Any success stories and ideas for secondary infertility?

[Annabellaboo]

Hello ladies.
I am hoping to get some ideas and support on here.
I am 35 years old, very healthy with a 3 year DS. We have been trying to conceive our second child for 2 years now. I became pregnant very easily with my first and had an easy pregnancy.
This time nothing.
I have had all the tests the nhs provides. Progesterone normal, I ovulate, DH sperm count is normal, no blockages etc etc. I have tried charting, ov sticks, changed my already pretty healthy diet (cut out refined sugars and have lots more greens etc, and alkalised my body). I take advised supplements and have even tried acupuncture.
I do however have short cycles, sometimes as short as 21 days but averaging 24. This is a little shorter than I had before my DS.
We cannot afford IVF and I am not sure I can face that anyway.
My consultant last month has prescribed me a half dose (25mg) of clomid, which a scan showed on the first round it definitely boosted things even more with a good few mature follicles. I already ovulate but she thought as my cycles are quite short and a little irregular it may give me a boost.
I have been convinced several times I was pregnant (oh how cruel our bodies and brains can be!) but AF always turns up.
I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any other suggestions of things I could try or why I can't conceive time. I am open to theories and alternative methods.
Any experience in this subject and success stories please share.
I try not to stress about it all, but some months it just really gets you down as there is no real 'reason'. The hard thing is watching other mums around get pregnant multiple times so easily.
Thank you for listening!
Anna

Hi tara - ovusense is the device - it's a bit like a tampon you - tmi- insert overnight and it takes accurate temperatures so can pinpoint ovulation. It's supposed to be very accurate but over last 3 cycles I've had totally different ovulation days so it's just scaring me more than anything really.
I know what you mean about the bitterness and the waiting for inevitable announcements from friends. Loads of babies have been born recently around me so I'm now waiting for the next wave of pregnancies - like a guessing game of who will announce next

Hi annabel - I'm sorry too we're still here. I'm so pleased you had a lovely day for your little boy's birthday. I've been planning my little boy's 5th birthday today for next month which will be lovely too but I am so gutted he's an only child. It's nearly 3 years ttc for us too. I honestly can't believe it. 3 years, it is such a long time and everyone I know who has ttc in that time has now had at least one baby. I'm glad the acupuncture is making you feel good, I enjoyed it but financially couldn't keep up with it and she couldn't give a reason as to why I couldn't get pregnant. I am a big believer in doing things that make you feel better, that does you good and I think we need anything like that to help us through this. Dh and I are on a healthkick now, we both want to get fit and toned up for the summer - if I can't have a bump I may as well try and do something positive

Fingers crossed harry! . I'm thinking about progesterone cream too but also have no idea where to start!

Hi miss kitten pie well that's a new ttc product iv never heard of it maybe give it another few months and see how it goes?if it's really stressing you out tho maybe skip it for one see how you feel.great news on the health kick I had 1 suspected chemical and 1 confirmed in the last few months iv not went on a health kick but I tried to add in as much fruit and green as I could I'm not saying that's what helped somthing happen but you never know I don't see any Ewcm but read kiwi fruit helps I take primrose but that doesnt make a difference also grapefruit juice it's disgusting but I did notice a tiny amount of Ewcm so did a bit and loads of walking I think I feel better if I do something different where as this month iv just been blah and done nothing.
Harry that's great things are moving so quick for you I got my bloods done today and oh sperm talk with doc is Monday once we get the results back il get a scan.i know it's so nerve racking cause you don't want to find a problem but don't want unexplained infertility either .
Anna What a lovely age happy birthday to your little one my ds will be 9 in April so not so cuddly as a 4 year old you 😂 Xx

Morning ladies. Having a grumpy start to the week! Feeling like a terrible mother as I have been snappy with DS. He is so dependant on me and still at 4 years won't play by himself at all. I find it really difficult as I can't get anything done and he is so needy. In moments like this I just think about how different it could have been if we had been able to give him that sibling close in age. He would have a playmate. He is always so happy if he has another child to play with, but as soon as it's just him he turns into the most high maintenance child. Anyone else ever have this problem? I feel guilty for feeling frustrated by it as I will probably miss how much he wants me as he gets older, but it's very testing in this moment. Breathing a sigh of relief now he's at preschool for the day maybe I shouldn't have another even if I can?!

Hi Annabellaboo and others,
I hope you don't mind me joining this discussion. I also have a four year old child - four and half to be exact - and have been trying for a second child for 2.5 years. I am finding this so difficult and feel I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. I wanted a close sibling for my daughter sooooo badly. There is 7 years between my sister and I and I felt like an only child growing up. We are close now, but I ache to think of my lonely childhood and how much I don't want that for my daugther.

