Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

Bigger unfortunately for MNHQ I don't have anything better to do with my time today either. I hope something will be done if there are several of us reporting them. I've asked them to start banning people and looking into the IP addresses so that they don't keep returning under new usernames.

Purple this one is just brilliant where they've forgotten to change username before answering their own question!

I know earl.

Surely trolling 101 is "remember to change your username!"

purple I love the fake sympathy from theirself to theirself. As it'll probably be deleted I'll post for everyone's benefit. Truly dreadful.

poster bettysanders007 Thu 20-Jul-17 12:16:09
Hello,

Can someone please tell me how long the procedure is for surrogacy? I mean how much time will it take to complete. Me and dh have been trying for a baby for the past 6 years, I had two pregnancies earlier but both were terminated. We had many tests done and finally the doctor came up with the solution that surrogacy is the only way through which we can have children. I am in a hurry because my parents are pressurizing us to have children sooner and neither do they support me. I have waited for too long now.

poster bettysanders007 Fri 21-Jul-17 10:10:54

Hi, I am sorry to hear about your losses and your parents. It is very important to have support of family in such situation. But anyways, you need to be confident and not lose hope. This is a very good decision you took, but you need to be patient as well. The process can last somewhere between 15 and 18 months from the day application is submitted until you hold you’re newborn. But the process can vary depending on whether it is through IVF or without, the country, clinic and the fertility specialist and of course the surrogate.

Another post on the comments thread from a first time poster who seems to have swallowed a thesaurus and vomited up a word salad. Can't wait for them to name which clinic and doctor they have that are so great! I bet I can guess!

They can't even keep their story straight from one post to the other (only minutes apart). Poor show.

Another post on the comments thread from a first time poster who seems to have swallowed a thesaurus and vomited up a word salad.

This made me laugh. That's exactly what they're doing Tammy. I think they're probably also copying and pasting different sections of various different posters posts from this and other forums especially the slang/swear words.

Dear god what sort of clinic is it if these are the sort of tactics they resort to?!!

I do sometimes wonder if, not long from now, there will be a massive scandal unearthed regarding some of these clinics not using the eggs and/or sperm that they should be using (ie artificially inflating their success rates by using donor eggs but not telling the patients), particularly the ones that offer money back guarantees. There are some really unethical people out there.

There are some absolute horror stories about the clinic in question on the Fertility Friends thread about Surrogacy in the Ukraine. Absolutely terrifying.

One of the patients has a blog, her account is shocking. She now works for the clinic to promote the surrogacy programme there as she said she's trying to improve the service based on her experience

Except that posting on forums doesn't solve the problem of exploitation of both surros and IPs

The threads speak for themselves - the clinic practices are disgusting, and that's even before you get to their behaviour on social media taking advantage of desperate people

Makes me sick

Clinics abroad don't have the same level of regulation like we do with the HFEA

Daily Mail but the story was reported in many news outlets

And this is Reprofit in the Czech Republic -one of the more reputable countries for overseas IVF, before you get to a country like Ukraine

Fertility clinic used by hundreds of British couples accidentally implants the WRONG embryos into the wombs of two mothers

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4091366/amp/Fertility-clinic-used-hundreds-British-couples-accidentally-implants-WRONG-embryos-wombs-two-mothers.html

And here's one at a Dutch clinic

IVF mix-up: wrong sperm may have fertilised eggs of 26 women

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2016/dec/28/ivf-mix-up-wrong-sperm-may-have-fertilised-eggs-of-26-women

There are still errors in the UK and other countries with more stringent regulations. But the systems for lab procedures are certainly stricter than in some overseas clinics

http://www.imtinternational.com/2017.01.30%20-%20IMT%20Matcher%20IVF%20Mistakes%20Log%20v6.pdf

Tammy, I just wanted to say I really love your comments to slightly dodgy posts elsewhere on the infertility board.

This is brilliant As you are a newbie I should warn you about the spam posters posing as infertile people on here, advertising a dodgy clinic in Kiev, Ukraine. You can imagine how terrible their clinic must be if they have to use such tactics to get new clients. It must be the worst clinic in the world.

Tammy you are a legend!!

Maybe infertility, surrogacy and donor conception all need tammy's post as a sticky at the top.

Good idea purple. There's another spate of dodgy posts today. I did notice that is stopped on Sunday when dodgy clinic was presumably largely closed!

Go Tammy.

It really is so bloody irritating. You can see straight through it, can't you

Yeah, I think by this point Mumsnet should put a sticky topic on each board, warning people.

fwiw, EarlGrey, I think you are right about that other poster. I hate to be suspicious of everyone, but when someone claims to be in a profession that requires literacy tests, etc, and they only have a tenuous grasp of how to use the definite article, then I don't believe a word they say.

I know tammy. I did begin to doubt myself, but a new poster with a vague non specific story as to the problem asking for clinic recommendations and she does (as you put it so well) sound like she's swallowed a thesaurus and vomited up a word salad set off my alarm bells.

It would be a shame for new members if I am overly suspicious and assume the worst of everyone, but those posts have red flags all over them.

Guys, just a warning that the new series ( series 2) of Top of the Lake, which I was so looking forward to, is all about surrogacy and infertility (and has a particularly gruesome and disturbing autopsy scene involving a fetus), and portrays infertile women as crazy as hell. So disappointing (particularly since Nicole Kidman, who is in it, used a surrogate, so not sure what the hell she was thinking).

Thanks for the warning Tammy. I've recorded it and was also looking forward to it. Damn. Wasn't expecting that.

I watched The Handmaid's Tale, and I thought it was a pretty good adaptation. It is funny to think when I read it many years ago aged 15 and then again in my 20s, I barely noted the infertility stuff at all. I was much more focused on all the other elements of the dystopian society, as infertility just wasn't a concept I grasped at all. Oh the innocence.

I actually quite enjoyed the depiction of an ivf cycle in friends from college. To me it describes quite well the stress of the whole thing - they end up fucking up the trigger shot late at night . Definitely written by someone who has been through a few cycles!