Thread 32 | TTC#1 | Making the move from conception to infertility. We've taken some blows but we are not beaten

[Jamon]

Hi all. We're a group of first timers who've been plugging away on the conception boards for some time. The support here is amazing so if you're in a similar boat please jump onboard.

Time to hand hold through treatments and support each other through to becoming the mums we deserve to be 💪🏼🌸🙏🏼

Wow the board is moving so quickly!

Thanks for the tip pyajams, can't wait to try that out later! I've got bloody pomegranate stains everywhere! ha ha. Sounds like a lot to consider with the job. Would you say these kinds of jobs come up very often? It doesn't sound like the ideal timing but you can't overthink that side of things. I think DH has a very good point, you're interviewing them as much as they're interviewing you so go along and see how you feel first of all. I've always found that you just get a feeling with a job if it's the right one for you or not and you don't want to stress yourself out over it unnecessarily. Good for you on getting an interview in the first place :)

Nice to hear from you harriet.. Hope everything's progressing well x

Hope you're doing ok kerry.. Definitely stay away from that thread. It's so hard when everyone else has finally got their happy news and you're still trying. Even when they say things like 'I hope you get your good news soon' you're like easy for you to say that isn't it but I try to think well it must be my turn soon, surely?! Please?!

We're doing IMSI, not sure who asked, so just waiting for period to arrive and then will call up the nurses and get going. I've had funny little pains in my stomach the last few days so now I'm worrying. I had an ectopic yrs ago and that thought has crossed my mind but trying not to overthink (but of course I am.). Just want to get going now and let someone else be in control of this madness that is TTC!

Pyjamas I could have just written your pros and cons list about my old job vs job I'd like to apply for! I'm continually surprised by how much infertility has made be reassess my life/priorities etc. I'm trying to remember that the pros of my old job aren't enough to make me want to stay, the cons make me unhappy, the pros don't make me happy. If that makes any sense?

Harriet hello by the way! So lovely to hear from you.

Chlo can I be the class dunce and ask what IMSI is and what it involves?

Glad the tip is useful for you chlo!

You're not going to believe this guys - a BBC 5 live breakfast producer got in touch with me on Twitter (through my anonymous all things fertility related handle) and we just had a long chat! He's looking at IVF in more detail after they covered it not long ago with Hannah Vaughan-Jones and wanted to talk to me about low AMH which we did, and then we had a good chat about male infertility diagnosis and sperm DNA fragmentation and treatment. He's looking at pulling together a show on these issues and may ask me to take part if it all comes together (anonymously of course - DH would kill me!). How do I get myself into these things ha ha

That's amazing pyjamas! It's SO good that people are starting to become more aware of these issues. Imagine if you do actually go on the show! That's brill!

Hey flash, it's where they look at the sperm under a stronger magnifier basically to hopefully select the best one. Basically, we're going for the 'strongest' option as such and hoping that it works.

What's been a bit of a head f**k is that now neither of us really has any issues so we could just carry on trying naturally whereas if they told us we couldn't, it would be a no brainer but we still feel like it's the right option for us at this moment in time. So we could've opted for normal IVF and the 'softer' approach but then I know that if that didn't work, I'd be thinking oh we should've just gone for it and gone for the IMSI option.

Wow, PJs that's amazing! Do you mind posting or PM'ing your Twitter handle please? I'd love to have a look.
What a fab opportunity if it comes through, I'm so impressed!

Btw, I would go for the interview anyway just to see how it feels and for the experience. No need to make any decisions yet - just see how you like them and whether it's an opportunity you want to pursue further. Relaxed thoughts all the way!

Chlo that's quite a quandary. I can 100% understand why you'd want to throw everything at it (I would probably be exactly the same) but do you know how much evidence there is for IMSI?

It's not anything I know about, but I would have thought that nature would do the same job in terms of selecting the strongest sperm. Wouldn't they be the ones to get to the eggs/penetrate the shell first anyway? If the sperm are strong and healthy and numerous enough, and there aren't issues with the sperm and eggs repelling each other, my logical head would say just to leave it to nature.

