Thread 32 | TTC#1 | Making the move from conception to infertility. We've taken some blows but we are not beaten

[Jamon]

Hi all. We're a group of first timers who've been plugging away on the conception boards for some time. The support here is amazing so if you're in a similar boat please jump onboard.

Time to hand hold through treatments and support each other through to becoming the mums we deserve to be 💪🏼🌸🙏🏼

struggle sorry your husband made you feel bad. I told my friend this morning that I can't go to her baby shower because o just can't face it and she was so understanding, said that she invited me because she wants me there but knew it might not be ok for me and me being happy is more important. You just feel however you feel. Have to look after yourself.

Struggle it's completely normal and everyone I know whose struggled to conceive has felt exact same way so you are not weird or wrong or bad for feeling it too!

I've been feeling weirdly positive and really good about things in the last few weeks. That horrible anxiety has gone away at last, for now and I feel a lot happier.

Did get baby bombed yesterday by friend who is getting married in December so was a bit surprised if anything as didn't think they were trying yet. Last time we met she did say all of your friends have kids now don't they which made me feel a bit crap and I'm guessing she was alluding to herself but onwards and upwards, just want this much happier mood to continue.

That sucks about their attitude at the appointment Babi. You don't need that ramming down your throat to make you feel even more rubbish. Everyone says weight is a factor and I've got my BMI down a bit to help but it's a constant struggle and I give myself a hard time but then I see people who are absolutely huge pushing round young babies with loads of kids in tow and I think really? I just don't know sometimes how much of all of this stuff is BS!

Miles behind!! Sorry! Has been a crazy week!

kerry I guess I will keep going until I either run out of money or go through menopause 😬

struggle I have started with the ASOS one first - so far has not disappointed, then November will be Look Fantastic and December M&S - which I have yet to buy as it is not on sale yet! See picture below - I feel it makes the room...

jamon looks like you are all set - I am so excited for you!!! We may even be having treatment at the same time.

Fanks for words of wisdom penguin

mouselove I love you sweetie 💕 it is certainly a hard path you are on but you will get there!

mud I really wish a medical professional would take your agonising AF pain seriously and try and find out what is going on.

hep I will gladly give you my builders contact details?
What the hell is frivolous about an advent calendar? I mean buying 4 could be considered maybe frivolous but 1? —I was actually thinking about buying 12 and having a whole year of advent— (why isn’t strike through working?)

My nephew used to love the Lego ones mud

That is the spirit mouselove!

What a fcuker flash but Seville is my favourite place in the whole wide world! Where did you stay?

babi I fricking hate self-righteous medical personnel

Went to hairdresser this morning - lots of hair chopped off, swore at mum on phone then hung up on her and have spent rest of say so far on sofa watching MasterChef Australia...

Hi ladies, do you mind if I join?

I have quite a long story so I will try to be brief!

I am 27 and been ttc since December 2015.

Came off the pill in Dec 2015, fell pregnant naturally in Nov 2016. Over Christmas last year, I had the most excruciating cramps and thought I was having a MC or ectopic. Went to A&E and scans showed healthy baby growing in correct place but they could see something else but wasn’t sure what it was. I had to have an emergency laparoscopy which revealed I had a TOA (Tubo Ovarian Abscess) caused by an infection. My gynaecologist has never seen this in a pregnant woman before. Anyway as a result I miscarried as the infection was so bad. (It was either me or the baby).

I then found out I had a cyst growing on the same ovary which was getting bigger so this needed to be removed. I had further laparoscopic surgery in June. This was unsuccessful as all my organs were stuck together from my previous infection with scar tissue etc. I also had a lap and dye and there was no spill, but this could’ve been due to all the inflammation.

I then had to have open surgery in July where my left ovary and tube was removed along with the cyst.

I have been told we can start trying again now and if no pregnancy within 4 months I will need to have an HSG to see if my remaining tube is blocked with scar tissue and if it is, we are to have IVF. So yeah that’s my story, a bloody shit year but things are finally looking up I guess! Sorry to barge in on your thread but it’s comforting knowing we are not alone!

