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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

IVF sibling round support

628 replies

itsmschanandlerbong · 24/03/2023 16:16

Just wondered if there would be any interest in setting up a support thread for those of us thinking about a sibling round. This could very much be a 'me' issue but I feel a bit awkward sometimes posting in other threads, it's a bit like being stuck between being very lucky and fortunate having had a successful round, but also struggling with the challenges of having to go through it all over again. I've found it difficult to know my place in this community now.

So yeah, is anyone else trying or thinking about trying for their sibling round yet? Ill post a comment with our story.

OP posts:
Bobbin83 · 28/04/2024 07:32

Thanks guys, my mind has settled down a bit now on the measurements as I have read quite a lot now that backs up what the doc said about it being within date range and nothing to worry about! 🙈 @beachbum85 I have not experienced that so can’t add any wisdom but glad it’s stopped for you and seemed to be a one off! Good news everything is going well and you got the 3+ I didn’t keep trying with those as I had read they were sometimes hard to get and didn’t want to panic myself! I did however do a radom test 2 weeks after and it was still a strong positive but not as strong as it had been, I then read that you can have too much HCG and the test can’t handle it, to then dilute your urine with 50 % water and it would be dark again….I thought that’s ridiculous no way but it worked I got a really dark line again, mental 🤯 I stopped any more tests after that as it just seemed crazy making urine concoctions to dip pregnancy tests into 😂

@2mumlife sorry to hear about your friends miscarriage 😔

x

Overlyanxious · 07/05/2024 14:35

How is everyone? I've just moved and it's been a painful week

beachbum85 · 07/05/2024 15:58

@Bobbin83 I'm so glad you're feeling better and not worrying too much, and hope you're still feeling well. I had a good laugh at the urine concoctions 😁 that is definitely something I'd do if I didn't hate testing soooo much!

@Overlyanxious congrats on the move! It's always so tough... I hope you settle in well and can relax a bit after all that.

@2mumlife I'm so sorry about your friends' MC 😥that is quite a strange situation when you were sharing info before their cycle and then all the mystery afterwards. Maybe it was a natural surprise and they were worried about the genetics so preferred not to say anything for a while?! Either way that's really upsetting, including for you guys...
Feeling anything yet? I remember the impatience - my placenta was on the front and I didn't feel anything until well after 20w! Only a couple of days to go to your cervix check either way 😊

All good here - no bleeding after that one time BUT the nausea started over the weekend and is quite persistent. I haven't actually felt sick (very different from my previous pregnancy) but it's a constant blehhh feeling. I'm really glad it started after my team meeting last week though! It was hard enough finding excuses not to drink, I'm not sure I would have managed to mask the nausea too 😅 Viability scan is on Thursday morning (more on the 9th!) so keeping everything tightly crossed until then...

2mumlife · 07/05/2024 16:45

@Overlyanxious Oh well done getting moved! We want to move again 1 time, but the idea of having to actually do the moving seems awful. Hope you have some time to get yourself settled and feeling at home.

@beachbum85 I'm sorry to hear the nausea has kicked in, but I guess try to see it as a positive everything is hopefully progressing well? Though still really hard when you're feeling sick. I found the first trimester really tough, but by about 10 weeks everything had started to ease, so whilst it feels awful during the time, its really not for long x

No, still not feeling movements here. There has been the odd moment of feeling like I'm being stabbed internally / could maybe have been a big summersault. Its driving me demented as I'm sure I'd felt something by now and had a fundal placenta that time (with my DD I felt like I could feel a heartbeat in my bump that wasn't mine). Even though I'm definitely looking pregnant now, and have already got heartburn 😭its still definitely niggling at the back on my mind so looking forward to getting some reassurance at scan on Thursday.

daisypizza · 07/05/2024 18:49

@Bobbin83 congratulations, I hope you’re taking things one step at a time, can quite understand the anxiety.

@beachbum85 nog long til your scan. I can imagine feeling bleh isn’t nice, hopefully you’ll get to the blossoming stage soon!

@2mumlife does looking pregnant mean you’ve got a little bump?

Good luck to both with scans!

@Overlyanxious well done on the move, it is stressful but it is a step in your path, hope you settle in your new place and that you can make room for another inhabitant before too long!

Nothing to report here, sorry I’ve been quiet as I’ve been ill, nothing major but enough to zap my energy. Not sure yet about next FET dates but will keep you posted. Hope everyone else is well.