However, like I said, I am totally sympathetic to your dilemma and cannot say that head would rule heart if I faced the same decision.

Maybe Dame Pyjamas OBE has some insights over male factor she can share?

Welcome Wine! Sorry you have to be here at all but we're all here to listen and advise where we can, and hope it's a speedy journey for you. Take the time to get your head around things, but if it's any consolation IVF for 'physical' issues - such as blocked tubes - has great success rates as there are no fundamental problems with egg or sperm quality. It is more invasive but then so is a laparoscopy... Don't feel you have to come to any decisions quickly and ask all the questions you need.

Kwick have you sorted your meds out?

Kerry, I'm really sorry . You have every right to be bitter and pissed off and sad. You are NOT broken. Nothing we can say on a screen is going to make you feel any better but we can listen and share your sadness and offer lots of sympathy xx

Glad stimms are going okay Struggle. Don't worry about first scan. Even if (small chance) there is low response, that's the point of the scan! Loads of time for them to adjust the protocol or length or stimm cycle. Hoping for a textbook response from you though!

Hi ladies,

I am still lurking but haven't posted for a while.

Otters congratulations and inspectorpenguin hope it all works out for you.

Pyjamas congratulations on the work front sounds like you may have a very positive opportunity.

Not much happening here. I have a post op follow up hopefully with my surgeon and will discuss raised prolactin levels which may be impacting on fertility. I also may need a hsg which I'm a little bit worried about having because I have zero tolerance to pain! I will have to be brave !!!!

Hello to everyone else , I'm useless and keeping up but hope you are all doing okay.

Hey penguin, yes it's a difficult one, and I had the same thoughts and when we went to the appt we were really keen to establish why we should have IMSI over IVF and you question are the clinic suggesting it because it's more expensive? But basically, because they use an even stronger microscope, it allows them to pick the sperm with the highest chance of achieving a successful fertilisation. My concern was then are we forcing a fertilisation to occur so could there be defects etc as I've read about that on forums but the doctor told us the difference in defects between IVF and IMSI or ICSI is 0.02% so there really is nothing in it. crgh.co.uk/imsi/ this sums it up quite well I think if anyone's interested.

Feeling quite tearful and anxious today but I guess thats normal as it's quite exciting but scary at the same time.

My twitter handle is @mcwombface penguin - feel free to follow!

Totally understand why you're going for the IMSI chlo - even though I'm deeply sceptical about it after my conversations with the male fertility specialists at the fertility show, I'm not sure I'll be able to resist it. I just want them to explain why we should do it in our case over normal IVF if DH sperm totally fine after fragmentation issue sorted out and what evidence they have as it is currently unproven and other experts (who aren't selling anything) are telling me I'd be better off spending the extra money on a holiday. But again, I totally understand why you're going ahead with it. And also - totally normal to be feeling tearful and anxious - just before IVF is a total clusterfuck of emotions xxx

Thanks mouse and flash - I was actually only 11dpo but tested negative with a frer and just knew it hadn’t happened. Stopped progesterone and period started today.

I had wanted to do another iui straight away but the hospital don’t think they can fit me in. I think it just feels like I have to be trying something

Can totally understand that kerry. When you feel like you're just waiting around, it can feel completely soul destroying and never ending. What do the hospital recommend? Are there any other options other than IUI?

I know pyjamas, it's such a tough one. Bloody emotions have got worse as the day has gone on. Prob didn't help seeing a baby announcement on FB from a friend who I knew about. They posted such a nice post though which said about taking a moment for all the people they know who are trying and doing everything they can, so it wasn't a big, showy look at us type of post it was so thoughtful and lovely which I think made me feel even more emotional. Tucked up on the sofa with my little dog. He's been really clingy today, they definitely know when you need that extra bit of TLC.

