Any success stories and ideas for secondary infertility?

[Annabellaboo]

Hello ladies.
I am hoping to get some ideas and support on here.
I am 35 years old, very healthy with a 3 year DS. We have been trying to conceive our second child for 2 years now. I became pregnant very easily with my first and had an easy pregnancy.
This time nothing.
I have had all the tests the nhs provides. Progesterone normal, I ovulate, DH sperm count is normal, no blockages etc etc. I have tried charting, ov sticks, changed my already pretty healthy diet (cut out refined sugars and have lots more greens etc, and alkalised my body). I take advised supplements and have even tried acupuncture.
I do however have short cycles, sometimes as short as 21 days but averaging 24. This is a little shorter than I had before my DS.
We cannot afford IVF and I am not sure I can face that anyway.
My consultant last month has prescribed me a half dose (25mg) of clomid, which a scan showed on the first round it definitely boosted things even more with a good few mature follicles. I already ovulate but she thought as my cycles are quite short and a little irregular it may give me a boost.
I have been convinced several times I was pregnant (oh how cruel our bodies and brains can be!) but AF always turns up.
I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any other suggestions of things I could try or why I can't conceive time. I am open to theories and alternative methods.
Any experience in this subject and success stories please share.
I try not to stress about it all, but some months it just really gets you down as there is no real 'reason'. The hard thing is watching other mums around get pregnant multiple times so easily.
Thank you for listening!
Anna

Hi ladies, sorry I've been a bit quiet. We went to visit some friends for the weekend (childless friends which was refreshing!) Rose- sorry you are feeling a little down. Has AF turned up yet? I started spotting yesterday so am now just waiting for the full flow. And yes closephine I agree it is in someways a relief when AF does arrive so we can move on from the limbo emotions. I am ok this month about it all. My mini meltdown a few weeks ago has actually been good and forced me to make some choices and emotional shifts. I am trying to let go a little more for now (a hard task I know). I am feeling more acceptance for my situation and trying to take the pressure off a bit. I can't emotionally carry on the way I was so something has to give. The reiki and reflexology help me, and I am trying to do little simple meditations when I can to help me cope with my over active brain and emotions. It really does help me, at least for now. Hope it continues!
Closephine that sounds like a really good plan about DH's situation. I hear it is a lot harder to find the help for men but seems like you have found somewhere that could really give you more answers.

Hi ladies, hope you are all doing ok today.

Anna, I'm glad you are feeling better, Reiki sounds amazing. I've been doing acupuncture weekly which has really lifted my mood.

Closephine and Anna, thank you for your thoughts. Closephine, nope no laproscopy. I don't know how common it is in the US, I did have an HSG which checks for blockages and structural abnormalities. We had an appointment with another reproductive endocrinologist (RE) last week, its amazing how different she interpreted our lab results. She was confident that our issue was male factor - an issue with morphology (shape) of sperm. The first RE was convinced that it was a female factor issue, although all of my test results including ovarian reserve were really good. I've made so many lifestyle changes over the past 6 months (even though I've always been a health nut) and now I feel relief that there's nothing else I can possibly do. We'll likely do IVF this Summer. I'm nervous about it, the insurance coverage is still really unclear and who knows if it will work. Always a gamble.

Rose, I'm sorry about your SIL, I don't understand why people can be so insensitive. I know how hard that can be. I could go on and on about mine.

I've been having a really hard time sleeping. Its usually infertility thoughts that are occupying my mind in the middle of the night. Last night I was up at 2 AM and never fell back asleep. This is happening a couple of times a week. Its miserable. I've been journaling when it happens, it feels good to get all of my thoughts on a page before attempting to get back to bed. Tried to eat more magnesium foods (avacados) and limiting chocolate after 3 and screen time. Anyone else have issues with sleep? I'm ok falling asleep, its staying asleep and falling back that's the issue. I have an appointment with a therapist this week - hoping that will help.

Sorry to hear about the sleep, Jenny, I've had a few sleep issues in the past on and off and it's always horrible. Have you tried mindfulness at all? My DH uses that when he's having a rough night and it can be helpful. Theres also a book called The Sleep book by Dr Guy Meadows which is interesting and a bit more refreshing than the usual sleep advice.

That;s also interesting what you were saying about getting mixed opinions. I get the impression that happens a fair bit, and I'm now wholly convinced about my consultant's view that there's 'nothing wrong' and it may just take some time. I do think there must be something going on and this can't just be bad luck. Who's knows what though.

AF has arrived today, well- spotting anyway. Feeling a bit fed up with it all, but saying that I'm glad I know now, as was getting a bit jittery as it's a tad later than usual.

