August IVF

[Mseddy]

Had a quick look through but can't find an existing thread. Anyone due to cycle in August after a bit of moral support?

We are due to start our 2nd cycle of icsi for male azoospermia and my premature ovarian aging (full house for us!)

@Mseddy ah yes definitely good to go with when you’re ready! I’m a teacher so had wanted to do this summer holiday if possible just to minimise the time off work as I’ve had so much off already. Had January with our first cycle and then I had shingles last month which ended up in another two weeks off. Dp is reluctant to go ahead now as is worried about my health! Who have you gone with? Is it your first round? X

@Raggity19 I'm a teacher too. It's a bloody nightmare trying to do ivf around school isn't it. I had a FET in May/June and couldn't go in for the 10s and 12s as I didn't want to risk my treatment being cancelled in case a kid in my class developed symptoms. I managed to talk my clinic into doing my next FET in August instead of September. I have no idea how I'll manage a fresh cycle in the autumn if this August FET doesn't work. It's the work aspect of IVF that makes me the most stressed, which is obviously ridiculous! How have your school been about it?

@seven201 to be fair they were literally so good the first time. But I feel like if they know about the second time they might think I’m taking the piss?! I think they could be supportive but also so scared it won’t work again and then I have to have even more time off..I’m special needs too with autism so feel like I really need to be there when they come back especially after all this Covid stuff. How have your work been? So hard isn’t it, literally don’t know what the best option is. I don’t want to let them down but also feel like I need to give myself the best chance. X

@seven201 my other option is to do it over Christmas again but after last year I just don’t feel like I can

@Raggity19 did you need much time off last time? For my first go I had a few appointments, egg collection day and transfer day. I really wish I'd had at least the day after transfer off too but didn't want to ask. But I do think I need to politely stand up for what I need a bit more.

Covid obviously makes things more difficult. I think I'd talk to my doctor about it but ideally I wouldn't be in work during treatment but maybe go back a couple of days after the transfer. Normally I'd be fine to be in work, but my clinic says treatment is cancelled if I come into contact with someone with symptoms so that will be at least every couple of days in the autumn/winter! That's the bit I'm really worried about. It's also crap having to tell school so much detail about my personal life. The day my FET officially failed I let HR know so I could be put back on the available staff list. When I first went to HR to ask if it was ok to have time off for ivf appointments she basically said yes as long as it doesn't go on forever and isn't really disruptive. But you just can't predict that and I did come out of that meeting feeling apprehensive about balancing work.

I'm 38 next month so I think I really need to prioritise myself, which is not easy as the guilt is awful. If I could afford to take a year off work I would, but IVF is expensive!

Will your cycle be finished before term starts? Mine should be.

@seven201 not loads but had a lot of morning appointments for scans and then when I had my egg collection I had the day off and then the following week after it failed as I just felt so sad. To be fair I think I could have gone back a couple of days after EC but just didn’t feel emotionally ready as was so shocked.

Hopefully your FET will be successful!!! If not, could you wait until October half term or Christmas to give yourself a little time off without having to ask for it?

Not quite, I think my egg collection could possibly be the week we go back to school which isn’t ideal. I also worry that if they know you’re trying to get pregnant you lose abit of face! I’m 31 so relatively young IVF speaking so I think DP would be happy waiting till next summer but I think once you’re in it naturally you want to just get on with it! I completely agree - its a tough one but ultimately IVF is incredibly stressful and you just have to be kind to yourself, and if you need time off then you need to give yourself that time, especially if it could give a better chance of it working. X

@Raggity19 we are with Seacroft at Leeds as private patients. This is our second round, we only got one decent blast in our first and it was a bfn.

I'm a nurse so having time off is a little easier as I can move shifts about and work weekend to get days off for appt etc. But it also means I'm coming into contact with symptomatic patients on a daily basis. Work where really good last time and I was off from egg collection until i knew it hadn't worked and then a few more days. I had another 6 weeks off in January when it all hit me that we might never be parents (I work with babies and kids so it was really tough to be at work). This time around tjeu are being even more fab. From day 1 of my cycle I am being non clinical, then I'm officially shielded from day 9 until after we know if its worked. Then I have 2 weeks of annual leave so it'll give me time to sort my head out after. I know I'm really luck to have such a supportive manager. I couldn't imagine trying to plan it all around school holidays!

@Raggity19 thank you for sharing. It's all so hard isn't it. I hope your treatment does mostly happen before term, just for yourself. It's good you're still young but I do think if you want to do the ivf you shouldn't put your life on hold for work. I think we all get wrapped up in thinking how we'd be letting everyone down, but the reality is schools do find an alternative, admittedly not always an ideal one!

@mseddy that's incredible how supportive your work are being. Must take a little of the stress away.

Hi everyone, hope you're all having a nice weekend. Sorry to those that are struggling with balancing ivf and work. I moved jobs last year and have much more flexibility, I have no idea how I could have done this in my old job. It must make a stressful time even harder.

Moan alert...I've had a crap couple of days. Not sure why as I've been relatively stable for the past few weeks but everything feels a bit overwhelming again now! I met up with some friends for the first time since lockdown yesterday - socially distanced birthday party - and my currently pregnant friend was there, I wasn't expecting her to be as they'd said they weren't going so I wasn't "prepared" for it if you know what I mean. Of course it was lovely to see everyone but there was so much baby talk on and off all afternoon, people seemed to mention it in every conversation. We ended up leaving early as it was all too much to sit there smiling, I feel horrible now, just hope nobody noticed if I was a bit off. Had some wine and a bit of a cry when I got home so now have a headache as well! Still in a bit of a google frenzy, might hide my phone later to try and stop myself 😂

Sun is shining so hoping for a better day today! Hope everyone has a nice day.

