Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

@FireWorks81 💐💕💐💕💐 Please do join us. Everyone here is at different stages of their infertility. If it's any consolation I had to spend Christmas day with BIL / SIL with their 6 month old baby. The whole day has finished off my MH if I'm honest. Absolutely no judgement here for not feeling joy for other couples when you don't have that joy for yourself. It is grieving, despite what anyone else might say.

Hello just catching up everyone, very busy post Xmas at work! @fireworks81 so sorry to hear this, I agree it wouldn't be the same for me either. @curbsideprophet ah I would she struggled with that so much!:( This bank holiday I went to visit some of DH relatives and found they had also invited his cousins over-they got married the same month as us and their youngest child is now 18 months who I met for the first time a few days ago, the same day I started AF symptoms :( it's so cruel isn't it

@Roo45 isn't it just 💐💕🌺💕
I'm just ignoring the "happy new year" WhatsApps. 2 years on Sunday marks my first early miscarriage at the start of our trying for a baby, just 3 months into marriage. Can't say I feel too excited about the prospect of another year of heartbreak.
We spent today walking 12 miles in the Lakes which was good. 🤞🏻we can win Euromillions and live up there in splendid isolation.

Hi everyone, hoping to join this chat. I was on the conception thread but we've now reached 12 months of TTC with zero success so now sadly in the 'infertility' category. It's such a huge milestone and I'm pretty sad and gutted.

So far we've had bloods and SA, which all came back normal. I then had an ultrasound which found I have a septate uterus (normal variant but awaiting more info), but have been told this shouldn't affect conception.

I have a HSG booked on Friday and next steps meeting with fertility doctor at the end of the month.

Spent Christmas surrounded by babies and children and it was really tough. I just can't imagine this ever happening for us and I'm quite angry that the excitement and joy has been sucked out of having a baby, it's like I'm mourning what I thought my TTC journey would be.

@CurbsideProphet ah lakes sounds lovely! Yes I'm ignoring it too and especially the 'year end highlights' my year was 2 failed IVF cycles and a hysteroscopy. I know the feeling, I can't begin to plan anything this year it feels.
@BritinNZ it can all be a bit overwhelming when you start all these fertility investigations, I do hope the rest of your journey isn't too long, I think just take things one step at a time and I'm sure most of us here can answer any questions you have x

@FireWorks81 welcome, I think I'd feel similarly in your situation!

@Roo45 things like this just make it so hard, it's unfair how easy it is for some and how difficult for others.

@CurbsideProphet sorry it's such a crappy reminder for you. It is worrying that it will be another year of heartbreak. There never seems to be an end. The lakes sounds great though, I keep meaning to get up there. Ngl, I played the lottery this weekend and I never do it. It feels like nothing goes our way so I'm not sure why I think a lottery will lol

@BritInNZ welcome! I remember hitting the 12 month mark a year ago and finding it very hard, so you're in sympathetic surroundings. I found it harder than the 2 year mark if I'm honest, because by this point we've learned more about our problems, back then it just felt like hitting a wall and feeling like we're in this for the long run. We managed to avoid all the babies and family stuff this year, it makes this journey very hard.

I had to head over here today because I just saw a thread with people upset about ttc after 1 to 2 months and it sent me over the edge a bit and now I'm in a foul mood. It's not their fault, but it just makes me so upset to see. This is month 26 since we started ttc, month 1 and 2 was hopeful and naive and stupid really, in my case anyway. I don't feel like the same person I was then.

Welcome @BritInNZ 👋🏻
We're all at different stages here, but all 12+ months. I completely understand that grief. Once you're in the trenches, so to speak, you know you can never be relaxed or casual about having a baby. You see friends and family all living in that alternate universe where there's no such thing as not getting pregnant. And it's gut wrenching. Don't worry, we all get it 💐

@Roo45 I know it's awful isn't it. Everyone else gets to look back on their gains and successes and what's to come , I'm looking back at 2021 and all I see is the injections, the unsuccessful IVF and miscarriage 💔 I do worry all I've got to come in 2022 is more pain and heartbreak.