I wanted to start trying for a child earlier, but my husband wasn't ready. When we had DD, we got pregnant the first time we tried (I even think the first time we had sex without contraception). So, I can understand he (and I) thought it mnight go quickly the second time too. What has made this more difficult is that in September of last year I found out I was pregnant, but devestatingly, I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. There would have been a 4.5 year gap between my daughter and her sibling, which I had begun to convince myself was a good age gap. If I got pregnant now (I got my period this morning, so next month) there would be almost 5.5 years between them. I try to stay positive and read positive sibling stories with large age gaps, but it breaks my heart. I 'should' be 27 weeks pregnant, as far as I am concerned.
As for tests etc. I got a polyp removed from my uterus and my fallopian tubes unblocked. IVF is not offered in my borough for secondary infertility and, like Annabellaboo, I am not sure that we can afford it or that I could cope with the procedure. I was to be put on Clomid when I fell pregnant last year but i lost my appointments with the fertility expert. The GP thinks I will have to wait again God knows how long to get another appointment with the fertility doctor since i was pregnant only a few months ago.
Meanwhile I am using ovulation sticks but no matter how many times we have sex when the bloody smiley face comes up, nothing is happening. I just feel so bitter and frustrated. On the other hand, two of my closest friends are suffering from primary fertility and I don't feel like I can share much with them - they know I have been trying and that i had a miscarriage, but I guess I feel guilty complaining when I already have one child. All my other friends have two children (or more) or are expecting their second, and likewise I don't want to dampen their parade. Another close friend just told me she is pregnant, and though I am happy for her, I am also crushed (which I feel terrible about). There is only 6 months between our daughters and I know she started trying this Christmas folllowinng my advice, since she knows how long we have been trying. There would have been 6 months between our second children too if I hadn't had that miscarriage...
My husband and I do talk, but he wants to 'stay positive' and so I feel I can't really talk to him too much about how devestated I feel.
And like mentioned by a few of you, every month I suffer the cruel disception of thinking I am pregnant - I even take the pregnancy test and think it might somehow be wrong! Everything that happens and doesn't happen somehow points to me being pregnant, and meanwhile every week I get an email from NCT telling me how many weeks pregnant I am (which I too readily signed up to last year). I can't seem to get out of the blasted thing and haven't got the heart to put too much effort into it.
My wonderful wonderful daughter meanwhile has become obsessed with playing 'big sister'. She longs for a sibling as much as I long to giver her one. Like you Annabellaboo, sometimes in my frustration and upset I snap at her and feel guilty afterward. At these times I also think perhaps I should stop now and focus on her - I feel like a lot of my emotional energy over the last two years has been on looking for another child.

Sorry for the long self-pitying moan. I should perhaps be more proactive and think of more I can do to promote fertility. Happy to take any suggestions, just feeling particularly bad since I got my period this morning. A monthly heartbreaker.

Best, E

annabel don't be too harsh on yourself for being snappy. I'm sure we all are at some point. I think secondary infertility is a really stressful experience and is bound to affect our state of mind sometimes. I find I'm snappier and more unbearable when I've just found out it's yet another month down the drain. I'm sure you aren't as snappy as you feel you are though. That's the good thing about this board, we can support each other as people in real life have no idea

Hi emily - I'm sorry you're feeling so down too. It really is a lonely place when you desperately want a sibling for your dc and it just isn't happening. We were out for lunch last week and every single family except ours were 2 or more children. I caught ds watching the other families as the children were entertaining each other and I felt so low I wanted to burst into tears as the poor boy doesn't have that and it's so unfair. I want to scream and shout why is it EVERYONE else who can manage it?
You're right with friends who have got primary infertility- they don't want to hear about secondary infertility and no one else understands because they're all happily producing children as and when they want.
My dh doesn't want to talk about it 'what will be will be' he says which drives me mad as when I got my period last week he couldn't understand why I was 'in a mood'.
I'm sorry for your loss, that must have been so awful and so sad of your constant reminders.
I understand about the age gap too. IF it happened now ds would be nearly 6 when it's born, he won't be interested in a baby. I am an only child and I hate it. It has made me socially anxious with not much confidence and I worry to death ds will be the same.
I'm sick of plastering on the fake smiles and congratulations with all the pregnancy news and baby updates. I want to say 'actually I don't want to hear about any of it and I would prefer it if I didn't hear anything about it'. Dh's family member has just got married so the whole family are waiting with bated breath for the happy announcement- I just want to curl into a ball and not know. Being family it will be shoved down my throat on a constant basis and I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope.