Sorry to hear yours did too, Anna. Sounds like you're in a healthy headspace at the moment though. Sometimes it is good just to feel all those horrible feelings in order to come to terms with things. God, listen to me, I sound like a therapist. But I do think when I've felt particularly low, I tend to feel better a few days later.

I meant I'm not wholly convinced , rather than now wholly convinced.

Sorry to hear your afs have arrived Anna and Rose :( this thread is due some good news soon, surely!?

Jenny - I don't often have trouble sleeping but in the couple of days before AF arrives I always stay awake if I wake up. I'm not sure if it is a symptom of AF or if it is the inferility and the unknown playing on my mind. Feel for you though, being unable to sleep is horrible. Sorry that doesn't really suggest anything to help you.

We were 'unexplained' for a while until they decided actually DH had a problem. What is your DHs morphology Jenny? My DHs has varied between 2-4%. His most recent was just 2. I think they say it should be at least 5% to be classed as normal. He also has a low count, so when you combine the two... not great.

DHs appointment is in a couple of weeks, hoping he at least comes away with a prescription for something to try and raise his count. I've ordered 2 book - "it starts with an egg" (can't remember the author) and "eat yourself pregnant" by Zita West. Quite looking forward to the second one arriving and making some meal plans. I think it also has a detox I would like to do.

Rose, thank you for the book recommendation. I bought the kindle version and started reading it during my lunch break...its a reassuring and refreshing approach. Looking forward to trying it.

Closephine, our stories are so similar. The first RE called our infertility unexplained, these second decided it was my DH that had the issue. He had a morphology of 2%, not good. But count and mobility were normal. He has an appointment with a urologist in a month and a re-test next week. I read "it starts with an egg". Very informative and reassuring. I was convinced after reading it and purged all of my kitchen plastics, lotions and other cosmetics with phthalates, and started an ubiquinol /CoQ10 supplement. Interested what you think of "eat yourself pregnant"
Have you found any natural fertility books that address male fertility?

I also really liked "The Infertility Cure: The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies". Super informative. Includes self acupressure and diet recommendations. And I've been doing this fertility yoga program over the past two months, I'm obviously not pregnant yet but its helped my PMS and reduced AF cramping. Its also super relaxing. www.amazon.com/Restoring-Fertility-Brandon-FABORM-Wendy/dp/B001OVFAA4?ie=UTF8&psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00

Jenny- yes I often find falling back to sleep hard, my brain starts going a mile a minute and is worst before my period. It has got a little better recently and yes i can highly recommend 'mindfulness' as rose mentioned. I might have a look into those other books that have been suggested thanks.

Well it's 3am and I've joined you in the insomnia crew Jenny. I've been lying awake stressing about all the ways not having another baby is impacting our lives. Mainly the way it's affecting ds. If we are lucky enough to fall pregnant again, the age gap is going to be at least 5 and a half. I don't worry about a big gap as such but I just have this huge sadness that the ship has now totally sailed for him to have a playmate really. They would just be at such totally different stages. He's missed out on so much and I feel like a failure as a mother. I can't provide him with the one thing that really seems to be a given when growing up... you have siblings.

Oh and on another jolly side note... does anyone else feel like this process has aged them? I'm pretty sure I look like I've aged 10 years in the last 2.5.

AND we have a party of one of my school friends children on Sunday. She has 3 children, got divorced a couple of years ago and has been with her new man a year or so. I'm utterly convinced in going to be baby bombed. To the point I'm considering sending DH instead. I hate being terrified to go anywhere for fear of an announcement. I have no more happy faces left in the tank.

Sorry 3am blues... feels good to get them out.

Hey Closephine, how are you feeling this morning? What a rubbish night, everything always feels ten times worse at night I find, so I hope you are feeling a bit better this morning. As for the age gap, that's something I've thought about a lot too. I sometimes think maybe it's meant to be, maybe if she'd had a sibling closer in age they would have fought horribly and never been close. My DH tries to make me feel better regarding this point by reminding me that him and his younger sister who are 18 months apart have never been close and he quite dislikes her actually! Whereas he was very close to his littlest sister who is 11 years his junior!

Yeah I'm feeling a bit pissed off at pregnant people in general at the moment, when they walk past me in the street with their bumps. Eurgh. Why can't they just stay indoors?!

Also feel I've aged a fair bit Closephine. And I've got 3 years on you so I bet I look even more haggard

Tell me ladies... am I being over sensitive? (I think u know the answer already!) - I ordered some organic sanitary towels (as you do) and they arrived in the box shown in the photo. The post man delivered a parcel to my next door neighbour first and put this on the wall as she answered her door. She knows about our troubles and I'm feeling like having blatantly clocked the box she's now going to think I'm pregnant. I know I've put 2 and 2 together and reached 2000 but I mean, sanitary towels are pretty much the opposite of beaming babies!!!

