Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

My in laws don’t have young kids at this stage, they’re teens now, but still, everything family wise revolves around the one with the kids. It is frustrating how childless people are an afterthought much of the time.

@FireWorks81 I'm sure that would feel lonely, people really do need to be more sensitive.
@CurbsideProphet yes I do sometimes think some people who have kids very easily don't realise the blessing they have and then obviously sulking over something that petty is ridiculous!

I recently overheard my mil talking to DH mentioning she thinks I should stop taking my meds (I have an illness requiring lifetime medication) as that may help us have kids..he shut her down immediately but ofcourse I still felt awful 😞

@FireWorks81 oh gosh 💐 yes totally sympathise with the lack of sensitivity. I don't think a lot of people can even comprehend what it's like, so it isn't even on their wavelength. I think it's awful that not being able to have a baby can be seen as a social issue and not a proper medical issue that deserves proper attention and sensitivity.

I spent Christmas day listening to MIL and SIL discuss baby monitors etc and cooed over the baby. I felt like a right lemon sat there in silence.

@CurbsideProphet the baby monitors chat sounds very shit.

@seekingsolace2 oh god, that’s so awful I’m sorry you overheard that. Good that he was shutting it down though.

@seekingsolace2 that must have felt so hurtful to overhear her talking about you like that and giving her unsolicited opinion. I also have a life long condition and medication. A lot of people really have no idea what that actually means. My sister have previously complained that I get free prescriptions, as though it's a a sneaky freebie I should give back🤦🏻‍♀️

@thislittlebird yep the 3 of us at the table (the males were tidying up), them discussing baby monitors and me sitting in silence...

@thislittlebird yeah thank goodness he did!

@CurbsideProphet oh I'm sorry about that. That's insane that she would complain about it like it's a freebie.. It's not like we want a lifetime of medications...It's just that we have no choice! And yeah, I agree very less people understand what it's like. I never usually complain about it but I feel sometimes even my closest family simply forgets that it's not easy. And on top, there's the trouble trying to conceive that just makes it all a little too much!

@CurbsideProphet ugh, super annoying.

I found out today my friend (who moved away) has not told me she's pregnant. I'm kind of hurt. I don't want to talk about it in detail necessarily, and I knew she was trying, but it turns out she's very pregnant, and now I don't know what to say. I might say nothing and just wait for her to tell me eventually, she was probably trying to be kind because she knows our situation but it feels weird.

She probably doesn't know how to tell you and then it's just got later and later :( it is so shit because the whole thing turns into a load of 'not knowing what to say' on all sides. I've not told anyone we are looking at IVF apart from my boss and one friend. My best friend has an inkling but I can't talk about it to her as she really doesn't know anything about fertility and tends to just go 'oh it will be ok, I know loads of people who've got pregnant at 41'

I've already decided I won't tell my family if we go for IVF and I'm really close to them... it just feels like extra pressure.

Hi :) First time poster, though I feel like I've been scanning infertility threads on Mumsnet for a lifetime. DH and I are at the start of our journey I fear. I came off birth control almost 3 years ago (April 2019) and finally admitted defeat in October and called my GP. Waiting for my first appointment to be scheduled with the Subfertility clinic and it just seems like nobody in my life understands the way the fear and disappointment is a constant in my brain. It's nice to see that other people get it, even if I wouldn't wish the worry on anyone else!

@CurbsideProphet yes it is exhausting to be constantly chasing doctors!

I’ve just sent one of those e-referral things asking for an update so hopefully I’ll hear back from them sooner rather than later! At least I should find out if the referral has been completed!

@thislittlebird I agree it’s totally fine to say we hate the announcements at this point.

TTC has turned me into a really grumpy person most of the time! I just don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to see it, just no….

I’m quite lucky in the fact that my siblings have already had their children, so no surprises there anymore. I’ve two older siblings, but my DH is the youngest of 6 and Instead we’ve hit the point where my nephews/nieces are now having families. Urgh.

Sometimes I think maybe we should have started sooner but we both weren’t ready in our teens/twenties- we were too busy with going out and holidays/uni/finding secure jobs after uni/buying a house/getting married - I had it all planned out in my head! It was all going swimmingly until TTC. It all sounds very sensible but now I’m approaching 34 and I had ‘planned’ to have 2 children by this point! Ha! Well laid plans eh!

