Thread 32 | TTC#1 | Making the move from conception to infertility. We've taken some blows but we are not beaten

[Jamon]

Hi all. We're a group of first timers who've been plugging away on the conception boards for some time. The support here is amazing so if you're in a similar boat please jump onboard.

Time to hand hold through treatments and support each other through to becoming the mums we deserve to be 💪🏼🌸🙏🏼

Lemonylem I don't quality for any NHS treatment so everything has been private. A lot of NHS fertility units offer both private and NHS treatment. If you gave your local unit a call they may be able to arrange a scan for you. As we pay, we have always been seen very quickly - I guess that's one (possibly the only!) benefit of having to fork out lots of money...! :)

Good to see you mouse sorry you’re having such a tough time. Where are you up to in terms of tests and fertility treatment? You’ve got time on your side and whilst no one wants to go through this I believe it’s all worth it xxx

I have 25 (28 last cycle as I ovulated on CD19) day cycles usually but ovulate later on - CD16 if it's 25 days with spotting on CD25/24. Lots of things tell me that's still ok but I feel like I slow spot from quite early after I've ovulated - it's always yellowy when I wipe towards the end of my cycle and I know everything else is ok down there. I think the doc would want to try progesterone tests. Bit of a mind fuck with me medicating my over active thyroid too. Never simple.

Jam, I'd be able to have further tests and try clomid as technically I'm 12+ constant TTC (but have been on and off since 2013 now) but I don't feel I deserve it if I'm honest. I know what my problems are and I'm trying to fix them, If it doesn't work then I think the next step is a medical intervention. I know I ovulate, i confirm that with temp rises but it's just like my body is fighting me. My main issue is I need to get my BMI down as I've put on around 10lbs since the mmc. And it's not moving off despite exercise and a good diet. Sucks balls. Since I've been medicating the thyroid the weight loss has majorly paused.

mouse our cycles sound very similar although I don't spot but do have lots of creamy/yellowish cm after ovulation.
Should any of dh's poor quality make it my body kicks them out before they've had a chance !!

Aw Mouse sending hugs, the edd must be so hard.
I always get spotting before AF and it looks like I sometimes ovulate and sometimes not. I have been prescribed Clomid to try before moving on to IVF. It might be worth asking GP to repeat progesterone tests, if I'd ovulated the first month they tested I wouldn't have been offered any further tests.
There is a weight loss TTC thread someone linked to recently. I find it easier to think "I want to lose 2 pounds", then when I do think "okay, another 2", rather than thinking "Shit I need to lose a stone". Sounds daft but might help someone.

I'm starting my Clomid again tonight, it gives me a bit of a dodgy tummy and an itchy foof, oh the joys but if it works I obviously wouldn't care.
I'm also going to try my progesterone pills this month, really can't do any harm.

I have handed in my notice at work, only a few weeks to go, scary. The new job has some flexibility which I will need if we do have IVF, the clinic is quite far from work so I couldn't just sneak out!

Hey lovely people, and thanks for the new thread Jam.
I have been ridiculously busy these last couple of weeks with holiday, house move, crazy running races and very busy time at work but wanted to pop on and say hi.

Sad to see no big BFP news yet (unless I have missed it? I haven't been able to read the full thread yet). This shit sucks.

I had my appointments at the IVF clinic last week while moving house and - because I have very polycystic ovaries and sky high AMH (over 112!) - it looks like we are all set for next cycle.

In case it helps anyone my protocol is:

• Norethisterone tablets from Tuesday to get the timing of next period right
• Scan a few days before expected period
• Injections (Menopur and Gonal F) daily from Day 2 of next cycle
• Scans every 2/3 days from Day 7
• Egg collection around Day 15 (scan and OHSS dependent) which is likely to be 30th/31st October.

I am very happy that our Consultant is the same one we saw at the hospital when we got our referral - he's so lovely and reassuring and was the pioneer of the specific treatment cycle we are on which is pretty cool.