Rose - I know, you are right about there being no guarantees that siblings close in age would have got on anyway. I just hope I can give him a sibling with any age gap at all. I feel like I'm in a cartoon on a ladder that just keeps going and going without ever reaching the top!

Who names a sanitary towel 'beaming babies'?!
Craziness. Also you would have thought a sanitary towel company would be a bit discreet with its delivery!

closephine85 - sorry you've joined the 3 am club, not one that I was hoping for company in. I totally understand the anxiety before social events. I've had such similar thoughts that have kept me up. Sometimes writing in a journal helps me, putting it on a page and out of my head. Sometimes it doesn't. And its particularly bad for me before social events So I've been avoiding big gatherings, but we are feeling isolated and lonely during a time that we need support. I have my first appointment with a therapist this afternoon, hoping working with her will help me gain some coping skills.

Beaming baby, what a stupid and insensitive name for sanitary towels/napkins.
Some male marketing genius came up with that one.

The age gap - this is frequently on my mind as well. Especially when all of his classmate's mothers are carrying in newborns to school. But taking a step back I think about my family...which the age gaps are at both extremes. My brother is 15 months younger and I have two sisters (twins) 10 years younger than myself. My brother and I are very close now, but I remember so much conflict growing up, always fighting for attention and were very competitive. And I was the mother hen with my little sisters which I LOVED growing up...and am still very close to them despite the big age gap.

That really is a stupid name! I can't imagine how anyone dreamed that one up
Sorry you are having a tough time closephine. The night wakings are really awful and make things so much worse. I am doing better with that now but I definitely struggled for quite a while. The book 'mindfulness' does help with this too if you fancy a giving it a try.
I agree the age gap issue is something very hard to come to terms with. I am trying to let go of this at the momemt as this reality can make my anxiety about the situation spiral out of control. It's so hard though as I see my DS growing up so fast and always imagined there would be a sibling along side him by now. But life has other plans for us and I have to trust that and keep believing that all this will be worth it.

Hi ladies, how are you all doing?

I overheard a conversation at a party this morning between two mums discussing how they had decided upon their age gaps, whether they were going to have any more etc. I just thought, how the other half live! They have literally no idea. It's literally a case of 'I'll have a baby now' clicks fingers 'bingo'!

After being so utterly convinced we were going ahead with Ivf ASAP I just can't seem to do it. I've been thinking a lot about overseas adoption the last few days. Has anyone else on here looked into it? I have no idea where to begin really and at this stage it would literally just to gather some information.

Hi closephine. Yes I am good thanks, just doing all I can to be happy and not obesess over it all. Managing that pretty well for now- long may it last!
What a tragic conversation to have over heard. Yes people literally have no idea. I suppose we would have been those women too though if things had have been that easy. I do know this struggle had certainly changed the way I behave in some aspects. I think I am a more compassionate, understanding person than I maybe was before. I certainly am a little more tactful and careful with the things I say about certain topics. And I totally understand why you feel that way about IVF. I am honestly not sure I can go down that road. Everyone time I seriously consider it and look into it I become more convinced I won't do it. I totally understand why many women do but I just don't think it's for me.
I have also recently thought about adoption but that also scares me and I have a few reasons to make me unsure it's for us. Overseas adoption could be an option perhaps but I am not there yet. I don't know anything about it. May I ask your reasons for overseas verses home? I have a friend that works for social services and she did mention how hard it can be in this county to find the right child. Babies are in demand of course and fewer people want the older children. I would personally wish to adopt an older child. The issue can be that many of the children come from terrible backgrounds and can be very damaged little people as a result. I would love to help a child like this but it is a huge decision and the impact it could have on our family, especially DS is a concern. But who knows! I think it could be a very special and rewarding thing if the right fit is found.

Oh I wrote a long reply to this earlier and I've lost it somehow :( basically where I live is very small and all adoptions take place within the community. I would be constantly worrying that I was going to bump into their 'real' family and I'm not sure it would ever feel like the child was truly mine. Does that make sense? Also with ds to consider, I wouldn't want to put him in a potentially difficult situation like that.

I'm not tracking ovulation at all this month. Feels strangely liberating although I do feel when it happens so I'm always going to know when the 2ww starts unfortunately.

Hi closephine,
Yes that all makes perfect sense and very understandable.
I am also not tracking ovulation this month but like you pretty much know when it happens. Still, think it is best for my sanity from now on. I have spent over a year tracking and it hasn't produced a result. I know enough about my body and my cycles now to not feel the need.
When does DH have his appointment with that clinic about his SC?
The sun is shining and I am feeling happy. Got to look for the little joys in life haven't we!

