BESH - relocated to less offensive surroundings

[cooperG]

Hi hags, here's our new thread. Did we decide to post the BESH-tionnaire or not? I'll have to go and dig it out if so..

Newbies - we think we're much like the ladies in the 'mind-numbing boredom of infertility' thread ladies, but we can't admit defeat, oh no. After the new recruits kind of dried up over in conception, we've moved over here where there are no insta-differs to send us into fits of rage/tears.

(BESH stands for Bitter Evil Selfish Hags - named so by the Daily Mail I think...) come and be bitter about the shit-ness that is infertility with us...

Hi everyone. I've been away auditioning for Place's musical. I got the part! [tap dances].

Erica, great news on the non-molar. I mean, comparatively speaking. Glad your husband is more on board with IVF. It is a big step.

Sam, I'm really sorry things didn't work out. All fingers crossed for next time.

kliz hope you're doing OK. Your position sounds so frustrating, I feel for everyone who can't get NHS care because of MCs - it seems so unfair. Steroids sound horrible too. I have a younger DH too coincidentally. He is really supportive, but he struggles with the fact that this is all so uncertain - he likes order, rules, flow-charts, exact statistics. He's being great though, can't complain.

I feel sad today ... Just feeling sorry for myself, worried about my parents, sick of waiting, isolated from my friends, jealous of pregnant people ... And I've just bought a load of cushions online. So AF due imminently I think.

Place, you were asking about support meds - I can't remember off top of my head but as we're NHS I think it will be the bare minimum. As Rose says, if this doesn't work out, maybe we can pay for extras/investigate immunes next time. Keeping it exciting Good luck for your scratch next week. Will be good to get things underway I'm sure.

Hope everyone else is all right.

Rebecca, I'm nhs funded too and it is the minimum for funding, but if you have a particular concern your FS can still prescribe either a private script, or you can go ask your GP to write it for you. Eg, I have arthritis and high platelets, so he has prescribed steroids and heparin, but it's not covered for funding. My gp will prescribe both of those for me though. Anyway just a thought in case there was something you were keen on.

And so pleased you have a part in my shit show musical! Although auditions are unnecessary, it's more like conscription than volunteering. Out of our control and being lead to either our demise or for the love of all that's good, hopefully, victory! Although if you're into tap, perhaps you could do a number involving some kind of syncopated tap, dark jazz, single spotlight, dirty alley set, sirens in the background, while you shoot up menopur, buserilin, heparin, pio, one after the other until you pirouette into a pile of rubbish in some kind of hormone induced ohss coma...just you, your bloated abdomen, track marks and the alley cats...(had to get my cats parts!!)

Ok enough shitty musical metaphors I promise!

So apologies as I am a bit drunk having had a whole bottle of wine to myself whilst out this evening having dinner with a friend who is happily pregnant with her second. Who chose to spend the evening telling me how people who 'can't' have children always make her feel a bit uncomfortable. Like they are parading their infertility!! Apparently she found me an exception to the rule so felt it was ok to say all of this to me (she has no idea I've just done the round of failed IVF). Apparently she can always tell that the ladies struggling to conceive found it hard to hear her happy news (like no shit Sherlock). I think I'm in the same boat as the others it's just I might where a thicker mask after wearing it for so long.

Sorry, rant over. Already dreading the hungover commute in the morning. Night x

That sounds like absolute torture SoSam. No wonder you needed a whole bottle to yourself! No other way to get through an evening like that. I hope you went on and on about how awesome the wine was.

I totally did, nice cold Rose, warm night, blah, blah, blah feeling shocking now but it felt good at the time.

Sam glad to hear you and DH are having the odd positive day. This is good!
However that friend of yours sounds more than a little bit judgey. No wonder you got drunk! To be honest I admire you being able to go to meet said pregnant friend in the first place! I avoid preggos like the plague! I think if it were me I'd be letting her know, once I was sober and had a chance to recover from the insensitive comments, that she has upset you. She could do with a lesson in what it's like to be infertile. I'm sorry for the things she said

Rebecca So sorry that you are feeling so sad. You have so much on your plate- it is completely understandable that you feel overwhelmingly sad at times.
But cushions!????? Have a word with yourself!!! If you are going to have a mad online shopping spree, at least purchase something more..... Rebellious!

