Put me off having a fourth!

[threecurrantbuns]

Please...i keep thinking about it but deep down know i would struggle and we cant afford it!! Need to get it out of my head, somehow!?

I think it amazing you ccan manage a business from home, i seem to always be chasing my tale to sort the childrenand keep the house half decent and that with a dh that does alot to.

I can see how I can make 4 little ones work - my oldest is only 4 though and just started school, can anyone shed some light on what the challenges are when they get older? especially with small age gaps

Wow Rilith that is inspirational! What business do you run?

I run an eBay shop :) nice and simple and all day around so can do bits and bobs when I can

Thats good Rilith well done you I dont get alot done in the house etc so cant imagine fitting in much else you have 2 more than me!!

Verybusyspider that is a good question, i often wonder how it will be when they are older, being as lots of people seem to take pleasure in telling me how much harder it gets.

Fighting, winding eachother up purposely, lack of respect for everyone... Grrrrrr. My eldest is 12 and just hitting his pre-teen rage.

He is worse than the babies. Them I can handle, him ... its a totally different kettle of fish.

Thats interesting that your ds is clingy and if he sees you he has to be with you. My ds although wouldn't say clingy yet is terrible if he sees me but I don't pick him up. When I am doing the washing up for example and he is in the other room with the others I have to spy on him through the door to check he is ok as if he sees me he starts crying!

verybusyspider it def seems harder as they get older in terms of emotional support. My eldest is 14 and out and about with friends which feels very scary! Letting them make their own choices and hoping the foundations you laid in the early days are strong enough to get them through the choices they are faced with.

Rilith can we take a peak at your e bay shop?

gemity I do exactly he same re peeking at him happily playing and hoping he doesnt spot me and instantly change, crawling full speed in my direction!

I dread to think how ill cope when they are older...prob be a nervous wreck! But do you just get on with it and adpat a bit like whe you have another baby or just look back and realise how much harder it is?? Is it harder or just different??

Of course you can Slipperandpjsmum my ebay id is Rilly_Roo

Threecurrantbuns for the older ones I am definitely finding it challenging. I keep saying to my eldest "OK you are learning to be a teenager, that part I have done, but this is my first time being a parent of a teenager, lets try to help eachother"

Its not worked yet though typically its in one ear and out of the other

please someone - tell me about having a house full of teenagers, I'm dithering on the side of having 4 but my eldest is only 4 so I realise I really don't have a clue what is it all like once they start clubs and hormones, school exams and trips...

Gosh Asteria how scathing

I am one of four- dp one of two we have 6

Our children are not damaged and we are not over stretched BUT parenting is what we 'do'

We dont nip off to sporty weekends etc or the gym or chill reading the paper (much) but we do parent. Ours are very well spread so we have teens and toddlers - one is at university already. I HIGHLY highly recommend it but i am obsessed by children and do love the earth mothery bit

It is a lot of cooking and a lot of reading diaries and GCSE revision but i that's what i do and i love it

It IS hard work don't get me wrong but i would tell anyone who wants to to dive straight in!

Notamopsa are you a SAHM? with 3 I do work part time but I definitely don't do gym etc, not sure I understand 'me' time and would much rather have people offer to come and do something with the children and me rather than them offering to 'take them off my hands' I do enjoy my other job though so not sure how to balance it all - how do you cope financially (if thats not too personal a question)?

I take my hat off to any off you that work

Make me wonder how my house is still always a mess and i feel one step behind alot.

I just see my job as being mum cant imagine trying to fit another job in aswell.

I actually cant work...well it wouldnt pay me too as my wages would be cancelled out by childcare esp when it woudl be times by three. And then what do you do during holidays.

I did love my job though and its a factor in deciding on a fourth i soooo want one but i know it means i will be a sahm probably until my children are grown up by which point i couldnt go back to my previous work i would need to re train! I also have a dream of retraining to be a midwife but know it would not be possible one to train and two to work the job around the children.

But tbh honest i think that could be the case with three anyway. enless i except that i will see alot less of my children and someone else will be doing a chunk of the child rearing!

