Thread 32 | TTC#1 | Making the move from conception to infertility. We've taken some blows but we are not beaten

[Jamon]

Hi all. We're a group of first timers who've been plugging away on the conception boards for some time. The support here is amazing so if you're in a similar boat please jump onboard.

Time to hand hold through treatments and support each other through to becoming the mums we deserve to be 💪🏼🌸🙏🏼

Hi girls - scan went fine, felt a bit more positive today. I have 5 that are looking good and 2 that will hopefully catch up, plus lots of smaller ones. We’re back in tomorrow for a final scan then hopefully egg collection on Tuesday - feeling positive that there are follicles and that if I have to go again hopefully I could get more if they upped my dose earlier

kwick it must be all the milk! Hope you’re ready for your trip.

Love the cake mouse - I am a terrible baker, am jealous!

jam sorry about AF - hope that means everything is on track for this cycle?

Hope everyone else is having lovely Saturdays. We went to see Paddington today - loads of kids in the cinema but I loved it, it was a proper feel good film!

Good luck for the scan struggle glad it's looking good

Best of luck kwick!! Everything crossed for you, so exciting. Safe trip xx

Good luck kwiiiiiiick! I can’t believe it’s come around so quickly!

Sorry about AF jam - but hopefully means all on track and glad to see a fellow mooncup fan!

So bloody typical of AF chlo - hope things get moving soon.

That cake looks amazing mouse!!

👋🏼 kath!

The interview definitely helped me crystallise my thoughts jene - the time to leave has come, I just need to find the right thing to go to. I’m sick of my life being on hold. No point trying to stand still while time marches on regardless.

Egg collection on Tuesday struggle! Exciting!

Had a great day today with DH just walking around shops and treating ourselves to a day of no diet food. Practiced my piano, bought a couple of books and listened to a podcast which had the CEO of the company am interviewing for on it. Thought I may as well try and get some insight on what she’s like as an interview with her is the next stage if I get through!

AF arrived late yesterday afternoon so the guidelines said if it arrives over the weekend, call on the Monday so that's what I'll be doing tomorrow morning. Trying not to think too much and just get on with it but have had a few 'right ok so I actually will have to go through with this' moments but have talked to a few close friends and they've all said that's completely normal. Generally feeling ok and just keen to get started.

We did have a meal out last night with DH"s 2 best friends and other halves who both had babies within a month of when we would so I always find it hard when the 6 of us meet up and 1 of the girls is just not sensitive to the situation at all so a lot of the conversation kept going back to what she's bought the baby for xmas, how busy they'll be, how she found out she was pg this time last year, how they're not that bothered about their wedding now as having a baby changes everything.... I was pleased to get out of there and drove off in a tail spin lol. Just don't need to be in those situations.

Oooh what non diet food did you have pyjamas? Are you still enjoying the plan? I haven't tried your pomegranate trick yet, must do that.

Glad the scan went well struggle and you're feeling more positive. I really want to see Paddington, it looks so good! I think I might borrow my nephew to take along lol.

Good luck kwick, hope all goes well! That has come around so quickly hasn't it! Fingers crossed for you.

I've signed up to do two pop up xmas events this week. I did worry I'm taking too much on but I hate sitting around doing nothing and having too much thinking time on my hands so thought sod it, might as well keep myself busy and productive whilst everything gets going

Chlo sending hugs. I thought I was going to dread Christmas this year but so far I’m feeling ok about it. I know I have 1 decoration I’ll avoid that I bought last year when I was pregnant and thinking we would have a baby this year. If I don’t think about it, I won’t get upset. Was hopeful for this cycle but nope.

Kwick sending massive good luck. X 🤞

Struggle that’s fantastic news about your scan. Excited for you!!!!! X

Kerry it’s a lemon cake 🍰 Didn’t cut the caramelised edges off 🙈🍋

CAKE FOR EVERYONE.

I’m 9DPO today. Temp has dropped and I’ve started spotting so AF will be here tomorrow... when I have my 21 day bloods. So no doubt that will be pointless. I’ve already cried in bathroom at 6am this morning. Time to draw a line in the sand on this cycle. Tad gutted since it looks like last cycles 11 day luteal phase was a fluke. Back to 9 and a shitty 23 days total. MEH.

So I’m 34 at the end of the month... I have to drop 50lbs and get my bmi to 28 so that I’ll qualify for any kind of help from an nhs fertility clinic. We can’t afford private without taking out a loan of some kind. And I’ve lost nothing overall since my mmc in February since I’ve put on weight and lost it then put it on then lost it. So I weight the same as i did in February now. Feels quite impossible right now.

I’m sure I’m being punished for something and maybe this is the universes way of saying it isn’t for us.* So many things against me.* 😢

Fuck me prime example... didn’t even hold that last sentence. 😑

This is good news Struggle!!!