Hi girls

Just catching up after a weekend head break. Center Parcs was great, really enjoyed the cycling and fresh air and I really managed to switch off for periods of time and just be in the moment.

There were a few difficult moments as the place is a bit of a creche, so many young families babies etc but I kept my shit together. When we left I felt a bit knackered and reflected I had had my brave face on all weekend, which is tiring. It's so good to do but leaving I felt I could actually be myself again.

Progynova going fine, I'm very hormonal as AF is due Thursday so I'm full of natural progesterone and stuffing myself with fake oestrogen so its all going on. My boobs hurt, my tummy is a bit funny and I'm tired, but otherwise fine so can't really complain too much. Scan is Thursday to see what happens next.

Right now what's been going on with you lot - hope you've all had good weekends?

Welcome passmethewine sorry you've had these hurdles, its a lot to take in. The IVF referral is also quite a lot to get your head around - you never really think it will come to that. But you are in good company here if you do go down that route.

Glad to hear things are going well for you basset well done on the weight loss

otters so pleased the test lines are progressing, I'm keeping everything crossed for you.

kwick you are making excellent progress! Happening so quickly now. Hope all the tests etc all good tomorrow. Hope puppy is settling in well too!

pyjamas your pros for the new job opportunity had me feeling excited - it sounds amazing, and like you say opportunities like that don't come along that often. I feel very proud that you are raising the profile of infertility and so impressed that 5 Live got in touch with you. If I ever hear or read things in the news/media it really really resonates with me and reminds me that we are not alone.

kerry I'm so sorry lovely, a big big hug from me. I can completely understand you wanting to get onto the next step - I am very much like that too.

struggle how are you finding injecting? Fingers crossed for your scan and follies. Sorry some friends have been rubbish - this seems sadly to be very common. I think people just have no idea what to say or how to be - but to me it seems obvious - just make it clear you may not understand but you are there for them and you care, you ask how they are and express sympathy / concern!

harriet thanks for calling in and your good wishes, I'm SO glad and relieved things are going well for you. Hope you are starting to relax and enjoy it.

mouse fingers crossed sswimmers/eggs are doing their things. Spermen do hang around! If not please remember its only one month and you can't always get it perfect, but that's okay.

chlo that's really exciting you guys are going ahead and I can see its been a dilemna - with everything you've both been through I can see why part of you might think giving it a go naturally would be tempting. If yoou are anything like me though if it doesn't continue to happen - and chances of natural conception are not fabulous as we all know - you could be thinking "I could have done IVF by now". Which obviously doesn't guarantee anything but hell it increases our chances a lot! Fx tightly for you both. And totally get the emotion and anxiety - I went through that phase too. Now I've got the drugs and have got started I think there is less anticipation and more of a feeling of right lets get this show on the road.

penguin I hope you are recovering well and feeling much better?

hopeful good to see you lovely, hope you are recovering well. I appreciate this might not help as its not everyone's experience - but the HSG for me was absolutely fine.

Oh my goodness Pjs! I am loving how thorough your pros cons list is! I think your oh is right - this is you interviewing them to see if they're a good fit for you. You could even tell the potential manager about IVF if you thought the job was a go-er and ask them how they would accommodate it. Then if the answer is less than satisfactory, you wouldn't have to accept the job.

I completely understand what you mean about having disdain for a job - that's happened to me in the past and it's so unfun. You just lose all drive.

Also - just started following you on Twitter, loving the gifs!

Thanks Mouse - it appears there are many drama queens on these boards (not this one of course)!

Chlo - thanks for asking! The only other option is having IUI at the Care clinic near us, which I could do. Part of me wonders if I'm crazy trying to throw away £1k on IUI before IVF, but I know it worked once and I just want to be pregnant again so badly.

Sorry about the baby announcement, but I like the way your friend did it too, that's nice. Good luck with the IMSI, one of the few occasions you must be looking forward to your period starting!

