BFP after IVF: nervous ladies needed a handhold Part II

[gingergnome]

Hi everyone,

Think that the last thread for this topic reached its limit, so have started a new one.

Good luck to everyone who has finally got that longed for BFP!

This is a place for everything that comes after the 2WW: celebrating milestones, being (cautiously!) excited, symptom checking, worrying, sharing advice, commiserating bad news, generally keeping each other going, and willing each other along on our way to the 12 week mark.

A bit about me: 39 y/old, 0 DC, IVF ICSI cycle 1, first BFP since TTC, currently 6+0.

Look forward to meeting lots of people with new BFPs and sharing your journey!


Tagging in some ladies from the old thread,
@itonlytakesone
@TheArtfulScreamer
@cannonball8726

[TheArtfulScreamer1]

Definitely get yourself to doctors, 9 weeks on it's a bit more than baby blues and if it is PND the sooner it's picked up and treated the better your recovery. You're a good mummy you've recognised things aren't perhaps altogether how they should be and you're doing something about it that takes alot of courage xxx

[BeHereNowx32]

@TheArtfulScreamer1 thank you. I definitely don’t want it to get worse, or pass anxiety into Sofia as she grows up xx

[HJ82]

@Itonlytakesone @cannonball8726 I didn't find the birth to be painful at all. Obvs they medicate you for forceps so didn't feel a thing. One of the drs complimented the lady who did my cut, said she's an artist lol. I feel fine down below. Apart from urine coming out when I sit on loo. I'm working super hard on my pelvic floor. But it's still a bit loose. I guess it's only been 4 days.

Anya stays in NNU till term so another week. She's doing excellent. I feel amazing, much better now than I was feeling during the last week before she arrived! My back pain was getting real. So in a way this is a relief. BUT it's torture being at home and having her there 😖 it's just a couple of weeks I keep reminding myself. Some other parents have had their babies in there for months. So scary. Happy she waited till 35 weeks and didn't come sooner. Unfortunately I came down with a cold and have to stay away for 4 days!!! It's breaking my heart. She's ready to start boob now and I can't go in. My OH is taking my milk and she's still having it through nose. They don't want to start her on a bottle because she will be lazy on boob so we wait till I'm better. I can't risk going in there with a cold! All those little babies. It's ok. I'm using the time to get myself rested and ready for a baby at home. Obviously we were not 100% ready

[TheArtfulScreamer1]

HJ82 how's the cold are you at the end of it now so you can go and visit Anya.
Behere how are you feeling this week, did you make an appt with your GP.

[BeHereNowx32]

@TheArtfulScreamer1 hi. So, on Sunday I seemed to feel more like myself. And each day I’m feeling better and better! No tears, and feeling happy. Will keep an eye on it and mention to health visiter if I feel low again, but all going well. I’m still combination feeding but I’m happy with that.
How are you?

And @CritterTamer and @HJ82. How are you and the babies? X

[CritterTamer]

@beherenow32 - we are all ok - thanks for asking. The babies are doing great, but unfortunately I'm suffering a bit with PTSD type flashbacks and emotional problems due to what happened last week - I've been referred to the PRAMS service so waiting on that and hopefully it will help. I'm finally out of hospital which is nice, but its so hard leaving my babies in SCBU while I go home 😭

[BeHereNowx32]

@CritterTamer you have had such a hard time. Look after yourself. My birth was quite straightforward and I still felt traumatised after. So sorry you have to leave your babies too. 😔 I hope it won’t be for long xx

[HJ82]

@CritterTamer omg I didn't see your message!! How amazing. So sorry for all the drama! We haven't had a good run have we!? I hope you can manage to get the help you need. Births can cause PTSD when complications arise. I just focused on the fact that we were both ok after it all. Although I didn't go through anything too traumatic, but I does depend on the individual. I've had several operations and medical things done to me that I just took it as it came. I really wanted this event in my life to be non medicalised as I've been through sooooo much medically! But it is what it is and in a month we will all be swell and forget the whole chaos. That's my outlook. It's just a bump in the road. Parenthood will never be easy.

I went back to the hospital yesterday after being away from my baby since Friday. I was starting to lose it. What a ride!! Now my OH is infected with my cold. I just can't believe our luck. I haven't been sick for ever!!! Anya is ok though so that's the main thing. I just getting terrified she will get it. She's just so weeny I couldn't cope if she got a cold right now. I have no idea when she will be allowed home. 😭 she's only 36 weeks now and they like to keep them to 37-38. We are just starting BF now so hopefully she gets it quick and she can come home next week 🤞🏻

@BeHereNowx32 I'm so sorry you're having your troubles too. Please do try and enjoy the baby bubble. Don't be hard on yourself and if you can't BF, it's ok. Express. I've become a pro! I'm so nervous about Anya not taking yo the breast and needing to be bottle fed. But tbh I'd do whatever at this point if it meant bring with her 24/7.

