Thread 32 | TTC#1 | Making the move from conception to infertility. We've taken some blows but we are not beaten

[Jamon]

Hi all. We're a group of first timers who've been plugging away on the conception boards for some time. The support here is amazing so if you're in a similar boat please jump onboard.

Time to hand hold through treatments and support each other through to becoming the mums we deserve to be 💪🏼🌸🙏🏼

Oh my goodness @AlexiaB it's so good to hear from you but I'm so sorry you've had such terrible ear problems. What a nightmare. Apart from that sounds like you're having a brilliant approach to just trying to enjoy life a bit - I've been doing something similar for 3 months waiting for my FET and it's been good in some ways.
Thanks for update on Harriet.
Good to have you back but understand if you're not a regular visitor - I don't post much either but just wanted to say hi xx

Alexia! So lovely to hear from you but also sorry to hear about the ear, I really hope it heals properly soon so you can avoid surgery. Hope you loved Canada! Thanks for the wishes, fingers crossed the docs will get some balls rolling.

Yes I popped on to the grads thread and couldn't believe it that one of the ladies is pregnant with her second and got pregnant the first time just before my ectopic. It's just a different world now isn't it? People getting pregnant, easily, and staying pregnant. Can't even imagine now what it would be like for that to have been my fertility journey.

Thanks Geeup, good to hear from you too Glad you've also been making the most of life between your treatment. When is your FET? Best of luck! xx

Thanks Flash, hoping I avoid the surgery too. I loved B.C. (and WA) so much!!! Would happily move there in a heartbeat. We hired a car for some of it so got to do and see lots! It's breathtaking and the people are so lovely.

Such a different world isn't it!? Can only imagine how much it hurts for you. I remember when her ds was born (weirded out that I can still remember all their baby's names/birthdays/birth stories) because I followed that very active Grad's thread daily from about June 2016 like the weird little stalker that I am. I craved to be on it SO much, so it bugs me now that ours is so quiet; whilst 'pregnant' I'd be posting on it every day as it's such a privilege imo. I guess only a long term ttcer would think like that.

Last week I ended a 'best' friendship of 10 years. Mostly because of how she behaved but also because I can't relate anymore. She announced it on fb and is due at Easter, so is almost 20 weeks. She didn't tell me personally but I found out through a friend. I deactivated fb over a year ago but she went to such extremes to hide it (why?) even recently deleting my DH from fb. It's just so stupid. How could she hide it? For a start my mum is a midwife at the hospital she'll be using fgs and really I'd have just preferred brutal honesty. I confronted her (calmly) and she left my WhatsApp message unread for almost a week and then replied with lies and bullshit which I couldn't accept. This is her second child, they have different dads, she's never been married or engaged and worst of all clearly only got back with this guy for a baby because she ended it earlier this year, and I quote "I don't look at him like he's the love of my life and we have no sexual chemistry"

What a week! Is it only Wednesday? Is it already Wednesday? Not sure if I am coming or going!!!

lemony I too have regrets - why the fek did I wait until I was 40 to decide to TTC???? I have always wanted to be a mummy...

Ooooo center parcs jamon!!!! I have never been but hear they are great!!!

pjs your DH sounds lovely!
I only have one Cetrotide injection to go - praise the Lord!!! What a fricking fiddly one - much preferred the Menopur, Merional, Zomacton and so on!!! No idea why they cannot make it easier - probably a man that is producing them!!!!
Maybe you can start a campaign on Sum of Us or Change.org?

alexia!!!!! Hello!!!
You poor thing - I totally get how horrendous and excruciating your ear problem has been - many sympathies and I so hope you get it sorted
Your friend pruning seems to be absolutely in line... now that is done - just let it go.
How do you have chukka chukka with someone if no sexual chemistry maybe I am too much of an idealist but that sounds awful.

Here is to a very full and active Grads thread - with all of us lot on there - very soon!!! 🥂

kwick had an email to say the M&S beauty calendar is out today - I know where I'll be going on my lunch break!

Had my pre stim scan yesterday and all went well - apart from having to get dressed to go to the loo, and then back on the bed.m! Due to start stims tonight. My right ovary is still small and no follicles (I am picturing a shrivelled ball!) but I think they are hoping they can bring it back to life! Go back next Wednesday so they can increase my dose if nothing is happening which is reassuring.

Hope everyone else is well - alexia poor you and your ear, that sounds horrible. Hope you're recovering and will be able to laugh about it one day.

Hi everyone, sorry I've been AWOL since the weekend, had a bit of an eventful time and didn't want to post my doom and gloom thoughts on here and bring down the thread.

