BFP after IVF - anyone want to join me in the wait for first scan?

[HopefulllHolly]

Sensitive

Hi everyone,
I’ve just had our first cycle of IVF and although we had very slim odds of it working (low AMH, low AFC, male factor, which led to only 2 mature eggs which thankfully led to one perfect day 5 blast). We are absolutely amazed and over the moon that it worked despite everything, but I am really struggling with the wait for first scan. I almost feel with infertility (we TTC for 6/7 years) that it does make you anxious and I’m finding the wait to my first scan (6th June) unbearable. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I really wish I could enjoy it or relax a little but instead I am worrying about miscarriage and things I can’t control. For me this has been the worst bit of IVF so far, and I’d love to just be able to be happy so I don’t look back (if it does work) and wish that I hadn’t been so anxious and scared.

Is anyone else in the same boat who wants to keep me company? 🥹 Or can provide some tips on how to distract myself and cope better? I know there’s nothing I can do to change the outcome and what will be will be, but I don’t think I’ve ever worried so much in my life.

Thank you 🙏

@DogMummy87 aww lovely that sounds horrible! You'll get through this, the nausea is the worst thing ever. I wish there was something that truly worked to get rid of it. I hope you start to feel better soon.

@Leaf86 that's really interesting. How weird they say different things. It makes sense that the IVF dates are so precise, I was very confused when they said all that to me.
I did do a frozen transfer so unless that changes things?
Maybe a fresh transfer is more precise? (trying to think why they might say different things!)
It's annoying because they've updated my due date on the badger app & all my pregnancy info but I've kept my IVF due date in my calendar.

@Fluffyted I’ve only had frozen transfers so I don’t think it’s any different (although not sure) - there is always some variation around how quickly the embryo implants, but it should be a matter of 1-3 days max, not week(s) different. For what it’s worth (and I am no expert …..) I think it probably doesn’t matter much, but could be worth bearing in mind when you’re taking their advice on when (if at all) to induce etc?

@ThePeachGoose sorry, almost missed your reply! I could drive up to my due date so you might surprise yourself, depends on how comfortable you are. What I did find is that I became very faffy and emotional towards the end and ended up in a bus lane coming back one time and crying outside St Paul’s Cathedral in a panic 😂 so I much preferred being driven. And of course, you won’t be driving in labour! My friend told me to take a black cab when labour starts, his wife’s labour (her first) was so quick that if he’d had to park the car, they wouldn’t have made it inside the hospital before baby arrived. 😱 And if you’re in a cab, they can use the bus lanes to get you there more quickly. I’ve heard good things about Kings, I don’t think it would be a bad choice at all. The post natal wards all sound equally as grim (Tommys was also awful) but I think it’s probably more important to get the quality of care right (which I think most of the London hospitals do).

@HopefulllHolly I really should have combined these three posts into one, but sorry to hear you’re feeling anxious again - it’s so normal - I’m the same, the relief doesn’t last long. Wednesday will be here very soon and I think you’ll feel a lot better after that. You may also start feeling baby in a few short weeks as that’s a huge comfort and relieves a lot of the anxiety. Hang on in there.

How strange, every hospital takes a different approach it seems?! The only time it will really matter is when it comes to inductions and planning elective c-sections later down the line as that’s all really specific to how many weeks and days gestation we are. Anyways, that’s all a long way away!
Intrigued what the rest of us experience at our 12 week scans.

@AnnieStar12 mine has taken a bit of a on the fence approach, so I have a note that confirms ivf due date but also says what the dating scan due date it- covers all bases, guess that just highlights it to anyone looking on my app- however which they use I have no idea.

booked my 16 week midwife appt now for 31july, I find it so good to have the next date to look forward too 😂 feel like I’m wishing my life away which I really don’t wana do as I don’t wana wish time away with dd.

good luck to those with scans today 💕

Thank you for being so kind @Leaf86 @Fluffyted @AnnieStar12 🥹 I feel bad like I’m constantly moaning and worrying. I hope it’s not draining you guys as much as it’s draining me. I really wish I could just be excited and confident that it will be ok! Some days I manage it and then closer to scans and things I panic again. Half of me is excited to see her again and see how big she’s gotten and the other half is just terrified something has gone wrong and I’ve been blissfully unaware this whole time and will find out tomorrow. I wish I could just be positive!

