Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

Hi @Lauralozzle and welcome. Sorry you’re here with us - meant in the kindest way!

We first went to the GP in Dec ‘20. The GP didn’t send the referral off as they forgot but eventually it was sent and we were seen in May. The fertility consultant recommended a lap & dye and to my surprise I was booked in for just a few weeks later.

The holds up then began because we had a rubbish consultant who repeatedly cancelled the operation because he was off sick/ abroad/ had covid/ was bereaved. The hospital wouldn’t let me transfer to another consultant. The op had been rebooked for the umpteenth time when the consultant let us down once again, but this time the hospital got a locum in so it went ahead.

Diagnosed with blocked tubes so referred for IVF and I’m now on down regulation for our first cycle. So the investigations and referral for ivf took a year. I have to say I think it would have been half that if it weren’t for our GP forgetting to send the referral and the unreliable hospital consultant.

I would wait and see what the fertility consultant has to say, and quiz them on timescales in the first instance. Best of luck whatever you decide.

@GodspeedJune good luck with your IVF.

My worry is that the GP will forget to send the referral off, but I don’t want to badger them and check up on them. I know the GP surgery had to drop pretty much everything for the booster program and we’ve been told whilst they’re sorting that out not to call unless it’s an emergency! They do have history through of forgetting stuff - I’ve had an unrelated referral forget to be sent and bloods paperwork not being sorted when they said the would. Given the fact that the doctor has no clue what to do about my prolactin levels though, I’m hoping they haven’t forgotten. I’ll speak to them at the end of the month just to check what’s happening- I think that’s fair with Covid booster program and then Christmas which could have caused some delays.

Your experience your consultant sounds like a nightmare to be honest, but it’s good that things are moving along for you.

Evening everyone. Just wanted to say hello as I think I’ll be needing some support soon.

I’m sort of in a strange position where I knew I’d need IVF from a really young age due to a medical condition so i guess had come to terms with it? Then we had the curveball that DH also had issues and my problems weren’t as bad as previously thought.

It looks like we’ll be starting a cycle in Feb which to be honest I’ve found completely overwhelming. I feel like I should be excited that we’ve finally got here any we’re starting but I’m terrified of messing it up. I don’t know who to tell (I have parents obsessed with the idea of grandchildren and I can’t stand the pressure). I’ve had to tell work (the cycle is going to line right up against a professional exam I have to take just to add to the panic).

We’re both medical (my husband is actually an obstetrician) and I’m just obsessing over the worst case scenarios, low likelihood of success - turns out we’re terrible patients. It also means that we’re doing all this in his workplace which is making it really difficult.

I just feel so ungrateful to be this terrified.

@PaxRomana 💐
Absolutely no need to apologise for how you feel. IVF is terrifying for some of us (me included and I'm right in the trenches now) which I think is very normal. I also think it's normal and human to be focused on the negative "what if".

I see all these Instagram pages which say you must "stop catastrophising, stop thinking of the negative possibilities". Of course you're going to. The only thing you can do is try to calm your mind down regularly so you don't fret yourself into oblivion. Or let it out by putting it all in here!

Thank you @CurbsideProphet for your kind words. I suppose a bit of apprehension is good - not a decision to take lightly!

Hello and welcome @PaxRomana

The IVF process is overwhelming, even if you’ve known it would be necessary, the physical and emotional process of beginning is still so daunting. Nothing that you do, or don’t do, will mess it up. The success of a cycle is steeped in biology so please don’t feel that anything you do will affect the treatment negatively.

It’s not easy to decide who to tell. We also have parents keen for grandchildren and decided to share with them that we needed IVF. We’ve been really lucky in the support we’ve had from them since, and it put a stop to comments about us having babies which was driving me mad! You know your folks best and whether they’d be a help or a hindrance to the process, though. Do you have good friends to confide in?

I think we can all empathise with you on the worrying it won’t work. The slant I’m trying to take at the moment is that we have no chance naturally (blocked tubes thanks to endo) so we have to at least try this and see what happens. In my more hopeless moments the ladies on here advised to take it day by day, which helps to keep me calm and present. I can’t predict how the next stage will go so I will just focus on what I can do now.

What you’re feeling is totally normal. Please don’t beat yourself up about anything you feel during this time. There’s a saying that women who go through IVF are warriors. I didn’t understand it until going through the process myself. It takes huge reserves of strength and resilience, so be gentle and take good care of yourself.

@PaxRomana hi! 👋

I think IVF will ultimately be our route too. It’s a scary thought, so don’t beat yourself up. I’m not good with needles so I’m dreading when the time inevitably comes. getting pregnant naturally clearly isn’t going to work for some of us! Hopefully once you get in the swing of things come February you can just focus on each step one by one. I think the waiting is the hard part, because it just lets your mind run away with you.

I understand about not wanting to tell family, we’ve not told anyone. It’s tough but I can’t cope with all the drama that will come with it, especially when they just won’t get it.

My parents know that we need it/have been referred etc. It’s deciding them whether to tell them if/when the treatment starts. I’m leaning towards no as I don’t want the pressure.

I’m very lucky that I do have supportive friends. Strangely I’ve found the most supportive (or easiest to talk to) are the ones who don’t have children and don’t want to have children. Just feels a lot easier to open up (and I suppose is a bit of a comfort blanket for life it doesn’t work out).

