FET/IVF July 2023 - Thread 3

[Olivia199]

As always, huge apologies if I miss people, all welcome!

@IVFfirsttimer91
@10degreessunny
@wtawtaw
@EllieCatMom
@DauntedAF
@Lauralozzle
@Walker12
@loulamay
@beehappy19
@SH998
@ASGIRC
@orchid29
@IVFround1
@Sangels267

@IVFfirsttimer91 I have dozens of perfumes and can never have enough!

Yeah, I kinda want to buy all the big ticket items second hand (apart from the car seat, etc which Ill still buy, even though I dont have a car)! Im thinking a Next to Me or similar, and then might go straight to a Montessori bed, for the nursery, as opposed to a cot.

Still no word from my dad! I didnt text him in the end... he has also not called my mom... Im thinking, now, that maybe he is angry about it... He was definitely not necessarily on board with the whole SMBC situation... so he might be stewing on it... No idea. Im literally making shit up in my head. Im not too worried, but it is definitely out of character for him to not follow up...

@IVFfirsttimer91 how old is your dog? And what kind?

@ASGIRC im sorry that he hasn’t texted you back. Hopefully all will be well when you see him tomorrow!

I have no idea what sort of furnature I want yet, but it’s very nice that mum wants to get it for us. But I will have a look at Montessori beds!

Pasha is a 17.5 year old rescue from Serbia, we’ve had him 4.5 years, no idea what he is exactly but he has definitely got some Jack Russell in him, and possibly some staffie too.

@IVFfirsttimer91 a bit angry/upset he hasnt said anything, and just left me on read. He never even replied to the invitation to dinner tomorrow.

My mom will call him to invite him tomorrow. I wont be texting him again.
And, to be honest, if he is anything but completely on board, he might as well stay home, as Ive stated before that they (my dad and my stepdad) might have their opinons, but I am not interested in them, so if they cant keep them to themselves, they need to stay away from me.

Well... this has escalated quickly!!! 😅Did not need this kind of worry today!
Tomorrow is a new day!

I only got turned into the montessori beds recently, as they give them more independence. Might put a gate on the door, though. Dont necessarily want a small toddler roaming the whole house just because they can leave their bed!
And yeah, it is very very nice of your mom to get your furniture! Baby stuff is soooooo expensive!!!!!!!!

Aww 17.5 years is really good for a dog!!! Hes done really well! But I can see how he might be a bit old and tired!

@ASGIRC try not to panic or feel disheartened about your father, I’m pretty sure my dad wouldn’t know what the hell the picture was meant to be at this early stage and I’m almost pretty certain he wouldnt even question it either (maybe for fear of looking simple and not understanding the content or possible shock lol). Dads always want the best for their little girls, no matter how old we are they still see us that way.

Im sure he will be thrilled when he learns the facts and sees how happy you are about it. Try to enjoy your family get together tomorrow, I’m sure your mother will kick his ass if he steps out of line 🙂

@SH998 him not understanding what the picture meant is 100% reasonable. But my dad is literally obsessed with understanding every little thing, so I imagined he would call me straight away asking what it meant. I even only texted him after work, to make sure I could answer!

But yeah, he might be fine tomorrow.
My mom thinks hes processing.

And yes, she will absolutely kick his ass if he steps out of line! 😂She's even pretending I haven't spoken to her about it, cause otherwise she would have to rip him a new one there and then, when she calls him tomorrow.

The family get together will be amazing, regardless. So I'm really looking forward to it, dad or no dad (though I'm sure he will be there! And if he isn't then that's a different problem, to deal with at a different time)

@ASGIRC maybe it’s a little bit of shock, I know first hand my dad isn’t great handling ‘women situations’ and always gets my mum to deal with me lol 😂

Maybe it’s a little bit of he doesn’t know what to really say in this situation, first child getting pregnant etc.

Your mother sounds great fair play. Try not to let this spoil you brilliant news or tomorrows lunch, I’m pretty sure once he’s slept on it and all becomes clear and he knows your happy he will be just as thrilled to be having his first grandchild as your mum is 😘

Ah so much to catch up on! I have had a busy few days and also really feeling the nausea and tiredness (consistent waking between 4-5am now, perhaps I'm.being prepared for sleep deprivation!).
I love that people have ideas of gender, we have constantly referred to our embryo as a 'he' but would of course be thrilled with either. I think we are actually going to do the full NIPT fairly early which identifies gender and will also put my mind at ease about any chromosomal issues, but its really expensive so not fully decided.
LOVE the cute baby outfits too!!

