IUI & Fertility in SSC

[solanks]

Hi everyone,

I've struggled to find any groups that are focussed specifically on same sex couples trying to conceive (that do not have any fertility issues).

My partner and I are currently on round three of IUI using donor sperm. The first two tries we did we attempted the natural route (so no medication and no ovulation trigger injection). We decided to go down the medicated route on our third try and are currently in the two week wait, waiting for our results today!

This whole process has been emotionally, physically and financially challenging, so much more than we ever expected, and we would love to hear from other same sex couples on this topic who are in a similar situation to ours. We want to exchange stories, offer each other support, give advice and also recommendations (as there is so much conflicting information out there and each clinic's protocols vary too, which we found bizarre).

Looking forward to hearing your stories; be they successful, unsuccessful, or even if you are completely new to this journey ✨

@strawberrylaces12 Feeling a mixture of emotions tbh! Excited, hopeful, scared, nervous, the list goes on! A part of me wants this month over and another is trying to appreciate each day of this journey. At least this process is teaching me how to be more patient… something I know is so important in parenthood and something that does not come to me naturally, aha.

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick sorry I thought I'd replied! Test day is tomorrow but unfortunately started spotting this afternoon so pretty sure AF is due tomorrow and I'm feeling really down tbh :( this just feel relentless each month, stress of fitting it around work, with so much disappointment.

I hope things are good with you and so glad that your scan went well 😊

@solanks all very normal emotions! Best of luck with it 😊and yes very true about lessons for being a parent. It also doesn't come naturally to me either but probably shows that we care so much!

@strawberrylaces12 Sorry that you have started spotting - do you usually get it around this time?

I know what you mean when you say that the process feels relentless - it is all much harder than I thought it would be!

Weirdly only since starting the fertility treatment. Never used to spot first before AF but every single month now of IUI I've spotted the day before my period, not sure why. The first month I wasn't using progesterone pessaries so the only common thing of all months is the trigger shot. I know a day of spotting before is pretty normal though.

Yeah, my wife and I have had a chat about going forward with things. We think we'll try again straight away for the next cycle if we can, as it'll be our 6th and last IUI, as if we need IVF we assume there will be a natural break whilst we're referred to the clinic that does that. It's also possible that this (medicated) cycle may not work out time wise anyway if they can't fit me in for a scan on Monday as we're then away for a few days for our wedding anniversary. I refuse to cancel that because we've really been looking forward to it. I just wish we'd had a better outcome before our anniversary. Sorry, complaining over 😅

@strawberrylaces12 sorry to hear about the spotting. I guess you'll find out tomorrow for sure but it sounds like you know your AF signs well. I hope you're able to enjoy your anniversary trip - are you going somewhere new or familiar?

Ps. Complain away! If we can't vent here then where??!

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick yep period has fully started this morning :(

Yeah we're off to London and got some nice treats planned in, going first class on the train, fancy hotel and meal etc. Since we're going through this fertility journey we've not really had many trips booked in, certainly not abroad so may as well treat ourselves. Although we're now up to over £6.5k spent on treatment. I emailed the ICB/PALS for an update and the review is delayed for same sex funding (it was supposed to be completed by this month and now they're saying end of 2024/2025 time). I'm just wondering if I should put a complaint in or something as it just seems to be getting pushed back and back.

Anyway have you got any nice plans coming up? 😊

Ah I’m so sorry @strawberrylaces12 😔What did your ICB say exactly in regard to IVF referral? Did they specify how many rounds you need to be eligible? Although my partner and I are going the private route, I am still fighting our case and would encourage others to the same if they are able!

Wishing you and your wife a happy wedding anniversary btw. Sounds like you’ve made some lovey plans! 💝

Currently we need to self fund 6 IUIs to qualify for one round of IVF funded. But back in about July or August I emailed them to see when the update would be out (with the Government 'pledging' to make it fairer and reduce the need for self funding) and they said by April 2024. But then I got that email to say it was delayed until the end of 2024/start of 2025. I left it for a few days to think about it and decided that it's not on at all with the delay impacting people financially and emotionally so I've expressed my opinions in the email and asked to open a formal complaint. Even if nothing comes of it, I'd rather they know we're not happy about it and there are real people behind all of this. Thank goodness we can afford it but so many people can't!

Thank you, the plans are keeping me going currently tbh 💕

@strawberrylaces12 sorry to hear it. I hope your London trip has everything you need of it. And fingers crossed for lucky number 6 🍀

@solanks how are you getting on?