Place you loon!

Jen Just checking you are ok?

Thanks Rose. I'm feeling better. Things seem more manageable though I do wish AF would hurry up ... I want to get some dates in the calendar. And no, I'm not pregnant. That delusion is no longer even crossing my mind. Re cushions, what can I say? Soft furnishings are my drug of choice.

Sam, your friend sounds very dim and thoughtless. I'm sorry you had to listen to all that Next time tell her that you find people with kids make you a bit uncomfortable the way they 'parade' their fertility. I'm sure she will appreciate your views head tilt.

Place , that's very useful to know re extra meds ... will bear it in mind. I wish I had cats, I adore them, am properly cat-crazy but our flat has an extra bedroom for a hypothetical child but no outside space for a cat ... if all this doesn't work out I am definitely getting a kitten.

Met up with a friend the other evening who is long-term single and childless. Not really sure if she's ever wanted to meet someone as she's quite private. She has tons of friends, numerous godchildren, v close to her own family, and is just really cool. In any case she was telling me about her summer - travel, cookery course, even taking up sailing - and I was inspired. Seems there might be more to life than peeing on sticks and putting legs in stirrups. I certainly hope so anyway.

Hope everyone else is OK. Here's to a good weekend!

I just looked elsewhere - there is a thread with someone complaining that another mum threw shade on her for bringing her baby out in a babygro instead of dressing him up in clothes, or something.

Please can someone restrain me from posting, 'You have a healthy child. Why are you even worrying about shit like that, for one split second?' I mean, OK, if I had a baby I probably would worry about those things sometimes ... But as to writing a whole post obsessively about it on the internet: no. Mental note: do not stray from Infertility ghetto ...

Ugh! Rebecca, so true, it's a mine field out there! I ended up in virtual fisty cuffs in a thread where people were lamenting their grief over their "gender disappointment" "oh I have 3 beautiful healthy boys, but I always wanted a girl, no one has ever felt pain like mine, waaaaahh!"

Al/o I feel the same about sheets and duvet covers...it can get expensive!

Also, get a cat, get another cat, get more cats!!!

Hello all, hope you are all doing OK. Been lurking but not posted, feeling a bit in a strange place really and don't want to inflict any of this too much on you guys. Obviously really happy about BFP but very worried that something will go wrong. I guess this is what we have been programmed into after so many years of hope and disappointment. I wasn't really banking on feeling this way!

I am still here, cheering you all on from the sidelines though...SoSam your friend sounds quite insensitive, I would be really upset with my friends if they spoke to me about infertility in that way. Show her the lesson in empathy youtube video I posted a while ago!

Rebeccanoodles from my limited research I don't think the NHS bother with immunes support, I don't think they believe in it. I had a rubbish time though with the NHS so maybe I'm not the best person to ask!

Re: Steroids, they aren't that bad for me although I appreciate different people experience them differently. I am putting on weight by the second though as I am starving ALL the time! I guess whatever works.

(Jen, I know it's early days but when you are ready there is a pregnancy after infertility thread on ante-natal. There is also a PESH board but there is no one on there really)

Still lurking and wanting the best for BESH

Well, I started my period on Wednesday, 5 days early, i'm not even due on until tomorrow!! However, it stopped after about a day. So now I begin to mentally torture myself that it may have been implantation bleeding . So do I start testing tomorrow or just leave it and presume I've had a v early short period? I've been stupidly tired all weekend, had heartburn, nausea, sore boobs etc all pregnancy symptoms, will I be pregnant- will I fuck . I'm so sick of the constant am I / aren't I every bloody month. It's exhausting . Love to all you lovely ladies xx

Jen, everything crossed for you. I guess you just have to ease yourself in to the pregnant world. If you still need to vent here then please do x

k8liz, it's such mental torture. Fingers crossed for you but if you test tomorrow and it shows negative it may just be too early. All the Drs would tell you to wait until your normal af due date but I am totally with you in wanting to test early. Xx

Sorry just a me posting....waiting at clinic, about to have my womb gouged, hurrah!! Wtf am I doing?! Am shitting myself based on reading horror stories. Have taken 3 solpadol in preparation. Am also incredibly constipated and am imagining awful things happening whilst in stirrups, under lights with 3 people elbow deep rummaging around. Feel like it might stimulate things happening and them all getting a face full of something awful. Have dressed very prim and proper just in case. Why can't I just have sex and have a baby, WHY!!? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! (Also why can't they sedate us for shit like this? It's hard enough as it is)

Ouch

Oh no ☹️ Hope you feel ok later

Been vomiting and crying and generally feeling sorry for myself.

