Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

I love hilariously infertile. Her page really lifts me! Makes me feel so much less alone.

@CurbsideProphet yes, absolutely, she’s great. And I love that she gets it. She was successful afaik but she doesn’t put her child/children on there at all which is really sensitive of her.

Unlike a podcast I was listening to, but they got better at it after an initial flurry of pregnancy chat when they were successful.

@bfnancy our feelings aren’t irrational, they’re totally normal! I’m just talking about my own feelings really and it’s something I need to learn to deal with. As this embryo is my last! I can’t carry these feelings into the rest of my life if it doesn’t work x

Sorry everyone. Just read some of your replies. I didn’t mean to upset anyone. I’m really just projecting my own feelings. I’m in a strange halfway house between infertility and being so lucky to have a child. I’ll leave this thread. I can see it’s not the right place for me. Good luck to everyone xx

@thislittlebird are you talking about the BFN podcast? I listened to the first few but have left it now. I really like Alice Rose on Instagram. She had 2 children through IVF.

I used to listen to bfn but not for a while and only specific episodes. I love Alice Rose! She has a podcast too. I also find the Instagram infertility community is also very helpful supportive and understanding.

I'm currently obsessing with TTC with simultaneously trying to put it out of my mind as a I don't know now when our cycle will be. Stressed out either way, and then I think we'll stress isn't helping and I get more stressed! Can't win! Made the mistake of going on Instagram today after a few days off, 2 birth announcements, unless it's a close friend and even then it can be hard I do sometimes struggle to feel happy for others after so long wishing for what's come so easily to them.

@FETOCT2021 good luck for your fet.

@FETOCT2021 totally understand. It gets overwhelming doesn't it. Will keep my fingers crossed this last embryo works out for you 🤞🏻

I love the BFN podcast! I started with the early episodes which I loved because they're both going through TTC/fertility treatment ...I also sometimes just search on Spotify for random podcast episodes about a topic I want to learn more about and end up listening to American doctors talking about hypothyroidism/PCOS etc - it's such a great way to learn!

Good luck for your FET @FETOCT2021

@CurbsideProphet yeah it's BFN. I haven't listened to Alice Rose.

@bfnancy How far in are you? BFN was great to start and it lost its way a bit and then got better again. There was an unfortunate second (?) season where they were both pregnant and it was depressing to listen to.

Started spotting today so it's cd1 tomorrow. i begrudgingly emailed the clinic to say I'm going to go ahead with a third letrozole cycle, even though I'm convinced it won't work. I sort of don't want to do it, but I feel like I have to give it a proper shot, this will be medicated cycle no. 3.

I'm really annoyed at my clinic. IVFers on other threads have already been told they'll be starting in January and I haven't heard anything from mine, despite January being 5 months of waiting, 2 months more than they initially said I'd have to wait. Now I'm worried it'll either be delayed further or it'll clash with the trip to Edinburgh I booked for a week in early Jan (for my husband's 40th). I'm so over all of this today.

@thislittlebird 💐 it's shit that we spend so much time waiting in this process. It's really difficult to follow the popular advice "just relax" when you're entire life is mapped out with waiting for things that are out of your control. Have you tried calling to ask for an update?

@CurbsideProphet I am as far from relaxed as is possible, I think lol. I'm sure it doesn't help but I don't know how to not be stressed.

I called for an update yesterday and they said they were up to end of June patients. I'm end of August, so basically I hit christmas for when I should be called but my cycle is ALSO christmas wooooo. My body has the worst timing. I just wish they would indicate if I can start meds end of December or end of Jan, but they won't do that. I bet it will clash with the birthday trip to Edinburgh I've booked. I don't know how BA are about moving flights :/

Sorry to jump on but I just wondered how you all deal with the loneliness? I know I’m not alone but I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about it so I feel like it’s a perpetual cycle of holding it in and wanting to scream into the abyss about the injustice of it all. Initial testing has shown that DH is all good and the fertility issues lie with me and I can’t help but feel immensely guilty about that. You’re all very brave and I hope that you all get your BFP one day.

@greencauliflowers it's hard. I have close friends who know but they all have kids, as the years go by I find I talk to them about it less and less as they all move on with lives and I'm stuck. In any case they don't really understand.
I talk on here or I have an Instagram account where I connect with other women going on through the same situation.
It's hard but try not to feel guilty. If it was DH with issues, would you blame him? There's nothing you've done to cause this xx

@Greencauliflowers 💐💐
The loneliness is so hard. I only really talk to my DH about it all. I follow a lot of Instagram accounts which make me feel less alone. I go to acupuncture and she is very kind so I do talk to her.

@Greencauliflowers

Sorry to jump on but I just wondered how you all deal with the loneliness? I know I’m not alone but I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about it so I feel like it’s a perpetual cycle of holding it in and wanting to scream into the abyss about the injustice of it all. Initial testing has shown that DH is all good and the fertility issues lie with me and I can’t help but feel immensely guilty about that. You’re all very brave and I hope that you all get your BFP one day.

