Infertility general chat/support thread

[Roo45]

Not sure if this exists already, but I wondered if people fancied a thread just to vent and/or talk about things that have happened in their day that have either caused them to get upset or think a certain way due to fertility issues, regardless of where you are in the journey.

I feel like my friends who haven't got through this could never understand how infertility affects pretty much every part of my life now!

For example today I attempted to cook something complicated for some family members, it's quite rare that I cook for others even before the pandemic and I only make simple meals for myself. Anyway everything that could go wrong did and what I managed to salvage was largely uneaten.
I told my DH maybe the universe thinks I shouldn't have children because I'm so undomestic and can't cook for other people!

Thanks everyone, managed to keep it together until now and just been in tears the past hour. The past 4 years have just destroyed me. I don't know what we'll do next now. Wishing you all well, I might take a break from here xx

@Roo45 you do what's best for you 💐 I'll be thinking of you 💕

@seekingsolace2 it's so hard when you feel ready for the next part, but then it doesn't work out like that.
I was due to have my FET this cycle. Unfortunately my hormone levels are all wrong so we have to wait until Jan/Feb (depending on when my periods fall). I'm so exhausted. I feel mentally finished. I don't know how to get through birthday and Christmas. The clinic didn't prescribe enough estrogen so this could have been avoided.

@CurbsideProphet I'm sorry about that, I can imagine the distraught and frustration really. My periods did finally come but the clinic is closed for Christmas so they won't be able to scan me which means waiting for Jan/Feb for me too...it's one thing after another, just feels like nothing going the way it should and that itself is exhausting!

@Roo45 hope you're feeling a tiny bit better 💕

@curbsideProphet I'm so sorry about this and @seekingsolace2 as well. It's mentally exhausting isn't it, one thing after another. I am trying to use this month to just try and not think so it anything fertility related, and deleted social media to avoid the matching Xmas pyjamas photos etc.
Thanks for all your messages, sorry just need bit of time away, I'm not sure what we do, I can't see how another cycle is going to work when we've got such poor results from the first 3 and don't really know what else we could try.

@Roo45 definitely take the time you need to rest 💐 it's a heartbreaking situation. Going through this makes every day feel like a marathon. I don't find it's really about "relaxing", more about protecting my heart the best I can.

@seekingsolace2 I'm sorry you're also waiting. Christmas closures are a nightmare aren't they. Obviously I appreciate why clinics need some time to do their quality checks, it just feels unfair doesn't it

@Roo45 definitely take all the time you need! I can't even imagine what you're going through but you're in my thoughts and prayers! ❤️

@CurbsideProphet totally feels so so unfair but it is what it is... can only hope and pray the upcoming months are easier..

@Roo45 That’s really hard and I don’t have much of help to say, except maybe treat yourself to some nice or relaxing things and definitely a good call to stay off social media.

I’m also in the Christmas closures club, my cycle should have been December but I’m glad I found out a while ago that it wouldn’t be. I’m scared the ivf won’t work but I can’t let me brain go there just yet really.

I wanted to lose a few pounds before treatment began but so far I’m eating too much and not moving very much. This is the worst time of year for it.

@thislittlebird yes it's so hard to consider being healthy when I'm miserable and it's dark 24/7. I was reading an old thread about supplements / probiotics etc and saw you on there! I saw some recommendations for femdophilius to improve healthy bacteria in the urinary tract etc but I can't find anything like that on amazon. Have you found any?

@CurbsideProphet so dark. I’m going to try my hardest this week to walk and control my calories but it’s so tough. I just want to sit under a blanket and mope around. I’ve been really moody since I ovulated a couple of days ago, that’s also not helping.

Ah yeah, my probiotic saga. I get a lot of thrush and I had infected eczema (still have it frequently, seems to be chronic to a greater or lesser extent since we started ttc in October 2019), so I bought some online that were raved about by the reviewers. Anyway, it caused me to get another condition where you end up with too much of the good bacteria, and that was not fun. I stopped taking them and then it was fine. In the end, a few months later, I tried Optibac. It didn’t have the insane number of bacteria the other one I tried had, and it didn’t cause me any problems. I take it on and off, but it seems ok. I’m not sure if it’s the specific bacteria you’re looking for though? It is designed to be good for women’s vaginal flora afaik.