Otoh, I now have a big bag of syringes. Thought I might go score some crack to get me through this misery.

place that's proper just made me giggle. Might score some crack - brilliant . Hope you're ok? Xx

Place - ouch. Ouch, ouch. Hope you're OK and that they've given you some sweet pain relief ... Nausea sounds horrible too. Hang in there

k8liz - I feel for you on the one-day period. Thanks, infertility, for keeping things interesting. Any more bleeding?? My period sometimes goes away and comes back but one day is taking the piss.

JenBot great to hear from you! Hope things continue well. I often think once you've been in this situtaion, the time after a BFP must be extra stressful. Good luck.

I did something very retro this morning - took a pregnancy test, just like in the old days. 5 days late so I thought, fine, I'll test. OF COURSE it was negative. I can't believe I wasted the money on it even if it was cheap. I can't imagine ever seeing a positive pregnancy test. The idea seems unreal, like landing on Mars.

But I don't even care; I just want AF to hurry up, so we can plan our life around this FET - like going to see my parents, having a holiday which we've already delayed til November because of IVF. We have dates in the diary but can't book anything until I start to bleed.

I know I shouldn't complain when I have (supposedly) regular periods unlike others ... I thought it might be stress preventing it but I've just had a very unstressed weekend all things considered. But now I'm nuts again. Which will obviously help. Raaah.

Sorry for the rant

Rebecca. That is the absolute pits isn't it. The cruelty that comes with a late period. My husband doesn't have vas deferens, so there is ZERO chance of me being pregnant. Doesn't stop me thinking "what if?" if I'm late. I don't think we would be human if we didn't think that. I hate myself for it, but I can't help it. I hope the droid gets his arse into gear so you can sort everything out. Only in lieu of the mythical late implanter of course. Hoping of course that it is!!

K8. One day period, 5 days early?...hmmm. What. An. Absolute. Cunt. Again with the mind games!! Like Rebecca, I hope you are the urban myth girl with the implantation bleeding!! Like SoSam said, it takes at least 3-4 days after implantation for any hcg to show up on a test, so if it's negative, don't give up just yet!

Jenbot, I can't imagine ever not worrying! I'm pleased all is going well for you so far though.

I still feel like absolute rubbish. I was supposed to fly home to my loving husband, but can't manage the bus and 3 trains and flight, so spending another night with mil, who is being very sweet actually. She's crazy and I can't forgive her for some of the outrageous things she's done, but she's very good if she sees tears. I think it's her language.

Thanks Place. Well, hold on to your hats: AF has materialised! Just spotting for now but here. It's bizarre how taking a test seems to bring it on - like it waits until it's messed with my head sufficiently before appearing. It's quite tragic how happy I am about it, too. Doesn't take much these days!

Can't believe you have to be with your MIL overnight ... Gah. No matter how well she's behaving, there are times when you just want your own bed and this must be one of them ... Hang in there and just picture yourself in the virtual BESH chalet. Glad she's being nice though.

Hope everyone else is OK.

place how crappy you can't get home to your own bed . So no more bleeding. I basically bled for a day last Wednesday and then it stopped and i haven't had anything since. So I'm now slowly driving myself mad about whether to test or not. Today is day 28, when I should be due on. What makes this torture worse, is that this is what happened the last time I got pregnant and miscarried. I bled for a day and a bit 3 days early and assumed that was my period. It was only when I bled 2 weeks later I realised I was pregnant and miscarrying. Chuff me it's so mentally exhausting .
I'm pleased things are going well with you jenbot X

K8liz that sounds horrible. Limbo. Maybe sleep on it and tomorrow make a decision about testing. Sorry it's bringing back all the turmoil of your MC. Mentally exhausting is right.

So I took a test - BFN of course it is! The annoying thing is, I wouldn't even think I could be pregnant if it wasn't for the last pregnancy. Mind fuck time xx

Oh K8liz that really sucks, so sorry/fuming on your behalf x