@thislittlebird we've been ttc for the same time. Oh yes the distant memory of the beginning... I had an early miscarriage literally our 2nd month of trying. We were still hopeful for about 4 months afterwards... Imagine feeling all pretend stressed about it for 2 months then getting pregnant and having your baby 8-9 months later. Gahhhh it's unfair.
It's quite sad to think back and recognise how different I am. I can't even look at family and friends in the same way. I feel like I'm pretending to be myself around them, I'm just uncomfortable all of the time.

Hi everyone :) would you mind if I joined... I've been floating around mumsnet since 2019 and definitely recognise a couple of others on here.

@xoJellyBean I'm sure we were on a thread together way back at the end of 2019 / early 2020 when I first started ttc. I'm sorry you're here 💐 It's a mixed group, we're all at different stages with some starting investigations, others further on with treatment. It's a nice safe place to hide all the feelings you can't share with anyone else.

@CurbsideProphet yes i recognise your username☺️ what stage are you at now? I'm glad there's a safe space for us all, I'm quietly going insane IRL.

@xoJellyBean yes there's no judgement in here. We can say all the things that just can't be said out loud.
In October 2020 we paid privately to see the Consultant who ran our nearest NHS fertility / gynae clinic as the NHS wait was too long. He referred us for IVF based on DH's sperm analysis / my AMH/ both our ages. We started in Feb 2021. Got our 1 NHS funded round and are now self funding.
I do panic that I didn't have hycosy or anything like that. The Consultant was confident our issue is DH's low motility (I think, it's the one that should be 4% - his was only 1.5%) and slightly less than average count from testicular surgery as a child and my low AMH.
We have 1 frozen embryo and had started the cycle for that before Christmas, but they didn't get my hormone levels right and it was cancelled.
I feel like I'm in an alternate universe having conversations I never imagined - embryos, viability, blastocyst... I'm so envious of those like my sister and sister in law who decided they wanted a baby and had one, with no drama or heartbreak.

@CurbsideProphet oh wow what a journey so far. I hope 2022 is your year 🤞🏻 my hubby has his SA in a couple of weeks and I'm honestly terrified of the results. When do you start again? There were 4 announcements in my circle this Christmas and my SIL fell pregnant accidentally. I hate the feelings we get but they're totally valid!

@Roo45 @thislittlebird @CurbsideProphet thanks for the warm welcome everyone. Such a lame club to be a part of but glad to chat to others who are also going through this.

I completely agree @thislittlebird. I can't stand some of the threads on MN, I have to seek out ones like this otherwise it's too hard. It sometimes feels like everyone falls pregnant so quickly on MN too! I can't even imagine getting two lines of a pregnancy test 😭

Hope everyone managed to get through New Year. It was December 2020 when I called the GP as thought something was wrong as we hadn’t conceived. So as I reflected back on NYE, all I could think was what a waste of a year. Just hope 2022 will be a more successful year for us all.

Curbside I definitely empathise with the terminology. I think about hormones, embryos (if we’re lucky!). Almost feel like I’ve lost sight that the end result is a baby. It all feels like a scientific experiment rather than trying to have a family.

The final kicker is that ‘infertility’ has been added to my summary care record. I don’t particularly want that to be flashed up on screen to every doctor I see 🤦🏼‍♀️

I also have various consultant appointments and my fertility feels like something private that’s being shared with everyone I meet medically now.

@CurbsideProphet honestly it baffles me when people are stressed after two months. I only got tests after 6 (more like 8) months because we're over 35 and it only got really stressful approaching one year, which is when I started rot visit mumsnet. I was filling in my calendar just now and it's been a year since we did our first private fertility tests. Seems weird. We did NHS tests at the GP in July 2020. They told us the results were fine but they weren't. I realised they weren't in December 2020 when I asked for the results in writing.

Sounds like your DH has a morphology problem, mine has motility issues mostly but his morphology did improve after 3+ months of Impryl.

I wish I was those people. We want a baby, we try and it just works and we move on with our lives.

Welcome @xoJellyBean

@BritInNZ honestly some of the threads just blow my mind. And yeah, so many seem to be super quick BFPs and meanwhile others are stuck in this ttc hell.

@GodspeedJune my friends with kids have never even heard the word follicle, I hate it here!