Kitkat247 · 07/05/2024 20:13

Hi everyone,
I'm considering doing a sibling round soon and wondering how everyone decided when to start? I keep flip flopping at the moment. Initially I wanted to wait till this time next year but now I'm not so sure I want to wait that long.
We started kind of TTC in July 2018, we were getting married in the November so when I say kind of, we just weren't very careful but also weren't tracking. Started tracking the December and nothing happened. COVID hit just as we were starting our investigations. We went private for my lap and dye and I was told I have endometriosis, but given where it was it was unlikely to be having an impact on my fertility.
We started IVF and our first round gave us two embryos. The first was successful, but we got bad news at 22 weeks and further testing showed our little girl was really poorly. So we had a tfmr at 26 weeks.
I threw myself back into IVF and we had an FET 3 months after I delivered our daughter. It failed and we had another fresh cycle in the September, got one embryo and that is our 10 month old.
Both pregnancies have been traumatic, for different reasons. I was horrendously sick both times, with my first daughter that didn't stop until I delivered but my horrendous heartburn turned into oesophagitis. I had COVID for the first time at 15 weeks in my second pregnancy, just as I was starting to feel human. I was diagnosed with cervical ectropian at 22 weeks and had to be seen at the colposcopy clinic because it covered my entire cervix. Then at 24 weeks on the anniversary of my daughter's death I had a massive bleed. They discovered I had high cord pressure and I was told I needed twice weekly scans. I continued to have massive bleeds and was admitted for 48 hours each time. My cord pressure stayed high and I had mild polyhydraminos and was told there was a small chance these were signs of downs syndrome. Although I wouldn't have had a tfmr that time given our baby was otherwise healthy I needed to know, my anxiety was already sky high so I had an amino at 30 weeks. Was then induced at 37 weeks and our daughter is perfect. Still breastfeeding at present, but she is naturally reducing and my period came back this month.
I'm 35 this year, my amh was about 20/22 in June 2022, but I wouldn't say I had the most amazing response to stims, but then I wasn't on a high dosage either. I've gained weight while breastfeeding (I could eat everything!)
I'm torn between getting started as I feel a bit panicky about turning 35 and I do really want another baby. Or sticking closer to my original plan but maybe shifting it to start in Sept/October instead. Giving me time to lose a little bit of weight and just have a little bit of time that's for me. I feel a bit like I've been on this forever but I also really want another baby. And this is what happens, I go round in circles.
We also can probably only afford 1, maybe 2 rounds at a push depending on our access fertility options.
How did everyone decide when they were ready to throw themselves back in again?

2mumlife · 08/05/2024 19:15

@daisypizza yeah definitely rounding out 😂 I’m sorry you’ve not been well, that’s rubbish. Better to wait to do a FET until you feel your energy levels have come back x

2mumlife · 09/05/2024 08:01

@Kitkat247 I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter, I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been. And it sounds like you had a really challenging pregnancy with your 10 month old as well. You’ve definitely been put through the wringer. It’s really a very individual choice as to when to try for a sibling. Where is your partner in their thinking? I know my partner felt ready before I did, so had to wait until I felt ready.

We had 2 Frosties and transferred 1 in January when my DD was 16 months, and I got pregnant first time. I’m currently 18 weeks

There were a few things we considered when deciding to try again:

