MFI support thread

[TheBeesKnee]

Firstly apologies if this already exists. I had a look and couldn't find anything.

I've name changed as I feel like I have maybe been found out under my usual username, or maybe it's the paranoia settling in!

I'm late 20s, TTC 1 year.

I have been driving myself insane: stopped drinking alcohol, started eating dairy and fish was a hardened vegan for 10 years, stopped drinking caffeine, tried Brazil nuts, fertility smoothies and pineapple cores.

Nothing worked because it turns out that DP is effectively infertile, possibly due to a historical varicocele. We thought that may have been a factor but GP waved us away with "not necessarily - and anyway, you haven't been trying that long!" So we got a private sperm analysis and the results were Not Good.

However, DP got a (relatively) speedy referral to a urologist and after a few back and forths has had surgery on the affected vein. He's recovering, but we won't see "results" for at least 3 months as obviously sperm take 70 days to produce, although the testosterone production is supposed to be fixed/affected almost immediately.

Even then, research shows that only 30-50% of men with successful surgeries went on to conceive in the 12 months following the op, so my hours are not high. I mostly just feel that I will never be pregnant or have a baby, I'm convinced that next we'll find out that something is horribly wrong with me.

DP is being great. He says that we can look at donor sperm if this doesn't work, he wouldn't deny me the opportunity to be a mother. This just makes me cry, I have been very weepy the last few months.

Anyway, I thought it would be good to speak to others also affected by MFI as I feel very lonely and isolated as no one in real life knows that we are TTC, never mind that we're having issues.

@Hopefully84

AF was there this morning when I got up, so unsure if it was a 27 or 28 day cycle really, chalked it down to being today start and a 28 day cycle last month which means the bloods were on the right day. Do you think the fact that it was just under the recommenced 30 is a bad sign? I'll ask when we are referred but I have no idea how long that will take. Just want answers really :(

Hopefully the wellman tablets do something to help improve!

Hi all, I don’t know if you listen to The Fertility Podcast on Spotify but the one this week has Dr Jonathan Ramsey on from 17mins talking all about male factor! Worth a listen!

Still no referral for Embolism here but hoping we’ll hear in another week or two! In the meantime with no looming IVF we’ve both gone completely off the wagon diet wise!! Disaster!!

Hi all, please can I join.
I am 31 (32 next month) TTC for over 3yrs, I’ve had multiple USS and bloods all normal then finally other half had test start of this year and sperm count came back low 🥺
We are already under our local Nhs fertility clinic but on our first appointment basically told me I’m too fat and wanted all my tests again even though all mine was normal 😳 after 4months she will see us again next month hopefully with a plan to proceed to IVF. But I’m hoping to talk through you guys to help me because omg is this the hardest thing ever to go through, I often find myself sad and feeling lonely and looking at pregnant women and just getting the overwhelming feeling of jealously 😫 please tell me I’m not the only one.

Hey@TheBeesKnee just wanted to drop in. My husband is azoospermic. After miscarriage and several Ivfs we are now 7 month preg with donor eggs and sperm. Couldn't be happier. So just know that it can turn out ok even if it wasn't what you had planned. Happy to discuss.

@bridget87 sorry to hear how you are feeling, yes I also feel the same. My friend is having a baby shower this weekend, I haven’t even replied to the invite yet. At some point this week I’ll make up an excuse about working.
I can’t face being in a room with people talking about babies and pregnancy and knowing the whole time that my friend got pregnant on the first try. I have sobbed each time a friend has announced their pregnancies. It’s difficult, I want to be happy for them but I am so sad for myself.

It’s hard. It’s shitty. This forum has been my place to get support and company in this extremely lonely journey and I am grateful to everyone on here for keeping me sane. 😊

@Steenac7 thanks for the podcast tip, I am braving the fertility show this year and booked in to his seminar. I will report back any good tips.

@Bridget87 it is rubbish isn't it, it is so hard not to let it take the joy out of life. I am so with you on the jealousy, I feel like I am isolating myself more and more from people to avoid having to deal with pregnancy updates and newborns, I know it's not healthy!