The threads on here are amazing, so much knowledge! We never really got taught much about the IVF process at medical school and it’s not an area I’ve ever worked in professionally so this board is great for playing catch up! Really supportive advice already, I’m so glad I posted.

This is a judgement free zone! What you are feeling is honestly completely natural, I have a healthcare background myself too and am constantly looking at studies etc but I think there's still so much unknown in IVF and you can't really do trials the same as other specialties.
After weeks of taking time off social media I signed in this evening-first post-pregnancy announcement for baby number 2! I feel so bitter now, apart from close friends and family I just can't be happy for others when it's so hard for me at the moment I know it sounds awful.
Still in limbo about if we do a 4th cycle at this clinic, move elsewhere or even consider abroad, or just accept it's never going to happen.
Bit of a down day, and post Xmas work had been horrendous too.

@Roo45 have you considered homeopathy? Or maybe getting another opinion at another clinic might help get some perspective? I don't know much about homeopathy in general but my homeopath told me it can work alongside allopathic meds - like they don't counterinteract...I recently started them, and currently just waiting for cycle to start so I can take letrozole too and see if that works..

@Roo45 not awful at all. Tbh I can't truly be happy for anyone else's pregnancy. I can't help it, just how my heart and mind are right now.

@Roo45 have you had a review yet with the clinic?

Thanks @curbsideProphet glad to know it's not just me! I know exactly what you know. Someone described it as suddenly developing a new allergy to something you used to love, you'd love not to feel like that but can't control the tight chest, breathing difficulties and watering eyes. Had a review and the only suggestion is to maybe try testosterone before the next cycle which I might consider if we didn't have MFI, I'm not sure. It might not hurt to get a second opinion.
@seekingsolace2 I haven't but will look into this thanks for the suggestion. What specific aspects/treatments are you using at the moment? X

@CurbsideProphet any updates for FET? (Don't reply if you don't feel like it)x

@Roo45 we finally have an appointment on Monday with the Consultant to discuss the plan.

@Roo45 she recommended tissue salts that may help with implantation and PCOS and some oopherinum for egg quality which she said could help in ovulating since that is the main problem I have...she's not in the UK so I had a 1 hour video call with her after which I ordered the meds from Helios. It was fairly inexpensive compared to the clinic expenses so that was a huge sigh of relief! She was recommended by a friend who also has PCOS which really helped me take the leap otherwise I was quite unsure about homeopathy due to no experience. Not sure if it paid off though but I guess no harm done? Let's see..

@Roo45 it sounds like you would benefit from a second opinion if your original clinic couldn't really offer you a proper plan for you moving forward. We're a bit stuck here's in the NW for choice but if you're close to London there are so many more.

I think even within one clinic it is very hit and miss regarding how helpful / on the ball the Consultants are. We've now spoken to the 2 male Consultants and 1 female. I much prefer the approach of the female. I think it all went wrong for us because the nurses were asking the male Consultants to write my prescription and no one was looking at my record.

@Roo45 you’re not alone not being happy for other peoples pregnancy announcements. I honestly feel like I hate everyone at the moment that has them. Been a bit quiet past few months to last year was horrible there were so many!

I think I’m going to ring doctors next week to check referrals have been sent. I just have no confidence that they’ll do what they say they’ll do and ‘forget’.

@Lauralozzle isn't it exhausting to always be chasing 😩

I've been on hold with Stork the fertility drug delivery people for 38 minutes now trying to arrange delivery. I don't know why I have to pay Care Fertility ££££ when I do all of the admin and organising.

I had my first experience of drugs companies today @CurbsideProphet and I was pleasantly surprised. Fertility2U answered quickly, dealt with my issue (drugs order confirmed via email) and called me back this morning to pick a delivery date. I wasn’t sure what to expect, Stork sound annoying.

@Lauralozzle I hate everyone and their announcements too and I feel like it’s ok to say it at this stage.

The announcements that I really struggle with and which I had to recently put up with from sister in law and brother in law are the ‘oh we can’t believe it happened so quickly, it’s such a shock!’ whilst clearly so flipping pleased and proud of themselves. It does make me more bitter than I’d like to be or would actually ever admit to most people so it really is helpful to be on this group. Thanks everyone

@FireWorks81 I hate those comments too. They got lucky, basically, but they all believe they’re super fertile unicorns and they’re pleased as punch. Lots of people who are lucky with baby one aren’t with baby two precisely because it’s luck much of the time.

@FireWorks81 oh I so sympathise. Is that your DH/DP's sister and her husband? I've found it so hard dealing with my BIL and SIL's pregnancy and now baby. I think it's because they're living a version of the life I want for myself.

@FireWorks81 I will actually also admit it's because I'm still furious that they fell out with DH over who should have more of his attention - me or them. And why should they be so lucky to have a baby whenever they want and then sulk about something so petty.

@CurbsideProphet yes that sounds really similar to me. Sil (dh sister) and bil do have the life I want too in many ways (not every way!). The family seems to all revolve around them and one thing about the preg announcement was mils glowing face at how clever they are whilst I was just sitting there. I think I’ve says in a previous post that dh has children already so he doesn’t really get it quite the same as I do and they really don’t even consider being sensitive towards me. It really can be lonely sometimes can’t it.