BESH - relocated to less offensive surroundings

[cooperG]

Hi hags, here's our new thread. Did we decide to post the BESH-tionnaire or not? I'll have to go and dig it out if so..

Newbies - we think we're much like the ladies in the 'mind-numbing boredom of infertility' thread ladies, but we can't admit defeat, oh no. After the new recruits kind of dried up over in conception, we've moved over here where there are no insta-differs to send us into fits of rage/tears.

(BESH stands for Bitter Evil Selfish Hags - named so by the Daily Mail I think...) come and be bitter about the shit-ness that is infertility with us...

Ah k8. Mind fuck indeed. Just late enough to get your hopes up then kicks you in your teeth. Sorry hag [flowers ]

Also, I take back what I said about my mil. She is an emotional death eater. Bottomless pit of neediness. I'm so enraged by the performance she put on last night, I dont ever want to go back there again. The drama she creates over nothing when other people (not referring to myself) have actual problems. The shit she spouts at me about how hard she has it when she knows full well that myself and my family have been through far worse and I just have to nod and try to change the subject because no good will come of me losing my shit. Sorry for the download BESH, but I'm about to explode and need to get it out before I see mr place. I can't say this to him. He knows what's she's like, but there's nothing he can do either. Not staying there next time. No fucking way Jose!

Sorry for the silence. I have nothing exciting happening at the mo and work is a bloody nightmare this time of year so I am a miserable bitch!

Place that sounds so painful! How are you feeling now? Any bleeding?

K8liz so sorry for the BFN what a mind f@@k!! I hope it sorts itself out soon. Do you temp at all? Might be worth a shot so you know if/when you ov and when AF is due? Ive tried it since MMC and it's helped to know what's going on. Just a thought x

Rebecca fab news that AF has arrived for you! So what date are you thinking your ET might be?

Jen I really feel for you! Of course you are going to be scared, it's completely natural. Particularly after everything you've been through. Do you have an early scan booked for some reassurance?

AFM- I'm still waiting for AF. CD32 for me today but I temp and my apps have both told me that I ov'ed on Friday. We have been DTD regularly so it looks like I'm in a 2ww! Only ever had one natural one of these 2wws before because I never ov! Maybe the MMC and ERPC has given my body the massive kick up the bum it needed?!
Anyhow I know now AF will be around 22nd Sept so ET for me will be around 13th Oct I think.

Hi Rose. Lovely to hear from you - that's exciting that you ovulated! (When did you think you'd ever be getting congrats from an internet stranger on that?!) Nice to have a 2ww in a way, maybe, and definitely nice that you are closer to a date for your FET.

I was premature on AF - one bit of spotting then nothing all day. Went swimming and to Pilates to try and bring it on; nothing. I think it is stress, actually. Things with my parents are taking their toll - I feel particularly worried about it today; had a worrying talk with my mum just now where she flat-out lied to me about something, which I've never known her to do before. I know it's her condition but it's still sad.

Anyway, I know it will appear eventually. I suppose I just wanted it to hurry so that I could visit them during the 2ww. But maybe that's not a good idea. It's hard to say. I'm sure it'll be OK eventually. Sorry for the me me.

Rose I don't temp, I just thought it would make me even worse in terms of obsessing. Would temping tell me if I was due on my period or where I am in my cycle? Do I literally just take me temp with a thermometer? I can't believe that I had a 1 day period, 5 days early. My boobs are so sore I still feel like I might come on.

Sorry, I totally missed the posts below. K8liz that's horrible. A negative test is such a blow.

And Place my God, you poor thing. Talk about a Monster in Law. You are right not to stay there again. Do you have any practical alternative?

AFM I'm fine, just PMS I think. Ironic!!

Rebecca Bloody hell- stupid AF What is your body playing at?
It sounds like it certainly could be stress related- which isn't surprising at all with everything going on in your life. It will come eventually. It's almost like the more we think about these things, the less they happen and the more they f@@k with our heads! Sod's law to a tee!

K8liz I used to temp with an oral thermometer each morn but it just got too onerous and the readings weren't very accurate. Now I temp vaginally using a device called Ovusense. It's a plastic tampon sized sensor that you leave in all night. It records your temp every 5 mins and gives you an average in the morning when you download the data to your phone. It even plots a graph for you- it's amazing! (If you are a control freak like me ) Pre ov temps are usually under 36.4c so even if you start temping mid cycle you can quickly see whether you have ov'ed ( in which case AF will come in the next 14 days max) or you haven't ov'ed (AF has no plan on arriving any time soon and your body is f@@king with you)
I just find it helps me to know what to expect rather than keep second guessing. It actually distresses me rather than making me worse, but I'm sure it isn't for everyone!