Hi @Greencauliflowers, I understand how you feel because my case is the same. I have PCOS and my husbands results are all normal. What helps me is that first, my husband is very supportive and second, I try to repeatedly remind myself that I've done nothing to cause this just like @Roo45 said...it really isn't our fault. It's just the way it is and accepting it is the best way forward...

For the loneliness, talking to my husband helps, and definitely talking here helps me a lot and sometimes I do talk to some friends and family who know about the struggle. But really talking to people who are going through the same situation really helps and reminds me I'm not alone in this.

Sending you hugs and prayers for a BFP soon! :)

Sorry, slight vent here... had two people this weekend ask me if I'm TTC to which I lied and said "we're just seeing how things go", (because they are not people I'm close enough to tell the truth too, my hairdresser being one of them for example!) And once again I got told stories of 'friends they knew who got pregnant when they just relaxed/least expected it' UGHHHH. Just had to smile and nod to them while thinking that's so not helpful!!

However, it's nice to see some awareness being raised this week though about infertility through #fertilityweek. Making me feel a lot less alone to have people online I can talk too. I hope that helps all you lovely ladies here too xx

I just had an argument with any private clinic nurse about how many scans I need. I’m so sick of all this and now I’m in tears, I just want to be able to conceive without all these people involved. They want me to do a scan on Friday and one nurse told me I won’t need to do three scans this month because I’ve had such predictable outcomes the first two months. Then I email today and ask to speak to the same nurse again to check the day I’m coming in is the right day and another one calls me. We end up arguing about me coming in twice more again this month.

I know what she’s saying, she’s saying every month is different blah blah blah and it’s their protocol. But the other nurse didn’t say that, she said I didn’t need to do three scans this month so I was relieved to save a couple of hundred pounds when this doesn’t work for us anyway, and now I know they’re going to ask me to come in on Monday as well as Friday and I’m angry, I don’t see why I need to do that when I’ve been triggered 8 days after I started Letrozole both months. Day 11 is eight days after I started, that is Sunday.

On the topic of loneliness, I'm not coping well right now. There's just no one to speak to about any of this. My friend's (what's left of them) don't get it, I'm not on good terms with my mother since she didn't come to my wedding last year so I can't speak to her, my husband is at work, I'm at home being upset about all this alone. I'm so tired.

@Janey3090 I saw an infertility week thing online today and was pleased to see it being raised. It feels like something no one gets at all unless they're experiencing it.

@thislittlebird I’m sorry that you’re having a tough day
Fully understand what you mean - fertility treatments and investigations are just so invasive…. Your body, your time, your personal life, and your wallet It is all so exhausting and lonely

@Janey3090 NOTHING annoys me more than “just relax and it’ll happen”… so ignorant and dismissive and just rude, as well as implying that this is all our own fault because we’re too highly strung! Aaaaaarrrrgggggggghhhgh….

@janey3090 I HATE being told the cure to my fertility issues is to 'just relax' IVF is ridiculously stressful so it's guaranteed to make you stressed even if you're not naturally like that anyway! Sorry for your issues with the clinic @thislittlebird, this stuff ends up taking over your life :(

@thislittlebird I'm so sorry you have to go through this clinic drama..any chance you can arrange to speak with the same nurse again? The whole process is mentally and financially exhausting that it really overtakes us...stay strong and prayers for a BFP for you soon!

@Janey3090 I totally understand how the 'just relax' comment can be so annoying..it's hurtful really and especially from those who have conceived apparently when they 'relaxed' 🙄

On the topic of ‘just relax’ BFN sell these t-shirts, and I won’t lie. I was very tempted to get one.

I just don’t even know what to do with my clinic. I might email apologising for arguing and hanging up on the nurse, but I’m just so annoyed with them. I won’t be ready to trigger on Friday so why are they making me come in? Yes, there’s a small chance my body will suddenly decide to be early af, but the likelihood is it won’t. Monday would be fine, I think. It’ll be day 12 and on day 11 I was ready last time I started day 3. I’m just so frustrated that they didn’t listen to me and told me something different from last week.

Thanks for kind words all 🙏. My husband says just do the three scans but I’m too annoyed to agree yet.

Oh god the "just relax" believers just pop up and attack without warning don't they 🙄😬

@thislittlebird 💐 💐 I've found at my clinic that the nurses are rotated around different responsibilities which makes it difficult for any continuity of care.

@CurbsideProphet I encountered a just relax believer are work this week 🙃

My clinic is the same. Very predictably I went in for a scan and it was too early, just like I told them it would be. So I have to go again on Monday, which is exactly what I didn’t want to do. I’m tired of trips to the clinic but at least this is the last Letrozole so I won’t be doing it all next month.