TTC no.2 after successful IVF for no.1

[Chocoholic85]

Hi,
I’m just after some advice and to see whether anyone is in the same boat!
Just found out that my 3rd FET failed.
We are very lucky to have DD who came from our first fresh transfer. We were also very fortunate to get 5 frozen embryos from that round so have been trying for a sibling. 1st FET was BFN, 2nd was a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage and 3rd now is failed. Down to the last two and starting to feel the pressure and also wondering why on earth it isn’t working?!
We have unexplained infertility so nothing was ever found with our initial tests and I was 34 when we had out first IVF round so odds were in our favour. I read somewhere that at 34 around 50% of embryos are abnormal so I guess out our 6 maybe the last 3 were all abnormal. I’m also worried something has changed since I had to have a csection for DD. I did have an ultrasound which showed the scar had healed fine and there no niches, I’m wondering if there are adhesions that might not have been seen on the ultrasound though.
Would love to hear any advice for what to do next or from anyone else in a similar position. Thanks x

Oh @Eggling that sounds like such a nightmare! Well done for managing it! I can just picture the chaos and somewhat miffed toddler! 🙈 I had a large follicle at my baseline scan but similarly hormone levels were fine. Hope you're okay on the meds and next scan goes well.

@loulamay how are you getting on? It's so very stressful, hope you are okay.

@KLM25 that's great things are all on track. The move of the embryos is just another stress I suppose? I was so worried ours wouldn't defrost so I can only imagine the worry about them being transported! How long do you usually have to be away from home for when you're doing your cycle abroad?

I'm 5dp5dt today (although the embryo was technically grown to 7 days but resembled where it should be day 5). Nothing much other than some on and off cramps. Last time I started having some bleeding at 6dp so tomorrow feels like a milestone to get past. Conscious I'm on different progesterone this time though which I guess might affect things too. I'm feeling okay so far, the first week is always not too bad. It's the last few days I become a crazy lady! Still no tests in the house, nearly caved when out shopping yest. Anyone watching me must have thought I was mad picking up and putting down the box about 10 times 😂

Another negative here at 8dp so I've called it and stopped my meds. Have slept so horribly the past few nights and am just exhausted by the whole damn thing. Need a few days to regroup and think about our options. I'm tired but I don't feel like I'm ready to give up yet on another baby with my own eggs. So many over 40 clinics seem to be pushing the donor egg idea but having already had a daughter who carries my genes, I'm struggling to get my head round it.

Good luck with holding off testing @SErunner !

@KLM25 our clinic doesn't allow children in (to be fair there's zero chance she'd sit still while I was scanned) but fortunately DH was working from home so I managed to swing by and drop DD off. It's always such a stress isn't it? I'm hoping transfer will either be in a nursery day or my parents are able to watch DD so DH can come with me.

@SErunner how are you doing?? Keeping everything crossed for you.

@loulamay I'm so sorry, it's so so hard and unfair. Do you have a follow up planned with your clinic?

I'm really sorry @loulamay. After all that effort. I can understand stopping meds if you're certain, I found it very hard continuing taking them when I knew our last cycle hadn't worked. I hope you are as okay as can be? I can understand the difficulty re use of donor. Good to give yourself some time to think.

@Eggling juggling a toddler with appts definitely adds a whole additional faff to the already annoying logistics. You have my sympathy. Have you got any further dates for appts?

I have still held off testing. No bleeding yet and 7dpt today. I want to feel more positive but equally can't dare hope. I'm on cyclogest this time instead of Lutigest and of course it's an FET so on oestrogen as well as opposed to fresh when I wasn't, so am aware the impact that could be having and that just because I'm not bleeding that doesn't necessarily mean it's worked. Holding out a few more days and then I will test. Just need to remember to actually buy a test at some point 😂 got so used to ignoring the urge I think I could actually forget!

@SErunner you're doing well to resist! Hoping for good news when you do test.

I am booked in for FET Tuesday afternoon, provided the embryo survives the thaw, so that'll be another anxious morning! So many hurdles in this process.