We have had one month of trying naturally again, currently on CD1 as I came on today 😩

Was about to come on here and moan at CD1 of cycle 12, but your background puts things in perspective lou - sounds like a tough journey; hope this time round everything's in place for things to work out xxx

And welcome!

Welcome loula. Sorry you've had such a tough time. This is a really supportive bunch of women who are finding it harder than it should be. Hopefully we can hand hold through the next stage.

Thank you quiet and gee. It certainly has been a tough journey but things are finally starting to look up! As supportive and as amazing DH has been, it’s nice to talk to different people about it all! We couldn’t make it up.

Has anyone on here had an HSG before?

Please don’t worry about moaning quiet, everyone is entitled to these different feelings aren’t they and everyone has a different story to tell!

Hope you are settling in to your new place Penguin. Which part of the country are you in?

Chlo bloody well done you finding your mojo - the last few days I’ve felt lighter too. I’ve had a few weeks of feeling absolutely awful to be honest, crying all the time, but I seem to have come through it and am feeling more positive again. We have got this 💪🏼

Kwick I hope you’ve made up with your Mum xx

Welcome Loula what a rough time you’ve had. I hope it’s much smoother times ahead for you. I had an HSG a few months ago and found it absolutely fine. Right at the end when all the dye was in I started cramping but it was manageable - and they then pulled the tube out and it stopped instantly.

MEET NEXT WEEKEND!!
Is everything still up for the meet next weekend? I’ve got @bassetmum @Chlo22 @Pyjamas81 and Binky - but it doesn’t look like she’s joined this thread. We’re meeting at Kings Cross next Saturday afternoon - if anyone else would like to join I’m still keen xx

Had a nice moment at a yoga class yesterday, the instructor is called Ro and is lovely, and I found myself thinking what a cool name. During the class I remembered that DH and my favourite girls name is Rose - which could be shortened to Ro 😄

It was lovely having a though again about actually having a baby again and what it might be like to have a child and be a Mum. I don’t find I think about that anymore.

Ohmygod - I've been off this tread so long that it dropped my 'threads I'm on' list! I have an infertility Twitter account (I'm called Womby McWombface, don't ask, couldn't think of anything else at the time ha ha) - my handle is @mcwombface if anyone would like to follow me! I find it easier for some reason to keep up with that.

I just needed to step back for a while, I have been following you all and egging you on quietly, it just all got a bit too much for a while there. I've been told I have depression/anxiety (can't remember if I told you guys), but luckily my insurance at work covers therapy which will be a massive help! I've been getting more involved with the Fertility Network (trained to be a volunteer) and went to the support group again last week which helped me more than I can ever describe. Face to face and personal support has made a huge difference. I've also just applied for a new job - I realised I'm tolerating life rather than enjoying it, which made me sad, so I really need to get something, anything, in my life, moving.

AF is due tomorrow and I don't even one whisper of hope, which is actually a relief! I honestly don't expect a BFP anymore. DH and I have our appointment with our consultant on Thurs to go through all our new test results (sperm DNA fragmentation, killer cells, MTHFR etc) and confirm protocol for third round which is due to start at the end of the month - eek! Dreading it at the moment, but I'll be fine once we get started as usual. Having the scratch done at the end of the month as well, which means no TTC this month which I am almost deliriously happy about!! So, in summary - I'm in a slightly better place, but still feeling a bit delicate. Still playing the piano which is so so therapeutic!

Jam - can't believe our meet up has come around so quickly! I'm still up for it!

I've had an HSG Loula - wasn't too bad, notthe most comfortable thing in the world, but tolerable!

Welcome loula! Ive had an hsg too and it was fine. Doesn't take long but 10-15 seconds of quite intense cramps, just be ready for that and take some paracetamol and ibuprofen before hand. Absolutely fine afterwards with just some mild period like pains for me

I am going to have to change my attendance for the meet up to a maybe. I will let you know by Wednesday.