Hi Annebellaboo I'm sorry to say my son is nearly 9 and still wants me to play with him 24/7 and I also feel myself snapping st him then I think how bad am I not enjoying this time
Kitten I have to say I have a sibling and I am socially awkward but my ds seems to make friends everywhere he goes I think cause he has no siblings he has no choice too wich makes me happy that he's not a weirdo like me 😂
Hi Emily sorry about your loss and that your on here too
Harry good luck with your bloods I hope it all goes well I got my results today and it was bad news my prolactin level is high 712 that's what is causing my lactating so basically my body already thinks it's pregnant so chances of it happening are very slim but to get another blood test next week and go from there aparently stress can cause it also among other things so I think maybe the chemical and my grampa passing last month or rather I hope that's what's causing it so it will reduce level should be under 50 so not so good but I still have regular cycles so I'm trying to stay positive as if your levels go above 1000 it can stop u ovulating so I'm holding on to that slim chance xx

Hi All,

Thank you for your kind responses. It is so refreshing to talk with people who understand what I am going through. I feel keenly, more and more, that displeasure at being around pregnant friends or parents with two children. One of my friends (not someone I am very close to or know very well) asked me did I not want to have a second child recently. Her first born was born the same time as my daughter and she has just given birth to her third. I told her yes, but it just wasn't happening for us and she told me that she understood, she also struggled with infertility after her first born.... I would like to say that I found her empathy endearing, but I coudln't actually believe that she was comparing our experiences - she has three children in the time that I have one!!! There is less than twoyears between each of her children... How long could she possibly have been trying for? She also breastfed all her children for at least 6 months, so reasonably could not have been trying or expecting to get pregnant during that tmie... I hate myself for this kind of reaction. I never thought I would find displeasure in other people's joy. It is not something I have experienced before, despite all the various difficulties I have experienced in my life, and some have been monumentally huge...

There is something, however, unique, I think about infertility. It's the constant ups and downs. Every month I am distraught and every month I also think 'well, maybe it will happen this month and maybe that after all is for the best?' And every month I think 'that is a sign of pregnancy, right?' Since, let's face it, PMT is EAXCTLY the same as early pregnancy signs! How frustrating is that?!

Anyway anyway! I promise to get more positive once my period is over (literally this is the pattern over the last 2.5 years) but finding it difficult to shake myself out of this at present. My husband suggested IVF last night, which I found surprising. He had heard that we could get free treatmentif I donated an egg. We discussed it long and hard and decided this was something we could consider - I would feel that we were helping someone else and the costs would not stress me out. Then this morning realised I am too old.

Truly, I feel like I have been on a rollercoster for this past couple of years, like a mad obsessed person, the kind of person I never thought I would be, having never really been particularly keen on being a mum (we thought long and hard about whether we really wanted kids, those 5 years ago). My work is suffering as my concentration is so poor. Nobody at work knows, I don't feel like there is space to discuss it - how does one bring this up? And anyway, I would find it too upsetting. How do others cope with managing work and parenting? If any of you are in employment in addittion to looking after your children?

Best,

Emily

Hi all,

Can I join? I think I came on this thread a while ago but fell off. We've been trying for our second for 2.5 years, probably closer to 3 years but we've had a few breaks in between. Our DD is 4 too but it took us 3 years to conceive her so feel like we've been on this ttc rollercoaster for years and unfortunately it doesn't seem like it's going to end soon. 12dpo today and BFN so now waiting for AF to show up. I've had my day 21 bloods done in 2015 and I was said to be ovulating and do get positive opk tests. I also have endometriosis, which was confirmed by a lap and a further surgery to remove a cyst and adhesions this was before DD was conceived.

I had a mmc in September 2015 and not a whiff of a BFP since. We decided we'd go for IVF and book the tests required when AF arrives but I'm just not sure I want to now. After all the invasive procedures I've had done I just feel like it'd be too much to cope with and then there's no guarantee it would work as I also have low AMH levels. I just can't see it happening for us.

It really is difficult and I have no advice to offer. I'm sorry to everyone struggling. It's such a rubbish journey.

emily your posts really resonate with me. I feel that my work is slipping too as ttc has taken over so much headspace for as long as I can remember.
I also got pregnant straight away with my first and assumed it would be easy again. It really is an odd place to be in, every I know has had their second or is happy to stick with one. All the IVF stuff (advice, blogs, books etc) is geared towards primary infertility when secondary is really common.

I have thought about it way too much but I'm at least glad it happened this way round rather than struggling with a first and having no problem with a second! Doing all this first time round would have depressed me even more and we'd have left it way way later to get tests done.

Hello ladies

I hope you don't mind me joining. My dh and I have been ttc baby number 2 for exactly 8 months now with no luck. I've been to the gp bloods are normal I'm ovulating. Going to check dhs Sperm count on the 21st.

I feel so guilty because dh wanted to try sooner but I didn't as I was studying for my masters. Although he's never said it, I feel like he feels it's my fault because he wanted to try as soon as our ds was born. Ds was 3 late December. I'm 27 and he's 36 and he wants another baby by the time he's 40 otherwise he won't want kids anymore as he thinks he will be too old.