*de-stresses

Thanks Rose, AF is well and truly here now ... I was a bit mental yesterday. I'm glad your gizmo is helpful to you. It's amazing what they can do with technology these days ... ! I am now booked in for Day 3 scan on Friday. Scarily, I was originally rung by an 'administrator' who had no clue what my protocol was and just said, 'The nurses will be in touch in 14 days'. Luckily I queried it ...

Place how are you feeling now? It sounded like you are having a truly horrible time. I can't imagine anything more stressful than having to stay with my MIL during IVF procedures ... And she's a picnic compared to yours by the sounds of it! Really hope you can work something else out. meanwhile.

k8liz hope some of the mystery is clearing now ... I don't know why our bodies do this to us!

Hey hags,

Sorry for long absence, so much going on!

K8liz Sorry about the headfucky delayed droid and then BFN. I hate it when that happens. Chocolate and wine for you?

Rebecca The situation with your parents sounds so stressful, no wonder you are sad and worried about it. Do you feel a bit "released" (for lack of a better word) now that the droid is here? I often feel tense and weepy the days before but once it arrives I can just get on with it somehow (after having a day of swearing like a sailor and glaring at everyone that dares to carry a baby). It is the 2ww + PMS that destroys my nerves.

Place Poor you! Are you home now, in your own bed?

Rose Glad to hear you ovulated and that things are moving for you! Whoop!

Hags, got my BFN yesterday! 14 days after the ERPC. If everything goes like in previous occasions, the droid should be here in two weeks which means IVF starts end of October! I have somehow managed to keep the whole thing out of my mind for a a few days - once the bleeding stopped and I was able to swim in the seaaaaaa, I felt like myself again.

I have ordered a ton of vitamins and Omega 3 and what not and I am taking melatonin as well. And eating all the linseed!

but also going to have some celebratory wine tonight, for having got my body back after the draggiest mc ever, finally

Hey Erica, well done on the BFN! Great stuff. I'm glad you feel more like yourself again. I feel so much better since AF, yes - like a different person.

I'm currently in waiting room for scan. They play non stop Sky News - currently broadcasting live from UKIP conference. And there is a couple opposite me in full-on PDA mode - lots of weird slapping and giggling. Not very restful.

Hope everyone else is OK. Hope you're feeling better Place

Rebecca How did the scan go?

Hags, I am having a massive freak out, wondering if using PGD will lower our chances of successful IVF? Am I even making sense?

I just started thinking that being "picky" (ok, I sound crazy) about the embryos with us having none for transfer! But after 5 mcs, it sounds like we definitely check that the embryos can actually make it?

I don't know why I am worrying about this now, I am possessed!

Rebecca Hurray for AF finally showing her ugly face! Hope the scan went better than your waiting room experience- argh! Sounds grim.

Erica so pleased you are getting BFN now. 2 weeks is how long it took for me too. After that it took another 2 weeks for AF to show. Hopefully it's no longer for you. You could be joining Rebecca, K8liz and I as cycle buddies!
In terms PGD testing; with 5 mcs I absolutely think you are doing the right thing getting your embryos tested. At the moment it's impossible for you to know if it's your embryos causing your mcs or it's something else. At least this way you can have a ET and know it's genetically normal. Less embryos maybe, but also less mcs. Xxx We have 4 Frosties left but if they don't work then we will do PGS testing next.

K8liz Did AF arrive in the end? X

Hey Rose no AF hasn't arrived. I've no idea what's happening. I'm so tired but then it's prob just because it's full on at school at min. I'll take another test over the weekend and it's that's another BFN I'll just assume that I had a v early period . Hope everyone else is ok xx

K8liz How frustrating! Maybe you did have a very light period then.
Am I right in assuming you are a teacher? If so, me too! The tiredness this time of year is absolutely unbearable. I've come home most days crying, saying I want to leave. It's the worst term ever!

Rose I'm a secondary teacher. I've had a 9pm finish this week and got another one next week. I'm so tired I feel like crying too .
I'm kinda getting to the point where I want to stop trying for a while. I usually then get pregnant around October I really can't face being pregnant / miscarrying at the same time for a 3rd year in a row xx

Oh k8 that sounds awful. That cycle absolutely has to stop!