I had my egg collection on Monday and it didn't go quite as smoothly as it could have - quite possibly because I was still unwell from the awful flu virus thing I had last week. They were expecting to get 8-10 eggs going from Friday's scan but ended up with 20 - I must have had a late boom in growth over the weekend. Typical unpredictable PCO!

When I woke up from the sedation (which, although it's not a GA, has the same effect) I was in a lot of pain and after an hour or so my blood pressure and heart rate fell through the floor, I passed out when the nurse walked me to the loo, and ended up being ambulanced to hospital.

It's all a bit hazy but I think they were worried about internal bleeding and wanted me to be monitored in the gynae ward so that I could go into theatre if needed. Anyway, it was all okay and after an afternoon bored on the ward and 5 litres of saline drip I got back home. Sore and zonked out but fine.

Second lot of bad news was that of my 20 eggs, 14 were mature (which wasn't bad, considering how quickly lots of them had grown) but only two fertilised. I was pretty gutted about that. I still am really. Surely it must mean there is something fundamentally wrong with my eggs, or the way they react to the sperm? All the science suggests a 75% fertilisation rate is normal, so to get 14% was a bit of a kick in the guts. Especially after all of Monday's palaver.

But, on the bright side, one of them has survived until today and I'm going in for Day 3 transfer this afternoon. No idea what grade it is as the call was from one of the nurses but I am very happy we have made it to this point; I was convinced we wouldn't.

And the boating! Crikey! My stomach was like a basketball on Monday and I was struggling to walk properly yesterday as my belly was so sore and tight. It seems to be better today - fingers crossed - so I don't think I'm getting OHSS.

So that's the latest on me. And despite getting to transfer I'm really not holding out hope for this cycle - not trying to be a doom-monger just realistic. It's been fraught with unpredictability and bad luck and I've been so ill. (I know that's unrelated but it feels like a sign!)
I do hope it's meant the clinic has learnt lots about me and how I respond though, so that next time can be a smoother process and we can get fewer, better quality eggs.

Alexia lovely to hear from you but wow, you've really been through the ringer you poor thing. I have had horrendous ear infections in the past so can sympathise with you, although I've never had my ear drum burst. Ouch ouch ouch. I hope you're feeling back to strength now and still managed to enjoy your amazing trip.
As for your friend, I echo what Kwick said and that it sounds like someone you don't need in your life and hopefully you can now shut that door and move on without the negative energy.
We are all rooting for you and your lovely DH to get your happiness

Kwick the Certrotide is a massive faff isn't it? I had to do it for two weeks and I hated it! Not long at all until your FET - eeek! How are you keeping yourself occupied until then? Not all work I hope.

PJs amazing work at the Fertility Show - well done! Just think, you could be instrumental in a change in policy regarding sperm fragmentation testing; often it's these kind of chance conversations that kick things into action with the right people. You should get some kind of OBE for services to baby-making if it does

You poor thing penguin, that sounds really traumatic. Glad you're on the mend and hope all goes well this afternoon. It does only take one but disappointing all the same. I know someone who had wildly different fertilisation rates on different rounds - so it could be a bad batch? Or something to do with you being poorly?

Focus for the meantime on getting yourself better, and looking after your little embryo - although I know it is easy to say xxx

Alexia so lovely to hear from you, that sounds like an amazing holiday with some memories for life. Your poor ear though?! I’m really sorry to hear about your friendship too. Infertility really can change your life in ways you never would know. I’m having similar difficulties with my best friend and it’s heartbreaking. Thanks for the update on harriet so very glad to know she’s doing well

Kwick I’ll be on cetrotide** too and seen elsewhere it’s a tricky one and that it hurts more!! Why so tricky??? Is it the breaking bad mixing bit?

Yeah struggle that’s great you are finally done with down regulation! Go go follies

Oh penguin what an ordeal you poor thing, I hope you’re feeling a LOT better now. Good luck for your transfer and getting PUPO this afternoon! Absolutely agreed on pyjamas and an OBE!!

So sorry to hear that @InspectorPenguin what a scary time. I know these types of stories don't really help but I know a girl whose currently 6 months pregnant with a day 3 embie which even the doctors warned her didn't show much promise. Baby is totally normal, great size etc. So everything still to play for xx

Thanks all, I am okay, just needed a few days to get my head around things and deal with potential disappointment this morning.

I am back from the clinic with (a lovely looking :)) embryo on board, so now begins a TWW like none that have gone before!