@HopefulllHolly the anxiety is sooo normal and you worry away on here it is weirdly comforting to know everyone is feeling the same and makes me confident that I’m not just nuerotic! 😊
yest I asked straight away is it alive and burst into tears when she said all is good- which is slightly embarrassing since at least the fertility clinic scans are probably more used to it than nhs scanners,
the chances of anything going wrong between 9.5 and 12 weeks is minuscule I’m so confident you’ll be posting your lovely scan pic tomorrow of baby girl 💕💕

@Leaf86 @Edf @AnnieStar12 it's so annoying that every hospital does it differently. I wish they all said & did the same so we all had the same info! It makes it all much more confusing than it needs to be 🙈
I'll just keep reminding them that I did IVF and could be a week behind.
I was thinking last night that it would matter most when we get to the labour stage incase we plan c-sections or inductions or anything and it happens a week earlier then is should because it's been mis-dated. Maybe that won't matter? I have no idea. I'm probably going down another anxiety rabbit hole that I shouldn't be!!

It will be interesting to see if you get given a different due date tomorrow @HopefulllHolly.

I popped into a baby shop and bought the cutest babygrow after my scan yday. And it was the most happiest feeling ever!! 😁🥰

@Fluffyted ooo how cute, really wana see the photo! Love a teeny baby grow!!

@HopefulllHolly Awww no don't be sorry! You are being totally normal. And like every single thing you've worried about I've also worried about so I imagine most of us are on here have too!
It's nice to have others to talk to who are going through the same and at similar stages as it's like a little helpline we all have 🥰
And also it's good to get other peoples perspective because so many times I've been silently worried and reading other peoples replies on here have helped so much. It's very reassuring to know we aren't alone with all the worries!
It's a nervous & exciting time but once you see her little heartbeat & wiggling antics tomorrow all your worries will disappear.
I think it shows what an amazing mummy you will be & are already!

@Edf it's so sweet you cried! It's the best feeling 🥰.

🌟 top tip for the over the belly ultrasound - pack a spare pair of underwear & trousers!! 😅 the gel goes everywhere and all over your clothes & my underwear was soaked at the top!! Not comfy if you are going straight out after.
Also I wore my comfy Bridget Jones knickers thinking they would be tucked away but she right really low down and pulled my trousers down so they are on show 😂😂 I was so embarrassed!! 🙈 but a funny thing to calm the nerves I guess

@HopefulllHolly don't feel bad! We're all here to support everyone through! I am feeling exactly the same. I plod along ok and then scan week the anxiety rears its ugly head again. I worry too that something has happened and am unaware. I feel because I am on oestrogen and progesterone still, I may not notice a miscarriage! It's reassuring we all feel the same!

My DP was out last night and that's when I frantically google everything! So to keep myself occupied I thought I'd do something positive!
My SIL used to work in mothercare and was always picking up bits in the sale or discontinued freebies. She was having a clear out and gave me a bag of baby bits just before I was starting IVF. I didn't want to take them just in case it jinxed things but we did but I hid them in the spare room out of sight. Yesterday we cleared the spare room and I decided to go through the bags of goodies while DP was out to see what was in there! Soo many clothes! 2 sterilisers and lots of other bits I can tick off my list.

@Edf Yeah I’ve cried at every scan - the absolute fear when they don’t say anything for a minute is honestly horrible. I really do hope I have a nice scan tomorrow to show you all! Trying to bury my head in the sand today - just wish I could go to sleep and wake up when it’s time!

@Fluffyted Awww a little baby grow! I bought a little knitted one for my partner to open to tell him the sex with. It’s so cute. I keep getting it out and holding it 🥹 everything is so small!!
I actually asked my midwife about the dating stuff and she said that they’d measure me and date me for size/growth purposes but in terms of delivery and anything like being induced they’d go off IVF date. Will ask again tomorrow though to be sure!

@DippyDuck19 It’s horrible isn’t it - the days before scans I’m just a mess again. I didn’t really notice anything different coming off the progesterone - maybe you won’t either. Do you stop those soon? So cute you’ve got all that stuff already - and so handy! - I’ve costed up little things like muslins, blankets, bath stuff, sterilisers and all that stuff and it really adds up! I’m going to start buying very small things like muslins and blankets every month and stock up, I figured if anything’s wrong I can return or give to a mother baby charity if needed. Wish I had a handy relative who worked somewhere though! 😂 I forget - what time is your scan on Thursday?