Ooooo what kind of events chlo?

mouse you are NOT being punished!!! You had some very bad luck but that does not mean you will not get your BFP.
As for the funding - you can get special financing at some clinics - worth looking into.
I think you should try the castor oil packs.
For the weight loss - it is possible. It is a feking hard slog but completely doable. Please give SW a try. I am wrapping my arms around you and sending you lots of positive energy. You were there for me in my darkest days - let me be here for you now.

Ladies thanks for all the warm wishes - cannot believe I am here! Hotel just right - called the Nun’s Palace - which I think is very apt given the fact that I have probably injected shed loads of nun’s wee by now!!!

But mouse when you say cake for everyone does that mean you have posted us each a slice in true life? I will be very sad if that is not the case 😩😩😩😩

Oh mouse so sorry you feel like this. Sometimes in life you get such a run of shit luck it feels like someone has it in for you. Life is a funny journey, and sometimes this is just what we have to get through - the highs make us forget the lows - and you will get the highs!

Wow kwick how exciting - glad you got there safe. What day is your transfer?

chlo totally know that feeling of ‘oh shit this is real’ - although I kind of still feel like that now! Events sound great, are you selling stuff?

baguette it is so hard putting your life on hold...but as someone who is almost half way through it isn’t as bad as you think - I’ve only had 4 scans (one after downregging and 3 stims ones) but I know it is hard to guess on dates. We cleared our diaries for October and November which has actually been really lovely - although I am now getting excited about nice plans we have over Christmas and into the New Year. I hope it is all worth it for you.

Last scan this morning and I am triggering tonight! There are 8 hopefuls although not getting my hopes up for this many. Actually feeling quite excited and relieved to have got this far!

Thanks mouse x Sorry you're feeling shitty. The whole 'if I don't think about it' mantra definitely works, it's just hard sometimes to put it into action but it's the right attitude to have.

I've found it really hard to lose weight after MMC too. I've googled it and lots of people have said the same so I think it must be something to do with the hormones and it is a genuine 'thing'. Yes we all know eating loads of cake isn't going to make you lose weight but I eat more healthily now than ever and exercise more and it's been so hard to shift. It's such a pain in the backside. Can you try to break it down into smaller targets so it seems a bit more manageable? From that point of view, something like SW might be a good idea but I know it doesn't suit everyone. Sending you lots of hugs back.

struggle it sounds like you're doing really well and it's really positive to hear about your experience so far as it makes it sound not so daunting and scary! I guess everyone deep down holds onto a bit of hope that they'll conceive on that last cycle. I'm looking forward to starting the process and just getting on with things and feeling a bit more in control hopefully.

Yes kwick selling stuff, it's my little online insta/facebook boutique. I put on an event on Friday for some other local business and then other people have contacted me and asked if I'd like to do events with them so that's really good. Hopefully a busy, productive week ahead. Is your hotel actually called Nun's Palace or are you pulling our legs?! How are you feeling about everything?

Hope everyone else has had good weekends. Can't wait for I'm a Celeb!

Thanks Struggle, I know it shouldn't be too many scans and they said they do them early (clinic is miles away so it means starting work late every time, will have an array of excuses at the ready!)
Keeping everything crossed for your egg collection.

I want to see Paddington too, DH has suggested a cinema date where we go to the cinema together but each see the film we want then have dinner after... happy to give it a go.

Kwick hope all is well and you are able to have some nice food while you're there. I also have 2 passports but 1 of them is lost (lost at home I think in a "safe place"). I really better look as it's a pain to report a lost passport. And I'd probably find it the next day.

Chlo for once glad AF has come for you so you can get started. The "friend" you met with sounds so annoying, especially comments re wedding.

Go PJs, hope you get a second interview, they'd be very lucky to have you. Don't forget to mention your upcoming honours list appearance.

Mouse you are not being punished. Look how fabulous all this bunch of ladies are and we're all struggling... Can't all be being punished can we?
Did they take into account your relatively short cycles when booking you in for day 21 test? I guess yours would need to be done earlier.

Kerry I went to an old fashioned department store which had a sale on, I've recently got a massive bed and only had one duvet set to go on it. Wish it would be a lucky bed for TTC!
I'm off to bed now, night all.

Hi.

I'm Kayleigh and I've been trying for over 2 years, I have PCOS and low ovulation levels.

I'm currently on my second round of clomid 100mg after not ovulating on 50mg the first time round.

I've heard really good things about fertility reflexology so I'm going to be giving that a go! :)

Wishing you all the best x

Welcome Kayleigh, good luck with the Clomid, I also had my dosage increased, hope it does the trick for you.
I've been trying for a long time and the next step for me is IVF.

