Keith's BPG II

[KittyKatSmile]

@AliciaWhiskers @CornishMaid1 @Ginandtonic31 @Cauliflower82 @Welshpugmomma @Mrbay @Zest11 @RRoonilWazlib @Weenumpty

Hope this works xx

Hi everyone! I disappeared for a bit (don't know where time is going) and have just caught up.

@RRoonilWazlib I'd completely missed you were a surrogate. That is so lovely.

@Ginandtonic31 It could be morning sickness, but it could be from your bad sleep too. I've been fine on symptoms but didn't sleep too great last night and didn't have a lot to drink first thing and have been feeling sick all day. I think the bad sleep and a bit of dehydration may be the cause, so try drinking more and see if that helps.

I am slightly worried about maternity pay, so won't actually have that long a maternity leave. I was originally thinking 4 months, although I am considering 6 months. Saving as much as I can as I will only be on SSP, so it is going to cost us the best part of £1,300 out of savings a month whilst I'm off just to cover bills and food (joys of being the higher earner in the house).

I have been a little mad on apps and have 4! I haven't seen the Ovia one though so will check that out. I have the Bounty and the Emma's Diary apps, but they are mostly because they do discounts and give out free gift packs, so I wanted those (love a bargain!).

I also have one off android called 'Pregnancy Week by Week' which is really basic and nice (what is happening with you and baby each week) and Babycentre as that has articles every day, but also a search bar with all the articles from their website, which is great when I decide I want to look something up.

I am due my 12 week scan next Tuesday and can't wait to get it done now. Time is really starting to go.

Hope you are all doing okay.

Hello @CornishMaid1! It was before bed I was sick but I did a 7 mile bike ride so perhaps I was very dehydrated.

My midwife told me to get the bounty app but I thought it was too early 😂

Hi everyone, I just wanted to check in and apologise for my absenteeism.

@Zest11 I’ve been reading through everything and I agree with the others that a frostie in sounds like a good idea and hopefully this one will work. I remember before I found out what was wrong with me and a lot of unexplained infertility was being thrown around - my dr had said there’s really no such thing, there’s always an explanation as to why a couple can’t get pregnant naturally (I can’t but husband would be fine I imagine) but that with ivf there’s so much of it that comes down to Mother Nature. I don’t know if that is helpful at all but I remember it making a lot of sense to me at the time. He mentioned that sometimes finding out the problem on the nhs is pricey and it’s more cost effective to go straight to ivf. You sound more positive now and I hope you’re doing okay. And I wouldn’t worry about just airing your feelings - it doesn’t come across as psychoish at all, just that you really care and you want to do everything possible to make sure this works and that’s admirable.

@RRoonilWazlib I totally remember now that you’re a surrogate. I’m in absolute awe, what a beautiful thing to do for someone. Do you have children of your own at all?

@Ginandtonic31 book that holiday to Dubai! 🏝 🌃 and have an amazing time.

@KittyKatSmile thinking about team yellow or team grey - just to throw a spanner in the works, everyone I know up here calls in team green 😂

I think we’re likely to find out the gender too BUT we’re not telling anyone we’re finding out. I feel throughout this whole process I’ve been so open that I just want to have a little secret of my own if that makes sense. Plus, I’ve always imagined myself with a boy so I’m going to need to prepare myself it little Pip is a girl and come up with some names.

I have my midwife appointment on Thursday. I’m a bit behind, ten weeks then too. I’ve been ill every day now since about 6 1/2 weeks 🤮 🤮. I’m hoping some light relief is around the corner... not long until 12 weeks!

@CornishMaid1 hi, I’ve just seen your message too. Good luck for Tuesday :).

I still haven’t downloaded any apps - I’m still a little in disbelief and worried a lot.

@CornishMaid1 I am glad you are doing okay. I hope Tuesday goes well too.

@Cauliflower82 how are you getting on? Did you see the counsellor at your clinic and if so was it helpful? I think that's just perfect that you and your husband will have your own secret - IVF really takes the surprise out of everything so that's lovely! Thank you SO much for that kind response. Yes, I believe that there is always a reason but because no one has found it, I've taken it upon myself to find it myself and clearly driven myself mad! (Obviously my 15 year old GCSE in Science is far superior to all the medics and fertility consultants out there! ) I think the only way I'm going to get through this emotionally is if I just do cycle after cycle rather than wait around worrying. Only issue is now I've convinced my husband we need a 2nd opinion and as we're still on the NHS we might as well use them...which takes a long time...not sure I can persuade him otherwise now!

@Cauliflower82 this is an interesting one. I have heard that green is bad luck for a baby (you rarely see green baby clothes) BUT when I mentioned this to my mum, who is likely to be the only person I'd got this from, she claims to have never heard this. And the internet hasn't really heard it either. So it would appear I've maybe made it up. Go Keith.