Penguin thank you so much for your kind, lovely words hugs

Bunny - that's interesting about checking your prolactin - I lurk on the r/infertility subreddit a lot (which is awesome fyi) and the american ladies talk about that a lot but I'm not quite sure what it is.

I'm doing an order of uterine lining boosting foods (what even is my life) - got pom juice, fish, red raspberry leaf tea, nuts, spinach.... anything else anyone recommends? I am also planning to do some aerobic exercise daily and try the maya self massage.

Jamon missed your post as I spent so long writing mine! A very big hug back to you.

Yay for pooch cuddles chlo - they definitely know. The FB news must’ve been hard, however nicely they did it 💐

So glad you had a great time at Center parks jam! Although I can see how being around all the kids must’ve felt like a lot to get through. It was a
bit of inadvertent profile raising today! I work with media so couldn’t help myself - I’m glad I did it 😊

You’re so right Kerry - nothing has to happen unless there’s an offer on the table! It’s just a chat, I have to tell myself it’s just a chat 👍🏼 DH has talked me off the edge tonight. Thanks for the follow - have followed you back, the stuff you post is mouthwatering!!

Aw thanks PJs! Always looking for volunteers to eat some!

Thanks everyone for the welcome ☺️

@kwick There is probably a chance that the dye pushed some gunk out of the way, so I guess if I'm ever going to get pregnant naturally it is most likely to happen in the next few months. They can't tell from the test what is causing the blockages, if its scar tissue and adhesions etc then I'm not sure the dye will have done much...if it's a build up of mucous and gunk etc then I guess it could've helped unblock it slightly. That being said he did push the dye through 3 times and didn't see anything from my left ovary so I'm assuming it didn't do anything for that side. Just to add insult to injury I ovulated the day after the procedure from the left side. Did you manage to get hold of more drugs?? 

@QuietTime No I've never had a GA which I suspect is part of my issue. I think it is a combination of a fear of how I will react to it and a fear of not being in control, I hate not being in control! Good news on the OPK front, hope you've managed to get plenty of shagging in 😄

@struggleisreal That's really interesting what your consultant said, was that at a private clinic? It makes perfect sense but everything I have read online suggests the test is pretty accurate. Although I've read quite a few stories on various forums from women who had it done and were told they needed a lap and dye, only to have that done and find that actually their tubes were fine. So it does make you wonder a bit! Fingers crossed for your scan tomorrow, I hope you're full of juicy eggs!

@MouseLove thank you 😊 I totally get you on the due date thing, usually I have it worked out before I've even ovulated ffs 🙄 I think sex on Wednesday is not bad at all for a Friday ovulation so you're definitely not out!

@InspectorPenguin thanks! We are going to keep going naturally for a few more months, I have to go back for another ultrasound in march so I think we will aim to have made a decision by then.

@Jamon Thanks 🙂 glad you had a good time away, I've never been to a centre parcs but I'd like to go! Everyone I know that has been always seems to have a brilliant time.

@Pyjamas81 very best of luck for your interview tomorrow, and the stuff with 5 Live sounds mega exciting!

I've been reading online about natural methods to try and help clear blocked Fallopian tubes. Castor Oil packs, self fertility massage and an enzyme called Serrapeptase seem to be the most likely things to help. It's a long shot, a very long shot, but at least I will feel like I'm doing something and it's unlikely to do any damage!

Gosh I am very behind again - how did that happen? 🧐

flash best of luck with job application 🤞🏼

Dame Pyjamas what the hell is the third sector? Sounds like the Twilight Zone 🧛🏼‍♂️
Why not be upfront with them about IVF and see how they react? Life is too short to be in a job you do not enjoy!!!
Best of luck for the interview- I bet you will nail it.
You will be up for an Oscar next!!!! I can feel that OBE coming your way VERY soon!!!