@FireWorks81 I’m sorry to hear about your in laws, that sounds tough!

@seekingsolace2 I can’t believe your mil suggested you stop taking your medication. Seriously, the things people come out with!

We’ve not told anyone, and if/when we end up down IVF route I won’t be telling anyone but work (and only because I’m pretty sure I can request personal leave for egg collection/transfer etc). Totally selfish reasons, but if it doesn’t work, I could then also take a week to collect myself if I need it - rather than have it go down as ‘normal illness’ and end up attendance disciplinary. Purely as a measure to protect myself/job.

Welcome @Aqualou - nearly three years! That’s tough (and I can totally relate, we started TTC in July 2019 so 3 year mark will hit us this summer).

Welcome @Aqualou 👋🏻 I'm sure we can all empathise with that constant feeling of fear and disappointment 😩

Hello to everyone new, sorry you have ended up here but hopefully can find some support, sorry I am running around like a headless chicken at work these days and don't have time to check the group frequently!
Sorry for those who have had to deal with family comments it must be so awful, luckily I haven't had much in the close family (yet!) But extended family I've definitely distanced myself from

Does anyone have any tips on doing the trigger shot? It’s currently residing in the fridge until I get the green light, but as a massive needle-phobe, I’m dreading it. Now it’s all just a waiting game to see if Mother Nature aligns with my annual leave plans. Sending love and luck to you all

Hi @ChocolatePotCafe, my husband has done my previous triggers but I've found icing it before hand helped me. I felt it less and it didn't leave a small bruise the times we iced it

There's some good videos by clinics on YouTube explaining how to do it, we had to watch those.

@ChocolatePotCafe my DH does my IVF injections as that is his job (and I really hate needles). I have a cool pack that we keep in the fridge. I put it on my belly for a minute before and it does help.
Have you watched the videos so you know what you're doing with it? I made DH watch them all again just so he was as confident as he could be.
You can do this 💪🏻💪🏻

@CurbsideProphet we use cool packs too! They’re very handy. The one time we didn’t use it I got a bruise. This was during ovulation induction.

Thanks ladies! I will ask DH to do it for me. I haven’t watched any of the videos as didn’t want to scare myself but I’ll make sure I’m as clued up as we can be and will definitely use a cool pack (thanks for the tip!). After spending £130 on just the drugs, I want to make sure I’m doing it properly 😅

@ChocolatePotCafe that sounds like a good plan. My DH really wanted to do the injections for me from the beginning. I think it's his way of taking some of the physical stress and responsibility of IVF. Obviously it's different for every couple, but it works well for us.
I got a soft cool pack from amazon. It wasn't expensive at all.

Hope everyone is getting on ok 💐

@CurbsideProphet how's things? We start IVF in a few days.

@thislittlebird are you starting your injections? I'll be thinking of you. Mentally I felt ok starting ivf as it seemed finally like we were doing something.
I'm on day 11 of estrogen for my frozen embryo transfer. Scan and bloods day tomorrow which is a bit nerve wracking. This is where it all fell apart last time.
I've just started watching the Reese Witherspoon film Wild, as it seems suitable for the situation - trudging along, seemingly no end in sight, exhausted and alone!

Thinking of you all. Waiting for my period to arrive so can start clomid. Had to come off antidepressants and feel quite honestly the worst I’ve felt in a long, long time. Constantly weeping and not quite sure whether it’s best to think positive or numb myself so that I’ll be ok either way if that makes sense? Had vastly underestimated how exhausting the process is. Fingers crossed that this week is a better one.

It's so hard @ChocolatePotCafe 💐
My counsellor always says to me that even if I constantly think the worst is going to happen it won't make it feel any better if the worst does happen. I try not overwhelm myself with continual negative thoughts. Try is all we can do.

I listen to Headspace every day, including the Sleep Casts to help me sleep. They're quite good at grounding me in the present moment.

I also do yoga from YouTube by an Australian woman called Bettina. She has videos for ttc, having problems ttc, IVF, etc. There are yoga videos and meditation ones. I really like her.