BFP after IVF - anyone want to join me in the wait for first scan?

[HopefulllHolly]

Sensitive

Hi everyone,
I’ve just had our first cycle of IVF and although we had very slim odds of it working (low AMH, low AFC, male factor, which led to only 2 mature eggs which thankfully led to one perfect day 5 blast). We are absolutely amazed and over the moon that it worked despite everything, but I am really struggling with the wait for first scan. I almost feel with infertility (we TTC for 6/7 years) that it does make you anxious and I’m finding the wait to my first scan (6th June) unbearable. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I really wish I could enjoy it or relax a little but instead I am worrying about miscarriage and things I can’t control. For me this has been the worst bit of IVF so far, and I’d love to just be able to be happy so I don’t look back (if it does work) and wish that I hadn’t been so anxious and scared.

Is anyone else in the same boat who wants to keep me company? 🥹 Or can provide some tips on how to distract myself and cope better? I know there’s nothing I can do to change the outcome and what will be will be, but I don’t think I’ve ever worried so much in my life.

Thank you 🙏

@HopefulllHolly Thanks I'm just 4 weeks I think going by a calculator online lol
@hopefullsosbry thank you! It just doesn't seem real to be honest when u wait so long for a bfp u just don't believe it then when zero symptoms def think naw it can't be!! Lol but it's so early still until I get to 12 wks then hold a baby don't think I'll believe its real lol

Welcome @Snowdrop131 and @Natty2 💕💜
I have hit 5 weeks officially today and time seems to be going so slowly! Back at work properly now so hoping that will speed things up a bit for me! I am also still pretty symptom free apart from very tired, more hungry than usual and my boobs are definitely bigger and sore at times. Everyone I have spoken to has said every pregnancy is different symptom-wise so there is really no point in comparing but I think we have all been through so much to finally get to here...that is easier said than done! Hope everyone has a good Monday! 😁🥰

@HopefulllHolly symptoms here seem to be coming and going too- was very sick and tired over the weekend but today I don’t even feel a teeny bit pregnant, I still don’t think my brain has accepted this could be happening. Everytime we talk about the pregnancy I’m alway saying things like “if we’re lucky enough for this to work” “touch wood”. “Fingers crossed” 3 weeks today until the 12 week scan (will be 12+4) which feels approximately 3 years away!

Nice to see so many successful Ivf outcomes here ❤️

@Edf Im glad some of us are in the same boat! My anxiety is just through the roof the last two days. I keep saying the exact same things as you and basically only say “we got a positive test” rather than I’m pregnant. It’s weird and sad I feel this worried! I just called the clinic to see if I could move my scan next week so I could have another today but they said I have to have 2 weeks between scans now. So I’m just going to wait and live in my anxiety. I really hope this mood I’ve had the last few days passes so I feel better, I’m not an anxious person at all and this level of anxiety is horrible, I don’t know how people cope living with anxiety permanently.

Exciting it’s not long to your 12 week scan! Are you having any private scans before then? I don’t have my date for my 12 week scan but I’m 12 weeks on 11th July. Feels like ages away still.

@HopefulllHolly as rubbish as the doubting and anxiety is I’m weirdly comforted that it seems to be pretty common amongst us all…. Even down to the description of the scan keeping you calm for x amount of days but then it all creeps back in!

no more scans planned- we were lucky that our clinic did 2 (7&9) before releasing us into the wild so “only” 3 weeks till the 12- wouldn’t be able to have 2 weeks between within that timeframe. I cannot wait to stop cyclogest!

sounds like beginning at July has a whole
host of 7 -12 week scans so here’s to a fast (without wishing life away) end to June!

@Edf Oh that’s great you got two scans!! I wish mine did that. Yeah you are right, it’s lovely we all are going through the same things! Definitely makes it less lonely and you guys can talk me down better than others! Though most of you seem much calmer than me I’ll be honest!

At your 9 week scan did you see the baby moving and stuff? (And were you exactly 9 weeks?)

@HopefulllHolly i was 9weeks bang on (I think we are exactly 1 week apart too- I am 10 weeks on Thursday)
the little bean was wiggling away with little arm and leg buds, could tell head from body etc.

oh trust me-not calm! the anxiety over here has been crippling- from otd- 7 week scan was just the worst and was spotting from 6-7 weeks so was certain I was losing it (Mmc in jan triggering more trauma) the 7-9 was a bit anxious but more hopeful and now at 9+ I think I’m more impatient (plus read that miscarriage rates after hb at 9 weeks is rather low) so thinking now might be time to attempt to find the enjoyment in what I (and all of us here) have worked so tirelessly to achieve ☺️

I’m 5+2 and having my first scan at the end of the week but have had a little bit of brown/light pink spotting today after having period like cramps last night. Just wondering if anyone has had the same? My clinic said they can scan me today if I like but that it’s quite early so not sure what to do 🙈

@Edf Oh duh! I should have worked that out from your scan date! Your progress will keep me excited (hopefully). Well outwardly you definitely seem calmer than me! Haha that’s easy though, I’m a wreck! I just want to get to 12 weeks and I’ll feel happier and calmer. My scan is on Monday so I’ll be 9+4 then so hopefully it’ll be a positive scan but I know I’ll be really anxious before again like I was at the 7 week scan.