Thinking of you @loulamay xx

Hi can I join? I've had x3 failed transfers too (x2 BFN x1 chemical) ttc a sibling for my DS
I've been recommended hysteroscopy I don't know why I need this really, but there's a wait for the procedure which just doesn't feel ideal as just dragging everything out I just feel in such limbo
I have x1 embryo left and won't be doing any more after this- I kind of wanted to throw the towel in now but feel I can't as you'd always wonder what if ?!
Sorry to hear about everyone's experiences it's really tough

Of course @pamplemoussee. Welcome. Sorry to hear you're on the waiting train. It's so frustrating isn't it, forever waiting on something. I was desperate to get out last embryo transferred as I wanted some closure either way, so I think I sort of understand how you feel. We also don't think we will be doing any more IVF now, not 100% certain but definitely not in the foreseeable. How old is your DS?

I'm 9dp5dt and tested this eve. Was going to hold out until tomorrow but knew I wouldn't sleep well. BFN unfortunately. OTD is Mon (didn't want to test then as have to go into work) and it was a standard test as no early response ones at the shop, but I'm 95% sure the outcome is accurate. I'm disappointed but not as devastated as I felt last time. Will see how I feel Mon but for the moment I'm okay. Looking forward to going for a run tomorrow. Will keep taking the meds and test again Mon just to be sure. We are going to take a break and just TTC the old fashioned way. Highly unlikely it will work (DOR on my part) but I've not got any more IVF in me for the moment (nor do we financially)! I'd like to stick around on this thread if you don't mind, it's good to have people in the same boat to chat to x

@Eggling I was so nervous about the thaw too. Fingers crossed for you. 95% are fine - that's good stats!

@loulamay @SErunner I’m really so sorry to hear about your BFNs. It’s so hard. I think it’s good to take a bit of time to regroup and think things over. You’ve both still got plenty of options, it’s just a matter of working out what’s feels right. Glad you were able to get out for a run @SErunner, I’m sure that helped to clear your head.

Welcome @pamplemoussee, good to hear from you. I’m sorry to hear about your failed transfers. Completely empathise with feeling in limbo. My new clinic initially suggested I have a hysteroscopy, mainly, I think, because I had a c section. I’ve since had the Emma/Era/Alice and have been seeing a specialist in London who said I don’t have any adhesions and my scar is fine. When I asked him about it, he said I don’t need one so I’m hoping they’ll be content with that. It’s tricky when you get differing opinions.

@Eggling Hope you’re doing ok and I’m keeping everything crossed for you on Tuesday. You’re right, there are so many things to worry about, it feels like a major achievement just to reach transfer day.

I think I spoke too soon about the transportation of our embryos and sperm😏 Our new clinic are still asking for more paperwork and the very helpful guy who was my email contact seems to have been replaced with someone rather less helpful. I’m hoping he’s been on holiday for 2 weeks and he’ll be back tomorrow!
I feel very helpless. I can’t even bear to think about the actual physical transportation and what could potentially go wrong there 🤦‍♀️ I suppose that’s out of our hands so I just tend to focus on more minor worries, like whether or not I should email them again to hurry them up! I think I find it easier not to look at the bigger picture as there are so many potential problems!
On a more positive note, my period actually started today, a week late, although it’s the first proper one since the biopsy so I was half expecting it to be all out of kilter. I’ve been feeling really drained and worn out the last couple of days, despite sleeping 8/9 hours so I think it’s maybe something to do with that. I was starting to wonder if it would ever show up again so I’m quite relieved. I still feel unsure about the timing of my next AF but I’m hoping the embryos will be on the move by then and we’ll still be able to prepare for a transfer, even if it comes sooner than expected.
I’ve got this online consult on Aug 30th so things should be clearer after that. I made a GP’s appt for this Fri so I’m going to ask about some of the blood tests which I may or may not need, I figured it made more sense to get them organised anyway.

@SErunner I’ve only ever been over to Prague for 3 nights at the most. As I haven’t used my own eggs, I haven’t needed to have an egg collection, so it’s been more straightforward I suppose x

@SErunner I'm so sorry to hear about your result. X x how're you feeling today

I felt very on the fence to do treatment again and with each time it's failed I've felt worse and worse and find the 2WW just quite distressing.

My DS is 3 and half and clearly quite a miracle!! How old is yours?