  • return of period. Mine came back at 14 months pp and I was keen for it to return before trying again.
  • breastfeeding considerations - I wouldn’t have tried before 12 months as BF is the main source of nutrition until then if you are EBF. I didn’t want to wean when TTC so joined an ivf and breastfeeding group to educate myself on how medications could affect supply and whether they were contraindicated for breastfeeding. I felt comfortable doing a medicated FET. I’m not sure how I would have felt about doing a fresh cycle. If you want to wean first which is what others on this thread have done I’d give yourself time for that before starting ivf process. If you don’t wean, be prepared that medications can affect supply and if you get pregnant that can too. Hormonal changes in pregnancy that reduce / step supply can’t be changed. So consider if you are willing to dry nurse if your baby wants to continue. My DD is still breastfeeding despite there basically being no milk. I’ve experienced aversions to breastfeeding since becoming pregnant which are challenging. I’ve joined a tandem feeding Facebook group to understand what it might be like if my DD still wants to nurse when this baby is born
  • Other changes - is your baby starting nursery? Are you returning to work? I was on mat leave until my daughter was 11 months and I wanted to give us time to get settled into nursery / work. My DD also had a lot of illness when she first stated child care, so I wouldn’t have wanted to be doing a cycle and trying to look after a sick child / makes it difficult for timing scans etc if you unexpectedly have a sick baby to look after
  • Finances - not just for TTC but consider if you can afford 2 lots of childcare fees etc etc. I’m in Scotland so our free childcare hours don’t start until DD is 3 so I wanted to time things so #2 wouldn’t be starting childcare until DD has some funded hours
  • Physical / mental readiness - I felt ok about doing FET but I would t have been ready to do a fresh cycle when we did our FET. I actually said to DP I was willing to transfer the 2 embryos but wasn’t committing to another fresh cycle as I wasn’t sure I felt ready
  • Age - I’m 35 next month and if we did need another egg collection I wanted to do it sooner than later. My partner is a bit older and didn’t want to be having children in her 40s, so we knew we wanted to move forward fairly soon. It also took us a long time to conceive DD (4 IUIs, 1 fresh and 2 frozen transfers) so we sort out started before I felt totally ready as I didn’t think it would work first time!
  • How you want your family / life to look - both me and DP wanted 2 with a smaller age gap. We both kind of wanted to get all the baby / toddler years over with at one go rather than get 1 sleeping independently etc and then having to start again!

Im not sure anyone is ever entirely ready to be honest. First trimester has been hard with a toddler, but also after about 10 weeks everything got easy. But I had a very easy pregnancy with DD and I might have felt different if I thought I might have a more complicated pregnancy with a toddler in tow

Good luck whatever you decide :)

Kitkat247 · 09/05/2024 11:05

@2mumlife my partner is very much I'm ready when you're ready, since it's me that needs to go through all the physical stuff.
My period came back last month and that probably what's got me thinking about it in greater detail. My little one is still breastfeeding but isn't as fussed for it during the day but does like it for comfort and feeds to sleep at night. I don't plan to stop before she turns one and ideally I'd like to go until August to let her settle into nursery.
So she starts nursery in June, but I have annual leave so I'm off with her for another 6 weeks so she can settle in as slowly as she needs over that time and also in case of the inevitable bugs she'll come home with. I'm expecting us all to be hoaching for a few months.
We're also in Scotland, so we'd access the free hours at 3 for our daughter and that would be about the time I'd be going back to work with a second. Finance wise we will have less of a cushion after doing IVF this time, but there's really no getting around that.
I turn 35 in July, we started trying when I turned 29, so it's been a long road. I accept I won't get a collection in by then, but would want one in before I turn 36. My husband is turning 38 this year so I'm also aware of that.
I really wanted 3 children. The initial plan had been to have our first, then to try fit a second at about 18 months and for a third when the first was about 4/5. I accept that won't happen now.
I was really sick in the first trimester with both my girls, could barely get out of bed and part of me thinks that might be easier when my daughter doesn't remember it. The other part of me thinks if she's a little bigger then it might be easier to do things like duvet days. That being said I have supportive family and my in-laws are retired and would definitely help if we needed it.
I'm waiting on a call back from access fertility at the GCRM and will see roughly what pricing is. I definitely don't think we'll start before September/October.
It's just never simple when you need IVF, is it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope everything continues to go smoothly for you!

2mumlife · 09/05/2024 13:32

@Kitkat247 Reading your post is funny, as we have about the same ages (my DP is turning 38 this year too). We were also at GCRM and used access fertility when we were trying for DD, so very similar boats. You've definitely had a much longer road than us.

Its worth being aware that GCRMs official policy/advice is that you should wean before TTC (their justification is that if you become pregnant your supply is likely to drop which may be stressful for your BFing child). The breastfeeding and IVF facebook group is really helpful for advice if you are still BFing at the point you want to do a cycle in terms of safety of medications, affect on supply etc and also offers support in arguing with clinics that aren't supportive of breastfeeding during treatment to change their stance. There are lots of members that choose either not to inform their clinic of their BFing and/or lie about it if asked directly. We chose to vaguely suggest we had weaned, but also they weren't pushy about asking. I think the only thing that put it on their radar is that I'd previously asked about their policy around BFing and FETs. I don't think they'd ask if you were approaching them after your daughter turns 1.