Jam I know you said you're going to be on long protocol despite your PCO. Did you ever ask about that in the end? I guess your doctor must be happy that your ovaries don't have too many follicles but they will no doubt check you closely during your treatment. I really hope you can get your DH to be at home when needed for your nurse appointment; waiting until Jan is the last thing you need x

Well, I'd better shoot and get on with this mountain of work I have to do but will keep popping in to see how everyone is. I'm rooting for all of you

I'm reading along and thinking of you all. Just can't bring myself to participate at the moment.
CD1, cycle 26.

mummy sorry to hear you are not feeling sexy - hope you are feeling brighter today.

flash LOL!!! No you do NOT see anything - at least not on the few I watched.
There are definitely poses that are supposed help with fertility- again YouTube or Pinterest should be helpful.

PJS what is really good is that you are recognising signs and doing something about it.
The family I have in PR have finally made contact after telecommunications were restored. Things sound pretty dire. Apparently Trump pledged support- it is part if the US after all but has now said it is PRs fault they have no money. Wanker.

jamon that does sound stressful. I would offer to pose as your hubby but I am not sure that would work. Hope it all falls into place.

lemony you can contact any of the FCs and ask for a scan and that the results be shared with you and your GP.

mouselove!!!!! 😍
One of the threads I am on has a weightloss spin-off thread - everyone is welcome to join.

alice

Here is spin off thread:
TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF - weight loss spin-off thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2889818-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-weight-loss-spin-off-thread

So quite an eventful week:

• am finally back in my flat! Still loads of cleaning, unpacking and clearing to do but I am home!
• lurgy has lingered since weekend... dust is not helping
• had donor coordination appt with IVI Spain - things are starting to move. As I have opted to have both donors to be genetically tested to rule out over 500 issues that will add on at least 20 more days; good news there is no shortage of donors; I will be using Alicante clinic; it will be a Frozen Embryo Cycle and any "excess" embryos created will be put in storage for moi - this is really good news as it means if the transfer does not work the first time I will be able to have more gos with limited cost.

Happy Friday everyone!

mud I loved the pictures - I always come out as schizophrenic when tested for introvert/extrovert and some of the strips really resonated with me.

Just in case you are interested - a before and after photo

Hi girls not having a good week. Feel overwhelmed and alone at the moment. DH is having some kind of meltdown of his own and we constantly fall out, I shout and cry. I’m sleeping in the spare room. What’s happened to me / my marriage?

I’m so stressed and miserable and all I can think is how much this is all reducing the chances of IVF working. I’m convinced we’re about to put ourselves through all of this for nothing.

Alice
Kwick what a transformation!
Penguin wow that happened so fast - wishing you all the very best with it lovely

Hope you’re all doing okay. This journey is so so so so hard. I feel so much for all of you.

jam

So sorry to hear you're having a rough week. It's definitely not what you need. Do you think that the issues you're experiencing are caused by the stress of what you've been going through or do you think that TTC has thrown light on issues that were in the background?

Are you/he still going to counselling?

Kwick love the before and after pics! And I can almost see you in the mirror!

Alice thinking of you.

Nice to hear from you Inspector. Got everything crossed for you that you get your BFP soon!

Exciting about the new job JeNe. Can you say roughly what you do without outing yourself?

Spotting started today, 7DPO. I'm not surprised as I OVd from my right side so the chances of getting pregnant were pretty miniscule. Means I can drink on my hols and FW will be while I'm on holiday, hopefully the sun, relaxation and left ovary will be the magic combo (I've got a renewed surge of hope at the moment, hope it comes good).