❤️

[BeHereNowx32]

@HJ82 you’re being an amazing mummy already. Hope Anya is home soon. You’re right, as long as baby is fed, that’s all that matters. Great that pumping is working for you too.

Had Sofia our all morning, so she drank 2 bottles 🙈 I’ve had to come home and pump because I was engorged. I don’t usually during the day. There’s more milk than I thought! Xx

[HJ82]

@BeHereNowx32 remember the more you pump the more you have. I'm doing 100ml a pump now and my friend said it will be 200ml by week 2. 😳 my boobs are enormous lol

[BeHereNowx32]

@HJ82 I just managed 90ml 😅 I’m super proud of it! How often do you pump? I’ve seen a pumping exercise that you got do over 3 days to boost supply. Wonder if it’s worth it.
I forgot to sterilise the equipment though! Will need to pour my 3oz away! X

[TheArtfulScreamer1]

Hi ladies how is every one doing?
Critter and HJ82 are your littlies getting on after their early and dramatic arrivals into this world. Critter not that I expect PTSD to disappear overnight but has anything improved for you?
Behere are you still feeling settled with how things are? We've cut down on formula as I now take fenugreek and it's really made a difference. Although on odd occasions it's made to much of a difference and Florence can't keep up with the flow.

[HJ82]

@BeHereNowx32 every 3 hrs. But she's on demand now so after every feed I express but not for long. Maybe 10mins. Held keep supply up and when she comes home and I'm confident with her feeding then I'll introduce a bottle with my milk every few feeds for daddy so I can sleep. That's the plan but we will see. She's going through a must be held by mummy phase... won't settle after a feed unless I'm cuddling her 😳.....

@TheArtfulScreamer1 all is going very well. I recovered after 2 days and feel totally normal now. Anya comes home Wednesday 37weeks! She's doing great with the BF and drs are happy with her growth ❤️

[HJ82]

@BeHereNowx32 no one I know sterilises pump. Just pour straight into bag. I just wash with soap and run boiling water over pump/bottle after every express. Nurses say that's fine

[TheArtfulScreamer1]

Aww that's fab news I bet Wed can't come quick enough for you now.

[BeHereNowx32]

@HJ82 really?! I’ve been pouring my few ounces away! Because I never sterilise it... I’m so glad things are going well for you (jealous though since your pain went so quick. I’m still a little sore after 10 weeks!). You’ve put in so much effort to breastfeed and I’m glad that it’s going well. Enjoy all those cuddles! My little one now hates cuddles. Xx

@TheArtfulScreamer1 I have been better... except the last couple of days. Baby is not feeding from me during the day. I try and she gets very frustrated and pulls off. I know it doesn’t help that I keep giving her bottles. At night I refuse. She is back to waking every 2 hours. But I keep feeding her until the morning. Then she gulped down a big bottle. I tried to power pump but it’s so time consuming. I would rather just feed my baby!
So, I am a little devastated. I really really want to carry on breastfeeding until 6 months or so. But I’m just not going about it the right way.
I think there’s a breastfeeding helpline. Or I will try harder to go to the support group.
Think I will buy that herb that you are talking about tomorrow.

But, we are doing really well! Have been getting out the house more. She has such a lovely happy personality, and I love her so so much!

Shame we don’t all live near each other. Would have been so nice to meet up with the babies! Xx

[TheArtfulScreamer1]

Glad you're getting out of the house more the same 4 walls can make you a bit stir crazy. I'm taking Florence back to my home town at the weekend for a week and staying with my mum so Nanna is getting very excited for snuggles.
Try Fenugreek I bet you'll notice a difference I have the 500mg capsules and take 7 every night and I no longer need to top up with Formula. I only feed from 1 breast per feed and she'll go between 2 and 3.5 hours between feeds which I can cope with.

[BeHereNowx32]

@TheArtfulScreamer1 thanks. That’s great. That’s how we are at night. Sofia can be restless in her sleep, which made me worry that she was still hungry. I did try a bottle one night, but she turned and latched right onto me 💗 we were still trying skin on skin a couple of weeks ago. She hates it. Screams and screams lol. Such a shame as I loved it so much.

Xx

[CritterTamer]

@theartfulscreamet1 - my babies are doing great, thank you for asking! They are taking to breast feeding really well considering how premie they were. They're currently on a mixture of breast feeding and NG tube feeds with expressed best milk through the night or when they are too sleepy to take the breast. Tomorrow I'm hoping to move into the overnight unit in SCBU so that I can be the for night time feeds, and once they're best feeding on demand through the night we'll be able to take them home 😊 maybe at the end of the week!

