Hello ladies,
I know I said I wasn’t sure I’d be back, but I’ve still kept reading your updates but with little of my own to update.
Yesterday I had my follow up on my failed cycle. Cons said he doesn’t want us to make too much of the 3pn zygote at this stage as it was my first cycle and we’ve no idea if it will happen again, or if it was just caused by the ICSI.
What he wants to focus on for subsequent cycles is trying to get more of my eggs to mature together. He discussed doing a long protocol as that’s the normal next step after a failed short, but he says on a long protocol we can only use an ovitrelle trigger, and he wants to try short again so we can use Ovitrelle and Buserelin. I will also change to Meriofort 450 for my stims, rather than the Ovaleap last time.
I asked him about the possibility of my being a carrier of the Fragile X premutation - as I’m 38 and my AMH is 0.6, he said he wouldn’t test unless I went through the full menopause before 40, but I’d think I was close enough with these numbers, and it would least give me a chance to get my head around things, and possible decide to stop trying if there was a possibility of me passing the full mutation onto a child, or even a daughter having the premutation and suffering with infertility like this. I guess if I get some abnormally fertilised eggs again then his decision about testing me might change.
One of the hardest things about all of this for me is just not knowing what happened to my body to make my ovaries start to give up so much sooner. Dunno if anyone relates? Did I cause it myself? Was it pre-determined? I think I want an answer to set myself free from this horrible feeling of having an unknown fault with me.
I am going to go for a three cycle ICSI package with Access fertility now (we will use the first cycle of that to try his new drug regime and then depending on results, will decide whether to try long protocol for the last two) and I think that will be my limit of money/time spent on trying to have a baby, I don’t feel like I can stay in this head space forever as it takes so much from me.
Annoyingly still waiting to bleed from this last failed cycle, egg collection was 16th, didn’t even start progesterone. I want to bleed so I can restart my HRT patches and feel a bit more stable emotionally. I’m physically exhausted too being in Luteal, I have PMDD so it’s a tricky time for me every month!
I hope you are all well, lots of love xx