Keith's BPG II

[KittyKatSmile]

@AliciaWhiskers @CornishMaid1 @Ginandtonic31 @Cauliflower82 @Welshpugmomma @Mrbay @Zest11 @RRoonilWazlib @Weenumpty

Hope this works xx

@mrbay Yes it's so so hard that it's a minefield. It's also a huge money making business so there are things out there that may or may not be necessary. Requesting your notes is a good idea - I did the same. I also asked my consultant and GP for all kinds of drugs. A low point was when my GP said I "needed psychological help" and I did see a counsellor. However, I just wanted a baby and would stop at nothing to get there. You're doing the right thing it looking out for yourself. As you said, the clinic has many patients and you need to put yourself first. The last thing you need is to feel bad about your best friend. She will understand and be busy herself. Put yourself first and the distance. I remember only too well how horrid it was when 2 of my friends had baby no.2 whilst I waa struggling. Sending you lots of love x

@Mrbay totally agree with @Zest11 that you need to put yourself first. Your friend will understand. Maybe send her a note saying 'I'm finding it too hard right now to come and see the baby, I'm sure you understand and I'll be in touch in the coming [weeks] to arrange to see you and your precious new arrival'. I am always hyper aware of how triggering babies can be and always offer people the option of seeing me without the baby as I know how hard it sometimes was. Strength (and gin and shit food) xx

@Mrbay my heart sank when I read your update 😞 I hope you're okay. I'm so desperate for it to work for you and so glad you will give it another go. I can't help with ideas on changes but they other girls can xxxxx

@Zest11congratulations! Did he come early? I too had forceps and episiotomy and I was so traumatised. It ruined the first few weeks for me. Well that and breast feeding. I thought I would pee myself forever. I wish I had known then what I know now. It honestly gets better. Although I'm embarrassed to say I developed piles and can't shift them!! But now my pelvic floor has improved so much and I'm working out and everything fine. The only thing I've not been brave enough to try is DTD. But I did try a tampon and it was fine (if I skip over the fact it felt like it was slipping out!!

@Mrbay I’m so sad to hear that it hasn’t worked. I think everyone is right - take time to drink whatever you want, eat those rare steaks and then start the next cycle with adjustments if possible. I think your friend will understand too - the best ones do. When I say understand I’m always dubious as I’m never sure anyone can totally empathise unless they’ve been there but I’m hoping she gets it.

@Ginandtonic31 I’ve not been brave enough either 😬. I keep thinking that’s the next step but it’s the scariest one 😖.

@Zest11 it truly truly does get better. I remember sitting on that hospital bed (a few pounds heavier with extra fluid - how?!?! 😂) and thinking OMG! I could barely walk out that hospital it was so painful but then the healing creeps up on you.

I meant to tell you all a story too. On my way out of the hospital, one of the midwives stopped me and said see you in a few years. I must have rolled my eyes of something (not meaning to be rude or anything, just remembering how long it took to actually get where I was), and she said I’ve been there, I know, it just happened for me the second time and the third 😮.

@Ginandtonic31 I'm so sorry your birth was quite traumatic too. It does really ruin things at the start doesn't it. And the things that happened afterwards...so unpleasant. No one really warns us about the potential damage after a vag delivery, more the risks of a C-section.
I have found bf extremely difficult too...it's just another thing to stress about when other things aren't quite right. We struggle with latch and it could also be due to his tongue tie. I have been expressing round the clock but it seems he prefers formula and we can also keep a better track on how much we feed him (he was 8'12) and he has a big appetite. It's hard because there is pressure to bf but it's not easy especially with other things going on with our bodies.

@Cauliflower82 I know what you mean about the extra weight too...I thought the same!! I had something v similar with your story. A mw came round the other day as we were all a bit hysterical with bf. She was trying to reassure me about things and mentioned how I grew baby. I was cried out 'with IVF though...couldn't even conceive' and she said number 2 will happen easily as I won't be so stressed

Why do people even assume that you'll want a 2nd? It's quite rude!