@KLM25 thanks for the info re hysteroscopy
I keep being told my embryos are top quality so I think they're assuming somethings up with my womb which feels abit rubbish !! As we only have one embryo left and won't be doing any more I don't know if they just checking everything but part of me just doesn't see the point in this hysteroscopy

Sounds complicated and frustrating process with the transport etc hope it all goes to plan!! How many embryos do you have? How old is your DC? Sorry I should read back through the thread !

So sorry to hear about your bfn @SErunner - I so wish it was somehow guaranteed, I feel like after going through all the work of ivf it's so cruel when it doesn't work out. Thinking of you ❤️

@KLM25 glad AF arrived although sorry you've been feeling a bit off! So annoying as well about the new guy being less helpful. It's all such additional stress that's not needed. Hopefully the consultation next week will provide some answers.

Welcome @pamplemoussee, although sorry you find yourself here too. I've not had a hysteroscopy, I did ask about it but my clinic said I didn't need it. Everything else has always come back fine though - bloods etc - so I might ask again if this doesn't work out. I totally get what you mean about not wanting to do it again, I think people who haven't been through ivf don't understand how emotionally draining it is, and yes, the tww is torture. I basically cried the whole time for the two last year that failed, my one earlier this year was different as we had loads of stressful family things happen which I guess was at least a distraction.

I've managed to rearrange my leave so off tomorrow - I had thought transfer would be Friday so had booked next week off 😅 best laid plans and all. I'm in for a scan in the morning to check the tiny bit of fluid in my womb is gone, then booked in for transfer at 2. I know it's overwhelmingly likely the embryo will be fine but we've had one not survive the thaw before so I'm super anxious, trying to focus on positives though. Work is manic and I'm trying to muster up the enthusiasm to care - it just feels so unimportant right now.

I'm so sorry @SErunner . The tww and the testing I find almost worse than any of the prep or injections. At least then I'm doing something and feel more in control.

welcome @pamplemoussee ! Gosh we've all had a rough run of it but loving our miracle babes - mine is 2 in October!

@KLM25 please god let him just be on holiday!!

@Eggling eeee, today's the day! WIll be thinking of you!

So, we have a consultation booked online with Reprofit in Brno in a couple of weeks. I've just done some at-home blood test stuff - finger prick to get my AMH/FSH etc levels tested so that I can send them that info. I wrote out my entire IVF history for the Dr and sent that over email. Was a bit of a depressing read :-( Also feeling very nervous about the blood test results given my age (43) and just hoping it's not a total non-starter and we have something to work with. Haven't had my AMH levels tested for years...

Hi Everyone

Sorry I’ve been absent from the group. The last failed cycle hit me quite hard, which I wasn’t expecting!

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our options etc. We have our follow up with the consultant on Wednesday so will see if he has any words of wisdom, likely not! I don’t want to jump into another cycle straightaway with our last embryo anyway, I think my body needs a break. Ideally looking at the end of the year, maybe even Jan next year. Sometimes I think we’ll do this last transfer and call it a day and others I think maybe I could do another fresh round. We’ve booked a cheapie holiday to Northumberland in October and got a few things planned in for next year so have things to look forward to - it’ll be DD’s last year before starting school next September so want to take advantage of cheap hols while we can!

I think what I’ve really come to appreciate is that IVF more likely fails than succeeds and we sort of won the jackpot with DD on our first go. I thought I had realistic expectations going into this but really I think I always expected it to work given that we had 5 embryos frozen. I think I’m coming to terms with us being a family of 3, even though DD has been repeatedly saying for the past week that she wants a brother/sister 💔 It’s like she knows how to push my buttons!

@SErunner and @loulamay I’m really sorry to hear your cycles have failed too 😥 It’s so so shit what we put ourselves through. I hope you’re both doing ok.

@Eggling Good luck for your transfer tomorrow - keeping everything crossed it goes ok!

Also welcome @pamplemoussee Sorry to hear you’re in the same boat as the rest of us ☹️ My DD is 3.5 too - also beginning to realise she’s somewhat of a miracle too! Although I wouldn’t tell her that…she is super confident as it is without knowing that too!