So I haven't told my housemate yet (my best friend from uni). She's had a tough time with all things baby and husband which is why she lives with me plus her identical twin sister is pregnant so I'm sort of saving her. But. I'm getting v bloated in the evenings. She must be looking at me going 'you must think I'm a complete idiot'. We're in some sort of weird deadlock.... I'm telling her after I've had the harmony test results (Friday). Only I'm not because I'm going straight away for the weekend.....!

@Zest11 for me going straight back into it again would be the only way I'd get through it. I was very surprised that this one worked; I had it in my head that it would be #2 that would be my lucky one. Given you've got a couple, you could put this one in whilst waiting for your second opinion... maybe a loophole for your DH?

Much love ladies x

@KittyKatSmile Have you had a conversation previously with your housemate about how you would approach each other if either of you became pregnant? I have had a couple of friends who know about our struggle who have told me via text before it became more common knowledge between our circle of friends. It obviously hurt like mad and I cried but it was way better than being told face to face. You could say something like "I have some news which you may or may not have guessed but I think you may find difficult to take. I am pregnant and I thought it would be best to tell you whilst I was away this weekend so you have some time to process it privately..." I guess it's extra hard for you both as you are living together.

Yeah that could work about waiting for a 2nd opinion. Or I could just admit that it's pointless and move on. I think the NHS has v limited funding so when we pay I will just choose one of the big London clinics that do all the various tests so I at least know they are an option if we keep having failures. Like you I got a good number of blasts so would expect that again...just need to have different options on how to make one stick.

@Zest11 you are so wise. I never told her I was pregnant before so she never knew about any of the miscarriages. Thank god she was on holiday when I had the last one and had to go to hospital (not quite true. She was back the day I had the operation but I just pretended I'd been to work. Ha). I told her a month or so afterwards and she said that although it was hard with her sister she'd be really happy for me. I think because with her twin she feels there's an element of smugness whereas with me, I've got nothing! No loving partner, no perfect family Your advice is really helpful.

On your predicament, I'd make sure you get whatever you can for free. How many more transfers? Or all of them? (That changes my advice I guess).

Heartburn tonight. Cutie is apparently learning to breathe amniotic fluid. Good on ya Cutie but seriously. Give a girl a break.

@KittyKatSmile oh my goodness you poor thing. I didn't realise you needed an op for your last miscarriage...and to pretend you were at work all day too! That is so so awful for you. I am so glad for you that things are on the up, you totally deserve it. In a sad way for you I guess it makes it easier for your friend that you are doing this alone rather than being a smug twin so yes, she may find it easier. Perhaps it may also give her some hope that she could do things by herself in the future if things with her husband are not good now.

Regarding my predicament...I've got myself into a pickle really. As our local area don't have a fertility clinic, I was offered the choice of going to either of the two hospitals in the neighbouring counties. I researched them both and they were pretty similar so picked the area I was most familiar with for driving etc. I also genuinely didn't think I would have to have IVF (denial probably but as I was told I was "normal" I didn't think we would have to have IVf). After the failed transfer I went a bit loopy and discovered a private clinic with pretty spectacular success rates and found that it works with my NHS area...only the clinic wasn't offered to me when I had to choose! ) My thinking was to ask my GP to transfer me there for a 2nd opinion (I provisionally checked and he said he would but didn't know if I would be allowed). I would then hope to have the rest of my NHS treatment there (the transfer of 1 of my frozen embryo even though I have 4). That way I would have saved on having the initial stuff done for when we do go private if that makes sense. But then all that would take a lot of time...months would be wasted with the faffing. There really is nothing wrong with my clinic - they are lovely and they do have good success rates - but as they are NHS they don't do any of the controversial stuff, even when paying and I wonder if I need that. My head just spins because the localish clinic is much more affordable and easier to get to than the London clinics and then I think I could have treatment with them but also see one of those top consultants in London for any extra tests etc? Sorry for the rambly post...too many things whizz around my brain.

@Zest11 It does all make sense yes. I'm not sure it necessarily would take months to transfer. I think you need to call up the new place and ask how quickly you can get started and what you need to do to make that happen. I moved clinics before this round and it was a bit of a faff to get the sperm moved (can't actually recall if I moved my frozen eggs as well. Probably) but very doable. And probably much more doable if you say that you'll pay the few hundred quid for the courier, if they can work out how to tick that box on the form.

Speak to them when you can so that you've got a plan and can move on with that rather than driving yourself round the bend with options, choices and what ifs xx

@Zest11 the only thing I would say is it can be very expensive to move embryos. Also part of the success rate is getting the embryos! I think I personally would still be inclined to go ahead with another transfer before thinking of switching clinics and extras etc.