Had the scan today - undoubtedly PCOS. Have to wait until Thursday to see if I’m ok to have Clomid. I know it’s not the end of the world, but seeing it so evident on the screen was really painful. Trying to be positive but going to give myself time to wallow a bit I think. Thank you all for being a listening ear. Sending love and hope to you all

@ChocolatePotCafe 💐 you look after yourself 💐

@thislittlebird I'm just trying to do something while I wait to speak to the Consultant on 10th Jan and reschedule FET. I've started taking BioKult probiotic tablet things as I have IBS and think I could do with improving the environment of my digestion. Unsure if it's related to my miscarriage and then need for IVF, but I feel like it can't hurt to try.

@ChocolatePotCafe sorry to hear that, I completely understand how you must be feeling. Do take care of yourself. My doctor suggested inofolic supplements for PCOS..I have been taking it but don't see any particular change but you can try it as it does have good reviews..prayers and hugs for you! x

@seekingsolace2 how long have you been taking it? I bought them yesterday so will hopefully start taking them tomorrow (if they arrive!). Hope they’re worth the £££. Sending prayers and hugs right back x

@ChocolatePotCafe it's been almost 2 months now, the 1st month I took it for about 20 days and my cycle started right on time (28 day cycle) but the 2nd month it started 13 days late it may just be my body behaving how it wants to.. can't really attribute it to that..lots of people said that it shows effects after 3 months but not sure

Hello all 👋🏻
Hope you're all ok.
I'm feeling a bit glum so I'm just hiding in here. Not looking forward to Christmas day and having to sit through Christmas dinner with DH's family, especially his brother / sister in law and their baby. It feels like the universe saying "Ha well this is what you could have, but you can have the rubbish sad stuff instead".
Bloody universe 😞

@CurbsideProphet hey, hope you're ok. I'm feeling a bit shit and emo too. I blame Christmas. Third year of a christmas time BFN incoming this week :/

We're staying home alone for Christmas tbh, feels a bit antisocial but we just visited the in laws and can't be bothered to go back down again so soon.

@CurbsideProphet I hope you're ok, sending you a virtual hand hold. It's so tough isn't it. Take care of yourself

I'm 9DPO and BFN today, so thinking I'm out again this month. 13 months TTC and nothing, so have booked private fertility tests for the New Year. Not really sure how I'm going to make it through this Christmas TBH and the inevitable questions from family xx

@Janey3090 holding your hand too 💐

@thislittlebird I would say do what you need to do and try to find some happy where you can. Unfortunately if we don't go to ILS for their baby's first Christmas they and MIL will fall out with DH.

@CurbsideProphet that's really hard. Our ILS were quietly annoyed we weren't visiting to see the kids (teens) but we were just there, I was tired coming back from that trip and don't feel like another one of the same a few weeks later.

IVF clinic emailed to reassure me they're planning to continue with treatments as normal, which is good.

Can I please join as I really need to talk to others who understand right now.
I’m waiting for a miscarriage to start after my 7 week ‘viability scan’ showed the gestational scan hadn’t grown past 5 weeks and there was a fetal pole but no heartbeat. It was our first cycle of IVF after three years of trying to conceive.
I’m drained - emotionally drained, physically drained. I’ve put on a stone from all the IVF shots. I’m exhausted to have hope for something every other fucking woman seems to achieve so fucking easily. Excuse my language but I’m angry too. I’m angry that this is MY life. That I have to battle through the pain of infertility over and over again.
Sitting in a scan room at 5 weeks and seeing a gestational sac that’s barely recognisable and being told ‘it’s a pregnancy of unknown location’ I wanted a baby. I just wanted a baby. I didn’t want scans that show nothing. I didn’t want to hear ‘we should have been able to see more by now’. I just wanted a baby. And then a week later seeing a yolk sac and being so delighted for so little. Women have babies without thinking. Women have actual babies with beating hearts. And I am crying with desperation and hope that I have achieved a yolk sac and it just might develop. It just might. Then a week later hearing what I already knew, what I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night knowing was going to happen, dreams of heavy bleeding - a fetus with no heartbeat. Cramping, pain and clots over Xmas. Infertility is a journey I wish on noone.
I’m sorry for the rant but this is just soooo painful right now. I need to let it out.

To all you ladies fighting this battle right now. I know your pain. We will see brighter days. It might not seem it right now. But we will. And what won’t kill us will make us stronger. It’s all we can take from this. If nothing else this pain will make us stronger