@Flapjackered it sounds really good so definitely worth going to! I would too if I wasn’t outside the UK. Dr Ramsey in particular seems excellent. If our next round doesn’t work we are considering contacting him and Lister who I think he works with.

to everyone struggling. I’m in a lull at the minute luckily where my friends who have kids had them before we started TTC (18months ago now) and no one announced yet but I know there’s a wave of pregnancies coming so I’m trying to brace myself!

Hopefully we will all get there.

Hello everyone! I have been ill in bed and watching infertility documentaries to depress myself all weekend. I suspect ovulation has been delayed because of this cold that I have going on but I haven't really been keeping track, just noticed that I haven't had any EWCM.

After endless hours of documentaries and sobbing along to stories of strangers also struggling to conceive I decided to research my CCG policy and it turns out that they will only fund one cycle.

DP doesn't want to touch me and catch the lurgy, never mind DTD - so I am in with zero chance this month I think.

Angliski Congratulations, I am glad to hear that you reached a solution you are happy with

Bridget87 Yup I get the loneliness too. I feel like a crazy, baby-obsessed lady with no hobbies or interests outside of her womb.

Sorry to hear about your stressful appointment. How low is low?

FlapJackered can't wait to hear your feedback! I thought about going but I just can't face it. Every time I think seriously about the road ahead I feel like i can't breathe. My SIL is also very pregnant and about to drop so I am feeling pretty fragile as it is.

@TheBeesKnee 6million/ml with I think it was 1% motility
He's been a nightmare though because in the 3 yrs ttc I've been asking and pushing for him to make lifestyle changes I.e change his diet and take his vitamins but it's only been the last couple of months he's actually got on board with it

Bridget87 three years of refusing to take action?! Dear lord, I would be fuming.

If he's only just started making changes then you won't see any effects until December/maybe the new year.

At least his count is 6m - my DP's is about 700k

@TheBeesKnee what documentaries have you been watching? I've been watching loads of infertility YouTube videos but could get on board with a documentary or two instead. My DH was 800k so very similar to yours!
@Bridget87 that would have driven me mad if my DH had been putting it off for so long. I feel very lucky that mine will do anything I ask of him :)

My DH is all healed up now post his op, seems to have gone well and he has had minimal pain and the vein is definitely reduced so all looking good. Now just to wait and see if it makes any difference!

ProbablyPertunia

A bunch on Real Families on YouTube. Most are 10-ish years old but still interesting to watch. They are more about the people going through IVF rather than IVF itself.

Oooooh I'm so upset I think I might throw up.

I was just talking to my mum on the phone and she started telling me how she regrets not having more children and that I should learn from her mistakes and get a move on and have at least one as I was almost 30 now...

She doesn't know about our fertility issues of course, but AF is due in 2 days and this is the last thing I need. My heart is pounding and I feel cold and sick.

Having a sad little cry in the loo and hiding from DP.

Fuck my life

@TheBeesKnee I am so sorry that must have been horrible to hear. Some people just don't think before they speak, although it often comes from a good place it feels like a stab in the gut.
Have you thought about telling your family? I know everyone is different but it really helped once I told my family and close friends, it has been really good to have the support.

Sorry to hear you’re having a bad day @TheBeesKnee I told my family pretty early on and it’s helped not having to pretend about why we haven’t been having kids. They are very supportive. It could be worth letting them know.

My DH got his appointment finally!!! 3rd December for Op so we will go again with IVF in March 2020. So no baby in 2020 which is very sad but hoping for a 2020 pregnancy.

When will your DH get retested @ProbablyPertunia !?

@TheBeesKnee when is your DH getting tested? It must be nearly 3 months for him now?

@TheBeesKnee I'm so sorry that your mum said something so insensitive, I always just think to myself now that those who haven't struggled just have no idea what it's like!

@Steenac7 we're going to get tested in late Jan and then again in April. Got everything crossed that things have improved at least a little!

@FlapJackered I agree, telling our families actually made it much easier as my PILs were constantly mentioning us having kids and kept guessing that I was pregnant every time I didn't drink or was a bit tired...

Found out last week that my health insurance company are offering cover for fertility as of January up to £12k (you have to pay 20% so would cost max of £3k) and this covers investigations and treatment. We're going to wait until June (have got Glasto tickets and my 30th) and then if we aren't pregnant start with that process. It's definitely taken a huge weight of my mind knowing that we have that coverage now as we don't get anything via the NHS!