So sorry to hear about your MMC - that must have been terrible. Im sure this pregnancy won’t be the same as that! ☺️

@HopefulllHolly thanks :) I’m past the point we got to last time which is hugely helpful, you will be amazed next Monday at your scan💕

@Hopefulsummer35 i had brown spotting from 6 weeks for a week (off and on) called the clinic and they wouldn’t scan me as they said they wouldn’t see much… if they had offered me a scan anyway I woulda snapped their hands off but it’s a tricky one as sometimes what should be reassuring may also create more anxiety- if for eg it is too early to see fetal pole, you may be going back and forth completing Google to try and find out whether it is just too early or if there is a problem.

they did tell me it could be as the baby buries in further it just dislodges some old stuff- but I did completely break down checking my pants (tmi sorry) every 2 mins and that is no exaggeration.

I would do whatever will make you feel better right now and if that’s a scan- as long as you can accept you may not see everything right now and that’s ok- then go for it. Hope all is ok (I’m sure it is) sorry you’re having to go through the added stress!

@Edf thank you so much for that reassurance! I think I will keep an eye on it today and maybe go for a scan tomorrow if I’m worrying about it. I’m on 75mg aspirin so sometimes worry that that may be causing a little spotting but wouldn’t explain the cramps really. This is my first cycle that I got a positive test on and good betas (after 4 failed fets) so I’m just still hoping for the best and happy to have gotten this far. Although I’m def checking my underwear every few minutes like you say 🙈🙈 Thanks again and will keep hoping for the best 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Gentle congratulations to the new joiners ! 💞 @Hopefulsummer35 i also had brown spotting 6-7 weeks, it was most likely the pessaries irritating my cervix. Are you using pessaries? I have also had cramping on and off since my positive test (and in my previous pregnancies too - quite normal).

We had a good scan today. Baby is measuring 8 weeks with a strong heartbeat. Everything else looks good (for now). Clinic has discharged us (feels very emotional!) and we have booked a further scan with the NIPT test in two weeks at a separate centre. I think the scan today has given us about two minutes of relief 😂 and now we are back to worrying about the NIPT.

@HopefulllHolly i know it’s really hard not to worry and I have accepted that I am literally going to find something to panic about every day, but try not to attach too much to symptoms. My symptoms were far stronger in the pregnancy that we had to terminate (unsurvivable birth defect) than my successful pregnancy. I’ve been feeling very sick with this one and have, of course, been worried that this is a bad sign again. So, we can’t win!

Thanks @Leaf86 yes I’m using cyclogest once a day so maybe that’s causing it. I had a little bit of implantation spotting two weeks ago so hoping it’s just a sign that things are developing 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 That is fantastic that your scan went well and I know exactly how you feel about waiting for the next thing…it feels like pregnancy will be made up of a series of two week waits in between each scan/test/stage 😅 but I’m sure it will all be worth it 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Can I ask a real off topic question? Has anyone else felt some of their friendships have been affected by the long and stressful fertility journey? I have been doing a lot of think recently and for so long I have not had the capacity to worry about anything other than ivf, now we touch wood are where we want to be with that my brain is now churning through this thought process- which is very annoying and I wish I could switch off and enjoy!

@Edf Definitely. Some of my friendships have gotten stronger with those who are sensitive and check in and look out for me and my partner. Others have gone down the toilet. For example one old friend knew that we had been trying for 6 years, met her new partner and after 6 months said she’d gone to a doctor to say she hadn’t gotten pregnant and was referred for a HyCosy. She hadn’t even been trying the amount of time they say you should try, she was just impatient. She then went on a tirade to me about how it was medically impossible for her to fall pregnant and stuff. Miraculously she fell pregnant the month after the HyCosy naturally. Obviously I’m happy for her but she literally made out she was in a worse place than us and wouldn’t shut up about it, and clearly there was really nothing that serious wrong with her. Now she literally won’t speak about anything but her baby, and it feels like she does it on purpose to me. I try not to pay her much attention now, we were never massively close and I find her to be insensitive and rude. So I’ve just cut ties.

But for the most part my friendships have been ok. It’s hard sometimes as some people just don’t understand IVF and think it’s a guaranteed way for a baby. Luckily my friends who don’t know much about it ask me loads of questions. Others are meaning to be kind by saying “my friend had that and it worked first time so you’ll be fine” and I just nod and say “yeah maybe we’ll be lucky”. I try and take it all with a pinch of salt really, some people mean well but just don’t get it, and why should they when they haven’t been through it. It’s certainly really helped me know which of my friends are the good ones though!!

What’s up?

Thanks @HopefulllHolly im sorry your friend has been so Insensetive I hate that! Glad you can just leave her to it!

