Thread 32 | TTC#1 | Making the move from conception to infertility. We've taken some blows but we are not beaten

[Jamon]

Hi all. We're a group of first timers who've been plugging away on the conception boards for some time. The support here is amazing so if you're in a similar boat please jump onboard.

Time to hand hold through treatments and support each other through to becoming the mums we deserve to be 💪🏼🌸🙏🏼

Hi all 👋🏻

Can I join? I have posted on this thread before but it was a a good few months ago now, back when it was on the conception boards. I tried to have a bit of a break from mumsnet but I have kept up with this thread and willed you all on in your TTC journeys.

I am now back...after having an HSG today I have been diagnosed with a blocked left tube and a partially blocked right tube. We have been trying for just shy of a year which I know is very early days to be getting tested but my GP referred us to our local fertility clinic as my partner is paralysed from the neck down, so she felt that complicated matters somewhat. As it turns out his sperm is actually very good and it seems to be me who has the problem He is unable to ejaculate through intercourse so we have been doing at home insemination since December last year without so much as a whiff of a BFP. It's breaking my heart tonight to think that in all that time we probably never even got so far as having an egg travel down my tubes 😭

I think, from what I saw on the screen in the X-ray and from the fact that the consultant asked if I've ever had chlamydia, that I have a distal blockage on both side (the end next to the ovary). He said I could have a laparoscopy or he could put us forward for IVF, as this has come as a bit of a shock I said we'd probably like to wait a while before making a decision. I am so desperate to conceive naturally, I feel totally overwhelmed at the thought of any medical intervention...I almost didn't get ahead with the HSG.

I'm so sorry for the woe is me post, I just don't know who else to talk to right now.

Hi wine. Don’t apologise for the post its what we are here for!!

Some fab positives for today I will do mine in a sec. update on my af arriving bang on cue again this month but without the horrific 24 hours of cramping before hand so bonus. Wondering if the gym is helping with that.

I have my fingers crossed for all of you lovely ladies!!! Pjs sounds like you’re making the right noises to the right people about the fragmentation test!

Well my positives are

1. I am off the beta blockers and my asthma symptoms they were causing have started to go away
2. I have lost 4lb so far and I am loving going to the gym
3. all the preparation for my 30th birthday party is finished all ready for next weekend.

Welcome wine. I'm so sorry that your tests didn't bring better news. I appreciate that it's not quite the same but I am down to just one Fallopian tube so I do understand somewhat how you are feeling, it's extremely shocking to be told that your fertility is reduced from the norm, when you had no reason to expect it. This thread has been a lifeline for me for almost two years so I hope we can support you through whatever comes next.

Basset glad to hear af is being less of a bitch. If she has to be here let her be as minimally hateful as possible! Sounds like you are doing really well re exercise and weight loss. I definitely find exercise improves my Pms, if I exercise when my cramps are bad they get much better. Hope your birthday is wonderful. What are the party plans?

Penguin they did say I was just on the limit of where they’d allow an iui due to the risk of multiples but she said it was okay

Could kick myself. Got my static yesterday. Went out for a meal. Both ate too much for any chukka chukka last night. FML

Happy Saturday 😂

Hi everyone. Sorry not been around here much. Will attempt a mega catch up now. Thanks for all the well wishes. The test lines are progressing well and I haven't really got much in the way of symptoms. Counting down to scan on 21st nov

flash well done on the weight loss! How are the driving lessons going? Glad your gp is supportive. Our clinic said 2-3 days for optimal sample men. Got for the CD21 bloods

pjs glad the fertility show was useful and thanks for sharing your thoughts. You should definitely get an OBE! How did it go with the recruitment consultant ?

baguette how's the new job? Glad you didn't go to the play and had chocolate instead! Sorry to hear your AMH has dropped and that you've been put back to dec/Jan

kwick so excited for you having your FET soon!

plane hope the iui works and you don't need ivf. When are you starting ?

alexia great to hear from you again. Glad you had a good holiday but sorry to hear about the ears. Ouch! Painful as it is sounds like the right thing to end that friendship of yours. I had a similar situation and have just kept my distance

jamon hope you have a good weekend in centre parcs. My friend put hers in a quality street box in the fridge but her parents dont eat chocolate so it was ok! Maybe just wrap them up and put it in a Tupperware?