@ProbablyPertunia fingers crossed for an improvement then!! You have time so it’s no harm to wait a bit - I’m 34 early next year and was 32 when we started trying so I don’t want to wait around anymore. Improvement or not we’re going straight into another round of ivf after the three months is up. More hoping the op will improve speed quality than give us a natural conception.

That’s brilliant about your funding. I get nothing from mine and we are self funding however we have enough savings for 2 rounds at the minute and are saving for more. It will wipe out our savings but if we can avoid debt we don’t mind. That said I would also take on more debt if we had to.

@TheBeesKnee hope you are feeling a bit better today

Hi can I join please?

Basically after taking a year to loose weight. Well 6 months for the other 6 I piled it on! We have now been put forward for IVF.

DH has zero sperm and due to a hernia as a child zero chance of sperm retrieval.

All my tests were good and well with normal range.

We are moving forward with it have to apply for funding and we would be entitled to two cycles on nhs.

Next is counselling and evening event then Wait for funds.

I actually feel better about it for the first time.

Thank you all for your support. Sorry to drop that depressing post and run, I was just feeling very overwhelmed. The next day I had a chat with my manager about something confidential and at the end she laughed with relief and said "oh thank God! I thought this meeting was to tell me you were pregnant! We really can't afford that right now, yes of course we can arrange blah blah blah..."

Steenac7 DP said he would do it in November but as far as I can see hasn't arranged anything yet.

I don't really want to tell my mum as she's a very emotional woman and I know that she will just cry and pray and I really can't face having to support her whilst feeling so shitty myself.

Hope you are all ok.
We have been for our second appt with fertility doctors today and been told we defo will be referred for IVF due to MFI but they cannot apply for my Nhs funding yet as still just over target BMI of 30 (half a stone) 😤
Been told it takes up to 3 months for funding approval to come 😳
But my saddest moment was being told we will only get 1 round funded on NHS once approved whereas I was under impression it would be 3. Not sure if this is because we have been told it's ICSI they will put us for which I know is more expensive... does anyone know if this is the case or am I just in a bad postcode lottery for CCG 🤔🥺

Hi @Bridget87

With regards to funding CCGs see IVF and ICSI as the same, so you need to google your CCG (the area you live) and then IVF policy. It will show you what you are entitled to.
My CCG only gives me 1 cycle but will transfer any frozen embryos we get from that transfer until we have a ‘live birth’ or run out of embryos!

NICE (the recommendations the NHS works off) states that couples should be entitled to 3 cycles. However it is up to each individual CCG as to what you get. Some CCGs don’t fund any cycles so I’m just thankful I’m in an area that will fund one. We are saving like crazy so that we can afford any further cycles we might need, as we are realistic that we may need more than one cycle.
(And any siblings we will have to fund ourselves so it is a back up for that if we are lucky enough that first cycle works!)
Hope this all helps, and good luck!
Emily

Hi everyone, I hope all is well. I will try to post more regularly as I realised that I only ever posted when I was Deep In The Pits and not really interacting properly.

I am just coming off my period and feeling grimy as we are having our bathroom done. I've been showering at work during the week, but as luck would have it the office is closed this weekend for the annual fire/electrics/flooding/whatever testing.

DP is avoiding making an appointment for the SA. I think he is nervous about another poor result and also hopeful that it will have just worked and he doesn't have to "literally wank £200 away" as he so eloquently puts it. It has been 4 months since his surgery so we should be seeing results on paper if not yet in my belly. He has has some random sharp pains in his back which I believe are because of the embolism. I do worry if this will continue or get worse with time it will have a detrimental effect on him and our relationship.

Embri

I never asked - how was the fertility show at the start of the month?

thefishthatcouldwish

Congratulations on the weight loss and referrals! Do you have any appointments scheduled yet?

@TheBeesKnee no not yet. Counselling is the first port of call which the clinic arrange I think this would be good for DH as he blames himself for putting me through it.

I don’t blame him. I never have.

I just want to really have a date now but in the meantime I want to loose more weight and also save up.

Haven’t said anything to work yet. I am the manager but I answer to a voluntary committee. I dunno what to say or do.

Haven’t said to any family much yet as I don’t want them knowing when a cycle is until after whichever way it goes.