Sometimes I just sit there crying for an eternity after af shows up. I look at my ds and feel extremely guilty that he won't grow up with a sibling because of selfish decision. I was 2 days late this cycle and got a bfn followed by af again (af arrived yesterday)

I am wanting to cry all the bloody time and it has affected and dominated my whole life.

Do you think clomid will help? If my gp says all is fine, shall I buy clomid online?

Another thing is, dh and I both has huge immediate families living in the middle east. I swear to god, at least one of them get pregnant every freaking month!! And they are so unhealthy with doabetrs high blood presser overweight etc but still get pregnant for 2nd 3rd 4th even my sister in law got pregnant with her 7th child! And she's much older than me! Although I am happy for them, I will admit that I'm also jealous and sad as it's just not fair. Everytime I talk to them they ask "are you pregnant yet? No? Really? Well i am, and thus person and that person is" I swear I don't want to talk to anyone anymore! How can some people be so vicious and malicious? ??? İ Would never ever do that, I had a cousin who couldn't get pregnant for 7 years and I never not once asked her if she was.

I am so sorry for venting here, I know it is ultimately my own fault and no one else's.

Thank you for reading x

Hi dizzy - I remember you from before and hi deekay - sorry you're both in this position too. This board is great support because we understand what we're going through. It is so upsetting and yet in real life people don't get it at all. I've just signed up to some cognitive behavioural therapy - I just need to change my mindset I think, I'm sick of being bitter and jealous of other pregnancies, of living my life counting cycle days and dreading 'happy announcements' - I need to accept that for whatever reason my body can't do it again and deal with it. I want to feel normal again

Hi mrskittenpie

Thanks för your reply. You know, you are so right. I am, too, tired of all these different emotions. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going stand up for myself when people say "aw your poor ds won't have a play mate", I will reply that my son gets all the love in the world and we have an amazing relationship so they can just keep their thoughts to themselves.

I want to just be happy and stop obsessing over this.

:)

Mrskitten I'm with you on the out of control emotions! I feel like my life is on hold and each AF visit just throws me deeper into this dark tunnel. I hope the cognitive behaviour therapy helps. I've started reflexology and although I've only had one session so far I actually enjoyed it so will continue with that for a while. Only people who are/have struggled with ttc understand and there's not many of those around me!

Deekay sorry you're struggling too. These days when I'm asked about having another child I just breezily reply 'maybe one day' which is partly true and stops any further questions!

deekay - yes I think that's a good reply. It drives me mad when thoughtless people say things like that. Our emotions when going through this are so hard to deal with anyway without that kind of thing.

dizzy - I know exactly what you mean about each AF being harder to take. Each month I think that I honestly don't know how I'm going to pick myself up again. I really hope the reflexology helps you. I tried that about 18 months ago and found it really relaxing. I think anything that helps you relax is so good for you. I tried acupuncture last year too which I also found relaxing.

Thank you both for your kind comments, yes I hope the CBT works. It has to really. I can't keep feeling like this.

mrskitten I've tried acupuncture and I've also dabbled with reflexology before but I feel more at ease with my new reflexologist as she specialises in fertility issues. She also does the arvigo massage therapy and recommended this to me as she feels it would really help with my issues. I have booked to have this done on the weekend and will report back if anyone on here is interested. You're right though, something has to help us with our rollercoaster of emotions. Do let us know how the CBT goes.

Hi Deekay. First of all don't put yourself down or blame yourself for not starting sooner. I know it's easy to do but ttc puts you under a lot of pressure so you had good reason to put it off a bit. I blame myself for the same sometimes but then remember I had an operation just before we ttc again so couldn't have started sooner! At 27 you have lots of time in front of you.
Best of luck and good that you're getting sperm analysis done.

Hi all. Welcome Emily, sorry you find yourself here. Your words could be mine, I feel you.
Kitten- you sounds like you are at a similar point in this process to me. Acceptance is key and I have come a long way in the last few months. One of the reasons I don't post here as much is because of the acceptance I now have to have in order to move past the terrible pain and survive.
Deekay- sorry you are struggling with it so much. I don't want to dismiss your pain but 8 months is still early in the game although it may not feel that way for you right now. And yes at 27 you have many years to have success. My advice would be to try not to let others around you make you panic or feel you have to explain yourself. Try and get any exploring done sooner rather than later, you could have a simple answer to your struggle. Enjoy the little one you have and take care of your body as best you can so you know your are helping. Try to find a treatment or something that helps with any stress. I found reflexology great, and accupuncture can be very beneficial. This group is here for you and any questions you have along the way a lot of us can answer. I have had about every medical test/procedure and alternative therapies you could name, so feel free to ask!
Wish I was religious sometimes, I really think it would help. If I could put my faith and trust in god perhaps it would be easier to beleive this is all for a reason etc?