AFM I am struggling a bit emotionally with the PTSD - I can't bare the thought or sight of blood now and can't bring my self to look at my ceasarean wound at all. Having a lot of flashbacks and nightmares too. Being with my babies makes it better though I stupidly went googling crash ceasarean sections which is what I had, and really wish I hadn't - the 'what ifs' are haunting.

@HJ82 - I'm so glad you ve been allowed back into the unit to see your baby now you're feeling better - it's so awful being separated from them!

[HJ82]

@CritterTamer I'm rooming in tonight at SCBU and we go home tomorrow. They transferred us from uclh to Whittington and it was a huge shock, but the staff have been great here. I just don't take notice of the old ness and dirt 😛

[BeHereNowx32]

@HJ82 @CritterTamer how are you both, and your babies? I hope everyone is settled in well to new family life!


@TheArtfulScreamer1 how are you and Florence? 12 weeks old now! Can’t believe my baby is 3 months old!

Just a little chat (moan lol). So, breastfeeding is still a bit of a disaster. Baby will not latch on during the day. She basically looks at my nipple and screams. She fell asleep really early last night, but after not feeding from me at all during the day (I really tried, then just gave her formula) I was in so much pain, I’ve had to lift her twice to feed. She’s been making a clicking noise, and I realised our latch is bad! She’s just been sucking the end of the nipple ☹️
I can manage better at night because I’m not hunched over on the sofa trying to keep my clothes out the way etc, and not paying attention to getting her on properly. I think I also wait until she’s too hungry, then she ends up screaming.

Feel like an idiot 🤦‍♀️ 12 weeks of this stress. I never went to the group because I don’t drive it’s too awkward. @TheArtfulScreamer1 shop was out of stock of fenugreek, then I forget!

Apart from that we are doing great! She is the love of my life, and coming on so well xx

[TheArtfulScreamer1]

Florence is fab I can't remember a time without her and couldn't tell you where the last three months has gone.
Sounds like Sophia is making the decisions for you on breastfeeding why don't you just breastfeed on a night and give formula during the day if that's what works for you both. You can always express at points when able during the day to stop you from getting engorged, blocked ducts etc.
Behere you've struggled and battled with feeding from the start and have done well to get this far with it, I think if it was going to fall naturally into place for you it would've by now so I think for your own sanity you need to move forward and either seek outside support in order to try and EBF or make a decision on a combi feeding pattern that works for you or give up BF. I think if you make a decision and try and stick to it you'll save yourself the turmoil you seem to currently be experiencing. Fed is best and you've done really well don't be so hard on yourself xxx

[BeHereNowx32]

@TheArtfulScreamer1 so glad Florence is doing well. Are you still enjoying your walks out and about? We’ve not been out much this week, just a quick walk with the dog in the morning. It’s always raining here!

Yeah, you’re right! I was just thinking the same. Sorry I sound like a broken record 😞 I really need to learn feeding cues for a 12 week old tho! I just tried to breastfeed her and she was going crazy and pulling away. So I made a bottle, but she is completely fine. Happy and chatting away 🤦‍♀️ I’ve probably put her off with trying to feed her when she doesn’t need to! Haha.

Trying to decide whether we should go to mummy baby group today. Probably should, mummy just feeling lazy! Xx

[TheArtfulScreamer1]

I struggle to recognise Florence feeding ques now I just go by time and if she starts turning her head and opening her 7mouth when I hold her. We've been in my home town this week so we've been really busy visiting people we're back home now so we're having a chill out day whilst I square the washing and house up.

[HJ82]

@BeHereNowx32 doing well over here. Anya is in a nice 3hr routine and I'm weaning her off the shields but tbh I like using them as she latches straight away and there's no pain as she can't have a bad latch. But BF with naked nipples is good for hormones and supply. I'm expressing after every feed so I can give her a bottle twice through the night. By 8pm my boobs are dry and she gets too tired trying to get milk so I just give her 80mls of EBM. I'm so scared my supply won't be able to keep up! It's a slippery slope when we start introducing formula in terms of breast milk supply. Also I'm very conscious of her clocking into the easy bottle option over breast and starting to regret breast, sounds like that's happening for you? They're very smart!! If they don't have to work for it then why not 😛

Anya doesn't seem to have an issue with normal breast, Sheild or bottle at the moment. She takes all 3 but as she gets bigger this could change. I need to give her a bottle at night as I just don't have enough then. 😬 I'm on fenugreek, oats barley teas and 3 litres of water haha. I'm determined