Everyone's BF journey is really different, so its really hard to predict how your BF relationship will look like come September / October time, but it is worth taking some time to consider how you feel about different options e.g. if you'd do a cycle if she was still BF, if you would delay your cycle if you tried to wean and she wasn't ready etc etc. I chose to keep BF as my DD just isn't ready to wean tbh. Even with no milk, she still very much needs it for emotional and physical comfort (teething 😫). I think as well be prepared for BFing to change when she starts day care / walking / talking / the next regression/developmental leap / tooth coming through / illness as they've been trigger points for us when my DD breastfeeds more.

It may still be possible to have 3 children - I think you really just need to see how it goes TTC a sibling.

I threw up a lot more this pregnancy than I did with DD, and was pretty wiped out between weeks 5-10. I had to rely more on DP to care for DD. I work 4 days a week and have DD by myself on Fridays, and those Fridays were really difficult. Is your daughter walking yet? Has she dropped to 1 nap yet? My DD was walking so made things easier as she'll go pick a book off the shelf / go collect something so I wasn't always having to get up. I also embraced napping when she napped 😂I did however feel like a shit parent during that period, because I wasn't as attentive or present for my DD. That's also the period I've had the worst BFing aversions, which are really horrible to be honest and first time I've really not enjoyed BFing. Everything has got a lot better though after that 12 week point, though its definitely a lot harder to rest this time around.

Its also worth saying that I found TTC this time a lot less all-consuming, simply because there wasn't the time to ruminate about it all. I did the FET with fairly low expectations to be honest, and I didn't do anything during the cycle to try to make it work (no acupuncture or changing diet or any of the things I did trying to influence the result). It some ways its been the least stressful cycle I've ever done. I do think the experience is really different trying for a sibling, as honestly you just have a heck of a lot less time when you've already got a child to care for!

2mumlife · 09/05/2024 13:33

Just to keep this separate, I had a scan today and cervix is still totally fine, and got to see heartbeat and baby wiggling about. The sonographer took a bit more time to take a look at baby than they usually do at the cervix check which was nice, so checked things like babies stomach and bladder and said everything looked good that baby was swallowing etc normally. Never had such a thorough check of baby at a cervix scan before so that was nice to feel like I could get a bit of a proper look at baby. Feel a lot happier that even though I'm not getting movements yet, bubs is doing totally fine :)

daisypizza · 09/05/2024 14:14

@2mumlife lovely to hear your scan update and interesting reading through your posts with your decision-making to TTC again.

@Kitkat247 hello and welcome.
I have just read your first message again. I’m so sorry you went through such sadness.

I’m hoping to have another FET soon (in the next few months). I had an unsuccessful FET a few months back. My DD is nearly 2, settled in childcare, breastfeeding. She has hardly been ill touch wood but I think I am quite run down which is why I might not go for it this month. My clinic are happy to do natural or natural modified FETs while breastfeeding so I have done the natural modified which is taking progesterone and a trigger shot a few days before transfer.

@beachbum85 @Bobbin83 I hope you’re both feeling well.
@Overlyanxious hope you’re managing to unpack, but Rome wasn’t built in a day!

Overlyanxious · 09/05/2024 14:47

@beachbum85 hope the scan went well.

@2mumlife I'm glad your scan went well and you have some more reassurance.

@daisypizza sorry to hear you've been feeling ill.

@Kitkat247 I'm so sorry about your loss. One of the main reasons I'm going for a sibling now is that I'm about to be 41 and I don't want to be too much older before having another baby (it's definitely more tiring the older you get). I am lucky though as I have some Frosties I can use. Although I don't think we can afford to use that many of them. I feel more ready now than before. My 18 month old is sleeping better which helps a lot and I generally feel more like myself and ready - I didn't feel like this till fairly recently (so since January/February). I also have that feeling I had before of feeling more desperate to have a baby. I guess that hormonal feeling.

2mumlife · 09/05/2024 17:28

@Kitkat247 I'd actually echo @Overlyanxious that my approaching 20 month old is finally starting to sleep a bit better (we now have some nights each week with only 1 wake up / boob feed).

@daisypizza I'm sorry to hear you're still feeling run down :( have you considered checking you iron levels / taking a supplement? Sometimes I've found that helps x

beachbum85 · 10/05/2024 15:45

@2mumlife I'm so glad your scan went well and all is fine and baby is doing great in there! Very nice of the sonographer to go into the detail there! Ugh the heartburn doesn't sound pleasant at all... I hope it eases up. And thanks for the encouragement about the nausea and sickness! It's getting worse but 10w doesn't feel too far now!