struggle how are the stims going?

inspector sounds like a traumatic experience and sorry to hear about the low fertilization rate. Glad you had an embie to transfer. Hope the 2WW goes quickly for you. There's still hope! My clinic said to test 2 weeks after EC so I did.

kerry hope the iui works! When can you test? Also I've watched a few episodes of riverdale but gave it up as it was just too ridiculous

chlo good to hear the your DH's frag issue is sorted. Onwards and upwards! Good luck !

mouse it's good that the last 2 cycles have improved. Well done on getting your static. Lots of chukka chukka!

wine welcome and sorry to hear about your hsg results. Are they suggesting a laparoscopy to clear the tubes? Might be less medical than ivf

basset well done on the weight loss and yay on af without cramping. What are the party plans?

Thanks Basset, Flash and Otters 🙂

Otters yes he did say he could do a lap to try and remove some of the blockage. I have to say I am hesitant, but not sure why, I think I am afraid of making things worse and also scared of having a GA.
So glad things are progressing well for you, roll on the scan!

struggle I actually ended up with 2 M&S advents!!! Long story, which I will not bore you with but have decided to give spare one to SIL.
Hope stimming is going well!!!

Inspector !!!! God what a time you have had!!! You are PUPO now!!
We all respond differently to the meds - it is such a malarkey.
I started testing, with my first IVF, at day 10 I think.
I think I may use OPKs to test right from the start - to give myself something to do

jamon Cetrotide is a fcuker because you have to swap needles twice and they are fricking fiddly to get on and off. I do not mind the mixing or even the stabbing part. Anyhoo I am now done - just Progynova until FET and then the joy (I am being very sarcastic) of the up the fanjo/jacksie cyclogest 😬

I want pjs to get an OBE too!!!

mouse sounds like your hormones are trying to get settled. Hope chukka chukka going well - LSFX!!!

9/11 19.13

kerry sorry to hear that you are finding things hard. Did they do the IUI with 5 follicles? I never had that many - but I have heard of others having their IUI cancelled due to risk of multiples.

I think coughing is good inspector but I hope you are feeling better.

Wahoo chlo so excited for you!!!! What is your next step?

Ooooo I 😍 your Instagram idea mouse DO IT!!!
Hope you do not have chafiing from all the chukka-chukka

flash great Dr progress, shame about it not being your regular Dr.

pass welcome back!
That must have been a lot to take in honey. Is there no hope that the HSG will have unblocked them? Sorry I forget if a HSG is like a hycosy when they flush dye through you.
The only way for me to get preggers is through an “intervention” - I can understand your reluctance but at least you do have the option of IVF.

Ooooo basset is this the women only gym? Deets please! Well done with the weight loss and general health improvements!!!

Dame Pyjamas OBE please may we have an update on the convo with the headhunter?

I bought a pack of BodyForm pads earlier today - I am trying my best to best to get a BFP!!!

I have my lining scan and bloods and Tuesday and then 🤞🏼 I will be flying out next Sunday for FET. Have told family it is a work trip and work it is a personal trip to sort out my flat...

Tomorrow instead of going to the Stylist show I am having my last hurrah of massage, spa and reiki before FET.

Dame pyjamas OBE bahahahahahaha - I 💓 you guys!! Speaking of - I’ve drafted an email to the regulator guy I met and I’m also going to send it to NICE.

Meeting with recruitment agent went really well! He said he would definitely put me forward for the job 👍🏼 He also did a mock interview which I wasn’t expecting, but I passed which was all good! Now just have to wait and see if they want to interview me. Yep penguin, that’s where I work - although I’m not an accountant. What I do is high pressured in other ways!

👋🏼 wine!

Glad af was less of a bitch this month Bassett and great work on the weight loss!

Kwick your day sounds heavenly tomorrow!

I’ve got a lovely day all to myself planned as DH is away for the day. Magazine reading, tea and catching up on crap telly - bliss! And I’m working from home on Monday so don’t even have to endure the Sunday night sads.

