TTC no.2 after successful IVF for no.1

[Chocoholic85]

Hi,
I’m just after some advice and to see whether anyone is in the same boat!
Just found out that my 3rd FET failed.
We are very lucky to have DD who came from our first fresh transfer. We were also very fortunate to get 5 frozen embryos from that round so have been trying for a sibling. 1st FET was BFN, 2nd was a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage and 3rd now is failed. Down to the last two and starting to feel the pressure and also wondering why on earth it isn’t working?!
We have unexplained infertility so nothing was ever found with our initial tests and I was 34 when we had out first IVF round so odds were in our favour. I read somewhere that at 34 around 50% of embryos are abnormal so I guess out our 6 maybe the last 3 were all abnormal. I’m also worried something has changed since I had to have a csection for DD. I did have an ultrasound which showed the scar had healed fine and there no niches, I’m wondering if there are adhesions that might not have been seen on the ultrasound though.
Would love to hear any advice for what to do next or from anyone else in a similar position. Thanks x

Ah I get it @Edf, im sorry. It's like you just want the slightest tiniest thing to go right so that you can make some progress and then even that small thing gets scuppered. It sucks.

Hey @Edf - that sucks. Periods feel like a month lost and as we know that each month runs into years. Totally ok to feel meh.

There are so many hurdles along the way and hey could the universe not just delay your period by a few days…. 😔

My only advice is to find little things and times for you. You need nuture through all this so make yourself a priority.

I'm going to apologise in advance for the pity party I'm about to throw for myself here but a couple of very small things tonight have just brought to a head what an unbelievably shit year this has been and I need to get it down somewhere to make sense of it.
Jan - family bereavement, then FET, then DH collapsed and hospitalised (thought he was going to die) then diagnosed with a heart condition that may or may not have passed to DD, test ongoing
Feb/ March- miscarriage, took fucking weeks. Started new job so had to juggle appointments and work and not let on.
May - cancelled ivf cycle
July- terrible fertilisation with only one embryo
August- cancelled FET
September - FET
November- miscarriage, started new job again
December- MVA to (finally) conclude miscarriage; urgent referral on the cancer pathway

Keep thinking back to last year and how hard I found that, and can't believe everything that's happened this last year. O feel like I've been doing well day to day but I can kind of feel it all bubbling under the surface. I know people have to so much worse and I need to count my blessings that DH is still here with me and I have amazing DD. But tonight I just keep thinking back to when DH was rushed to hospital and I was wondering how I was going to cope with DD and the one in my belly. And that baby isn't here. And I'm no further on than last year - in fact, behind, as we don't even have any embryos left. FFS.

Honestly not looking for sympathy just needed a rant and don't really have anywhere else to get it all down.

Oh @Edf I'm sorry. And yes, totally get it. And yes, I find AF arriving each month a bit traumatic now too. Life just won't stop giving lemons sometimes.

@TTC6 yes I've got a few of those in my family too. I did actually have a few sharp words eventually and they've packed it in now! DHEA I think needs to be taken under medical supervision, I asked my consultant about it but he said there isn't good evidence supporting use so I didnt pursue it. Despite the lack of evidence I have restarted ubiquinol. I took it before our first round which conceived our daughter but didn't before this last round which both embryos failed from. I'm mostly taking it so I don't blame that if the next round doesn't work. Also because it makes my skin and hair nicer 😂

@Eggling I'm really sorry, milestones must feel really rough. Glad the appts have gone as well as they could though, and you had some familiarity. That must feel worrying about your lump. Hope your scan comes soon. I'm sure it will be fine but good to get it checked.

I'm definitely relaxing a bit over the holidays. I basically never drink and eat fairly healthy but am currently sat wine in hand watching the holiday 😂 starting the month as I mean to go on!

@Edf
I totally get it. I hate having to wait for cycles once you have time scales in your head. Would they definitely not allow to start this round?
Even though I've had numerous 'life' experiences I always think what is meant to be will be!

@SErunner
Just out of interest what ubinquol do you take? I'm all up for it for nice hair and Skin 😂😂 a wine in hand watching the holiday sounds like the perfect night!!

@Eggling
We all need to have a pity party now and again. And what better place to have it, than the people that 100% get it. It is all so shite- I'm so sorry for the years experience you have had so far. So hope 2024 of your year!!

Sorry @Eggling we cross posted. Please please please go for it with the pity party. I have one from time to time and I actually really do think it helps to indulge those feelings from time to time. It's so shit, and so unfair. 2023 has undoubtedly been a shocker for you, and I know you don't want sympathy, but I am really sorry.

@TTC6 I take this one:

www.amazon.co.uk/Ubiquinol-Softgels-Enhanced-Absorption-Coenzyme/dp/B00U0G1HVU

@Eggling it sounds like a very rough year- I find it’s not till you look back on all you have been through that you think- gosh how did I ever make it through day by day, but realise you are so strong and can do anything (as long as you take it day by day!) I know we always say other ppl have it worse but when your going through something (s) so traumatic it really is no consolation,

@IslandsintheOcean @TTC6 @SErunner thanks for understanding, I knew you all would 😊, though @TTC6 i didn’t think there was a chance they would let me start if I didn’t start the tablets on day 1… is this a thing?

never heard of ubiquinol- I’ll have a googs!

Thanks @Edf - I normally have first scan for FET on day 2 and have been told day 2/3 doesn't matter so I think maybe check with the clinic? Might be able to go for it!

@Eggling i didn’t have a scan for fet at all until day 14 of the tablets then went onto cycolgest ready for transfer 5 days later, what was your fet protocol? I’ll 100% ask the question tomorrow tho! I guess the drug just stops you ovulating- it may still be early enough

@edf oh its funny how it's so different - I've always taken estradiol from that day 2/3 scan then had another scan around day 9 and started progesterone pessaries then with transfer 5 days after that. Maybe because my cycles are weird I need the extra oestrogen?