Erica, I also think pgd would be the right way to go. I think thats what I'd do. I'm not convinced it would lower your chances. Surely it has to increase them!? Also, very jealous of your swimming activities. I used to do that everyday where I used to live. I miss it so much!

Rose, sorry you're so exhausted. I know what it's like to to struggle with work. I used to be so anxious, that I'd vomit in the morning, crying. I eventually had to quit, obviously, lol! How everyone manages to juggle everything AND IVF is beyond me. I hope you get some down time soon.

Rebecca, weird waiting room antics. It's such a strange environment isn't it. Everybody trying to avoid eye contact etc. how did the scan go?

So, umm, sorry for all the complaining I did in my last couple of posts, I suppose I just felt miserable and pissed off for lots of reasons. But home now, so after a couple of days of meltdown (Lots of fights with mr place, lots of tears) I'm finally starting to even out, thank god!! I'm about 3 days into my down reg. So it's properly real now, hurray! Wish it was the sniffer type, but is a needle, although if I do it slow enough, it's really not painful at all. Thank god for tiny wins.

Morning hags!

Ugh, bit hangover today. First time in months... And of course, two pregnancy + 1 new baby announcements, argh!

Thanks everyone for the reassuranc. Yes, I think the ratioanale behind it (now that I have calmed down) is that you get less embies but they will be more likely to stick... I don't know why I got so anxious about it, I guess it's coming to five years since we got a BFP and I am just soooo tired...

Oh, I actually enjoyed this article by Hadley Freeman

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/sep/17/hadley-freeman-what-being-parent-has-taught-me

I liked that too. Esp the part about punching a kitten in the face, made me lol.

Hi all, sounds like there is a lot going on! I also LOVED Hadley Freeman's article particularly the bit about moany mummy blogs that seem to be doing the rounds at the moment. Like "I hate living in my lovely big house."

Erica getting pissed sounds like the ticket. Announcements really really hurt. PGD sounds like a good thing to do but can understand your anxieties around it.

Kliz delayed period and BFN, the dreaded "am I, aren't I?" Things actually felt better for me when I discovered that it would be extremely difficult for me to conceive naturally with my autoimmune disease being so bad. It took the pressure off as at I just KNEW I wasn't going to be pregnant. So tough. You and Rosebud are both teachers? Hardcore. My DH is a teacher, so tough to juggle IVF and teaching. But if you have got this far something tells me you will have the strength to manage it!

Noodles and Place all kicking off for you guys! Sending lots of luck and good wishes your way...

Things are fine this end apart from the sleepless nights due to constantly worrying that things are going wrong...I have a scan in ten days which I am happy/nervous about. It's like when you have got so used to disappointment and sadness it becomes very scary to feel anything else...

Blue I couldn't find the thread you mentioned, any chance you could post the link? Cheers

Jen (and everyone else when it's time to join us)

Pregnancy after infertility II www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2679146-Pregnancy-after-infertility-II

Hi blue, so pleased you're doing well. Hi everyone.

Seems a good time to introduce myself as I have been lurking a little while... I was on the Pregnancy After Infertility thread but sadly my son Jovan was stillborn at 21wks in July. We always knew that we wanted to try again, not to replace our son of course, but losing him reinforced important it is to us. As we conceived on our second cycle of ICSI, we know we are looking at the same route again. I haven't yet made contact with our clinic (too soon) but when I do, it would be great to have some support. I didn't know these threads existed before and had very lonely cycles as I didn't have anyone to talk to that knew what I was going through.

I'm going to step back into the shadow and lurk a little longer if that's ok.

Hi BlueRoses, you'll find yourself very well supported by the BESH when you feel ready to join. I've been part of them for 3 years or so and wouldn't have got through without the thread.

Still got loads of love for you and jovan, I was actually just thinking of you both only a few mins ago

Jen I am wishing the next 10 days to fly by for you. Anxiety insomnia sucks, hopefully it will all be better soon.

BlueRoses I am so sorry about your loss, it's heartbreaking. We will be here when you are ready.

Hope everyone had a good week end. Not much to report from my side, it feels like I have gone back to normal, with the BFN and not bleeding and just generally not feeling sick or pregnant or anything in particular. Now it is just about waiting until the droid shows up. I have to work abroad for the month in between this droid and the one after (ie. beginning of IVF), which should be a nice distraction for those last weeks. I have to wait to book my flights and schedule until I know those dates though, thank god for understanding boss that agrees with my prioritising IVF at the moment.