Great to hear things are progressing otters!

Aah Alexia, so good to hear from you, though sorry about the health and friend issues

wine don't apologise - must have been a bit of a shock. Have you talked it through with DH? Can understand wanting some time - think that's a sensible thing to do. Have you had GA before? I haven't had an issue with it, but know others can or just don't like the idea/potential risks.

Not much news at my end though did get a positive opk (first in 2 or 3 months) which was disproportionately pleased with :)

Hope you're enjoying your weekends

I tested this morning and it was negative. Hilariously I wasn’t even upset as it was what I was expecting (and the progesterone supplements) keep you pretty level. Only got upset when I went on the ttc after loss board and saw that the girl who had a miscarriage at the same exact time as me is now pregnant again naturally.

I knew this would happen as she was such drama queen about (that sounds awful I know) her last couple of cycles saying that she knew something was wrong and she just knew she wasn’t going to get pregnant again. I won’t be going back to that board.

Anyway I’m clearly feeling pretty salty this morning. Just laying here feeling broken

Hi girls, hope you've all had lovely weekends.

kerry so sorry about the BFN. I hope you're looking after yourself today. Your time will come - I know it doesn't feel like it sometimes. You are on your own journey and some bits will be slower and more uphill than others, but you will have better scenery and more fun at points too. Someone I follow on Instagram talks a lot about comparison and always says 'stay in your own lane' which I find quite helpful as I get sucked into horrible comparison traps - most recently going through everyone I went to school with on Facebook and working out what proportion had children. I don't even know why. This is probably not at all helpful, I hope you start feeling better soon and lots of love and positivity.

penguin hope you are managing to keep yourself sane. Interesting to read about when people are testing - I never tested when I was ttc naturally as found negative tests really upsetting - but then so is getting your period and you can't control the timing of that!

jam hope you've had a lovely weekend at Centreparcs. Why not wrap the injection stuff in tin foil / baking parchment and put them in a Tupperware?

Chlo great news things are moving forward. I'm of the same mindset as you I think - better to rip the plaster off and get going. Also I think I cope better when something is actually happening than waiting for it - I think waiting for IVF is worse than the actually doing it (so far at least)

pyjamas great news about the new job opportunity - go for it.

mouse/flash hope you've had busy weekends . mouse I am definitely more of a morning sex person anyway, hope you managed that?

Welcome wine love the name! Sorry your journey has been such a tough one. On my HSG one tube was partially blocked and the other had adhesions but wasn't blocked. The consultant said there was a really high chance of a false positive on it though (ie, your organs can get in the way and mean it can appear blocked or you can cramp up) so he said he didn't want to go in for a laparoscopy or anything as it's risky and often not even needed - this is why we are going straight to IVF. I like to picture a carton egg and sperm desperately trying to get to each other but separated by prison bars!

basset great news on the weight loss! Hope you've got lots of nice birthday plans.

kwick not long now, how exciting. My M&S calendar is winging its way to me, i think it will be the only thing that gets me through if this fails 😂

I totally recognise what everyone has said on the friendship thing - I have two good friends who have both had babies this year and although they know we have been trying and struggling, they never ask and just talk about their own babies/pregnancies. I just want them to acknowledge that it's hard for me and ask how I am. To be honest I am just letting the friendship slide which is a bit sad.

But some friends have surprised me by how lovely and caring they have been - and I've just got back in touch with an old friend who posted something on Facebook about IVF. She has a 2 yr old who it turns out is an IVF baby and it's lovely to be back in touch with her. I think all of this will make us better friends and more understanding, as well as giving us our own infertility tribes.

Stims are going OK - 3 days in and I feel ok-ish - had a terrible headache all day yesterday but it feels loads better today - I think it might be from the downregging. I'm back on Wednesday and am dreading them saying I've not responded at all but there's nothing I can do apart from keep myself healthy and calm and keep injecting.