Thanks everyone. Test today was negative too so I've stopped meds. I am okay, spent yesterday feeling a bit sad and processing it but got loads of household jobs done which made me feel a bit better. We've got a follow up with our Consultant in Sept so im going to think of questions to ask should we go down the route of IVF again in the future. Im interested in my slow growing embryos - assume that is an egg quality issue but would be good to hear his thoughts. (Or anyone else's). Also the impact of that on TTC naturally.

Im going to get myself back on ubiquinol and higher dose vit d as whilst I don't really buy into them benefitting I did take them before our first fresh cycle which was successful, so would rather know I've been taking them in case we ever do IVF again. I can't really do much else lifestyle wise - don't drink, decaf only and very little, could eat less sugar and process stuff like everyone probably but diet is generally well balanced and healthy with majority of meals made from scratch. Exercise regularly, BMI 20.5, yoga once a week. Infertility is a bitch isn't it. Feels so unfair when you do everything right 😢 Robert Winston recommends spontaneous sex as the best for TTC naturally but after so long on the infertility train I'm not sure I can remember what that is 😂 any other tips/suggestions welcomed.

@KLM25 it must feel like there are so many aspects to worry about. I'm sure it will be okay though, the cost is surely because they are experienced in doing it! Glad your period arrived and you've got some next appts booked.

@pamplemoussee our daughter is 2 and I am 34. So age is on our side but we were so lucky she happened on our first go, it's been hard having these two unsuccessful cycles. Despite my rational brain part of me definitely just assumed it would work again. It's so hard to know when to draw the line isn't it. We've said we wouldn't want an age gap bigger than 5 years by time of birth so that does give us a definite marker for TTC, when to draw the line for IVF is less clear. Finance is probably going to be a big factor to be honest. Mortgage renewal next year ☹️ I'm sorry you're feeling worse, although it is totally understandable. Have you considered any counselling? I'm toying with the idea.

@Eggling good luck for tomorrow! Excited for you! I'm sure all will go well 👍

@loulamay 100% agree I feel better when doing something. I hate all the waiting and uncertainty. Glad you've got some appts booked in and will hope your bloods come back recently.

@Chocoholic85 nice to hear from you. I am starting to try and refocus my thoughts on us being a family of 3, in case that ends up being our reality. It's just not what I ever pictured, and feels hard. Small things like looking at the empty chair at the dining table set me off. But equally like you these rounds not working have made me hugely value how lucky we are to have our daughter. That must have been tough hearing your daughter say they want a sibling. That's my biggest driver for another to be honest. Do you mind me asking how old you are?

@SErunner I’m sorry to hear that the second test was negative. It sounds like you’re coping with it well and doing all the right things to feel a bit brighter.
Your lifestyle sounds wonderfully healthy - it doesn’t sound like you could be doing anything more. But it does make it feel more unfair, just like you say. No tips on spontaneous sex I’m afraid, it’s been a while since we even had any unspontaneous action I’m afraid to say ☺️ I have to tell you I have made it to week 4 of C25K this morning whilst our little one’s at nursery. It felt like a struggle but I know it’s done me good!

@pamplemoussee I know how you feel. We’ve had 4 supposedly top quality embryos end up with 3 BFNs and 1 CP. I can’t help but worry there is something wrong inside me, even though none of the tests are showing up with anything. I have this fear that they’re missing something but equally I don’t want too many invasive procedures! A clinic that we spoke to in Greece said that it’s 80% the embryo and 20% the uterus, for success. So I do wonder if sometimes the embryos look good but might not be. In my case, you tend to think with donor eggs that they will be fine but I suppose it’s not necessarily always true.
We’ve never done any PGT testing but it’s something our new clinic in Barcelona have suggested if we have a fresh donor cycle. Obviously that’s more money to spend. Hard to know what to do.
We have 3 embryos frozen in Prague, classed as 4AA which they say is very good. Our little boy was 2 in May ❤️ I’m the same as the rest of you, it’s the thought of him not having a sibling which is what drives us on. He was our first attempt and I don’t think we truly realised how lucky we were at the time ❤️

@loulamay That’s great that you’ve got in touch with Reprofit. I hear a lot about them and they seem to have a great reputation. I don’t know if you’re on Instagram but there are a few women on there who are with them/have had success with them. It seems pretty easy to get to Brno, I think you can fly to Vienna too, can’t you? It’ll seem like a piece of cake after your flights to Cape Town anyway!