For those who have been through IVF, when did you test? The nurse told me to do it a week on Monday which will be 14 days from egg collection, but I assume a couple of days earlier would give a result on an FRER? (Although I'd wait until Mon to re-test and phone the clinic either way)

Jam the Certrotide is just a faff because of the mixing you need to do. It would be v hard to do it anywhere but at home. I found drawing it up into the needle a pain but DP was better at it. And don't worry, it's not painful. A little bit stingy but goes away after a few seconds.

Yaay congrats on getting embie back on board lovely, I’ve got everything crossed for you both.

Cetrotide will be handed over to DH by the sounds of it, I think he will relish the technical side and hopefully feel more involved

We’re currently wondering how we can hide all the injections in the fridge when his parents stay next weekend... wrapped in carrier bag in veg drawer perhaps??

I’m aiming to switch off at Center Parcs this weekend and even turn my mobile off gonna try not to dwell on IVF or fertility and just switch off for a few days. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

See you on the other side have lovely weekends all xxxxx 😘😘😘

Ooooo lots of updates!!!! Hey everyone, long time no see for some of you. (Does a kwick snog)

Penguin. You bloody trouper!!!!! Keeping this 🤞 firmly for your small wait, honestly I don’t think I’d test before they’ve asked you too, what will you gain? Only worry!!

I’m CD13 today and since my acupuncture on Monday I’ve been feeling a bit weird if I’m honest. I’ve had a slightly tender tummy, think she went deep 😳 then today I’ve had a sore right boob, and I was nauseous on the tram this morning (probably cause I’ve changed my vit c dosage from 1000mg to 250mg x 2 since somebody told me I’m taking too much 😦). Hope I’m not coming down with some weird bug because I’m due to ovulate this weekend. Lots of chukka chukka on the cards. I feel my hope slipping a lot recently, I just have this dark feeling.

I’ve also been so emotional this week, cried drying my hair. What the fuck is wrong with me 😂 Probably all the adoption videos that I keep accidentally on purpose watching on YouTube. Must stop that. 😕

Roll on the weekend. I’m going to go away and think of my Friday positives.

Evening ladies, sorry for the radio silence! I'm stuggling with this IUI two week wait. I'm also on a TTC after loss board and it seems that literally every one of them is now pregnant again (and why wouldn't they be, they're not infertile like me) and I just had to step away for a bit.

I'm 8dpiui now but the idea that I could be pregnant again seems ludicrous that I feel ridiculous for even entertaining it.

One fun thing about this IUI is that my ovaries went MENTAL and produced 5 mature eggs so I've had tons of fun ovary pain and twinges. However my lining was only around 6mm (not exactly sure as they don't scan you on day of iui) which is worrying. It must have been okay in June as I got pregnant but I did have a particularly heavy period 6 weeks after the miscarriage which could have been the culprit.

I'm now not sure whether to have another iui (Which we'd pay for - £1k) straight away in late Nov just to give it a final chance. We'd still get our IVF referral. On the one hand it seems crazy to spend £1k but on the other it worked once...

Alexia - it's so nice to see you here again and thank you for the kind words about my miscarriage. I'm so sorry to hear about your awful ear problems on holiday - that sounds truly awful! And the best friend stuff too - Like Jamon I'm right in that boat with you. I can't believe she acted that way though.

Penguin - crossing my fingers for your embryo on board! I'm so sorry only two eggs fertilized - do the clinic do ICSI? It seems to me that the sperm are the issue if that's the case?

Jamon - have a great time at Centre Parcs!

Everyone else waves hello!

By the way has anyone seen Riverdale? It's a tv show on Netflix and its the most hilariously over the top and ridiculous show if anyone is looking for something to take their mind off things!

Ooh Jam have a brill time at CP! Do lots of relaxing and eating and relaxing and more relaxing!

Not all of the drugs to go into the fridge, and they will come in a little blue bag (if like mine), but veg drawer sounds good. Maybe glue a turnip on top...

Sorry you're not feeling great Mouse. Lots of bugs around at the moment so look after yourself and stay warm and hydrated.

I have just Googled "can coughing dislodge an embryo?"
Christ, the madness didn't take long. Thank goodness I am finally back to work tomorrow so I can think about something else!!

Evening all from me as well, lots of updates on here at the min!

Blimey penguin, sounds like you've had a tough time of it. Keeping everything crossed for you.

kerry fingers crossed you won't have to have another IUI. It's always a horrible balance between getting your hopes up and not wanting to be disappointed but hopefully you can keep the faith xx

All the people I know in RL who have had problems are now pg and I'm happy for them and it gives me hope but it's also crap to feel like you're the last man standing. Hopefully all of us will be able to have our own 'grads' thread soon, we've all waited bloody long enough.

Hope you're ok mouse, hate those dark thoughts, they creep up on you don't they. Hope you've got a nice weekend ahead.

