I did something Friday never thought I would need to do

[Trulywonderful]

As a British non religious Jew in the multi cultural city that is London I never thought I would have this conversation with my 11 year old son.

My son attends a very nice state school not a Jewish one. However as most the children that attended his primary know my family are Jewish latest events made me nervous. Not that those kids he has attended the primary school would be an issue but that they might innocently tell others he is Jewish. Potentially leading to at best him being questioned about his views on the conflict and at worse a physical assault.

So I had two options Friday morning. Keep him home when I was possibly overly worrying about kids in his nice school or have the one talk I never thought would happen.

So I decided to have the talk. Told him to make sure he didn't mention being Jewish at school from now on. That if anyone started asking to say no or walk away. In RS lessons don't mention it, even if the teacher is talking about Jews. I am gutted still I had to tell him this.

My father was very obviously Jewish and even if he hid it on occasion he still looked Egyptian or something. Therefore growing up I saw regular antisemitism and prejudice because of his middle eastern looks.

It is easy for myself and my children to blend in because we are fairer non religious. I thought a conversation like Fridays would never happen.

I am still very sad to have had the conversation I am sure many Jewish religious families or others abroad etc have all the time.

Are you Jewish?

I have had the same conversation with my boys, one of whom has learning difficulties and with whom the comversation had to be had so carefully. . I detailed this on threads elsewhere as well. I never thought I would have to do this in modern Britain as a modern British secular Jewish woman married to a Christian man with ostensibly Christian children.

Inevitably there will be trolls and goaders but they can be ignored, confronted and/or reported. Maybe I'm being too optimistic but I think this board will be a force for good.

Well this thread shows she wasn't wrong...love how non Jewish people tell Jewish people there is no antisemitism. If a white person told a black person they were imagining racism, that'd be pretty obviously stupid. And yet I see this all the time now, people claiming there is no antisemitism. It's there all the time, all over the city. The sly references to xyz colleague "no wonder he's tight given his religion", "only got that job because of the north London connection" etc.

Oh OP I didn't want to read and run.. how awful of a situation and I sincerely hope your son doesn't have any negative impacts at school or otherwise 💐

Crikey that's appalling - your poor daughter.

Think the other thing worth pointing out to those who minimise the chances of this happening in state schools - these incidents (and racist incidents in general) by other kids isn't confined to inside the school gates.

I'm not Jewish so I won't even pretend to understand the challenges you face due to your religion, I just couldn't scroll on without messaging to say I'm so sorry you felt this was necessary. I've no judgement on whether it was the right way or wrong way to deal with this I'm just very saddened that you've had to have what I'm sure was a very difficult conversation with your young child. Personally I can't say what I would've done in your situation but my instinct is to say yes exercise caution but also ensure he understands being Jewish is not a bad thing, it's who you are as a person and how you treat others that matters not what religion you are. Maybe have another conversation to reiterate what you've said about not advertising he is Jewish but at the same time it is not something to be ashamed of? I'm raising my children to care about who a person is not what skin colour, sexuality, religion etc they are and I can only hope more parents do this so in future these conversations never need to happen. I hope you and your family remain safe and I'm so sorry you've had to have this conversation 😔

I am so sorry OP, and I would have done the same in your situation (and I am a humanist). Just using Mumsnet over the last week as an example, it has been horrific how Jewish posters have been attacked with whataboutery, veiled and unveiled insults and thread hijacking. I think a mother advising her dc to go low profile about their heritage and faith at this point to minimise the chances of the dc having to face in person conversations similar to those that have happened on this web site is very wise. How distressing for a dc to feel they needed to discuss the terror attacks when there is such strong anti Jewish sentiment around.

Ffs, is this board just going to be overrun by non-jews telling us we're wrong about our own lives and experiences and history and reality?

I'm sorry. You should report posts like that. It's dreadful that the very first post was an attack.

I'm not Jewish but I supported the setting up of this board. This thread came up in Active - maybe there's a way for MNHQ to keep the board off it?