@Chocoholic85 A break sounds like just what you need. We actually went to Northumberland in Oct 2 years ago, when our little boy was a few months old. My OH proposed on that holiday, at Bamburgh, just by the castle, so it has special memories for us ❤️ We’re still no closer to a wedding mind you ☺️ The joys of the IVF limbo ha ha.
Hope your consultation goes ok, if it’s your last embryo, you want to feel like they’re ticking every box, if that analogy makes sense. My head is so fuzzy at the minute, I sometimes think I might be writing nonsense 🤦‍♀️

@Eggling all the very best for today, I’m really rooting for you. That’s great that they’re double checking the trace of fluid. I’m going to ask about that at my consultation as I think it makes perfect sense to check pre transfer. The progesterone is meant to dry it up, isn’t it, but my previous clinic never checked it at that stage for me.

No news here. I’m still checking my emails on a hourly basis and trying not to lose my mind 😂 x

Well we're not going ahead with the transfer due to fluid in my uterus. I'm devastated which I know is daft in the grand scheme of things. Timing is hard as my brother is getting married abroad next summer and I want to be sure I can travel so trying to avoid transfer when that would clash if successful, but if this fluid clears we should be able to go again in a few weeks. Then came out to a parking ticket which of course is ideal!

I'll catch up with everyone's posts when I've had a cup of tea and a biscuit and stopped being a big drama queen 🙄 thinking of you all - this path is such a rocky one to walk!

Oh @Eggling not daft at all! the parking ticket would have sent me over the edge! I'm so sorry, that's a shit situation all round, especially with the added complication of your travel plans. When do you see your clinic again to check on the fluid? Do they know what's causing it?

@KLM25 yes I think Vienna is where we'll fly into! We're up in the Lake District to Edinburgh and Manchester are our nearest and I don't think either go directly to Brno. I made myself feel better about the whole thing by looking at nice hotels and restaurants there - it does look like a lovely city and we've only ever been to Prague. The fact that I could just go for a couple of days is awesome - I was chatting to a new potential acupuncturist yesterday and she was laughing at me describing it as 'more local' - but in the context of Cape Town it will indeed seem like a breeze!

So sorry you've not had any news yet. If it's of interest we did PGT testing on our embryos in Cape Town just because I'd had three miscarriages by that point and couldn't face another one. Little did I realise that despite having euploid embryos, they still wouldn't implant - IVF really does have a charming way of keeping you on your toes.

Have been reading 'It starts with the egg' and have just purged my kitchen of old plastic and ordered a bunch of supplements. I feel slightly like I'm clutching at straws but hey ho.

@SErunner I don't think you could be doing more and agree that it's so bloody unfair! The extra dinner seat made me well up. I feel the same.

@Eggling I’m so sorry your transfer isn’t going ahead today ☹️ You must feel so frustrated. I’ve been there with the bloody fluid thing, interestingly my consultant went ahead anyway. I’m not sure what his rationale was. When I’ve had it in the past it cleared up with the progesterone but was still lingering on my most recent cycle. Was there quite a lot of fluid? Hope you can go ahead soon. Getting a parking ticket too - I think I’d need something stronger than a cuppa! It’s hard trying to plan ahead when you have this hanging over you. Not quite the same, but I got tickets to see Taylor Swift next June (I’m a lifelong fan 🙈!) That’s another reason why I want to delay the next transfer…don’t want a tiny newborn to factor in, or be very heavily pregnant…a little bit pregnant would be fine 😂 Although I don’t even know why I’m bothering to plan around it given the likelihood the next transfer won’t work either!

@KLM25 Sorry to hear you’ve not got any further ☹️ I really ❤️ Northumberland, one of my favourite places to visit. I hope you get there with the wedding! It’s so hard putting everything on hold with IVF. We planned our wedding the year we did our first IVF, I thought if it doesn’t work I have something to look forward…ended up being 27 weeks pregnant on my wedding day, which I wouldn’t recommend! Well done with your C25k too!