@ASGIRC I am sure your Dad is happy for you deep down, he may just need a minute to process it! Or if hes anything like my Dad it just takes him 3 days to reply to messages anyway! Hope it all goes smoothly and you get to celebrate today.
I am counting down the hours until my scan, so I can hopefully relax a bit and tell a few close people (not even properly told my parents yet, sort of alluded to it after I was in Hosp but said it was still too early to know which they just accepted!)

@ASGIRC - I hope you have a wonderful time today and your dad has the response you're hoping for. Perhaps he's just processing the news ready to celebrate with you tomorrow. Though it'd drive me mad he didn't respond!

In terms of nursery furniture...
Next2me was invaluable even though she wasn't in it long.
Also my daughter climbed out her cot the day after her 1st birthday which led to a panicked change to a bed at 10pm and quick baby proof. But having her in a bed so early was awesome and she's great now at being in her bedroom in the morning while I'm slowly waking. She does have a gate though because although she's great at getting downstairs, I still don't want her doing it alone as she's very little.

Plan for #2 won't necessarily involve a cot to be honest, but if it does it'll absolutely be one that converts to a bed again incase I get a second escape artist!

@Olivia199 the climbing is also a reason that made me think Montessori (they are just beds on the floor, even a mattress on the floor would do!).
I have a friend who has twins, and they were escape artists and mad climbers! Like your DD, they were climbing out of the cot as soon as they could stand.
It is just dangerous.

So floor bed and child gate on the door seems like the best idea.
I don't have stairs to worry about in my flat, but would still not be comfortable with a small child roaming unattended!

@ASGIRC - I think in warm places they tend to suggest not putting mattress directly on the floor to avoid risk of mold, but the floor beds are awesome. Mines just in a normal single bed now. I'm so glad I was forced into it earlier. Didn't want to initially as she was so tiny and I worried about her being able to get into stuff while I slept. But slowly stopped panicking and she's been grand. Now I don't have to worry about the transition when she's older and doesn't want to!

Mines always been a climber, drives me mad at times but it's hilarious to see such a small child climb so fearlessly. Going to the park is likely to send me grey!

@Olivia199 Mold is not an issue I have at my house, thankfully! but Ill be looking into buying an actual floor bed.

how is your sickness? Did the second medication help any???

@ASGIRC - Sort of. I've reduced the amount of times I'm sick each day but honestly think that's also due to sitting still and sipping water slowly rather than racing around at work. I slept through the alarm this morning (usually I wake at 5:30, take one and then go back to sleep while it works) so when I got up with my DD I was really sick and I'm still feeling god awful now. 😖

@ASGIRC hope the meal goes well lovely

@Olivia199 oh no!!! That sounds so shit...
Hope you're feeling a bit better now!

@IVFfirsttimer91 thanks! I'm sure it will be lovely, even if my dad is an idiot.
My mom spoke to him and seems he is, indeed, shocked, and clearly unable to talk to me. My mom also says he's "happy" but honestly, I don't believe that for a second.

@ASGIRC im sorry lovely, hopefully he gets over his shock and shows you at dinner that he IS happy!!!

@IVFfirsttimer91 he wont, because thats not him. he will make innapropriate jokes, and ask me why.

None of which I will entertain for a single second. I dont need to explain myself to him. He either accepts it or he doesnt.

BUT my aunts and uncles and cousins will be really happy for me (theyve been on board from the first time I started talking about it, years ago - my dad has always been opposed, as babies need a mom and a dad. Same with my stepdad, so Im not sure how hes going to be), so I will just ignore my dad and if and when he finally comes around, we can talk.

Im really angry that he wasnt able to put his own feelings aside, though. And this is not a surprise. It has been the plan for many years.
But I still feel like the teenage girl who came home pregnant, and who is getting the cold shoulder from her dad.

@ASGIRC - Oh I'm so sorry he's being like this, I absolutely understand why you feel as you do. Bask in everyone else being thrilled for you and leave the rest to hopefully realise their behaviour is ridiculous and outright wrong!

@Olivia199 oh I will!! I've just bought a bottle of non alcoholic wine as well!

It'll be grand!

But I have left a very successful career in the West End, in London, to move back, to have a baby (couldn't do it on my own in London with zero support and living in shared accommodation!!), which has been in the works for years! Since before covid!
And he's just buried his head in the sand, and is now being a little shit.
And I'd love to say this isn't going to affect our relationship going forward, but I honestly don't know.

