Put me off having a fourth!

[threecurrantbuns]

Please...i keep thinking about it but deep down know i would struggle and we cant afford it!! Need to get it out of my head, somehow!?

Ironing?? Gave up two children ago...bit of a stretch of the clothes and whats the difference

My friend has four and her fourth is the most difficult of her bunch. I think she has babied him as the youngest, but he really is the most whingey, stubborn child. I have heard him whinge for sweets for over an hour, and after an hour she gives in to him.But I guess that is down to her parenting in a way.

parties for us are a run around the garden and then a tea of sandwiches, little sausages, mini rolls, hula hoops, ribena and cake

sometimes there is an entertainer. As the kids grow up it turns into cinema and a sleepover

none of it is expensive

I have 4
DD1 15
DS1 12
DD2 2
DD3 6 months.
Before DD2 I had got used to having 2 and we could afford them. DD1 does horseriding, dancing and music lessons with school. I am taking her somewhere 2-3 times a week. DS(ASD) acceesses playschemes and respite care several times a month.
DD2 and 3 are young enough to tag along when I take the others out but DD2 will soon be at the age to do activities. Once DD3 is then I'm not sure how we will cope financially or will have the time to do everything for all 4.

On the practical side:
Our house is too small so we share with DD2 and DD3.
my washing machine goes constantly
Food doesn't last as long, but at least we don't get veg rotting like before.
TV time for us is limited
The weekly shop now costs as much as our old fortnightly shop
We are overrun with toys and baby clothes.

Oh and me and Dp haven't had sex more then 10 times since DD3 was born

10 times in 6 months isn't bad at all (post baby)! I'm impressed

yes and once they are older and go to bed at 10pm you don't have any time alone with your dh

I knew I was done after four, no question that I would have four!! However it is another child that needs attention, and clothing, a bedroom, extra moeny for holidays, day trips etc. I wouldn't be without him though!

I want a fourth. Dd3 is 4 m & realistically physically I'm finished. Likely to be in a wheelchair with SPD next time & would need a 4th section. Emotionally I planned for 4 and dd2-3 have 9 years between them so feel she loses out on the closeness dd1/2 have.

Financially we haven't got a lot now dh is career changing. Not slowed to extend our house even if we had the Money which puts 6 people in a 3 bed house with 1 bathroom & 1 living room! Do have a 7 seat car though.

Thats what i thought re parties when they are older, a friend of mine has a son who has just turned ten and she exchanged ten pounds worth of clubcard vouchers for pizza express then her son picked two friends to take with him to make there for pizza making then a sleepover...fab idea!

Mine are still young so cant do that atm!

I chickened out of doing dds party at home...the thought of bad weather and them all ending u inthe house scared me lol. So used the village hall instead!

Dcs 2&3 birthdays are march and april so prob wouldnt have great weather so im doing the same joint 1st and third end of next month in the village hall...bumps it up 30quid though...so need to get over the party in the house thing!

Wow 10times in 6mth i am too imnpressed!

We have just rekindled our sex life and ds is nearly a yr old!!!

We our fortunate with our space...although extented meant once our three were teenagers there would be a bedroom each which would no longer be the case if we went for a fourth, and cant see myself ever wanting to move from here

I can tell you dp is far from impressed at the 'lack' of sex. He is good about it as he knows that the kids will one day be all at school and then we can have a day in bed.

Well that is what he thinks

Nymphadora DD2 and 3 were both accidents but I am glad they are close together so they can do things together. And with the 9 years between no 2 and 3 it was like having a family all over again.

I have 5 and it is hard work but I wouldn't change it. I went from 2 to 4 as had twins 3rd time round. I also lost 2 babies late and had miscarriages so we are so grateful every day for out DC. You never get bored, they all play together, you feel proud of your big brood.

The downsides are the money (especially teenagers and if they all attend swimming, scouts, brownies etc), the sadness about not having time to do things with them (it hits me at times), you do get comments from people at times as well, the sheer amount of housework and lack of sleep and space. Also holidays are very expensive, we have been abroad only a small number of times and usually do caravans in the UK, we love it as much though. If they are all ill it is a nightmare. Having friends round often happens less often although we still do it.

Another note is that you often fantasise about your ideal baby and not you actual one!!! I thought 5th would slot in easily...He had severe reflux and we got no sleep for days on end and were in and out of hospital. It was unbearable for over a year..you never know if you will have extra issues on top of normal baby exhaustion. Just a thought to bear in mind.

