Only on and off. Now very happy to have stopped at 3.
Good luck with decision-making 3CB.

lurking with interest

just had DC #3 four weeks ago (eldest is 4 in the Summer), and am just the same as you currantbuns and need to be convinced that four is not a good idea. Unlike you though we don't have much room in the house, nor room in the newly-bought car etc etc.

will continue to lurk and see if I can be persuaded either way (DH says no to four, but it's not really up to him, is it?!!! :o )

kangers i am hoping in a way that the broodiness will suddenly dissapear and stop driving me insane.

Talking of age gaps, mine are all really close together, oldest 5 and youngest 8 months. Tonight I am shattered, house is a tip, school shoes need cleaning, uniform ironing, god the list is endless. But always always do no more work after 7.30pm all kids in bed now house is quiet and I sit down for an hour now, before going to bed at 8.30!

The day is constant from 6am till now. I do not sit down. Have set times during the day when I have a cup of tea with the children and do drawing or talk about what they are playing with. This is how I feel I get my one to one time with them.

Today im shattered and not one of my best days, but still love it and love everyone of them as if they are part of me and have never been so happy since my fourth was born.
xxx

Gemitygem That was a lovely post, sound similar to me but i dont have four, day is constant and tiring.

But mine are too all in bed by 7pm then its my time...i do often have to get some stuff done for a hr my downfall is staying up too late by that i mean 10-1030pm late for nowadays anyway lol

gemity do you find it much harder/busier with four than you did with three??

I bet the first few months were sooo tiring for you when the newborn has no set bedtime.

My dc3 still doesnt sleep through either and he is a yr next month...surely that should put me off!!

ouse is a tip, school shoes need cleaning, uniform ironing, god the list is endless. But always always do no more work after 7.30pm

But how ? I mean the uniform isn't going to iron itself is it ? I have a teething baby, gym kit to organise, homework to print out, uniform is still in the machine and there's washing on the line to be brought in.
I haven't had my dinner yet and will be lucky to get to bed for midnight to be woken at 2am by the baby again.
I'm doing something wrong for sure.

Well i have one suggestion quit ironing Bit of a stretch does here, unless its completely crumpled!

But know what you mean im sometimes sorting washing and lunchboxes etc until 9pm by which point i give up as i need tea and tv/mumnet for an hr!

Actually if mn didnt exsist my house would prob be tidy

My fourth was twins!

I do adore the Wee Weapons of Mass Destruction though.

love that description

threecurrnatbuns, I felt like going from 3 to 4 was quite a big jump. But the hardest for me was going from 1 to 2. It was bloody shattering like hard work I have never experienced when dc4 was born. He didn't like to be put down and I didn't have the time to try and get him to sleep better in his cot so carried him around in a sling for the whole of the summer hols when I had all four at home every day! Even used to be able to change dd3 nappy with him in it. For me it was a sad day when I had to give up carrying him as he was too big! Glad those days are over now though!
Mamatomany, had to iron the uniform in the morning, dh was lovely and did the washing up and cleaned school shoes! I prioritse and only do the stuff that matters if it dosen't get done first and except that from time to time I will have to live in a mess, but as long as im organise things seem to run ok.

God reading my post back I sound like a right goody two shoes, im not I promise!

Its funny how it pans out, as i found 1-2 quite i easy transition, and i put that down to a small age gap, as dd1 was 21mth and quickly lost interest in dd2, although dd2 was a fairly chilled baby and although didnt sleep through until 7/8mths she quickly discovered sucking her fingers so if she woke for a feed she was quick then self settled in the day she fed 4hourly then if a bit grizzly self soothed.

DS (dc3) i have found hard, i think it may be partly due to not having the time to make things wokr for him, like set sleep time etc so hard when you have other children take out and sort out. He also is EBF and always has been as he refused anything except boob (obviously has solids now aswell) and i even tried a dummy which he refused but unfortunately/fortunately didnt find his fingers/thumb so does settle alone but often mins a bit of a ten minute cry before he sleep, if i dont do this he is miserable as he doesnt sleep!

Therefore i to ended up with him in a sling alot even used to prep dinner with him in it, walk to school etc. Also put a travel cot up in the kitchen as i found i couldnt ever put him down ever with fear of what might happen to him, the girls are fab with him but want to play mummy so was always concerned about them trying to pick him up.

gemity how did you find your dc after you stopped carrying?? I dont knowif it is pure coincedence but ds is sooooo clingy and if he sees me he has to be with me if i leave him with anyone like i have tried once or twice for an hr with mil he crys the whole time, can be quite wearing for me at time, wonder if i made a rod for my own back with all the carrying!

Think i also found no3 hard as i often felt such an awful mummy and tremendous guilt that i couldnt seem to do enough with my dds, dh would often take them out somewhere nice to give me a break after sleepless night etc but i used to feel like they werent getting enough mummy time...but thats just me i cant help worrying about them all the time Just got off the phone from pre school to check dd2 is ok as she got upset when i left (rare) but think it was due to a hetic morning as ds is poorly.

OMG sorry completely waffling. Anyway im still very broody and me and dh went out for a meal last night and had alot of number4 talk!!

The drive to reproduce is strong that's for sure. I am stunned I feel broody because I always wanted 3, so why suddenly 4? I think partly when you are a family of 5, you still need two hotel rooms, or a villa that sleeps 6, our table seats 6, mind you our car seats 7 The children were playing Hungry Hippos yesterday and I thought "Aw, there are 4 hippos, only 3 children!"
But how can anyone run a business from home, cope with 3 children aged 9, 7 and 4, plus a newborn, in a 4 bedroom house with 1 bathroom? It can't be humanly possible. And I am too scared to even mention a fourth to DH. I have been asking him about the snip for the last 4 years but he hasn't had it done...if he had I surely would not even be feeling this way!

Annieapple7 I run a business from home and I have 5 kids, 1 special needs and due again in June, mine are 12, 9, 5 (with Downs) 3 & 19 months, all in a 4 bedroom house...

ANYTHING is possible if you want it enough. Its the only job I can do that allows me to be as flexible as I need to be with my lot