So sorry to hear of the negatics outcome this time @strawberrylaces12 hope you’ve had some nice treats since! Good on you for registering a complaint re the funding and delays etc.

i was thinking as I read your post that with the political situation at the moment with a general election likely at some point, it’s unlikely that anything will get done about reviewing the fairness of same sex funding etc anytime soon ☹️

hope you’re well @solanks and @ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick

nothing to report on my end really. Awaiting a call from my clinic later this week and also confirmation that they’re sorting out shipping for our donor sperm - they haven’t been in touch to confirm for over for over a week and it’s making me worry. I’ve been getting myself all wound up about the logistical side of things, probably because I’m actually worried about starting treatment again and it’s easier to get upset about sluggish admin and comms than acknowledge the pressure of fertility treatment 🙃

Hey everyone ✨Thank you for checking in ✨Things are progressing well for us in our journey and my partner is doing amazingly. Will give more updates and details in due course.

I have been thinking about everyone in this thread (checking in on your posts) and hoping that you are all also doing okay too xx

@Quickdraw23 Did you hear from the clinic regarding shipping? Hoping that your vials arrived safely. Did you choose a new clinic in the end or stick with the one you had used previously? Sending my best wishes for whenver you plan to start xx

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick Really hope pregnancy-life is going well for you. Much morning sickness or do you seem to be managing ok? My sister had bad sickness for her first two, but with her current pregnancy (she is 12ish+ weeks now), she's not been too bad!!

@strawberrylaces12 Hope you enjoyed celebrating your anniversary and getting some much needed headspace. Did you hear back from your complaint at all? Hope that things move along smoothly with whatever next steps you and your wife decide to take in your journey. I know how much of a difficult choice these decisions can be!

So lovely to hear from you @solanks! Things are okay here. I'm on anti-nausea medication which seems to be helping and hopefully it'll fade soon anyway as I'm almost at 10 weeks going by the IUI date. I've struggled with it tbh. I don't think I can do this again. I'm just not the right sort of resilient to be able to handle my pregnancy symptoms!

@solanksstill haven’t heard regarding the shipping - we chased again last week and were told we would be contacted and still nothing so going to have to chase again today.

(yes we have decided to change clinics as this clinic is nearer to our house
and the old clinic admin side was really poor)

the doctor told me last week basically to contact the clinic on cycle day 1 (day 1 of my period) and that will start the ball rolling on treatment, someone will be in touch about medication and payment and medication will start on cycle day 19. I am a little confused by this because my post consultation paperwork says they are putting me on the antagonist (short) protocol, and I can’t find any info online about how this works when starting on day 19. I was on a short protocol last time and started meds on cycle day 2.

if anyone knows what this protocol might look like please do share!

Ultimately once I contact them I will have a consultation booked with a nurse who will explain it all, but the reason I’m trying to work it out is that I have a work related course and exam coming up and I obviously don’t want this to clash with any egg collection or embryo transfers that might be taking place. If it does I’m going to have to push the whole thing back another month which will be frustrating.

i have had quite a challenging weekend social wise - been to a family party with some very young children and one relative is currently pregnant after many years of trying and finally some difficult ivf treatment. They made the announcement this weekend to total jubilation. They had kindly given us a heads up many weeks ago, so this wasn’t a surprise and we were well prepared for it.

Quite understandably the soon to be parents are basking in the much yearned for pregnancy, and i genuinely am so happy for them, but of course it made me think a lot about the failed ivf last year. I kept it together until everyone had left, but when I was talking to my mother in law about our upcoming treatment and all my fears and worries I did get a little upset, which I hate doing in front of anyone. Luckily my mother in law is a very kind warm woman, and was very reassuring and also told me she was glad I am going to try again, which was very lovely of her.

so really just more waiting and chasing and planning for me to do at the moment! Simultaneously very bored and also anxious about the whole thing.

@solanks @ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick @Quickdraw23

I hope I've not missed anyone that had tagged me! Thanks all, we had such as lovely anniversary trip away it really was amazing. I've been a bit MIA and had a bit of a break from mumsnet just because I'm finding all of the fertility a lot, and it's impacting on my mental health like I'm sure it is for everyone else too!

We've had our 6th attempt. I'm not overly confident on timings, as between two scans in three days (i.e a day in between where I didn't have a scan) I'd unexpectedly ovulated. I'd only got a peak on clear blue the evening before the scan showing ovulation so clearly ovulated quickly unless I missed something. So they did the treatment hoping it had only been recent ovulation and not too late. I had some other follicles still so had the trigger shot just to see if that could work for those too. It was all a bit more complicated than usual cycles so yeah not sure I'm feeling too confident. But we'll see in a couple of weeks how things have gone.