@KittyKatSmile oh no, was Cutie keeping you up again? Thank you and @Ginandtonic31 for your advice.

I think because of my anxiety and desperation I've overcomplicated it all. I need to strip it down to the basics and facts. Right now I've convinced myself my uterus is rejecting everything so therefore I must need expensive tests. But before all of this I'd previously convinced myself I had silent endometriosis (a lap ruled this out), my tubes just needed "cleaning out," my eggs and husband's sperm were allergic, I had low progesterone/short luteal phase, I had premature menopause etc etc and there's basically no evidence to support any of it. I think I'll stay where I am for now. I did some more research on the other clinic and found some bad reviews on google and that made me realise I'd just end up finding something else to worry about. Ha, this thread is like free therapy...thank you!!

@Zest11 I'm a worrier too. I'm convinced at my 12 week scan the baby won't have grown. It's easy to worry about everything. I think there's nothing to prove the next one won't implant. Go for it then if the worst happens we can all help your reconsider.

@Zest11 I'm a worrier too. The chances are that we won't do another fresh cycle, as DP doesn't want to keep putting himself through this (completely understandable). So our little frostie is likely to be our final attempt. And I feel this tremendous pressure to "get it right". We could go for it this cycle, but I'm thinking I'm not fit enough/not been eating well enough/been too stressed with the house move etc, that I don't know if I should wait until things are more perfect. But, of course, that time will never come. So I'm doing my usual of not making a decision...

Sorry, at work and it's crazy busy. Will be back to do a proper message shortly

@Ginandtonic31 Oh no, that must be a horrid thing to worry about. But like me, I guess there is no basis, it's just our minds playing tricks.

@AliciaWhiskers oh gosh, I see what you mean about the pressure to "get it right." That is so so tough. And I guess by not making a decision, it makes the worry even worse. But like you say, the "perfect" time will never come. I genuinely wonder how important all the things like weight, exercise, stress etc are. It makes me question because there are some REALLY big people out there that get pregnant easily and another friend described her anxiety levels "as if I am living through the war zone in Syria...I know that I am not, but I am operating at that level" and still manage to time her pregnancy with when would be favourable with her job! On a more positive note, how is your new home? Are you starting to feel a bit more settled or does lots need doing?

@Ginandtonic31 how are you feeling today? I agree that there is always something to worry about. Hope all is well at your next scan - have you got a date for that? I didn't have any sickness at all in either of my pregnancies - I remember worrying about it at the time because I worried lack of symptoms meant something was wrong, but was also very thankful as I've got emetophobia and HATE the feeling of nausea and being sick. Def book the holiday! My sister had a holiday in Dubai when she was 30 something weeks pregnant, she had a great time. Do it!!

@CornishMaid1 I kind of can't believe it's your 12 week scan already! doesn't feel like 5 minutes ago we were all waiting to start!

@Zest11 - was really great to read your earlier post where you went back to the basic facts. I am particularly bad for my mind going into the "what if", and worrying about stuff that is completely irrelevant/illogical. So it's great that you were able to go back with the facts and work with those. I think unexplained infertility is really difficult to cope with, because it's more of the unknown. If there is something concrete, you are at least dealing with something known and can make a strategy. Having something unexplained just leaves a limbo land and it's so hard to manage the "what if" thoughts. You are doing fab, lady!

More replies later, more work to do!

Third time lucky!

@KittyKatSmile good luck telling your housemate. Hopefully she will take it ok, and especially as she told you before that she would be happy for you, I'm sure she will.

The house move went well, although we are still full of boxes! It's my mission in the next 2 weeks to unpack all boxes and make sure that everything has a home. This is somewhat tricky as I have realised that I have a Lot Of Stuff. Trying to get rid of loads of bits and pieces, but I've got an obsession with keeping things "just in case" I need them, and therefore the 3 drawers of wires that I have that probably don't fit any appliances I still own, I'm finding difficult to chuck away. I wonder if they have self help groups for people like me. I can't be the only one?!

I've been brave and emailed the clinic about dates for starting a FET cycle. My gut is telling me to wait a cycle, but for absolutely no rational or logical reason at all. So I'm not sure whether to listen to it or not. Gah!

@AliciaWhiskers 3 drawers of out of date cables?!! Hilarious!! Well done for braving the e-mail to the clinic. Did you decide (sorry...potential decision making here!) whether you would do a medicated or natural transfer when the time comes?

Can you all tell I'm a teacher and it's edging towards the end of the summer holidays? I've run out of money and so it's me and the Internet now!

@Zest11 3 drawers of out of date cables?!! Yep. Awful isn't it? I'm trying soooooo hard to throw stuff away, but I convince myself I might need it one day, so I keep it! I've got a problem. You'll probably see me on one of those hoarder programs one day. Unless Keith sorts me out in the meantime. I suspect decluttering may be another string to his bow!