Hi ladies, I've kind of stopped tracking ovulation a while ago as found it stressed me out a bit, and I don't think it makes much of a difference to our timings. I've been feeling much better lately, maybe because my little girl is going through a very sweet stage, though she is cooing over babies more than ever so that does tend to pull at the heartstrings. I also had a really nice chat with a friend of mine who is also going through secondary infertility. It's nice to have some 'comaraderie', though it does make me think it'll be quite hard for the other if or when one of us does get pregnant.

I've not got to the stage where I've even contemplated adoption, though I've obviously not been trying as long. I had a work colleague who adopted a little girl when she was 3, this was about 3 years ago. She's had quite a tough time I think, as the little girl had been quite neglected, and who knows what else, it's heartbreaking really. I think she had been unable to get pregnant naturally, and she was telling me it's nearly impossible to adopt a newborn in this country, so they adopted this little girl. I think all cases must be so different to each other, and it's something I know very little about.

Are you still quite keen on the adoption idea now you've been mulling it over for a while Closephine? Are you still going through with your DH's appointment?

Hi ladies, my DH had his appointment today and it went pretty well. He has been prescribed something to hopefully increase his testosterone levels and his count as a result. It will be a long process... I think up to 6 months to see results and he suggested we save our free IUIs until then. So that's looking like our plan. I think he has a blood test In a month or so to see if it's starting to work. I think we are both feeling quite positive after today.

I definitely will still consider adoption - personally I think I would consider it over Ivf, DH still says he would want to try Ivf first. I guess after today we now have a slightly longer term plan in place so we'll see how this all goes and reasses.

I think I may have ovulated yesterday but I'm not sure. Pains were not as strong as usual... So I'm possibly into the 2ww but could still be surprised with some stronger pains tomorrow or the next day I think. Whereabouts are you ladies? Hope you're having nice weekends

That's great your appointment went well, Closephine. Was your DH's testosterone low on his blood tests, is that why they decided to start it? I do wonder whether the reason we are getting pregnant is partly due to DH's semen- the doctor said it was ok, but I could see the count and motility was a bit lowish side of normal, and also his morphology was only 3%. I'm just hoping that if that is the case, it varies a bit from month to month.

I'm on day 12 of my cycle, (previously would have assumed this was day 15 but now I know better). Not had any CM yet, which is odd, but to be honest I'm not caring an awful lot this month. I don't know if I'm 'coming to terms' with things a bit more or what, but I've kind of accepted there is going to be a bigger age gap (at the very least) than I initially hoped, and maybe that's a good thing? I'm sure I'll be feeling totally different next week!

I meant, the reason we are NOT getting pregnant, obviously!

Hello. Closephine that is great DH had his appointment and they are doing something to hopefully help. I find it always feels good to be doing something that could help.
Rose- sounds like a good thing with accepting the age gap more. I have really managed to come to terms with that now. I do sometimes have a wobble but I just had to get over it because what's the point in getting upset over it when we sure as heck can't change it now! I still hope the gap not to be too big, but I can see benefits to a biggish gap now I take a step back.
I think I am on day 14 or 15 of my cycle. Not keeping a close eye but I am pretty sure I ovulated a few days ago. We have DTD every other day since day 8 this month, think we will take a break now as I know I have past ovulation! In a good place at the moment but of course in the back of my mind the hope is there and I know it's the 2ww time.

Sounds like we are all in quite good places at the moment... Who will be the first to break and let in the crazy? :) after my super crazy, stupid pregnancy test month last month I am going to try my hardest to stay on the tracks over the next couple of weeks. I'm on cd 17. Fairly sure the progesterone makes me ovulate slightly earlier (perhaps as a result of it delaying AF?) so think i ovulated Friday which was cd 14. Oh to be genuinely ignorant of all this!

Rose - it's worth exploring your DHs results yourself. Our Drs told us DHs first results were 'borderline' and shouldn't be making a difference. Now that we have looked at them in detail, the only borderline results was his count, the rest was all below the normal range. DH had a blood test done by the GP - his testosterone levels were 10.3 (the lowest for the normal range is 10). But the 'normal' range covers anyone from an 18 year old to a 100 year old, so basically for a 30 year old, having a result of 10
Is not actually normal, if that makes sense? Sorry for waffle! Has your DH been offered a repeat test? Definitely worth doing so as my DHs subsequent tests have varied massively and the one he had on Saturday was just 2 million unfortunately.

Hi ladies,
Ahh just had a little wobble and wanted to vent so I can hopefully get over it and back on my positive track. Just saw a friends FB announcement about her 2nd baby due (hate FB for this!) Usually they don't particularly bother me, but this woman got to me for various reasons. So many reasons I wouldn't have thought she would be even be having a 2nd so I guess it was the surprise that hurt. And it just panicked me and made me mad that it is so easy for so many women and I just don't understand. I just wish I knew why I can't conceive. It is so so hard sometimes to swallow. Hope I can shake this off soon...