@Eggling it always confuses me different ways of doing the same thing- if we hasn’t had a success I would consider moving clinics to see if a different way would help! Well proof will be in the pudding tomorrow after the call- fingers crossed they don’t tell me there is no hope at all and not to try again - that’s always my fear (I say always- I mean last time and now again this time)

oh gosh I feel like I've missed so many messages, but maybe I switched notifications off!

So glad we have this forum to rant, complain, cry - I empathise with each of you in different ways.

@Eggling We have had a similarly horrendous year with DD's brain tumour in Feb and all the failed FETs. I think you are completely amazing to be still standing and you should be immensely proud of yourself! We are going to be glad to see the back of 2023 and I just have to believe that 2024 has better things in store for us all!

@KLM25 and @IslandsintheOcean I echo the fact that it is lovely (and hopeful) to hear your news - please keep us updated!

I just ordered my stims meds for what I hope will be a late January retrieval. Now that's done I'm going back to trying to keep up the Christmas cheer! Just a few more presents to get and I think I'm sorted. I always found this attached image from the Hurrah for Gin blog hilarious, so sharing it in case someone needs a smile.

Thank you @loulamay, and you too. If all goes to plan (ha!) then we might have retrieval at similar times 🤞

Hey- so quick update/ question- I have been offered (and taken) the option of blood test to rule out any thyroid or lupus issue- told unlikely due to previous success but something to rule out and something they offer after 2 failed rounds, did anyone else get offered/ accept this offer?

Yes I've had my thyroid function tested before each fresh cycle we've done. My clinic seem to do it as standard I think, as we didn't pay extra for it from recollection. Hope results are all okay for you x

@Edf as I understand it ubiquinol is the better absorbed form of CoQ10. I think for my FET I started progynova on day 2 x

@loulamay I like the screenshot 🤣 thank you!

I've had those bloods done too @Edf, twice now I think. Nothing has shown up either time but if there is thyroid issue I think it's fairly easy to medicate.

@Eggling @SErunner ah good glad it’s something others seemed to have done- I don’t no whether I want them to find something to give me a reason or not find something so I can start in jan (should xmas leave not ruin the results coming back in time!)

I feel like I’ve missed loads so apologies if I leave anyone out!

@TTC6 I’m glad you came to a decision, i know the waiting is always frustrating, but with Christmas etc, you’ll be getting going again before you know it.

@Eggling You’ve had a terrible year and you’ve been so strong to get through it all ❤️ 2023’s nearly over now and 2024 has got to be a better one, I’m sure of it.

@Edf I’ve had my thyroid checked with both clinics (I actually asked the GP both times, although I imagine it was just the basic blood test). I haven’t been checked for Lupus as far as I know. I’d say go for it, especially as they are issues which are easily fixed with medication as @Eggling says. I bet they’ll come back clear though, these tests normally do don’t they?! But then at least it’s one less thing to worry about, I always think.

@loulamay Really glad to hear that you should have a retrieval at the end of Jan, that’ll be here in no time!

@SErunner Pleased you’re on the wine and relaxing! No harm at all in a few weeks of indulgence. I think everyone on this thread has more than earned that.

@IslandsintheOcean Hope you’re doing well too and feeling ok.

Not much to report from me although we did go for another scan at UD today, I’m 9 weeks today. It was lovely actually as the sonographer and the reception lady greeted me like an old friend - I must have been there about 15 times for various IVF scans over the last 18 months ☺️ It was kind of surreal to be seeing them for a different kind of a scan, but obviously really lovely ❤️ We were so nervous still beforehand but I’m relieved to say that all was well so I’m going to try to stay away from the scanning until after Christmas now 😊 x

SIL announced she’s pregnant today, can’t deal, xmas ruined, please don’t judge, I’m broken

Oh @Edf I'm so sorry. I don't have anything to say that can make it feel better, I wish I did. We get it, we understand and we're here. Sending you so much love xxx

@Edf I'm so sorry. We get it. Be however you need to be, get your partner to cover as needed. It's so shit, and even worse at this time of year. I wish people wouldn't do it but it's another classic in terms of not understanding how shit it is if you've not been on the infertility train. Sending lots of love xx

@Edf - hope you got through Christmas ok. That’s so tough, I’m really sorry it’s impacted your Christmas. When the dust has settled hope you carve out some time to do things you enjoy.

@Edf how are you doing? Been thinking of you over the past few days.

We have arrived at the house we are staying in for new year, with 4 other couples, all of whom had babies this year (some their first, some their second). I thought it would be fine but I've had to come and hide upstairs for a while as I was sitting downstairs and looked around and just thought "wow, I'm the only one with empty arms" and I've got a bit upset. O need to go back down soon before anyone notices and I somehow need to put a lid on this for the next 3 nights but thought I'd manage more than an hour in before this happening 🙄

Hi @Eggling - that’s a lot to absorb at once. Literally everyone else has the thing that has been taken from you. It’s a reminder of your loss and grief - not jealousy about them.

Youve been strong going ahead and being there to celebrate. That’s something to be proud of yourself for. Hope you get some good moments during your trip.

Happy New Year ladies. My god I hope 2024 is our year. Wishing the same thing for you all as I hope for myself.

@Edf and @Eggling thinking of you. This time of year is so tough. I have had my wobbles over the festive period too. Thinking of you ❤️

We had a lovely dinner with friends last night. I drank far too much champagne and am feeling it this morning for the first time in years!! Onto my new year health wagon now in the hope of aiding all things fertility, after relaxing for the last month. Off out on a run shortly to kick start the new year. Love to all xx