I think I will do a medicated cycle. Only because the clinic where I go (Bristol) don't do natural cycles, and the clinic who have our frostie (Cardiff) don't do many of them. Therefore it feels way too risky. However, the Cardiff clinic say that their success rate for a FET is 20%, which sounds really low! I guess we could move it (having read all the advice upthread about it), but I'm not sure about it all.

I feel kinda sad that this might be our last attempt. Maybe that's why I'm delaying starting it - because if it fails, that's it. There's no ongoing hope that one day we might have a baby together. At least with one in the freezer there is always a chance. Once it's in, that's it. That feels massive.

@Zest11 what do you teach? Are you primary or secondary? When is your next clinic follow up due?

@AliciaWhiskers It is bad but I can't criticize as I don't chuck anything away (mostly post, rather than cables from my nokia 3310 ) and every now and then my husband just gives me this massive pile, of well, crap and orders me to go through it! I just thought...Keith could be the host on one of those shows! God he's so versatile isn't he!!

That definitely makes sense about the medicated cycle...I think it's easier for the clinic to control as well and yes, as you have just the one it's probably better to chuck everything at it. And yes, I completely understand about not wanting to use your last embryo, I would feel the same. I know you say it may be your last attempt BUT is there absolutely no chance your partner will come around to try again, after all you will have only tried the once/twice together? From what I remember, you didn't respond too well to the stimms so perhaps it could be worth using the gonal f pens? (I know they are v expensive though) I don't have ovaries bursting with eggs but the gonal f stimulated what I did have and the eggs were pretty resilient.

I teach History at secondary school :) It's tiring but I am fortunate to teach generally great kids. What so you do? I had my follow up last week so they said to just ring up when I feel ready. I am seeing the counsellor first though (cue crazy posts upthread!) And I am also going to try and persuade my gp to give me a very low dose of levothyroxine but I don't think he will!

@Zest11 oh man, don't get me started on old mobile phones. At last count I had 12...but ironically don't have the cables to be able to charge them and wipe them of all my old photos etc, so don't want to get rid of them incase anyone can access my info! Re paperwork, funnily enough I bought an incinerator yesterday from B&Q (aka a big bin to burn stuff in!) which I plan to burn all my old paperwork in as I don't have a shredder. I'll trial it later and let you know if it's worth investing. Keith would be great as a TV host...he's my absolute hero!

I didn't respond too well to the stims - they gave me a low dose because of my previous PCOS diagnosis - so maybe I would respond better to a different dose/different meds. Last cycle was our first cycle together, but he had 4 failed cycles with his ex. I'm 40 and he's 44, and I think he has found this really stressful. I've got 2 children with my ex, and we both went into this thinking if it works, it works, and if not, we've still got a great life together. As I go further into trying, the harder I'm finding it to stay so detached. I wouldn't be trying again if it wasn't what I really want. But that's what we agreed, so I don't want to push him into something he doesn't want.

Ahhhhh, history. I was never any good at that! Great that you teach nice kids - it must be really hard when the children are difficult. Are you back at the start of September? I work for the NHS -keeps me busy!

Is there much of a wait to see the counsellor? Sounds like a good idea though (not because you sound crazy, far from it, but because it's good to talk things through with someone who has heard it all before and understands the process and how people feel whilst going through it). Good luck with the GP. I think if your free T4 is within he normal range they might not give it, but def worth asking anyway

@AliciaWhiskers I think we definitely need Keith here to help with the old phones too! Good luck with the incinerator...I hope you get a bit of satisfaction from burning everything! Although it did just occur to me that you must have made the effort to pack all 12 of your phones and random cables in the house move!!

I see about your partner and his previous failed attempts. That must be really really tough for him so I can see how you're unsure but equally this seems like a practice round with working out your meds. Still (with rational hat on), your FET may be "the one" so I guess it doesn't make sense to think about the what ifs before then. How old are your kids? Are they happy with their new house/new rooms?

I think it's so lovely that you work for the NHS. The care that everyone who I have come across working for the NHS is so genuine but it's been made so tough with all the cuts and hoops everyone has to jump through. Yet despite that, everyone is so positive!

The wait for the counsellor is a few weeks but my GP actually contacted them after telling me I needed psychological help! We will see...I was in therapy a few months before I started IVF and it helped me get in the right frame of mind to go ahead with it. But since it failed everything's kind of reverting back to what it was like before . My free t4 is on the cusp of normal but I doubt that's enough to persuade him. I don't even know what the free t4 does lol.

I'm on a training day but just wanted to add @AliciaWhiskers I was the biggest I've ever been before transfer, unhealthy through stress, drinking, anxious etc. And it worked. There's no rhyme or reason

I just want to add not drinking like an alcoholic! I mean when I went to the pub etc