The clinic are sorting the paperwork out ready for if this IUI wasn't successful to refer on for IVF. We've got an online information evening for an IVF clinic this week (as our current NHS clinic only does IUI and not IVF). We've got a couple of clinics to choose from, from a look online including at the hfea website I think we are leaning towards one more than the other but we'll see what the information evening is like.

In terms of the complaint, they've said the delay is not specific to the local ICB but includes the whole region. I'm not sure what I can do really, like can I put in a complaint against the whole region, I imagine not. I've not replied to the email I'm just having a think really. I'm just feeling pretty shattered with it all currently 😅

Gosh this all sounds very stressful. I really hope that you hear back soon! 🤞

It must have been really hard with the pregnancy announcement. I really don't know what can help in that situation. I guess the prewarning can a bit but still very hard. My manager, who is lovely and has been very supportive, has let me know that there will be an upcoming pregnancy announcement at work soon which I appreciated. Obviously she can't tell me who but it's a big team of mostly women so telling me that there will be one doesn't narrow it down so she was okay to tell me. I think although I'm a bit anxious that it's coming, it'll help me at the time with my reaction (I hope!!)

Thanks for your update @strawberrylaces12 I hope you’re doing ok, I think it’s very sensible to take breaks from reading and focusing on fertility stuff when you can for sanity’s sake; I try to do the same. I’m sorry to hear your recent IUI wasn’t straight forward - are you now in a two week wait?

Some good news on my front is today I have heard from the clinic and the sperm is on its way, so that’s a lovely relief!

Re the weekend - yes I was quite proud of how we managed the weekend to be honest, I think we did really well!

im glad your manager was able to give you a bit of a heads up about the upcoming announcement. Personally I found having a pre-warning very helpful. Also in my scenario I know the absolute nightmare that particular couple have been through to achieve this pregnancy. It really was their absolute last shot and I just really don’t want to begrudge them (or anyone!). In contrast earlier in the year a different relative announced a pregnancy by dropping her 12 week scan photo onto a big family group chat, and I had very immediate strong feelings of upset at that. She has no idea about our situation, she wasn’t being insensitive, it was just the surprise of it, and the envy of how straight forward it had been for her to get pregnant. I took a few deep breaths and gave my head a wobble and went for a workout. Felt better after!

for me it’s distract distract distract at the moment. Got a good book on the go, two tv series, training for a trail run in two weeks and out for long dog walks etc etc.

@strawberrylaces12

I know exactly what you mean! Taking a breather from Mumsnet, Reddit, Google, WhatsApp, the internet in general lol... does do us all some good and I hope you are feeling a little better (mental health-wise) from doing so.

Sorry that this attempt was a bit more complicated - I always found the timings of IUIs tricky the best of times! My best wishes for you in your tww! ✨

It's handy that your clinic has some IVF clinics for you to choose from as I feel that this takes the stress out of digging around finding one for yourself (speaking first hand on this btw!)

I actually heard back regarding our complaint and have been asked to go in for a meeting with one of their senior consultants, which I plan to do once things with this attempt blow over a little. I truly believe that if you push and moan enough you will eventually get somewhere. Will keep you posted on how this meeting goes. There is a lot of upcoming change due in the next few years for people in our group, which gives me a sense of hope (even if it doesn't benefit me at this moment in time). I've still yet to hear back from the ICB.

@Quickdraw23

Oh what a relief that is about your donor! I hope that has taken a bit of weight off from your shoulders ✨

I'm not too sure about your protocol if I'm honest. We did the short and started stims on day 2 or 3 I think. Have you found out anything more since your last message? Hopefully your clinic were able to give you some further insight.

Pregnancy announcements understandably must be so difficult, but it sounds like everyone has extremely thoughtful friends, family and colleagues around them, which hopefully makes the news a little easier to digest. Thankfully I've not had to experience many announcements myself (other than my sister recently in the last 1-2 months), but this news was great news. I definitely find it harder to swallow from others, but I do find how they announce it makes the world of difference.

@strawberrylaces12 I'm hopeful for your timings! I was a bit sceptical of my own timings for my IUI as I thought it was a bit late (peaked Wednesday evening, IUI not until Friday lunchtime) and a scan done on the Friday showed I had ovulated already. But it did work. So you haven't necessarily missed the boat as it were. Keeping fingers crossed.