@pamplemoussee I’m 38 so time not on my side. Although my frozen embryos are from when I was 34. We were originally given the ‘unexplained’ diagnosis but I’ve often wondered if my eggs are just a bit shit. My AMH was classed as normal at 33 but I think the lower end. I dread to think what it is now 🙈

@SErunner if you don’t mind me asking what Ubiquinol do you take? I’m considering starting something given my advancing age! I’m with you on the healthy lifestyle - I’ve always considered myself to be doing the right things and yet it hasn’t made a difference. I get so angry looking at people who seem to have no difficulty getting pregnant yet their lifestyle is awful! I have good & bad days with my DD, last week I got upset as I realised she was the only only
child at the playground. She was running up to people asking them to play with her but they were all playing with siblings 😢

@Chocoholic85 this is the supplements list from the book I’m reading with four different Ubiquinols that she recommends:

https://www.itstartswiththeegg.com/uk-supplement-buying-guide

And actually speaking of that, has anyone ever been on DHEA? Have vaguely heard of it but it has never been suggested to me personally…

Thanks for being kind 😊 I'm still feeling crap today, I just keep thinking that we shouldn't be doing this, I should have a 4 month old now, or a newborn, or at the very least be 8 months pregnant with the one I miscarried earlier in the year. This just shouldn't be our lives.

Interesting that your consultant went ahead anyway @Chocoholic85. I only had a teeny tiny bit of fluid this time but they didn't seem keen, we also couldn't proceed with a fresh transfer last December because of fluid. I was initially pushing to go ahead anyway today as we were told it reduces the chances by 5-10% but then we googled and read a study that said presence of fluid was associated with 5% pregnancy rates as opposed to 35%. Keep telling myself that I put the welfare of the embryo above my own which is obviously a part of parenting, it just sucks. I hate that I only get two or maybe three chances a year to even try for a baby, I'm questioning whether ivf is even the right thing for us to be doing but there doesn't seem to be a choice if we want another baby.

@loulamay I have read about DHEA and a friend actually gave me some, but then I read it's bad for pcos so I haven't been taking it. I might ask about it if we do another fresh round though.

Think I'm going to sulk and wallow a bit today and hopefully feel brighter tomorrow. I've been working so hard on being positive and it just feels like a joke when there's always some new setback or problem every time we do anything. I'm so sick of leaving the clinic in tears.

@Eggling I'm so sorry, how unbearably disappointing and frustrating for you. Wallow away, it's really crap and so unfair. You can't be positive all the time and it's okay to allow some sadness. I took a day off to wallow when our first transfer failed, just couldnt face anything other than crying all day!

@KLM25 well done on the C25k! Hope you have some good news soon 🤞

@loulamay I feel like I'm clutching at straws too. I did the plastic purge a long time back but might do it again for the sake of it. I'm pretty sceptical about all this stuff making any difference as the evidence is pretty non-existing but I guess it can't hurt.

@Chocoholic85 I take this ubiquinol, which is actually on the list @loulamay posted.
www.amazon.co.uk/Ubiquinol-Softgels-Enhanced-Absorption-Coenzyme/dp/B00LFVDK1E

I asked my consultant about DHEA but he said there isn't good evidence to support using it. I do know if you use it you need testosterone levels monitored as it can cause hormonal imbalance/disruption.

I'm feeling okay ish this week but have so many people around me having second babies, with more announcements inevitably to come. It just feels really hard. I even find myself longing for the night time feeds - talk about rose tinted glasses 😂

"Think I'm going to sulk and wallow a bit today and hopefully feel brighter tomorrow. I've been working so hard on being positive and it just feels like a joke when there's always some new setback or problem every time we do anything. I'm so sick of leaving the clinic in tears."

@Eggling I'm so sorry and hope you're ok - I totally empathise with the above and leaving clinics in tears. I saw my therapist today and spent pretty much the whole hour talking about IVF and crying. I told her how hard it is to carry on with work and life with a pretend smile on my face for people who don't know. We are all amazing for keeping going when we have to deal with this at the same time.

Thanks for the replies about DHEA everyone x