They more I talk to people the more I realise that some many couples struggle to conceive.

I've stopped Googling now as no one really understands why IVF fails but I have looked at other clinics and their success rates are very similar to mine and plus I have approximately a 20% chance of success at each transfer, so its not great odds anyway.

Thanks about confirming that my friend won't think badly of me, I'll drop her a message in a bit and arrange to see her soon - don't want that new baby smell to go!

@Zest11 I was mainly upset as her latch was perfect but she was losing weight and feeding constantly ALL night. When I first went to formula I was upset I had given up. But now I look back differently. I don’t think mentally I would have survived breast feeding. When I went onto formula a weight lifted. I started to become me again. And that was the mummy Georgie needed. She’s such a happy baby and she’s thriving and I’m a happy mummy and that’s what’s important. I get pants of guilt but then I look at her and think I could have carried on and there was no guarantee I would ever be happy doing it. We are where we are but it’s a happy, healthy place. Are you getting the tongue tie snipped that may help you if you want to carry on.

I also wasn’t prepared for how battered I would feel. It really ruined the start. I didn’t even get a photo of Georgie on me and her face was SO bruised!

@Mrbay I know, it is a bit presumptuous!
Re. Clinics - give yourself some breathing space and take time out for yourself for now. The rest will happen. I know what you mean about how people struggle. It seems we only hear of the positive and easy stories until we are in the thick of it ourselves.

@ginandtonic31 Your story sounds exactly like some of the advice the mw gave me. She basically said (after witnessing a screeching episode) there's more important things for a mum/baby than bf and that was a happy mum and happy baby. We're getting the tongue tie snipped (it can affect speech later too) but I think it's likely we will gradually move from combination to formula. I am pleased you say you feel like yourself, I think that's the most important thing. My husband and I are on high alert for PND and doing all we can to avoid that.
Oh and I forgot to say, he was just 1 day early so I was very pleased he was cooked enough but didn't keep me waiting!

Absolutely, it’s always more important to just enjoy being a mum and looking after your baby rather than persevering with something that is painful for both of you (I mean painful more mentally than physically but I’ve heard in the early days it can hurt like hell too). @Zest11 will you let me know what the tongue tie procedure is like? We opted not to get it as it was only mild and expressing was working for us well (still is surprisingly) and it was at the height of the pandemic but I’m a little worried about the speech thing and wonder if we should go privately.

@Mrbay I have to agree that it’s rude! It’s rude and insensitive. I’m aware of how incredibly lucky I am and I’m never sure I could go through all of that again - I just finally want to enjoy life. My husband always said that (although three was naively our goal when getting married) our new goal is one and we’ll always be happy and grateful. I really really hope you get yours too.

@Cauliflower82 You say you are expressing exclusively. May I ask, how many times a day do you do that and for how long? A mw told me every 3 hours for 15mins on each boob. I'm completely not following that advice and doing something like 5-6 times a day but for longer time periods. It's definitely not enough though.

We had his tongue tie done today - ours was just 25% but we just thought to get it done. I couldn't watch, he was so so upset though. And he must have been in some pain afterwards as he was hysterical and inconsolable all afternoon/evening. We are crossing our fingers today will be a better day and the distress isn't meant to last more than 24hrs. I'll let you know how the healing process goes.

@Zest11 that was very quick - very good indeed. We got told we’d have to wait six weeks!! But this was at the height of the pandemic 😞. How is he doing today? I hope he’s feeling lots happier.