But hard to no for def if i want to give all of this up, i have had a very few odd moments where ive been desperate to work a day or two...i havent worked since going on mat leave with dd1 so nearly 5years.

Im not going to lie there has been moments where being a SAHM has driven me mad, but its also what ive always wanted when having my children so feel very lucky to be able to be fortunate enough to. I do find the loss of finacial independence hard at times, i would love to have a bit of my 'own' money which i have earned.

Although Even if we could afford to work i like to do it all myself and im a control freak i couldnt bare the thought of the children going to a minder or childcare setting.

I think im getting closer to definately wanting to go for no.4 but know its not the right time so would have to wait till at least jan12 to start trying which seems ages away

But im with you verybusy my elsdest is 4 and maybe its easy to think i want another when i havent experienced the realities and financial strains of four older/ teenage children.

For example we can only afford (which is a push) for them to do one extra curricular activity which is swimming! So cant help thinking am i better having less children but be able to give them more oppotunities and more of my time, or one more child and yes they will have less luxuries, but will it matter, will they mind, i never had much but feel it was a different time when i was growning up, less pressure at school to have and do everything!!

I would like to think the bonus of an extra sibling (getting away from being one of three) and grwoing up in a large family would make up for it??

OP - I could have written almost exactly what you've written. I've just had my 3rd 5 weeks ago and am madly wondering about a 4th. Dh is horrified - he wanted the snip after dc2! finances are the biggest issue as i'm a sahm so he feels huge pressure to provide for us, and has just started a new job which involves travel abroad which he's never had to do so ... i've got my 6 week check coming up, dh and my mum keep asking me about contraception. dh doesn't want to come near me cause he's so scared about having a 4th!
i'd love to be a surrogate mum or foster but i don't think he'll let me do that either!
i thought about training to be a midwife but now thinking about being a doula.

Re contraception My mum said, 'im surprised you havent opted for something more permanant'

I am lucky that me and my dh feel the same way.

I looked into doula training, but although it would be great just not the midwife i dream to be, its partly because i live near a fantastic birth centre and i have had amazing midwives and birth experiences so would love to offer the same to mums.

But realistically just training would be a nightmare in terms of childcare. Its a full time course of 7wk in uni the 7wk shadowing alternates like that for the duration meaning long hours and shifts which would at times clash with my dhs shifts and the uni's nearest to me are all at least an hours travel. So full time plus hr each way, plus organising childcare and a happy 3children for the whole of that time seems near impossibly financially and practically

I am 26 so time is on my side dh thinks i should maybe consider re training in 10 yr when the children are older not sure if that would be easier or not!? Or if my brain will still be capible by then...i have serious mummy brain now let alone in ten yrs lol

I started a degree when my children were 4, 5 and 11 and had a 4th during the second year of the degree

Its hard to know what is the best age. I always thought children needed you most when they were little but as mine get older it feels like they need me more but of course for different reasons. Esp having a teen I am really keen to be around to keep our relationship open so if we hit any bumps on the road I am able to offer support

You are right time is def on your side, I was much older. I suppose it boils down to how much you want it because in the end thats what will keep you going through the challenge It won't be easy emotionally, physically or financially.

People often say to me "Oh, I don't know how you did it with all those children" But I know they were my inspiration. I did it because of my children and not inspite of them.

verybusyspider - I actually have another 3 now!
We run our own business so i do a bit of work but generally in the evenings which is fine

slipperandpjs- i agree- my teenagers take a LOT more of our thought and attention indirectly than the younger ones...they don't need their bums wiping anymore but do have a whole 'nother set of needs!

OP - yes we have probably met on here before, I do hover around a few threads!!!

To answer your question, I think the hardest thing for me has been having a toddler and baby combination. I guess it's the juggling of those two, and actually in a way I find it easier when the older two are around as they do distract and entertain baby and toddler in spurts. That enables me to do things like cooking!

Now that my youngest is 18 months and starts to do a bit more walking/eating by herself/sleeping through consistently, I am finding I look and feel less like a ghost and more like a human! Last year was very tough, I have some pics of me looking rather green!

But then again factor in the fact that I have no family around so had to cope entirely by myself with no breaks, that really does make a big difference!