Inspector the RELIEF!!! Boots had my prescription waiting for me!!! Their text to me failed! So I only missed 3 days of meds. Phew!
—only challengete is that I was boycotting Boots over morning after pill thing but now see them as my saviour—

why can’t I get the strike through to work anymore?????

kerry

I will be back - off for scan
18.36

Good to hear from you jam. Glad you had a good weekend away :) I can imagine what it was like at times though, and know what you mean about putting a brave face on. Glad that you enjoyed the cycling and managed to switch off though, weekends like that are so important. Sounds like you're getting on all ok with everything. You're totally right I would definitely be thinking 'I could've started this by now' and then would probably give myself a hard time!

Thanks for reassuring me this stage is normal ladies. I always get super emotional before AF anyway these days but I guess when it signifies the start of treatment, it becomes an even bigger deal. I felt totally fine about it all last week and ready to get to grips with it whereas this week I'm feeling overwhelmed but I'm pretty sure it's just the hormones, damn things. And yes pyjamas, baby news was a bit tough but I did feel over the moon for them and was all ok but then they started putting scan pics on Instagram and then I got an invite to the baby shower..... in March!

Can understand you wanting to give it another go kerry if that's what for you worked before. Do you think you'll go for it again? What are the next steps for you now?

kwick isn't strike through two dashes at each end? On my comp yours looks like only one at each end?

Good luck for the scan!

wine I think I'm going to look into self fertility massage, seems like something that would feel relaxing at least!

pyjamas my DH said the same thing when I had a wobble last night as I like my boss and I don't like the 'behind the back' nature of applying for jobs when you're employed, it feels deceitful I know, I'm weird. But he said 'apply, if you get an interview go, you only need to decide what you want to do, if you get offered a job'.

jam glad you had fun at centreparcs and excited that your scan is coming up soon!

3 dpo for me and nothing exciting happening. Had yoga last night which was lurvely, did the Moon Salutation. We've done the Egyptian Sun Salutation as well before. I really dislike normal Sun Salutation. It might make me a yoga heathen but it makes me really dizzy all the up and down!

Chlo my rule is, I just won't do baby showers. I would make an exception if my SIL got pregnant but that's it. I just can't face it. Hugs for you.

Let me know how you find it flash, I stared doing it the night of my HSG which I think was a mistake lol. I was pretty tender over the weekend but feeling better today so I'm going to start again tonight. There seems to be mixed advice about whether to do it all through your cycle or not, most places suggest only doing it up until ovulation. I ovulated on Saturday but it was on the left side which is the fully blocked side so pregnancy seems highly unlikely, and I'm itching to get started!

@kwick fingers crossed for your scan 🤞🏻

I always bloody go to them flash as don't want people talking about me if I don't go which is stupid but I'm very much a brave face person. Although I made sure I was on holiday for one back in August.. extreme measures I know

Talking of brave faces, I'm pretty upset my bf still hasn't asked how our appt went last week so she doesn't even know we're going ahead. I've put on an event for us to promote our businesses this weekend and she's been messaging about it saying she's all in a tizz.. unbelievable how people just have no concept of what's going on around them! But seems to be such a common theme as so many of you know. Thank god for the support of the women here and other amazing friends in RL!

What a nice doggy you have chlo

jamon I am glad you enjoyed yourself but you are right putting on a brave face is exhausting!
No puppy yet - not until beginning of December and breeder has not responded to any of our emails or calls - I am getting increasingly stressed about the while situation 😬

wine definitely try castor oil packs - if nothing else they are very relaxing and leave the skin super soft.

flash I used to be the master of strike through 😩 but since one of the IOS upgrades everything has gone to pot!
Moon Salutation? Egyptian one? Pleeeeeeeease more deets!!!

So scan all good - lining at 7.4 (had to be over 6.5) - now waiting for instruction from IVI Spain - but I will most likely book flights today or tomorrow!!!!!

Great job on the lining @kwick! Super exciting!

I'm really looking forward to starting the castor oil packs although I think I will wait until after next period...or maybe I should try and invoke law of sod and start them now....hmmm 🤔