Thank you for your responses regarding the HSG ladies 😊. Were you able to go into work after? Were they able to tell you there & then whether your tubes were blocked or not? I am hoping I fall before then but can’t see if being likely - I have read that having PID can render you infertile 🙄😞

No worries at all basset I hope you can make it but completely understand if you can’t

Pyjamas lovely you’re so incredibly strong - I think it’s amazing you’re training to be a volunteer, what a wonderful way to turn all this hurt and pain into something positive helping others. You did say depression was a concern and I’m sorry it’s reared it’s ugly head - but very glad to hear you’re getting the help you need. It’ll be lovely to meet you next Saturday 😄😄😄

Loula I went straight into work afterwards. Take some painkillers and you should be fine. If you don’t feel up to it then call in sick. They could tell me right away as they - and I - could see the dye flow straight through the tubes and out the other side. I quite enjoyed being able to see it

loula so sorry you've had a rough time. Hopefully things change for you really quickly. I had the HSG and didn't have the best experience - the procedure itself was pretty much fine although a bit uncomfortable. It was more afterwards I had terrible stomach cramps about 3 hours later - it honestly felt like labour! I had some
adhesions on both sides though so the dye went through more slowly - and I think most of the pain was due to the mega strong antibiotics they gave me in case any of the dye was stuck in there! They told me right away, although I got a slightly different story from the consultant when we saw him.

pjs good to see you back. Sorry you've been having a hard time. So glad the support groups are helping and well done on the volunteering - sounds like such a positive thing to be doing!

Ah chlo and jam I'm so glad you're both feeling positive. I need some of what you're having! I have been feeling really down and tearful, I think I'm still coming to terms with the fact IVF is starting. Have been arguing with my husband loads as well. I'm hoping I'll feel better when it all starts.

Ooh kwick you might have persuaded me to get a beauty calendar for November as well. I had the M&S one last year which was great!

quiet sorry about CD1 xx

Thanks for all your support on the baby bombing - it's one of those things that no-one else really understands! It's so good to have all of you xx

Totally with you on the baby bombing struggle - happened at work to me the other day, it never gets easier.

Ah thanks jam - really looking forward to meeting you too!

Welcome @Loulabelle90!!!
Blimey you have been through the wars - but hopefully no reason why you cannot get your BFP.
Is an HSG a hysteroscopy? I have one of those. Or is it a hycosy? I have had one of those too 😬

jamon yes I have made up with my mum
I am still up for meet up - what time?
Rose is a lovely name 🌹

Lovely to hear from you pjs I am right there with you on being happy in your job - makes such a difference.

Sounds like the HSG is the hycosy - it hurt like fcuk - take painkillers in advance if you can!

Do it! Do it! Do it! struggle —that way I will not feel so bad about having more than one advent—

Had the delight of AF showing up this morning at 5am. Cycles seem to be getting shorter...

I have prescription from IVI - just waiting for dates and news on donors...

struggle that's exactly how I've been the last few weeks. Very tearful and stressed, arguing with DH loads. I feel like I'm coming through it now, but anticipating more ups and downs ahead. I'm hoping I'll be better once I actually start IVF. The anticipation of it is doing my nut in.

That's exciting progress kwick

The meet - I'll message a time and place. If anyone else wants to join let me know x

loula they told me straight away too that things were clear in there. I'd say to be on the safe side see if you can book it at lunch and take the afternoon off. I felt tired and just wanted to lay on the sofa afterwards though I certainly could have gone back to work.

jam but everyone too- I read an interesting thing on the infertility subreddit about the 'emotional labour' of ivf, and treatments in general. A lady said she sat down with her oh and had a conversation about now she really needed him to step up pre ivf- since she was going to be the one being under treatment and the injections and egg retrieval are obviously no joke, so she talked to him about doing more to reduce her stress, like making dinner, shopping, cleaning etc. Made me think!

kwick I don't think I need any more encouragement to spend money - I am taking IVF as an excuse to treat myself. Just bought myself a nice treat candle as I've decided I am going to have a bit of an injection routine - get ready for bed, go to the spare room, light a nice candle and chill out for a few minutes before getting down to it....

Then maybe treat myself to a nice chocolate afterwards?

I definitely now need new pyjamas, posh chocolates, new bedsheets right?

Thank you for the warm welcome ladies and reassurance over the HSG. I had ready some scary stuff from other ladies!