Well on the expressing front, a midwife give me the same advice and at first I was doing it every three hours, twice during the night too, sometimes three times BUT I felt like it just wasn’t feasible. My supply built up quite quickly though and I found that I got exactly the same about of mls if I just did it for longer less times a day, like you. I’ve gradually got it down to 6am, 9am, 6pm and 9pm roughly. I do it when Noah is sleeping or napping so I don’t miss any time with him (this got me massively down during the first few weeks - I had no idea what to do for the best. I felt so lost sometimes). Now though I do find I used to get near enough 1000ml a day, I only get about 800 now since stopping during the day but it just wasn’t easy with being alone all day with him. I have recently had to start topping up with a bottle of formula each day. By six months I’m hoping just to do once in the morning and once at night. I don’t feel engorged now at all like I used to in the early days. The whole feeding thing has been tough and if there ever was a next time then I’m pretty confident I’d just go to formula straightaway 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Cauliflower82 We were quite pushy with his tongue tie to be honest but I'm not sure how beneficial the snip will be now as I think I have left bf too late. We have someone coming to help us in the week so will see. That is very good about your pumping...that sounds far more manageable than every 3 hours...I was struggling with the night sessions too.

@Welshpugmomma I have lost track of all days and times. Are you back in the UK now or are you planning your return? I am so happy and excited for you - baby Josiah will get to meet so many friends and family.

Not sure if this is normal but I'm going to ask on here as we all know what infertility is like. Do any of you/did you just look at your babies and cry? When we're snuggled, just the two of us, up I look at him and all the heartache of the process in getting him just comes flooding back and sometimes I just can't stop crying that we have finally got here. I wasn't sure if it was baby blues but we're day 10 now, not day 3. I have no idea how long it takes for all the hormones to balance out...

@Zest11 I was the opposite. I hate to say it but I would look and think wtf have I done. It did get better once I stopped breastfeeding though. And it's totally normal for hormones to be all over. I think mine are still 😂 I've just had a go at my OH for talking on and on to me. I just want to sit. Georgie was showing signs her bottles were too slow and not enough so I upped the volume and teat size and she's guzzled them down completely so fast but ended up having one less bottle in the day. So her overall amount is down and I'm worried she's going to wake hungry. I liked the little routine we had going!! Now I feel lost again. He was telling me we need to be flexible etc.

@Zest11 completely normal. Have you heard of the 4th trimester? Basically you go through so much when the baby is first here and your hormones are all over the place so it's really important that you recognise that. I had a massive cry over Nancy earlier. She was asleep but would have rolled her eyes at me had she been awake. I went back in to the kitchen and said to my mum 'I just love her so much' and cried my eyes out. So day 10 or day goodness knows what, I think it's all really normal.

@Ginandtonic31 we dropped a feed a few weeks ago too and I've got no idea how much she's getting at all. Plus when bf (I never knew this) after a certain point they get really efficient and can empty a boob in 5-10mns. So you worry they aren't getting enough but they are just quicker (I dream feed Nancy from a bottle and I've also got the faster teats. Amazing! So much quicker!!) I can look in my week by week book for you if you like and tell you how much they're meant to have in a day?

@Mrbay sorry to hear your shitty news , there's just no words is there ivf is the biggest gamble ever, your the strong one partaking. One of my friends is in the same boat and her cycle just failed she has one more attempt too is hard to know what to say but I just try and let her know I'm here, I'm glad you've stayed with us on this board i hope we offer some support even if we do just chat crap at times ;)

@Zest11 how Quickly the time goes, don't be tough on yourself you've just been through it! My recovery was horrendous and I totally wasnt expecting it i was in extreme pain for at least 3 weeks and wasn't fully right until about 2.5 months, at least naturally your recovery shouldn't be too much longer! If you want to bf just keep persevering it is difficult at the beginning but it can be done, i pumped every 3 hours at the beginning and it really helped good supply. I just kept sticking him on every feed to try and latch I- i couldnt on one side at all (I blame youthful piercing) but would just pump instead. Then after about a month he started on that side. Although you feel like a slave to the pump if it's your goal then stick with it. Either way don't beat yourself up is all personal choice and like the others say happy mummy happy baby. P.s I land Tues! Can't bloody wait!