Thank you all again for being so lovely and supportive - I think I’d have lost my head properly if it wasn’t for all of you. Thank you 🥹

@HopefulllHolly my clinic told me to stop at 12 weeks, either the start of the week or end, whatever I was more comfortable with. I should be 12+5 at my scan so it all good then will stop (or maybe half my dose for a few days... I'm undecided).

My scan is at 8:20 Thursday morning.

All the little bits definitely add up. Next, Asda, matalan all have 50% off sales at the mo. I'm going to buy what I can in the first sizes in the sales as they grow out of them soo quickly! And also if anything happens it wouldn't have cost too much and can always gift on. It helps me keep a positive mindset! Luckily the bigger items our parents are paying for, so the rest I'll buy maybe in the Black Friday sales! Although Amazon prime day is coming up this week lol so will see what other bargains I can get.

@HopefulllHolly what time is your scan tomorrow? (Sorry if you've said)

@DippyDuck19 Ah that’s so nice and early - I think I do remember now! So sorry my brain and memory is shocking at the moment! Mines at 11:20 tomorrow.
Oh yeah I saw Amazon day - might have a look though I think for anything big I’m going to wait until Black Friday. For small clothing and things I’ll keep buying little and often - definitely agree it keeps anxiety at bay and keeps you positive! So nice your parents are buying your big stuff - I have a savings pot with money I put in every month for IVF so that’s just becoming a baby saving pot. Luckily it’s looking quite sizeable now but all the pram, car seat and furniture is expensive! My list is massive too and I’m not entirely sure I’ll need it all but would rather have enough than not.

@HopefulllHolly my memory is shocking too!!! Is it too early for baby brain! 😂

We didn't think we'd qualify for nhs funded IVF due to DP condition but the month before we were due to start the criteria changed! So I'd saved enough for at least 2 rounds. I'm hoping to take the full year mat leave but the last 6 months will be tight on finances so planning to use my savings for that instead. Will try and save a bit more too before December.

@DippyDuck19 wow!!! Thats an impressive baby storage you have, that will help loads!
It's also made me realise just how much we need to get 😳😬
There's me over here with 1 babygrow 😂
It must make you feel so happy now that you will soon be using all of it 🥺☺️

@HopefulllHolly eveyything is so cute & teeny weeny isn't it! It's the best feeling to think that a baby will fill these clothes in a few months 🥺🥰
Ahhh that's interesting and a lot more reassuring! I hope they say the same to you tomorrow as well.

@HopefulllHolly @DippyDuck19 don’t forget if you have a baby shower you will get loads of stuff!! Think I ended up with about 26 muslins in the end, plus loadsa gorgeous baby grows and outfits, not having one this time so economically would be fab if this one was a girl 😂 although I’m convinced on boy 💙 also the aldi baby events were great!

Also loving the evolution of this chat, just wait till it’s Xmas and we’re all swapping braxton hicks and possible labour stories 😂

@HopefulllHolly it does all add up! If you can get in your local parents WhatsApp group chats or Facebook groups you’ll be able to get almost everything for baby either very cheap or free. People are often keen to get rid of all their baby stuff as soon as they grow out of it and it’s usually all in good condition as they don’t use stuff for very long.

I’ve always got a new pram for each of my babies + a new cot mattress and some nice baby clothes, but almost everything else has been second hand either hand-me-downs or from local parent groups or online via gumtree / Vinted / Facebook market place etc. Stuff like sterilisers and Moses baskets are only needed for a few months anyways.

@Edf baby showers are my worst nightmare lol I told my mum I did not want one but she's organising one anyway 🤦🏻‍♀️ I've said IF I agree to it then I don't want people giving us gifts! I hate the idea of them!

@Edf I can’t wait for that time, can’t come fast enough!

I had a funny experience today. I finally had my NHS fertility consultant appointment after originally going to my GP in March 2023!! It’s taken that long to get to speak to the consultant which would have been where we talk about treatment on the NHS. Obviously told him I’d gone private already and am pregnant.

He talked through all mine and my OH’s results and basically said I am very very lucky to be pregnant! He said if this pregnancy doesn’t work out it would be very unlikely I’d get pregnant again and would probably need to think about donor eggs.

Needless to say, the pressure for me not to have a miscarriage feels pretty high!! I mean I already knew this was a miracle pregnancy but having someone say it in those stark words really brings it home. I really really need next weeks nipT results to come back good, arghh!!