Have lovely Sundays all xxx

Hi everyone hope you don’t mind me popping in. Special hellos to alexia, jam, flash, kwick, pyjamas, mouse, skipper and everyone else from the old thread - sorry I’m sure I’ve missed loads of you out. jam and alexia thanks so much for thinking of me. I’ve been missing this thread and wondering how you’re all getting on. It was such a lifeline for me during probably the worst time of my life (you all know exactly what it’s like) and the support was just amazing, especially because I didn’t really talk much to people in real life about it. Even now I’ve had good news I haven’t told anyone about my mcs, which I feel bad about as it’s important to spread awareness, but also it’s still too raw.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you are all amazing strong women. I’ve met a lot of people through the treatment I’ve had, online and in real life, who have been through so much and had so much disappointment, but they’ve just kept going. I am actually in awe of the resilience of women. I will keep lurking on the thread from time to time and can’t wait to see you all get your so well deserved bfps. It will happen.

Thanks struggle ❤️ And glad to hear stims are going well.

kerry stay away from the thread. I hear you and understand. So so hard when you have had an MC and then others get their BFP. But please hang in there - yours is just around the corner.

Ah yes struggle beauty products always help 😍
🤞🏼 you will be nice and juicy at your next scan

harriet 😘 thanks for your lovely words

I am so with myself!!
Flipping run out of thyroxine!!!! Something has clearly gone wrong with Boots Repeat Prescription service but I should have been more vigilant. I ran out yesterday- really hope I can sort it tomorrow- I feel like every day is a nail in my fertility coffin just when I am gearing up for a FET 😩
Some of you may remember Needlegate - when I ran out of needles when I was stimming...
Also had mercy runs for fanjo gel and the like... WHEN WILL I LEARN????

Sorry about the BFN Kerry - I hope you’re taking care of and being kind to yourself. Self-preservation is key, so totally understandable that you step away from that board. We’re here for you xx

Glad stims are going ok struggle but sorry to here you’ve had friendships drift as well. I keep dreaming about my best friend, so it’s clearly affecting me on a subconscious level even though I’m consciously letting her drift away as I need to protect myself.

Hello there Harriet! So nice to hear from you and so happy all is well with you 😊 Thanks for your lovely words xxx

GAH kwick! I hate myself when I do stuff like that! Really hope you can sort it tomorrow without too much stress.

I’ve had a very much needed day on my own and feel so so much better. Read my magazine (Natural Health, because that’s how I roll these days), drank all the herbal tea, ate healthy food, did my fertility yoga and totally smashed it at my piano lesson. That piano has been a lifesaver you know - I’m getting better each week, and it’s so nice to feel like just one area of my life (however small) is moving forward! Working from home tomorrow so no Sunday Night Sads for me 😊

Thanks so much Kwick and Pjs.

That's awesome about working from home tomorrow! If there's ever a day to work from home it's definitely Monday!

Dear Dame @Pyjamas81 OBE please can you tell me what asanas you do that are fertility boosting?
So glad you had a good day 😘

Ha ha kwick you crack me up 😂. Can’t remember what they’re called, but it’s this dvd!

Fertility Yoga with Lisa Attfield https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00GK10JFY/ref=cmswwrcppapi_BelcAbDDD2QWB

Think I remember - cat, tiger, downward dog, churning the mill, cobra, palm tree, lots of others though!

HIIT dvd tomorrow morning - on level 6 out of 7 now 💪🏼

Kerry. Be salty, I’m so sorry you’ve had a bfn, are you late? I think I know who you’re talking about and she’s a right moaner. She’s very quick to tell others just how wrong they are. In fact I think she told me her situation was worse than mine because I had only miscarried once. 😑 Please take care of yourself and remember you’re

In other news. I worked out my due date from this cycle. I’ve officially lost it. We managed to DTD yesterday morning and today. FX it’s enough!! I think I actually ovulated today, had some twinges. And temp hadn’t risen loads this morning.

Quiet I hope you’re chukka chukka on that positive OPK!!!

Harriet so lovely to hear from you. How many weeks are you now? Hopefully you’re feeling good.