This is a great kind and supportive thread with a sense of humour (you need it for long term TTC) and there are all kinds of random questions and comments that can really help. It's also a place to come when your neighbour's sister gets pregnant by a man she met last week and half your work colleagues are upduffed and you get asked again if you are too career minded for children (or whatever variation on that theme).
I had reflexology years ago for a different health issue and it worked really well.

Hi Jene,

This seems like such a good support group, which I defiantly need and we can all help each other through our obstacles :)

I hope the next steps work for you x

chlo I am not pulling your leg!!! My hostal/hotel is called “Les Monges Palace” les monges in Alicantino (like a dialect of Catalan) means nuns. It was one of the reasons I chose the place - that and the central location and boutiquey feel. I have not been disappointed- I had the most delicious bath yesterday and today I have a jet spray shower waiting!!
There is a lovely terrace too!
kwick tries to remind herself she is not on holiday
So the clinic will call me around noon and then I will go in sometime this afternoon. I am planning to spend the morning at a shopping centre that is near the clinic.

What do you sell chlo????

Welcome kayley!!!

FFS jene!!! Did I miss the neighbours sister saga?

Had a good nights sleep despite some really intense and random dreams. Gone to snuggle up for another 30 minutes or so and then have a power shower

Sounds lovely Kwick. Massive good luck for today, everything crossed for you. Enjoy your shopping and by this evening there will be an embryo on board - how exciting! Xx

Ha Kwick you haven't missed anything, it was just an example of the crap you hear.

Thinking of you and Struggle today.

Lem in a way it's good you didn't have to wait too long for appointment, at least you'll know what's expected after tomorrow.

Hope Otters is well.

Had to get up ridiculously early to get to a work meeting today so I'm allowing myself a peak at mumsnet before it gets started.

Ah sorry JeNe I said us meaning me and DH and I was having a completely self absorbed rant. Sorry if it offended. I hate this empty feeling I have right now. I was pregnant this time last year. I should be a Mum right now. Instead it’s another birthday and another Christmas without the only thing I actually want in life. I packed last years tree away bubbling to my baby like a weirdo about how next year would be amazing. And now I’m just sat here, fat, shit cycles, aching joints, a thyroid issue, taking meds and empty. It was no way a reflection on all the lovely ladies in here, I am so thankful that you are all getting the help you deserve. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve that help. It’s my go to explanation of the last 4 years of bad luck. X

As for the 21 day test. My ov date would have fell on the weekend had I ovulated on CD15/16 as usual. Of course my body, for the first time ever, oved on CD14. Typical. So bloods actually fall on 10DPO rather than 7DPO. It’s tricky since my GP said a 9 day luteal phase doesn’t exist. 😑

Kwick hunny thank you. You know how much I appreciated every word you sent me when I needed it. I’m sending all my warm energy to you today. Xxx

Struggle it’s honestly exhausting. Such a mental battle too. I often wonder if I’d just kept TTC in 2013 when we first started would I be a mum now? Maybe I’d still be TTC. Maybe I’d have given up and moved onto different things. Maybe this. Maybe that. But then I remember to refocus. Yesterday was a total downer for me. I’m sorry it came across so negatively.

Chlo thank you. You’re right. My hormones are all over the shop. Plus I’m now medicating my thyroid. My body has changed since my mmc and I have to accept that. I’m so sorry we have to go through these things. I’m going to give low carb a go first before accepting I may need to try SW (Which honestly has very little appeal since I currently eat between 1200-1500 cals a day and I’m sure SW would see me eat a lot more, that in my head = weight gain.) Didn’t even have a slice of my lemon cake since I had a few slices of pizza on Friday as my treat. Fml. All my family were complimenting that it was amazing cake too. I took a pic of my sisters slice... I took a deep inhale.

I’m still spotting. It’s getting heavier, still dark and with bits of cm mixed. I know AF will probably show this morning but in a cruel twist my temps went back up again this morning. Bastard body!! Going to try B6 next cycle. Any advice? Not much else i can break in there lol.

kwick so excited for you today. I'll post details of the moon salutation later, it's good for pregnant women my yoga teacher said, which you very soon will be!

Mouse I'm in the same boat as you this month. Had my day 21 bloods on Friday, spotting ramped.up and think AF has arrived this morning. Which means I had an 8 day LP this month. Actually I think it was an anovulatory cycle. My cycle always seems to be messed.up on months I ovulate from.my tubeless side.

Lemony don't beat yourself up. It's great that you've got the appointment and I'm sure they see many people who have lifestyle changes theyre in the process of making. We're all a work in progress.

Excited for you struggle so close now!

Jene I give you permission to punch the next person who makes a crass comment about your reproductive plans and maybe we all need you to ask your neighbour for tips

Welcome Kayley sorry you find yourself here but lovely to have you.