Have a great time away jamon!

We went back to the clinic to discuss next steps. DHs frag issue is 'sorted' now as such but we don't want to carry on leaving things in limbo as we could conceive next month or next year, we just don't know. Upshot of it was that we could either start next week when my cycle starts or in January so after much deliberation, we're going to go for it and start next week. The whole thing is pretty daunting but it will be whenever we start and I think the longer we wait, I'll just drive myself mad and my anxiety will go through the roof. We just want to get on with it now. So onwards and upwards hopefully!

Thanks Chlo - it just sometimes feels there's no point in having hope doesn't it. That's exciting about starting next week, wow!

Oh god totally kerry. Then I beat myself up for not being positive. Such a bloody mental minefield.
With you all on the best friend thing. Mine still hasn't asked me how the appt went so don't even know whether I'll tell her it's happening, kind of think why should I? And when I said to her about my younger friend who said oh you must be so excited about going to the clinic and made a joke like ha ha yeah so excited, not sure those are the right words but bless her, she doesn't get it she said well no, it's not like you go there and they give you a baby is it. Erm, no it's not, cheers for that! Don't get how people can be so shit, it's not that hard to be supportive is it!

Got my appointment tomorrow. What shall I ask/say?

Chlo lovely to hear that you're pushing ahead. Are you going for IVF or IUI?

Penguin sorry the news wasn't as good as it could have been but I have every hope for your little emby!

Kerry keeping everything crossed for you. The regular tww is bad enough, hope you can stay distracted.

Jam have a lovely trip!

Nearly Friday. Just came back from a whirlwind 1 night trip to Glasgow for a conference..had to get up at 4 am yesterday and six today. Tired now!

@InspectorPenguin I'm probably not what you need to hear but to be honest I tested at 5dp5dt on both cycles. First time pure white negative. Second time clear bfp (whilst spotting) which turned into a chemical when I started bleeding 6dp5dt. For me, I desperately wanted to know if it was a bfp even if it was a chemical to know my body could make hcg and I still take a lot of comfort from the fact I know my body can make hcg which it had never done before. But I do respect why people don't test till OTD - it doesn't make any difference knowing earlier - it sadly doesn't make it stay. But for me I wanted to know.

Urgh Kerry. I think I posted only a few times on that TTC after loss thread and it was too doom and gloom over there, plus of course, now they’re all pregnant again so there’s that.

Feeling a bit better today. Think I needed a moment to feel sorry for myself yesterday so I blasted through the conception boards and then even tortured myself with some of the more annoying “I just came off my pill 2 days a go and now I’m pregnant with my 6th kid” type posts.

But I really feel like I’m in limbo land at the moment. Just entered month 15 of TTC, were only just investigating yet the last two cycles have been different like things are improving. CD14 today and I got my static!! Month 2 of actually ovulating at a normal time. 😳🤗 Lets hope my luteal phase stays longer and the acupuncture I’ll have at probably 10DPO isn’t too late. (Might have to see if I can change that appointment)

3 day run of chukka chukka anyone!????

My Friday positives..

⭐️ Were going out for a meal tonight for DHs birthday Which is actually next Friday. My fav restaurant too!!

⭐️ It looks like I’ll ovulate tomorrow!!!

⭐️ I plan on spending at least 2 hours practicing my brush hand lettering this weekend. Thinking of starting an Instagram with me writing fertility related words in beautiful script. 😎

Oh penguin I'm so sorry you had such an ordeal! I know exactly what a surprise low fertilisation rate feels like - we only had 1 out of 4 fertilise on our second round (5 out of 6 fertilisd on the first round) so we had to go for a 2 day transfer. You've got one on board though, which is amazing!! I always tested 14 days after egg collection as (a) I stupidly like to prolong the hope a bit longer and (b) I don't know if I want to know about a chemical. What I wasn't prepared for was them telling me to test again two days later and carry on with the progesterone when I called them with the negative result. Talk about torture.

So lovely to see you again alexia!!! Sorry to hear about the ear drama! I've also let go me best friend of over 20 years. I've just had to accept that she just does not care. Nothing has actually been said, we just haven't spoken or texted in over a month which is unheard of as we used to text several times a day at least. I did consider saying something, but I just don't have the energy - it feels like I'm fighting for enough at the moment. It is heartbreaking though - she was a huge part of my life.

Hahahaha - not sure about the OBE, but thanks guys!