Friday positives:

I'll be in Spain from next Thursday, first for work and then for holiday (most excited about the holiday part!)
I've experienced a weight loss whoosh and dropped 3 pounds this week after nothing for a month.
My hair looks good today.
I love Christmas, and I can be in full on Christmas mode once Bonfire Night is over already eaten 3 mince pies in the last two weeks

Jam - can you set aside some time to talk with your DH about what he's feeling and his worries? Remember, he could be struggling more with infertility than you realise. It's important not to let this come between you both, you need to be strong and a functioning unit, ready to support each other especially going into IVF and even more so for when you have your little one and all the new stresses and worries that brings. Try and get some time with him tonight so you can clear the air going into the weekend. Can you go out for a romantic meal or something? That will force you to have an adult conversation without anyone raising their voice or getting too emotional. Hope you feel better soon Jam xx

Alice - sorry it's CD1 for you, it's fine you don't need to participate if you don't feel like it. Take care of yourself though xx

Kwick - sounds good regarding the clinic, Alicante is one of the few places in the world I've actually been. Seems quite a reasonable distance and flight cost. Think you've done the right thing waiting the extra 20 days, if you're going to do something important - do it right. Xx

I've been a bit absent from this as i've had a busy week, but just wanted to drop by and say hello and hope everyone is having a good Friday.

i think I've missed tons of chat, but just saw your message jam - that sounds like no fun at all :( Sorry you're having a rubbish time. I agree with mudskip, can you head out for a meal to clear the air?

Me and my OH often talk about how it's really easy to lose focus when you're talking about infertility stuff, and forget why you are together! This whole process is rubbish in so many ways...

overinaflash I love the positives :)

Sorry you're having a hard time Jam. It is such a hard thing to go through and so it's not surprising it puts pressure on your relationship. My husband is terrible at talking about things, I always find it easier if we go for a walk or in the car - as long as we're not looking at each other!

Had to hold back the tears in John Lewis today buying gifts for one of my best friends who has just had a baby - on the day my spotting started before my period ! I remember being in John Lewis almost a year ago feeling sad and buying a gift for another baby who is almost 1 - and we are no closer. Plus was told to ring up on day 1 to book my scratch but the nurse I need to speak to isn't in! Hope she is in on Monday.

kwick love the bathroom. Bet you are delighted to be back in your own home and bed!!

Alice sorry to hear - CD1 here as well

flash holiday sounds amazing and hopefully lots of spontaneous sex will do it! Saw some Christmas decs in TK Maxx today - I can't even bring myself to think about it yet!

penguin great you've got your plan. Looks like you'll be a few weeks ahead of me as I am on the long protocol!

Hope you all have lovely weekends x

Happy Friday everyone, gosh this thread moves fast.

jam hugs 💐

I'm sat in the pub at the bar by myself drinking and you know what I fucking don't care. Aunt flo can go fuck herself this week.
Word.

kwicK great bathroom!! 😍 good luck on the Spain trip!

We are off to look at new places to live this weekend! Something to kind of distract me from the other shite real life stuff!

jamon sorry you are having such a shit time of it. I am not really able to advise on relationship issues but I hope that you can sort it out.
My cousin got preggers on IVF during one of the most stressful times of her life/marriage and has 2 lovely little girls as a result.

flash where are you going? Am v jealous. Loving the PMA.

Fanks mud 😘 anything to avoid another MC

struggle sorry about AF
It is indeed lovely to be back home just wish there was not so much clearing up to do

plane house hunting really can lift the spirits! Have some for me (really cannot believe I have not drunk in 2 years!!!)

I am on my way home - going to restock fridge on my way there and then binge watch recorded programs not sure I feel up to swim tomorrow as still 🤧😷🤒

Struggle - sorry to hear its CD1 for you too. It's almost crazy how we all take this in our stride now, there was a time I'd be like "omg CD1 - what the fuck? Why body, why???" and now I'm just like meh. Hope you have a nice weekend planned for yourself xx

DH and I had an incident last night. It's clear he wanted to HS but this close to AF I simply cant - I have like zero interest. Anyway, he sort of went to grab my boob from behind me and oh my fucking god, the pain. My boobs are very sore at the moment but it was like someone had stabbed a knife into it. He apologised but I could tell from the tone of his voice that he didn't believe me, then he went on to tell me that he never had this issue with other girlfriends in the past. I got pretty angry, didn't say anything though and just went to sleep. It really fucks me off how he can't grasp the concept of sore boobs when he has two sensitive testicles dangling between his legs.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend xx

Woah skip that is not OK - most months mine are also incredibly tender then, so know how annoying & painful it is if DH is too handsy...complaining by comparison is not helpful! Hope it passes - but agree, how could a guy not get it?

jam really sorry it's such a difficult time - hope there's been some progress with DH since the last post xxx

Sorry to those haven't replied to - am willing you all onwards, though!