Sorry anyone else I've missed, I'm on my phone...

Good luck Kwick
xx

Good luck today kwick xx remember you can only purchase what you can fit in your case! And get back to your palace

Massive hug mouse I’m so sorry you’re feeling so shit. Miscarriage is so cruel. Have you tried any counselling?

Struggle well done pulling the trigger - does that mean egg collection tomorrow?

Welcome kayley good luck with the increased clomid

Lemon don’t panic you can get more info and advice from them tomorrow. I hope you don’t have to wait any longer xx

Kath hope you’re doing well x

How are you getting on jam? Where are you up to?

I’m back after a short break, sorry for disappearing so suddenly but I just needed a bit of time to get my head round things. The good news is I’ve decided to go ahead with IVF, it’s my only option now and I think the diagnosis of severe endo has almost made it easier for me as I don’t think I’m going to have some kind of miracle pregnancy without it. My appointment is the 2nd Jan, so got a bit of breathing space until then.

What I’m struggling with more right now is my friends. I have two friends who are sisters and they have a lot of problems, some big and some small, but I’ve always been there for them and supported them. My DH hates the relationship I have with them because he says they are leeches, all take take take and no give. But I’ve always argued that I’ve never had any problems to share. Obviously infertility has hit me hard these last few weeks so I reached out to them...but I wish I hadn’t. I was made to feel so small and insignificant. In a round about way, they basically told me that my problems were nothing compared to theirs. Their dad is dying from dementia so this is true, but I’ve been supporting them for years through this...am I selfish to just want something back?

Hope you are all well, the thread has been so busy! I will have a proper catch up when I’m home but special shout out to Jam, Kwick, Pyjamas, Flash and Mouse - you guys are and always will be a source of inspiration for me xx

Good luck today kwick, hope it all goes well and hope you find something nice to treat yourself to! Can't believe that's the name of your hotel, very apt indeed! I sell ladies clothes, shoes & accessories :)

It's really tough mouse, you're going to have days like that and it's shit but hopefully you feel a bit better today. You do definitely deserve all the help as well, life is just a shitter sometimes for some people, it's in no way a reflection of you or anyone saying you don't deserve it.

lemony good luck for the appointment tomorrow. You'll hopefully feel better once you've got some more information and can put a plan into action.

The clinic called me back this morning and we've got an appointment for tomorrow. I was getting all the consent forms together and there's so much information. Going to re-read everything before tomorrow but it's hard to take it all in. Did anyone do anything particular whilst having treatment? I've looked at Zita West recipe book again and she recommends lots of lean protein, avocado, healthy fats etc which is what we're eating anyway, just wondered if anyone had any other tips x

Skipper firstly I’m so pleased you’ve made the decision to try IVF and having this date is a something to focus on and work towards. If you have any questions about anything you have several experts at your disposal now 😙. Your friends - I swear it will never cease to amaze me how people can react. Infertility is gut wrenching pain. It’s your life on hold. It’s grief for what should have been. It tears you and your life apart and leaves nothing untouched. It feels never-ending, it’s isolating , terrifying and puts massive pressure on your relationship. I could go on. We all know the massive toll this takes. Dementia is terrible and what they are going through must be horrible - however grief and pain are not things you trade or compare. They are not measurable. The fact they are going through this does not mean they cannot support you or show you love and support. If anything the fact they are going through a painful life experience should be opening their eyes to the suffering that other people go through around them - for all sorts of reasons. I think infertility has made me a more compassionate and empathetic person. It forces you to face up to the most painful feelings and thoughts - when so often in life you have the luxury to turn away.

Sorry for my essay. In essence they should be able to support you, and that was a really inconsiderate response. Massive hug from me. Is there anyone else in real life you talk to?

I feel we need another meet up ..

Flash I’m not great to be honest. I was doing so well, so upbeat last week and then yesterday I had an absolute bombshell dropped on me. A close family member is accidentally pregnant. I’m still in shock and reeling from it to be honest. I cried so much I gave myself a headache. I didn’t sleep last night and have called in sick as I just can’t face the world today. All I can see in my mind is having to watch her get progressively more pregnant and have this amazing baby, whilst I shrink further and further into desperation and depression. Her situation is very far from ideal and I know she must be really worried - so I need to get my head around this and be very very strong. I think I just need a few days of reeling and coming to terms with it.

Start injections tonight too and DH is away so I’ve got to figure it out solo. Ugh what a massive pity party!

Mum is coming over so I think a very honest conversation is on the cards. She said I’ve been shutting her out - but I just feel that she doesn’t understand - how can she, she conceived effortlessly four times. She is really worried about me though and I can tell she takes on my pain, which makes me even sadder. God what a mess. When will I wake up and find this is all a bad dream please?