Have got a coffee with a recruitment consultant today about a really great sounding job. Scary, as I've been with my current company for 9 years and then there are all the considerations about IVF, but I'm telling myself a chat won't hurt. Nothing actually happens until there's an offer on the table and I'll know then whether it's right for me or not. They announced a really confusing re-shuffle here yesterday at work and there are opportunities to get promoted, but I just don't know if I can handle the stress. It was literally like the hunger games the last time more senior roles were up for grabs - I got one of them, but I still haven't quite recovered from how brutal the whole process was.

Mouse love the positives!

I'm in chukka chukka land Mouse, CD 11 today, assuming ovulation on CD 13 should have another couple of days to go!

Had the GP appointment this morning, she was great. Have day 5 and day 21 bloods booked, LH, FSH, thyroid etc. And DH has been given his cup to produce his sample.

For those who've been there done that, and what point between days 2-7 is the best for DH to produce a sample?
And my cycle is 26 days, so CD 19/20 would fall on a saturday and sunday, GP said it's ok if the test is one day either side, as they should still be able to see the pre-peak or post-peak numbers and make a judgement. Should I go for CD 18 or CD 21 for the bloods?

Friday positives:

1. We've made a start, I feel a lot better knowing we're going to get some information.
2. It's nearly the weekend and I'm going to make homemade pizzas for dinner tomorrow!
3. I'm in the process of making a felt and emboridered/beaded advent calendar and should have plenty of time this weekend to do it.
4. MIL is coming to stay and she has a dog, so should get to go for a good long walk and a pub lunch!

Great news on a productive appointment Flash. Think you did well getting to see a woman doctor and knowing the ball is rolling does make things easier.

Re semen analysis, our clinic wanted 2-3 days' abstinence before egg collection so I'd go with that. DP timed his bathroom trip so that it was pretty much exactly 2.5 days, but I don't think you need to be that exact ;)

On the progesterone test I really don't think it matters if it's 6 or 8 DPO instead of 7. The NHS reference point for confirming ovulation is a level >30 nmol/L and as you can see from the graph in 'typical' women this would be from 3DPO through to 9DPO. But there is a big range so don't lose heart if it comes back in query and you need to re-test. My first one showed no ovulation as I had a freaky long cycle, then my next one came back at 92.5!

Enjoy your weekend of shagging, pizza and dog-walking - sounds perfect!

PJs hope you had a good chat with the recruiter. Aren't you one of the many accountants on this thread? I left the same place about 12 years ago after I qualified and am grateful every day that I did! We have them as our auditors and every time they're in I think how exhausted and over-worked they are. It's just no way to live.

Mouse wonderful news about static smiley and I think a weekend of humping is exactly what you should be doing, especially with a nice meal out to warm you up tonight. Stay off the Conception board though; what were you thinking, woman?!

Good luck Chlo! Fab news about the frag issue resolving itself. Hope it all goes well, is it IVF you're starting?

Kerry I can sympathise with you completely and you're totally normal to feel so much in limbo waiting to test. I don't know what to suggest other than all the cliches such as keep yourself busy doing nice things. I know that's easier said than done so I just wish you a very speedy few days.
One question: you say you had five follicles which sounds like loads for IUI. Were the clinic not worried about the risk of multiple pregnancy? I thought they converted people to IVF when there was an over-response.
(Sorry, not wanting to freak you out!!)

Ooooo flash!! My doctor didn’t want to know about early bloods with me. Feeling like it will be pointless but I’ve gone for the date AFTER my 7DPO as mine also falls on a Saturday. So I’ve gone for the Monday (I’d be 9DPO if I ovulate tomorrow - CD24). (A week next Monday) and I’m hoping of course all of this will be pointless and I’ll be upduffed slow awkward laugh BUT semen sample!!! Didn’t even occur to get that done right now. 😳

Thanks Inspector that's very good to know. She was excellent, very thorough and not at all dismissive that it's too soon/not worthwhile to look into things yet etc. Unfortunately it turns out she doesn't usually work there so I won't be able to see her for the results.

Mouse actually it was the doc who suggested doing the semen analysis at the same time, but I suspect it helped that DH came with me as she could arrange it there and then and give him the info/pot etc. DH (bless him) said he's glad he's getting tested now, as he doesn't want the assumption to be that as I've had an ectopic it must be me with the problem. Plus he seems to be viewing doing it in a pot and delivering it to the hospital in an hour something of an adventure mission! The Dr even said to him "I know this seems a bit awkward but this is literally all you have to do"! I'm still hoping for upduffedness too, hence the shagging, nice to be at the same point as someone so we can compare notes!

From where I am in my cycle now, we should have all results ready by 1st week of December, and the doc said that if nothing comes back from those that the GP can treat then we'll be referred straight to the fertility clinic at the local hospital, although we have a choice of two.