I have decided I am going to use the Clearblue OPK’s this month. No doubt I will regret this decision! But my cycles are now shorter and less erratic than they were before so they might be easier!

Struggle that sounds like a great idea! If I have to go down the IVF route I am not sure I would be able to inject myself. I never need an excuse to treat myself!

Welcome Lou, I found the clearblue OPK really easy to use. Much prefer to the cheapie OPK because it told me without me guessing lol. (I'll be using them again this cycle I think as I have half a pack left)

It's CD8 today and I've had horrible tummy ache. Bloody hope I'm not coming down with a bug! 🙈 Weirdly I also lost some browny/bloody cm yesterday which is a bit random as I stopped af cd4. 🤔 I'm sure my body is a scatter brain.

2 weeks till my docs appointment. Is it normal to be completely shitting it?

Also waiting back to hear from the acupuncture lady 🙈 Would I be ok going back to work after having a session, I'm thinking of getting someone near to work so I can do it at lunch or after work.

Haha struggle 😂 whatever you want! I too had an injection routine but it was more around getting all my equipment ready and talking to myself as I prepped and stabbed
Sometimes I was out and about and had to inject in the toilets... fortunately I was never sprung - and accused of being a junkie.

mouse it is perfectly normal to be worried about seeing a GP. I am usually worried about being dismissed out of hand - but I, after 43 years, have finally found a reasonable GP.
I think acupuncture in your lunch break would be fine - only you may be too relaxed to be very productive! Better to do after work so then you can go home and chill.

I need to research more the va-jay-jay steaming thing now I have a bit more time on my hands

Oh that’s exciting kwick - things are moving!

That’s interesting about the emotional labour of IVF Kerry - definitely agree that we beat the brunt of it and DH does what he can to make things easier for me. I’m always conscious of not forgetting how he might be feeling (and he does find it emotionally difficult as well in different ways). Men so often get sidelined in the IVF process for obvious reasons.

Great ideas struggle! I always have a bit of chocolate and have a cuddle with DH after I inject myself!

Hope you feel better soon mouse and totally normal to be scared of appointment! I went to work after acupuncture a couple of times - was fine, but looking back going home and not allowing stupid work to undo the relaxation would’ve been better!

CD1 and on to cycle 18 - sigh. But, I no longer have hope, so wasn’t expecting anything different! Means we’re definitely going for round three as can’t TTC this month due to having scratch at the end of the month. The results of all our tests are in and we’ve got our appt with the consultant on Thurs. eek.

Hey Struggle it is totally normal to feel envious, angry, sad when hearing other people's baby news. While their ability to conceive has no bearing on yours it can make you feel worse in my experience anyway, another baby bump to rub your face in it.

Mouse glad you have GP appointment soon, go with an open mind and don't be fobbed off.

Flash glad your friend was understanding about the baby shower. I don't think I will go to any more if I can help it! I also don't want one myself if I ever get pregnant.

Welcome Loulabelle, sorry you've had such a rough time. I had a HSG at 12:00 and was back at work by 13:30. The procedure didn't hurt me much but took longer than usual as they just couldn't get the dye into one tube, tried 4 times then said that was enough. Strangely my consultant said my tubes were clear! Not sure what to think, HSG doctor said one was clear and the other was inconclusive but I kind of thought if it were open they would've been able to get dye in. Anyway we're probably moving to IVF soon.

Jam you could use Ro for a boy too if you like Ronan or Rory. Or Romeo! It's so nice when one of those little daydreams catches you unawares.

Kwick I'm inspired to buy a beauty advent calendar now, I usually just buy the chocolate ones and eat them all by day 3.

Kerry it is such an emotional roller-coaster, all this extra crap that we wouldn't have to deal with if we could just get (and stay) pregnant.

Pyjamas good to see you! You are so strong, volunteering is such a positive thing to go, I admire you helping others going through this. So many good vibes your way for round 3.

Well I'm still on holiday enjoying the sun and have had alcohol every day, not loads but I'm not watching what I eat or drink on hols, it hasn't made any bloody difference so far anyway! Have spoken to friend here in Spain who used IVI clinic and highly recommended them...one to think about for the future but happy to give it a few goes at home first.