Uber barren ghetto, elite squad 9th battalion

[bananafish81]

Thread 1 here

Welcome all to the barren ghetto, elite squad 9th battalion. Sgt banana reporting for duty.

1. The first rule of uber barrens club - uber barrens only. Secondary barrens have by definition graduated to the parents club. Unless you're facing the very real possibility of a childless future, at the end of the road after multiple failures, the 9th battalion isn't for you.
   

1. Second rule of uber barrens club. No false positivity. No 'stay strong, you'll get there'. No 'it'll all be worth it when you have your baby in your arms'. It's very likely we won't get there and won't ever have a baby in our arms, so it's cruel to remind us of our greatest fear, and the reason we're here in the first place
   

1. If you're a former member of uber barrens club, no trite offering of 'have you tried..?' If you've graduated then members of the 9th battalion are delighted for you, but this is supposed to be our safe space. Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will for us. This is a thread for support amongst kindred uber barrens. Not well intentioned but unhelpful advice
   

1. If club members get a BFP then that is fucking BRILLIANT. We know the abject fear of miscarrying. I personally know I'm more afraid of the next cycle succeeding than failing. But uber barrens club isn't the place for early pregnancy scanxiety. If you don't feel ready to join a preggo thread, then why not set up a 'multiple failures but just got BFP and completely shitting it' thread. Hopefully we'll be along to join you soon
   

1. Repeat. No pregnancy chat in uber barrens club.
   

Unfortunately prev attempts at a safe space for uber barrens have been pissed all over by flagrant disregard for the above. It hurts. We just want ONE safe space where we can be scared, and hurt, and know that we're not alone.

[FingersXssd83]

Same @Whyborn78 this and the connected blogs, insta accounts and profiles have really helped me to feel less alone and isolated today!

After an extremely tough few days which resulted in me weeping on two separate groups of friends last night, I feel a little brighter.

Wishing everyone a positive day 💜

[AliceAbsolum]

@uberbarrensclub Hey, I saw your article in the metro and remembered you from a few years ago. Very glad to see you spreading wide words.

[AliceAbsolum]

Uh, wise.

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Hello Uber barrens, just dropping in to say @uberbarrensclub I follow you on Twitter and just listened to your brilliant radio interview www.cbc.ca/amp/1.5411672?__twitter_impression=true I love hearing you talk about this, it's so moving and so accessible. I hope you are well and the book is coming along. Keep fighting the good fight for the Barrens 👊

[uberbarrensclub]

Hey barrens! Big hugs to you all, I've missed ya! Thank you @PotatoesPastaAndBread, trying to fight the good fight and represent Team Barren as best I can :)

Because the world is very strange I now seem to find myself on the speaking faculty of a conference at the Royal Society all about early pregnancy, speaking alongside lots of very eminent professors and clinicians about the patient perspective of early miscarriage and how we talk about pregnancy loss. Hilariously, on the same billing earlier in the day is one of the Drs who treated me at their miscarriage clinic, who called me the weirdest patient they'd ever seen, because my uterine issues were so unusual. The universe has a very funny sense of humour!!

[Oldandsad]

Is this thread still alive here or has migrated somewhere? I'd like to join. Thanks.

[PurpleDaisies]

I’d be up for this thread restarting. I’m having a horrible time at the moment and struggling to find anyone else that understands. My supposedly understanding close friend just announced an accidental pregnancy with a scan photo on Facebook. I so fed up of feeling like this.

[GreyC]

The last one my ‘understanding friend’ is pregnant. I have no one to talk to about it. Even friends who are pregnant don’t get it who previously allowed me to vent about it.
I am so empty and bitter.

[Blahblah20]

Hello everyone, I feel like I’ve found my crew. Now 8 years into this shit and despite coming to terms with accepting our IVF journey is over after 6 rounds I now feel a massive failure for a long running adoption process where we are going round in circles. The future feels so bleak and I can’t shake the feeling I’m never going to be a mother, never get to have a family, have this entire part of my future I stupidly took for granted just never appear...

[uberbarrensclub]

Hi Old, would be lovely to revive the thread, it & its predecessors were a much needed safe space for those of us whose journeys have been longer, more challenging and more unsuccessful to bitch and moan about the unfairness of it all, away from rainbows and unicorns and positivity.

Big hugs Purple, I'm so sorry about the baby bomb, it just never gets any easier and is just really, really shit

grey plenty of room to join us on the 'empty and bitter' bench

blah I wish you didn't have cause to be here, but you are very very welcome. I'm so sorry you're being put through the ringer for the adoption process, it is just very very unfair that for so many people life seems to be a never-ending battle against unplanned pregnancy and for so many bloody fantastic women (+ their partners) never have we tried so hard to get precisely nowhere

Barren solidarity to all 💪🏻

[tiredsleepysleep]

Just popped in to see if you fabulous uber Barrens are still around? I've had a few name changes in this thread but I was in fro the beginning ... thought I'd pop my head in as I've just been looking at a thread of people struggling with TTC but I couldn't bring myself to comment as it had lots of secondary infertility people on. That's why I always loved the safe space of uber Barrens. You're my people who understand! It's now 10 years since we started TTC. We stopped TTC about 18 months ago and I finally came to terms with my permanent state of barrenness. Then about 6 months ago we started looking at adoption, but long and frank discussions, it's not for us.
I have been struggling again recently grieving for my non existent children. It's shit. My last miscarriage was 3 years ago. It was my 6th MC. This bullshit has consumed me for 10 bastard years now.

Anyway, enough about me! Any other uber Barrens still around? Any newbies want to join our club?!

[jemimafuddleduck]

I'm a newly qualified Uber barren (I think!). 5 failed IVF rounds, never had a BFP and have been advised by dr to stop as the chances of success are minimal.
We're moving onto adoption, but it's totally, totally shit.
I hate that I'm now "infertile".

[GreyC]

Hi guys; still here.
I kid you not I’ve had three pregnancy announcements from my close friendship group. They are all due within the month. I’ve also organised two baby showers so far this year.

I’m drinking out the wrong tap haha.

We are going to adopt too @jemimafuddleduck. But not untill end of this year to get the ball rolling. We need some time out from all the negative and sadness that’s happened these few years.
We are very excited about that though!