@daisypizza I'm sorry to hear you've been ill... I hope you're feeling a lot better now as you plan the next FET.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and wishes for the scan. It all went really well - we saw the little heartbeat and everything is measuring perfectly at 7w 🥰 Such a relief! Now it feels real...
So we've been discharged for our clinic and I actually got teary thinking: can this really be the last time we step in here?! Ridiculous I know... I'll blame it on the hormones haha

@Kitkat247 hi! Congratulations on your 10 month old. I'm so, so sorry about your first daughter, and the horrific journey you've been on. @2mumlife has really covered a lot of what I would have said, with breastfeeding, age, etc. and I agree that it's hard to really feel ready but this time round was a lot less intense. We started the referral process when my son turned 1, were given the OK to proceed 5 months later, but then had to wait a bit due to scheduling and so on. We had an FET in Feb which failed, and now again in April which worked. If all goes well, my son will be 2y 7m when his sibling is born. I'm a bit older (38 now) so I was definitely feeling the pressure of another EC asap if these 2 frosties failed, which I think was the strongest factor but I waited until I stopped breastfeeding before starting the process for another. I also really wanted 3 kids but have (mostly) accepted that won't be happening for us, but I think that's definitely a possibility for you.

2mumlife · 10/05/2024 19:07

@beachbum85 Ah amazing to hear everything went well at the scan. Have you contacted antenatal team locally yet to start booking in and get a day for 12 week scan? I’m guessing the heartburn will just be there now until the end. The pregnancy hemoroids are also coming back 😭 avoided all of this last time until further towards the end. I wonder if my bodies just all a bit more pre-abused from first pregnancy 🤦‍♀️

beachbum85 · 10/05/2024 20:24

@2mumlife ah the physical joys of pregnancy 😓 I'd do it a million times over, of course, and be endlessly grateful for it, but I found pregnancy really hard on the body and I guess the second time round will always be rougher, especially since it hasn't been sooooo long since recovery...

I contacted the antenatal team this morning and already have a date: 17 June. Super efficient! We'll probably do an NIPT before as we did last time, but the countdown begins again...

Overlyanxious · 10/05/2024 21:14

@beachbum85 I'm so pleased it all went well with the scan and so exciting you have your next one booked.

@2mumlife oh the joys of heartburn. I've only ever experienced it during pregnancy and it is not fun. I think it makes sense your body is probably already a bit pre-abused.

We are nearly there in getting the house all sorted and I'm liking it a lot more than my last one so that's really good. Hoping to go for a June date but before we moved we said we would give it a couple of weeks to decide whether to postpone a couple of months or not as it's all been quite stressful and exhausting. We've moved area as well so having all the fun of changing nursery etc.

2mumlife · 11/05/2024 07:03

@beachbum85 Not too long to wait!

@Overlyanxious Clad you’re liking the new house. How shave you found finding a new nursery spot? It’s one of the things that puts me off as I know some people who just having been able to find a spot after moving 😮

Overlyanxious · 12/05/2024 23:02

@2mumlife we luckily found one place which has availability now but most were September or January. However we only do Fridays at the moment so I think that helps as it's a quieter day. We are at the old nursery till the end of the month which is a bit of a pain as it's 20 minutes away but due to traffic is often longer.

2mumlife · 13/05/2024 09:02

@Overlyanxious 20mins isn't bad at all - we live rurally so take 20-25 mins to get my DD to nursery 4 mornings a week. Its great you only need to use nursery on a Friday! I'd really like to have DD in nursery less but we don't have any family nearby for childcare and neither of us are particularly high earner to support us all on 1 wage :(

Overlyanxious · 13/05/2024 19:00

@2mumlife yeah I'm very lucky to get help from my mil 2 days a week. I'm not sure how we would cope with the nursery fees if she didn't help. It's more when the 20 minutes journey becomes 40 minutes, which happened last Friday that it's a pain.

2mumlife · 14/05/2024 07:33

@Overlyanxious I’m hoping DP is going to get a new job working from home so she can compress hours into 4 days like I have, so we then only have 3 days of nursery by the time we have both kids 🤞 40 mins is ridiculous for a 20 min journey!

Overlyanxious · 22/05/2024 19:21

So I was meant to be going for June but now my other half isn't sure - so I'm now in limbo on whether we are going to try again or not.

How is everyone?

2mumlife · 23/05/2024 13:43

@Overlyanxious How are you feeling about that? Has your DP said why they don't want to go in June?

I'm doing well, just plodding along really here. I have our 20 week scan next week so hoping that all goes well