I'm currently so angry, I'd happily never speak to him again, but I also know that's not gonna last forever!!

@ASGIRC im really sorry! That 100% isn’t what you need. I hope dinner isn’t too ruined and that you are ok. Sending love and support!

I’m really happy that everyone else is going to be thrilled for you though. So just ignore him and concentrate on those who are bringing something good to the table xxx

@ASGIRC - I'd absolutely be angry too, I hope he realises and tries to bloody redeem himself! I hope you're having a lovely time and enjoying the AF wine.

I've got my scan Thursday. I'm starting to get really anxious. The sickness is still horrendous, my boobs feel like they may explode and I could fall asleep sat up I'm so tired. But I've had spotting (usually brown) every day or every other day since 5dpt and I'm getting really really anxious about Thursday. Until now I'd convinced myself it was fine. Vascular cervix being beaten three times a day with pesseries, spotting being common, no big bleeds like I had with DD.. all could be considered totally normal. And the spotting always goes back to white during the day.

But now it's getting closer I'm getting more and more anxious that it's trying to end and the progesterone has kept it from happening. My mums away and I'll be going on my own (which to be fair I'd prefer because I'll need to process either way before I manage others emotions) but man I feel sick(er) with worry.

@Olivia199 do you mind me asking what the bleeding/spotting was like in your DD? I had some bright red/pink spotting Thursday night but stopped pretty much as quickly lily as it started

Nie again tonight but a lot more on the tissue. It appears to be easing again but I’m so worried.

I don’t have any cramping or pain, I’m Googling and I’m getting it can be normal which isn’t helping me. My last period was exactly 2 months ago today, wondering if that’s linked as again google says you can lightly bleed around period time.

Im feeling anxious for you, the scan is an amazing experience but I’ve never been so frightened having mine so I feel for you. I’m sure it will be fine.

@ASGIRC gutted to hear about your dads reaction, hopefully he will see how happy everyone else is including you and come around. Don’t let him rain on your parade. This is your time to be happy, it’s a once in a lifetime experience so don’t let anyone spoil that for you. You can’t get this time back.

@Olivia199 I absolutely understand your worry!
I felt the same and was a nervous wreck on the day.
But it will be fine. These nerves are normal. But Im sure everything is going well!
And get it with the wanting to go alone. My mom offered to go with me and I refused, because I needed to deal with my own emotions before dealing with others...

And my mom is being a bit extra with her "IM SOOOO HAPPYYYY" emotions! Its cute... but... too much! 😂

Thanks for the support guys!
Dinner was absolutely fine.

My dad was... my dad. When he saw me, he said "oh look, a pregnant daughter", which sounds weird, but is absolutely something my dad would say, and it also means, in his language, "I dont know what to say, but Im acknowledging you and your pregnancy and I cant say congratulations, but this is it"

And he asked a few questions about the scan and the clinic... basically he was redeeming himself. Hes a weird dude, my dad. Absolutely terrified to show any emotion, must make a joke out of everything, but will ask serious questions to show he cares.

The rest of the family was obviously thrilled, my cousin told me straight away she was convinced I was having a girl (even before I said there was a 70% chance of it!!!)

The AF wine was... not amazing. Im very particular with my wine, and like it very dry, and this one was a bit sweet, and also had a bit of sparkles, so almost like a demi brut sparkling wine, even though it wasnt supposed to be one.
I think Ill stick with AF beer!!!

@SH998 - Of course not! So with my DD I had some brown spotting on the applicator of the pesseries by around 4 weeks and 4 days. That happened intermittently with some brown spotting on wiping. The clinic assured me it was likely fine. Then at 5 weeks 4 days I had a bigger pink watery bleed and again was assured it was fine and EPU wouldn't see me.
Then at just over 6 weeks I had a BIG bleed. Like, forgot your period was due bleed. Fresh red blood rather than spotting/blood stained pesserie goo. I also had cramping and some right sided pain so 111 advised A&E to rule out an ectopic.
Scan showed happy healthy baby and quite a large SCH which continued to bleed on and off. I also had a little mass which they believe now was a vanishing twin. Both mass and bleed were gone by 12 weeks and all was fine.
The spotting was put down to cervix being so vascular and cross at life (and constipation!) And the bigger bleed was the SCH.
I've definitely seen the link between bleeds and being due on too. I know what you mean, I got precisely zero relief from my scans...!