@Eggling i completely understand and have been feeling similar.

AF came yesterday so Iv been scheduled into the FET meeting for 3 weeks time.

Im awful with pregancy announcements and pregnant people. We stil havnt seen my sister in law she lives 6 hours away but we havnt done the trip down yet i feel like a crappy person but I just feel so so sad and envious

And i keep telling myself it doesnt effect us as a couple we are on our own journey and all the rest but it still feels painful xx

That's good you have a date in the diary now! I don't think this waiting stage agrees with me, it's nice to have a definite date to work towards for the next stage.

Yeah it's just shit. I'd love to be properly excited for her but I'm just so sad it's not me, and then I get kind of angry - not with her, just generally, that it's not me, and I've also fallen into the bad habit of obsessing over what I've done "wrong" which means other people deserve to have a baby and I don't.

I'm going to contact the clinic this week to find out when I should start the provera to bring on my next cycle. Hopefully I'll be less crazy once something's actually happening again! Xx

I don’t really know what to do about work, it’s actually in my contract that I get a few days off per cycle for IVF but I don’t really want to tell them about it as I’m new. Also 2 other people in the team are currently pregnant and one of the bosses said to me “it’s always a bit of a pain when people get pregnant”

I’m so grateful to be working at home just now, I avoided having to see either of them visibly pregnant and neither will be back in the office before they go on mat leave.

I understand what everyone is saying about how hard it is seeing friends or family who are pregnant/ with babies, several of my friends who started trying after me have children and I’ve had severe difficulties seeing them pregnant or with children, something in the first 2 years of TTC I was somehow able to be chilled about has been so difficult in the last 18 months, lockdown has been a relief as I haven’t had to socialise with them and see their kids. Lots of family members have had kids too, some have had several in the time I’ve been trying and I’m in a family WhatsApp which is almost entirely my aunt sharing pics of my (much younger) cousin’s baby

@Eggling I think you’re right, waiting is the worst! Having a date definitely helps, hope you get answers from the clinic.

I just got a text from a close friend that I met in a NCT group (I know I'm incredibly lucky to have one child) to say she's pregnant with her third. She was done after two and had sold her baby stuff. I'm now sat here covered in tears. God I wish I could just be happy for other people and not turn into a mess.

@seven201 no i get it completely its a horrible feeling and feeling that way about peolle you like is even worse but i think we are all there in the ssme boat with similar feelings.
My wedding planner was trying when we got married I feel awful because back then i thought i would be pregnant straight away i used to joke about my oregnancy glow so i must have been reslly hurting her feelings at the time and had no idea

She recently got a BFP which turned out yo be chemical but i must admit when she sent me the photo i burst into tears

It brings out some ugly emotions :( i wish i was jjst suoer positivr and happy for everyone else never jealoud but i am im so sad and so angry its not happener for us yet and im scared it wont :(

@Ails826 thank you. My husband pointed out that if this cycle works then our maternity leaves would overlap. Although I've gone through that thought with various people over the last few years! Trying to pick myself up again.

@seven201 me too. With friends and now i dont tell anyone we are still trying. I used to work out due dates and mat leave with friends

@Eggling sorry you have had a bit of a rubbish weekend. Being around pregnant people really is so so hard. I know I'm going to be on a google frenzy today because I'm at work and (so far..touch wood) its quiet, not that i think there is possibly anything left that I've not already googled!

@kikisparks one of my closest friends started trying the same time as us and just gave birth to her second this week. Its such a nasty way of the universe letting us know just how much time has passed! We've been trying since we got married in May 2018 so every wedding anniversary is so bitter sweet. If this round of IVF works we would be due on our 3rd wedding anniversary which would make up for the tears we've had on all the others! We where quite lucky that we got investigated at the 8 month point due to my husbands history, so we are further ahead than we would have been if we had had to wait the whole year before investigations.

All of my work and most of my friends know we are about to have our second round. There are aspects of my job I can't do whilst cycling so people need to know so we can all work around it. Plus on the whole everyone at work has been really supportive so it helps a little.

I give up on today. The first pregnancy announcement this morning sparked someone else on the same group chat to announce theirs too. I am not officially a complete sobbing mess

@Mseddy that's great your friends and colleagues are supportive. I've told most of my friends and my colleagues know too, most of the ones in my department are supportive, I just don't know how the ones higher up really feel about it. One of my team has been very vocal about how if you need time off for anything then you shouldn't be a teacher as the kids need you. I otherwise really like her though!

Oh @seven201 what a hell of a day you're having. Cry it out! I do find getting out for a walk and some air tends to help me, maybe it would perk you up a bit too? This whole thing is such a rough ride.

@seven201 what a ridiculous attitude for your colleague to have! She could get hit by a car tomorrow and need time off, what would the kids do then? Needing time off because our bodies are jerks and wont follow the normal rules like everyone else isn't something we really had a choice about. Sorry you've been baby bombed this morning, it really is horrible.

Oh gosh @seven201 it sounds like you're getting the announcements from all around you today! How it's left you feeling is completely understandable though. It's nothing personal against anyone is it, it's just very upsetting for the likes of all of us. I agree though, try getting out for some fresh air to help lift your spirits a bit. Go easy on yourself x

Thank you ladies; you're very kind. I've decided to make a dress today - I find sewing a great stress reliever and will go out for a walk this afternoon. I made myself some pity pancakes for breakfast too!

My colleague is ridiculous at times, but generally really nice. She's not said it to me, but she's said it about others when they've been off work (including someone with infertility issues) so I know she's thinking it!

Hey! What is your oppinion with putting 2 embryos back in?