I’ve just been thinking a lot recently, I do tend to isolate myself when I’m feeling really low and that has been most of the last few years, either whilst grieving losses or mentally preparing myself for cycles - not been as up for as many social functions as I just haven’t had the capacity and feels overwhelming which has meant I have grown apart from a couple of ppl I would have previously classes good friends- but I gues I just feel let down now I have a bit more space to think, that they haven’t really checked in, new I was struggling and just let the friendship slide.

it sounds like a pity party and I really don’t want it to come across as such but we just had such a shit start to the year with Mmc and serious family health issues and other serious things and for one I didn’t even get a hope you are ok message, not heard a peep since sept last year.

I don’t really no why all this is in my head now, I just assumed I’d get pregnant and be the happiest person ever but finding the affects of infertility and treatment doesn’t go away overnight, reached out to the counsellor from our clinic but just wanted to know if this was something only I was feeling. I’m struggling quite a bit

@Edf Im sorry they haven’t been great friends to you. I certainly have isolated myself too. My friends all socialise and drink and I quit drinking 6 months ago so it sometimes feels like im left out of plans. I kind of had to force myself to reach out to a few of them to organise things, which it sounds like you might have to do. It’s annoying it puts the pressure back on you and that they haven’t reached out but I think sometimes people are just totally selfish and don’t think about what you might be going through - they’ll just be seeing you not at social events and thinking you don’t want to hang out. Once you make that first step and make plans I think they’ll start involving you again more (mine have now). Equally I guess they may have been going through things (though immeasurable to your issues) that you haven’t been there for, so they may be feeling negatively too, you can’t really know I guess.
I think it’s really easy to get quite bitter and isolated in this process so although it’s sad and hard your friends haven’t made any effort, sometimes you just have to be the bigger person and reach out to them. I certainly want my friends around when I have a baby and want my baby to have their honorary aunties in their life. But it’s very personal!

Really sorry you’re struggling with it and your friends have been crap, it’s not nice xx

Thanks for this @HopefulllHolly its very good advice, and sorry for hijacking your thread with my self pity!!

but your right, the world has kept moving for others too and this journey has made me quite self centred at times when stuck in the loop. Might have to work up
to being the bigger person 😂 baby steps!

@Edf Not at all! It’s for chatting about everything and anything you want to vent about! We’re all going through something life changing and difficult that no one else understands. Really hope you can make up with your pals or at least make peace with the fact your relationships will look different now. I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends with other mums once the little one is here too. Sometimes you just have to roll with the changes of life and accept not everyone sticks around in the same form they once did. It’s not fun or nice but I think sometimes it makes it easier ☺️

Big hugs! This journey is emotional and really REALLY hard!

Hi, sorry you both have had these issues with your friends, hope you are ok and can resolve some friendships .. but I guess in times for hardship you get to see who the ‘real’ friends are?

quick question to the group .. since registering my pregnancy to NHS midwives, my GP called and said I have a prescription of folic acid to pick up, I told the GP I already take the pregnacare multivitamins with the omega 3 .. this has the recommended amount of folic acid in it already, he said it ok and I can take what he has prescribed ontop of my multivitamin .. but I am worried will that be too much folic acid as o have read too can cause harm ? Can I ask if you don’t mind how much folic acid everyone is taking /been advised to take ? Thanks 🙏

hi @hopefullsosbry not had mine through but I’m expecting it now my BMI has tipped over since gaining weight from IVF. (Not to say your bmi is above 30 but if it is then they’ll prescribe you more folic acid). At least that’s what it says on the NHS website!! I don’t think the dose would do you or baby any harm in the amount they’ll be giving you but you could question it with your midwife?

Thanks @hopefullsosbry they do say that!

ref folic acid I just take the well woman pregnacare tabs- has my booking appt a few weeks back and never had any mention of folic acid on prescription tho, midwife just seemed happy with what I was taking, were you expecting a prescription?

My BMI is 24 .. just checked ha, I didn’t actually know what it was ! The midwife actually just called there and said it’s because I fall into a certain category (my age 41) but I did say I was really concerned about taking too much as I am just really anxious with the losses in the past, she said I can take an extra 400ug so that’s 800ug.. rather than the 5mg ontop
of the 400ug within the multivitamin .. ah I feel so much better now. She booked me in for my booking appointment and also gave me my 12 weeks scan date .. all feels a bit premature until in have my 1st scan until I know the pregnancy is all going as it should be, feels it’s jumping the gun a bit/ tempting faith. 🙈

Hi all, I’ve never heard of people taking extra folic acid!

Got me worried now whether I’m taking the correct amount. I’m also just taking a multivitamin with recommended amount in it.
On this NHS site is says they’d only give you higher dose if you have history of neural defect:
https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/trying-for-a-baby/planning-your-pregnancy/

Can you share NHS advice about higher BMI or older age needing more folic acid?

The midwife said it was a new thing they have started doing ? She didn’t share info on it ? I am in Scotland so might be different in England what they do ? Can you call the midwife and ask just to put your mind at ease? I am not taking the 5mg prescribed though I am just going to take 400 within my multivitamin and am extra 400 to bump to 800 .. the midwife was happy with that and just said 800 is better than 400 so if I was comfortable to just do that ?! 🤷🏼‍♀️ sorry hope this helps 💖