I am so sorry. 💐

MisschiefMaker · Today 18:29

You didn't have to do that, you chose to indoctrinate your DS into the cult of victimhood and perpetuate an "us vs them" mentality that fosters division and is often used to dehumanise non-Jews and justify discriminatory practices against them.

I hope non-Jewish posters get to see the disgusting posts like this before they are removed. It will help them to understand what we are facing.

WTF?

Absolutely. I haven't posted because I didn't want the board to be swamped by comments from non-Jews but I'm really appalled by how fast this thread has been hijacked when it should be a safe space.

I am definitely not the anxious type. Loud and obnoxious but not one to overly worry.

The reason I did this was not fear of a Jihad attack or violence that could cause medical treatment. It was because unlike my other children who would verbally defend themselves and could probably deal with any bullying fairly well. They would tell a teacher or get help somewhere else. My 11 year old son is not a good at debating issues or standing up for himself.

I work with teenagers myself around 1500 of them in fact. Last 2021 big I & P conflict, whilst most understood to be careful with their own opinions so as not to upset each other and understood Jews in the London had nothing to do with it. As small number of teenagers were very affected personally. Plus some were rather brainwashed by social media that all Jews were bad. At work we had a couple of unpleasant situations. However mostly it was the students using the new them coded antisemitism they had learnt from people like Corbyn's fan club. Basically age old tropes wrapped up in word play.

Anyway I know my son and I have a pretty good idea of the kind of thing some teenagers are looking at on social media currently. They are understandably wanting to learn more about the current situation but don't always choose good sources. Some will also be looking for a punchbag to take out their feelings on. I am not wanting that to be my son.

In my job we are offering support for children affected and their families. This is for Jewish and Muslims plus any of person that needs to talk. That doesn't mean I don't mind my child getting emotional or physically hurt whilst people are dealing with their own feelings. Hence why I had a conversation with him.

You didn't have to do that, you chose to indoctrinate your DS into the cult of victimhood and perpetuate an "us vs them" mentality that fosters division and is often used to dehumanise non-Jews and justify discriminatory practices against them

This is the text of one of the anti-Jewish posts on here (reported BTW) so that people can see what is going on.

Unbelievable.

That's why I sometimes also copy/paste/bold some of the worst offenders into my post rather than use the Quote button, so that when the original is deleted it also remains, if only partially.

Because how often do we get aggressive demands for examples and proof....

this exactly!

It is awful that you felt you had to do that, I’m sorry. My initial reaction is that you shouldn’t tell your son to hide his ethnicity but what do I know? I am not living in your shoes so it’s very easy for me to think so ideologically.

But I would be expecting the school to head this off pretty swiftly. There are quite a few Russians in my daughter’s school and when Putin invaded Ukraine the head organised an assembly to tell the kids quite sternly that any questioning Russian kids on their views or anyone making Russian kids feel uncomfortable using inflammatory language about the war would result in suspension.

AFAIK the talk worked and the kids have been very respectful towards each other.

I am also bowing out now.

this isn’t really my space (the thread appears in active btw!) and I just wanted to express solidarity with the OP and her son.

I wish you were safe from antisemitism and did not have to worry. take care 💐

It has been deleted (thankfully) so MNHQ obviously think your post did not keep to the Guidelines.............................................and neither does this one here, which I have also reported.

I'm so sorry that you had to do that. My heart is so heavy this week.
It wasn't until my children started at a Jewish school that I realised quite how much antisemitism is around. Out of the school context we are not identifiable as Jewish.
I rarely experienced any growing up in London and attending non Jewish schools. Quite the reverse really; genuine interest and respect of beliefs.
But my children deal with comments from others regularly on the bus coming home from school or in the local area. Such vitriol and all the usual tropes shouted by other teenagers.
My children have come straight home every day since this happened; scared to go to the gym or hang out with friends.
When they started at the school, they were shocked about all the security and I saw through their eyes how sad the situation is.