I was watching Only Connect recently and the first clue was "follicular phase". Immediately I knew the sequence was a woman's menstrual cycle. The only female contestant didn't. If only I didn't need to know so much about fertility and my menstrual cycle 😬

@CurbsideProphet knowing this stuff is truly our curse 😑

Hey everyone, I hope you have room for one more!

Our journey has been long and uneventful- started TTC July 2019 - I have fairly regular periods (average cycle 26-29 days with an odd 30-32 day cycle thrown in every 6 months or so). Luteal phase of 11- 12 days, positive OPK every month - all of these things sound okay but we’ve never had a BFP once. I don’t bother checking now, period comes like clockwork- just a waste of money.

After 12 months had a telephone appointment with doctor. He reckoned with regular periods I don’t have any issues and basically said come back at 2 year mark because we can’t do anything until then.

Went back at 2 year mark - got paperwork for bloods and DH SA.

DH SA was fine. Day 28 bloods were fine. Day 2-5 bloods were not great, slightly elevated thyroid and slightly high prolactin. Was advised that won’t refer me to fertility doctors because my BMI was 30 and needed to be under - but repeat day 2 bloods in 6-8 weeks to check thyroid and prolactin and if lost a few pounds would refer them.

Next set of bloods managed to get an in-person appointment! Weighed and measured me - my height was wrong on their records and my bmi has been under 30 this whole time 😡

Thyroid was fine apparently but prolactin still slightly elevated. He reckoned not high enough to suggest a pituitary tumour but it’s a possibility- said he’d write to hormonal specialists for their recommendations- whether another blood test - specifically tested - I walk to blood test place or whether they want to see me. Said he would ask if this is contributing to infertility and basically say I’m having trouble conceiving. Also said he’d refer me to fertility doctor as well. That was on the 7th December.

It feels like a very long wait to basically be nowhere. How ling after your GP referred you did you hear about an appointment? I want my expectations to be realistic, hoping I’ve heard something about a date for appointment by Feb.

Apart from DH I’m alone and isolated in this. We haven’t told our friends - they’re very happy childless. Haven’t told my family because they’ll say the wrong thing and then talk about it behind my back, they’re very gossipy and judgmental.

This whole journey is depressing and isolating. I hate TTC, I hate infertility, I hate not knowing what is wrong with me and if we will ever have a child. Just one, I honestly don’t think more than one is on the cards! I don’t think 1 is on the cards. I hate feeling like a failure because my body won’t work properly. If it’s a pituitary tumour then I don’t think my chances are great at all. I just feel like it’s not on the cards for us and a bit of a fraud - we both come from big families (I’m one of 5, DH is one of 6) our siblings have lots of children and I’m here all barren. It just feels so unfair - my brother had the snip because they couldn’t cope with more than the 6 they have! Here I am, struggling to even get a BFP.

It’s taken all my joy - I hate the 2WW, having sex is not fun for either of us anymore - it just seems like a pointless endeavour. I feel like giving up but I can’t because we want this!! I’m not the same person I was and I hate myself for it.

Sorry for being a downer, it’s CD1 of cycle 34. Urgh.

@Lauralozzle

Hey everyone, I hope you have room for one more!

Our journey has been long and uneventful- started TTC July 2019 - I have fairly regular periods (average cycle 26-29 days with an odd 30-32 day cycle thrown in every 6 months or so). Luteal phase of 11- 12 days, positive OPK every month - all of these things sound okay but we’ve never had a BFP once. I don’t bother checking now, period comes like clockwork- just a waste of money.

After 12 months had a telephone appointment with doctor. He reckoned with regular periods I don’t have any issues and basically said come back at 2 year mark because we can’t do anything until then.

Went back at 2 year mark - got paperwork for bloods and DH SA.

DH SA was fine. Day 28 bloods were fine. Day 2-5 bloods were not great, slightly elevated thyroid and slightly high prolactin. Was advised that won’t refer me to fertility doctors because my BMI was 30 and needed to be under - but repeat day 2 bloods in 6-8 weeks to check thyroid and prolactin and if lost a few pounds would refer them.

Next set of bloods managed to get an in-person appointment! Weighed and measured me - my height was wrong on their records and my bmi has been under 30 this whole time 😡

Thyroid was fine apparently but prolactin still slightly elevated. He reckoned not high enough to suggest a pituitary tumour but it’s a possibility- said he’d write to hormonal specialists for their recommendations- whether another blood test - specifically tested - I walk to blood test place or whether they want to see me. Said he would ask if this is contributing to infertility and basically say I’m having trouble conceiving. Also said he’d refer me to fertility doctor as well. That was on the 7th December.