Hi girls

Things are pretty bad. I cried a LOT yesterday but we were fine with each other, he cooked and later hand fed me chocolate buttons under my blanket. This morning we fell out again - the neighbours were making an awful racket upstairs, we were both stressed and had another massive argument. I left again very stressed and upset and have spent the last few hours having a calming walk in the park and reading the papers with breakfast in a cafe. He goes away tonight again until Tuesday so today was meant to be time spent together.

I don’t really know what to do. He doesn’t seem to get how fragile I am emotionally right now. I cry every day. I feel like he’s become numb to it. We are seeing the counsellor but it doesn’t seem to be making any difference so far.

I can’t quite believe this is all really happening. The proximity of IVF seems to be sending me over the edge a bit. I think it’s that it feels like our last chance - our only option - and I’m convinced it won’t work. I feel absolutely no hope or optimism.

Not quite sure how to change my mindset. I used to be relentlessly positive and optimistic. Not sure what happened to that person.

Anyway. Skip I hope you’re alright - men just don’t get it. Lovely positives flash xx thanks rose 🌹 Hugs struggle - going for a walk is a good shout Thanks plane ✈️ Thank you kwick that really does give me a glimmer of hope. Happy renovating lemon 🍋 thanks quiet x and hope you’re doing okay pyjamas mouse and all of you other lovely lot. What would I do without you...

Also how beautiful is this blog post? Warning ⚠️ may cause tears

Dear future babies,

Yesterday we had an appointment at the clinic to discuss when we will finally start our IVF cycle and I can’t tell you how much I want this and how ready I am…

I’m ready for all the injections and the bruises.

I’m ready for the hot flushes and the tears.

I’m ready for the mood swings and lack of energy.

I’m ready for the bloat and the weight gain.

I’m ready for the mental torture of the two week wait.

I’m ready to finally see two pink lines and for the heartache that will come if we don’t.

I’m ready for the morning sickness and the stretch marks.

I’m ready to see a flickering heartbeat on the screen instead of an empty womb.

I’m ready to tell our family that you’re on your way.

I’m ready for the cravings and the never ending trips to the loo.

I’m ready to feel your first kicks and rub my growing belly.

I’m ready to buy your first outfit and decorate your nursery.

I’m ready to start nesting, because god knows our house needs it.

I’m ready for the backache and the tiredness.

I’m ready for the contractions, the pain, the stitches.

I’m ready for the sleepless nights and the poo-filled nappies.

I’m ready for you to finally be here so we can meet our ‘half-me and half-you one’.

But most of all we are ready to be your mummy and daddy.

We are so ready for you.

Love, Mum xx

So true Jam - that sums it up so well, the feeling of longing for and missing someone you haven't even met.

I'm sorry things are bad with your oh at the moment, big hugs

lemony wow are you doing the work yourself??? #impressed
I opened the first door on the first of my 3 beauty advent calendars 😌
I want to get a bit more Christmasy this year - put a garland (is it?) on my front door, have lights up, maybe get a tree (although will have to be small as space limited). Life is for the living after all!!!

mud 😡😡😡 next time grab is cojones!!!

jamon sorry you are still feeling pants. Arguing and crying all the time is very exhausting. Make sure the minute you see the sun out you get out in it!!!
Please don't start panicking that this is the only shot you have. You are still young and there are options. Look at me still trying at 43 (ok so only started when I was 40). I am not sure if NHS is only funding one cycle but if that does not work there are alternatives and some are not that dear. Keep the faith - you are in perfect time. 😘