Our routine died at 3.5 months, bang on regression, with added teething and 4 month jabs. Rip sleeping through. He especially hates the horror movie crib in the hotel we're in right now....

Oh boy...

@KittyKatSmile o already know she's on far too much milk so I've never bothered with the recommended 😂 we are just led by her. She did drop a feed a few weeks back anyway so yesterday surprised me. I didn't want to do a dream feed last night as we've never done one so didn't want to start. I'm wondering today whether to just put her back on her slower teats. I'll see. She's just woken up so still 12 hrs on less milk.

@ginandtonic31 It's all so overwhelming isn't it. I am waiting for the "omg wtf have we done" to hit me soon too. Although the past few days we have made the effort to do things that we used to do like go to the pub, for lunch and shopping and it has been quite reassuring we can do those things still, just have to time it right around baby. I also know what you mean about your OH. I get extremely sensitive to things mine says...and then cry lol!!

@KittyKatSmile that's exactly it!! Sometimes I cry my eyes out at how much I love him! I'm so reassured you said it's normal.

@Welshpugmomma Ahh I'm so sorry to hear you were in so much pain all that time. It's so hard isn't it. There's only so much reading up on things that you can do so the unexpected does come as a shock. Yes, trying to pump as much as possible without it interfering with things. I have a pump that I can wear in my bra so that makes things a bit easier haha! Tuesday! So happy and excited for you, that is so great! How will it work with hubby? Will he be based stateside but will come back when he is on leave? How does he feel about the move back?

@Zest11 I'm jealous you're getting out and about. Because we've spent 4 months on lockdown with her I'm terrified to take her into buildings in case she catches it. I'm going to sit outside a cafe tomorrow but refuse to go in.

I think if you haven't had the wtf moment yet you will be okay. I had it like days after she was born. And most of breastfeeding too.

@Ginandtonic31 I get that anxiety. For the last 4 months of pregnancy I was so so paranoid of catching covid, I was scared to go out. Since baby's been born we've been too busy to watch the news and to be honest, I feel better for it and less anxious. A lot of the places are careful...there were screens between tables in a pub and I chose a really quiet time to go shopping so there were no queues. With you being on mat leave you could do the same. Gradual steps though...first cafe outside then see how you feel after doing that a few times. Xx

@Zest11 I just don't think I really want to tbh as I don't feel ready to 'expose' is yet. Perhaps because I work for the NHS. I don't know. I'm definitely not interested in shopping. I'm completely happy with online shopping so would just be going for the sake of it. I will see over the next few weeks about pubs etc. My OH is working so to go together it would need to be at peak times. And I just think the second spike is on its way. I think also because my OH saw his first child from a precious relationship in intensive care a lot it sticks with him. So we've just decided to keep safe for now. I'm also trying really hard to eat well and working out every day if I start going to pubs that will be that scuppered 😂 I liked lockdown as going out to eat wasn't an option!!

*previous relationship

@Zest11 so normal! Even now I look at Pip and I’m overwhelmed with intense emotion, sometimes the only release is tears. I remember the first few weeks spending pretty much every night in tears because I couldn’t believe we’d been so lucky and he was all here. I think another big one to set off the emotions is when they start smiling and then laughing at you. How is the recovery going?

@Ginandtonic31 I’m still not really out there either - an outdoor cafe sounds like a good compromise and one I might consider.

Are people letting their babies be held by grandparents etc yet? @KittyKatSmile I’m thinking grandma Keith is so grateful she was with Nancy and didn’t miss out ☺️. My parents are putting quite the pressure on me and I’ve said no but I’m starting to think I get wise...

@Welshpugmomma tomorrow!! Have a safe journey ☺️

@Cauliflower82 I haven't been. I let them have a one-off gold last Sunday as I thought we were probably st the safest point before pubs opened and I'm worried about another spike. They knew it was a one time only thing and that I will reassess in a couple of weeks though.