It feels like a very long wait to basically be nowhere. How ling after your GP referred you did you hear about an appointment? I want my expectations to be realistic, hoping I’ve heard something about a date for appointment by Feb.

Apart from DH I’m alone and isolated in this. We haven’t told our friends - they’re very happy childless. Haven’t told my family because they’ll say the wrong thing and then talk about it behind my back, they’re very gossipy and judgmental.

This whole journey is depressing and isolating. I hate TTC, I hate infertility, I hate not knowing what is wrong with me and if we will ever have a child. Just one, I honestly don’t think more than one is on the cards! I don’t think 1 is on the cards. I hate feeling like a failure because my body won’t work properly. If it’s a pituitary tumour then I don’t think my chances are great at all. I just feel like it’s not on the cards for us and a bit of a fraud - we both come from big families (I’m one of 5, DH is one of 6) our siblings have lots of children and I’m here all barren. It just feels so unfair - my brother had the snip because they couldn’t cope with more than the 6 they have! Here I am, struggling to even get a BFP.

It’s taken all my joy - I hate the 2WW, having sex is not fun for either of us anymore - it just seems like a pointless endeavour. I feel like giving up but I can’t because we want this!! I’m not the same person I was and I hate myself for it.

Sorry for being a downer, it’s CD1 of cycle 34. Urgh.

Wishing you lots of strength through this difficult period.

I hope you're able to get some clarity on what ever the issue might be and hopefully be able to be on your way.

Thank you babyonboard90

I’m hoping we eventually get to the bottom of it all.

Hi @Lauralozzle, I'm sorry it's been so tough all this time..I hope it gets easier. I got a letter exactly a month after my referral was sent by my neuro but that letter said I'm not eligible for NHS assisted conception services so they didn't have to schedule any appointments. Eventually we went private as that was the only option which also required a 1 month wait for tests and then another 1 month wait for the appointment. It's unfortunately a slow process but there's little that can be done about it...

I also completely understanding coming from large families (I'm one of 4, DH is one of 6) and always imagining you'd have a large family yourself but struggling. It gets me down quite a lot. Just take it one day at a time and hope it'll get easier, best of luck! xx

All welcome here @Lauralozzle 👋🏻
No need for any apologies for saying how you feel.

Everyone is at different stages here which helps, as there's no feeling that everyone other poster has moved ahead.

I've had a different "journey" (hate that word). Started ttc in November 2019. Had bfp new year 2020 and was over the moon, but it only lasted 1 day. I was convinced that something was wrong from that moment.

In August 2020 a gynaecologist diagnosed me over the phone with "needing to relax". Had a 2nd opinion from a different GP in the September and she referred us to the fertility department, plus arranged sperm analysis for DH. The wait was going to be 6 months so we saw the same Consultant through his private service in October and November 2020. He decreed that with DH's sperm analysis (surgery on a testicular cyst as a child has caused issues), my AMH, plus both of our ages, we would have a better chance with trying IVF sooner rather than later.

Started Feb 2021 with 1 NHS funded try. Now we're self funded.

We have a health cash plan so we claimed the money back from the private appointment with the Consultant. It's unfortunate but in some areas the wait is really long, so if you can find out which Consultants run the fertility department it might be that they also do some private work. Our appointment was £200. Bloods and scan for me were £300.

Thank you @seekingsolace2 and @CurbsideProphet

I’ve been toying with having a private fertility assessment but we’re currently mid renovation at home so would have to think about how we manage the budget. DH thinks we should wait for NHS - going private (which it may well come to) will be difficult financially for us, but when there’s a will we will find the way. Don’t like the thought of getting into debt for something that might not work, but the refund packages are intriguing.

Sorry to hear that you’ve had a difficult time. I used to be active when I first started TTC on these boards, but after a while the BFP got to me!

A month to wait doesn’t seem so bad for some sort of notification about an appointment- I’m just impatient to get the ball rolling now after 2.5 years of nothing. Hopefully I’ll hear something sooner rather than later!