Oops also forgot to add the hit to your career. i found that after having 3/4+ it made sense to SAH (luckily I was happy with that) but for some people it could cause problems with childcare costs etc.

Anniemac your post is heartwarming it's exactly what we all hope our own DCs will think and feel as they grow up.

And it's exactly what I wanted but never had when I was growing up.

4 is better than 3. That constant odd one out is bad.

I'm one of 6 and am very happy to have 5 siblings. Close attention isn't always the best thing anyway. I remember reading an interview with Jools Holland who was sooooooooo happy when his mother had twins, as he had been sole focus for a lot of years and reveled in the freedom of his mother having a very different focus suddenly.

HI threecurrantbuns - just read the whole thread and realised you asked me how old mine are. They are DD1 14yrs, DS 5, DD2 3yrs, DD3 1yr.

I can totally understand you're feeling of 'I'm not done yet' and I had the same very strong feeling. I remember bursting into tears when my DP said that he definately didn't want anymore when DD2 was about 3 months!

You'll never regret it I'm sure. I'm positive that if we hadn't had our number 4 I would have regretted it and would always have had that feeling you talk about of the family not quite being complete.

I have noticed that I still do get broody but it's definately cyclical now and not a deep ingrained thing that's always bubbling away like it used to be. I'm broody only as I am approaching my most fertile time, then it's like a switch and it goes instantly. Thought I'd mention that as it has helped my friend who has 2 DCs realise that she doesn't really want a 3rd it's just her body telling her she does and it's only once a month!

I have 3 dc's 7, 4 and nearly 1. DH is incredibly broody at the moment and keeps "joking" about trying for no. 4. I don't really want to have any more though but I'm finding it difficult at the moment as i am feeling a little broody myself. i know we have to stop at some point though and i think maybe i would get broody no matter how many we have. i am surprised dh wants another as he is one of 8 and has many hang ups about his child hood and feels he had a real lack of parenting.
another reason i think i should stop at 3 is that my last 2 pregnancies were CS. the first cs was a bit of a botch job and i had lots of scar pain. however the last cs i had was by an amazing surgeon who really sorted it all out including my heavily scarred uterus (sorry if tmi). so i would worry that if i had a fourth i might get a not so good surgeon again.

It is 25% more laundry, that's all I am going to say and should be enough to put any sane person off

or you could be like me and get twins and do cloth nappies.... so like 200% more laundry! In fact this is more a laundrette than a house

I have 4 and they're too much for me. I often wish I had stopped at 3 (or even 2).

I look back to when i just had the two whistfully ...... i do wonder in all seriousness if number 1 and 2 had got to aged 4 and 2 before i got pregnant with number 3 if DC3 and DC4 would have happened at all.

I have absolutely no regrets at all. Admittedly, no4 is still cooking but I never had any regrets with no3 and the 7 year gap between 2 & 3.

Life will be busy. There will be more washing. Food will cost more. Hotel rooms are already non-exisent unless we get two. We only ever go to relatives houses abroad. Those after school activities we pay for (piano lessons) will multiply eventually but by the time no3 & 4 need them no 1 & 2 will be done (or nearly). As for university, they will end up paying grad tax or loans back (as they should).

But they will always have a support network. I appreciate that life doesn't always work out how you plan, they may fall out etc, but at the moment they are very close despite the age gap. I hope this will continue and I'm aware this is as much to do with DH & I as it is to do with the dcs.

There will be days when I tear my hair out and think of the halcyon days of only 2 but I do that now and not with any regret at all. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have no regrets but it is a lot of work and cost.

25% more washing, probably more like 50% for the first year.

Need a people carrier

Forget holidays abroad, they are a possibility with 3 dc - you are heavily penalised for a 4th!

University costs, average age of leaving home is rising rapidly.........

There is probably more that I'm just not thinking about tbh.

i really want another one. i have 3. but i do feel that i'm too old - 43. if i was younger i'd definitely have one, no question.

Enjoyed reading this thread - I am in the same boat as you OP - thought I was "done" at 3, now DD aged 4 is in school and my ovaries have thrummed back into life! I am trying to analyse why and put myself off. I have put nappies, cots and prams behind me haven't I? Who do I want to go back to all that chaos when things are getting easier? The cost does alarm me too. We are planning an extension and already have 7 seater car.... perhaps we need a Four children - the secret of success thread!