Struggle PMA coming your way. I’m sure you’ll be fine at your appointment on Wednesday. X

Kwick have you tried Echo pharmacy? It’s an app and you can order meds’ to be delivered to your door for free. I’ve been using it since February and my mum just signed up too. Love it. Very easy. Hope you get sorted tomorrow, try not to worry. Your body won’t melt down if you miss a day. X EXCITED for you so much. I have a really good feeling. 🤞

Dame Pyjamas OBE Hope today has been very relaxing and you’ve indulged in some me time. Try not to work too hard at home tomorrow** 😉😇

Wine sorry you’re joining us but welcome!! Here’s hoping you aren’t here long and get that all magical unicorn BFP* that* we’re all DEFINITELY going to get soon!!

Basset fab news** about the beta blockers!! And well done on your weight loss! 💪

4 day week followed by a 4 day weekend for me, it’s DH’s birthday on Friday. yay!!! Although.... Monday. URGH!!! Can’t believe a year ago we were getting ready to go to Rome and I* was hoping for ITALIAN CONCEPTION. Oh the chanting.* 👉👌

Urgh got my crosshairs this morning. Too busy thinking it was happening yesterday not to notice my temp spike Friday. Which means potentially missed it on Friday as we hadn’t DTD since Wednesday. CD14 too. That’s never happened before!! I could kick myself. Stupid food overdose. Analysing over. What will be, will be. My temps before we’re bonkers anyway and I’m a crap sleeper. 🤐🤓

Thanks Dame Pyjamas 😘

Oh mouse I really hope you are not out.

Happy Monday everyone!

Really hope I can sort the meds - this is day 3 without 😬

Morning ladies!

Sorry you think you've missed the boat Mouse, but hopefully DH's chaps were still hanging around shagging has caught the eggo!

Kerry so sorry for the BFN

Pyjamas81 OBE defnitely has a good ring to it!

I think I actually ovulated on Saturday, so hoping we timed it ok but I doubt it. Got day 21 bloods on Friday.

I am planning to invoke the law of sod, and starting looking for new jobs last night and found one I want to apply for. FX if I don't get the job I'll get a baby!

Aaaaaaaargh - heard from the recruiter this morning and they want to interview me!! Interview is on Wednesday morning and have properly got The Fear now. Have been in our team for 9 years, so this is a really big deal for me! DH keeps reminding me that I'm interviewing them as much as they're interviewing me, but still! Hope you all don't mind, but am going to write my pros and cons here to help me rationalise it all!

Pros of staying in my current job:
Flexibility
Good work/life balance
Stability
They know about IVF and accommodate it
People in team are close friends
Maternity leave
Good pension and private medical insurance
A lot of annual leave

Cons of staying in my current job:
I have zero interest in it
All motivation has died
I feel like I can do it in my sleep
I haven't been operating at my best now for a long time because I just don't care and I don't see that changing any time soon
The team is being restructured into something I'm really not keen on
I don't feel like my job makes a difference to anything that matters
I don't admire or aspire to be like anyone above me, in fact all I feel is disdain

Pros of potential new job
Doing something that matters
It's a rare opportunity to work in the third sector on the salary I'm currently on which is hard to find
While it's the same salary, the role is a step up (I will be head of the function and reporting into the CEO)
I will feel like that I could make a real difference
They are an organisation that makes a real societal difference and hold private sector companies (like mine) to account on their societal impact
I would get my inspiration and "fire" back

Cons of potential new job:
They don't know about IVF and I don't know whether I should tell them
The clinic is further away from work and I would need to be frequently late due to appointments during treatment
Having to go to work during IVF TWW (I currently either work from home or take time off as I find it easier to cope)
I'm on three months notice which means I'll likely be starting in Feb which is when I'll hopefully be starting next IVF cycle - added stress
Potentially getting pregnant and losing mat leave benefits
Less annual leave, pension etc, no annual bonus
I'm scared of change and giving up stability

Gah - so much to consider! Sorry for putting all that down on here!

Looks like you may be in the same boat as me soon flash!

And chlo - I found an answer to our pomegranate woes! Fill a large bowl with water and scoop out the pomegranate seeds under water. The seeds go to the bottom and you just need a sieve afterwards. My kitchen/clothes/face/hands/arms look less like a serial killer has been on the loose!