Any success stories and ideas for secondary infertility?

[Annabellaboo]

Hello ladies.
I am hoping to get some ideas and support on here.
I am 35 years old, very healthy with a 3 year DS. We have been trying to conceive our second child for 2 years now. I became pregnant very easily with my first and had an easy pregnancy.
This time nothing.
I have had all the tests the nhs provides. Progesterone normal, I ovulate, DH sperm count is normal, no blockages etc etc. I have tried charting, ov sticks, changed my already pretty healthy diet (cut out refined sugars and have lots more greens etc, and alkalised my body). I take advised supplements and have even tried acupuncture.
I do however have short cycles, sometimes as short as 21 days but averaging 24. This is a little shorter than I had before my DS.
We cannot afford IVF and I am not sure I can face that anyway.
My consultant last month has prescribed me a half dose (25mg) of clomid, which a scan showed on the first round it definitely boosted things even more with a good few mature follicles. I already ovulate but she thought as my cycles are quite short and a little irregular it may give me a boost.
I have been convinced several times I was pregnant (oh how cruel our bodies and brains can be!) but AF always turns up.
I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any other suggestions of things I could try or why I can't conceive time. I am open to theories and alternative methods.
Any experience in this subject and success stories please share.
I try not to stress about it all, but some months it just really gets you down as there is no real 'reason'. The hard thing is watching other mums around get pregnant multiple times so easily.
Thank you for listening!
Anna

Sorry pressed post to soon!

Rose & Anna - sorry you are having a hard time with others and their babies. Anna - I understand what you mean about your friend and wanting to scream at her! I've discovered who my real friends are during this whole process. Discovered I have a few 'fair weather friends' who have run a mile but also made some wonderful new friendships and strengthened existing ones with those who have been there for me and will be forever grateful to those people whatever the outcome of all this.

I also know what you mean about the 2ww and not even believing it could happen! As i mentioned above, all I'm bothered about this month is getting through without spotting. Not even thought about the possibility of getting pregnant. DH had his blood test yesterday to see whether his testosterone levels have approved so we should hopefully find out the results of that in the next week or so.

Improved not approved lol :)

Hi ladies, Anna- I know how you feel with friends not bringing 'it' up when you both know it's so clearly an issue, it really frustrates me too, especially when I've already made a point of bringing it up in the past and being happy to talk about it, usually cos I'm conscious of not wanting people to feel they can't bring it up. So totally get your irritation with your friend. Ella keeps playing peekaboo with babies - it's now her 'thing' she does with babies, quite funny as they don't really seem that impressed , but I find it very cute.
I'm quite intrigued by the immune thing youre looking into- what symptoms do you have that make you feel you may have the condition and what would the treatment be?

I was feeling quite down on Wednesday about babies but have now started feeling better. This month I've decided to basically DTD everyday from the day after AF finished to almost the day it's due. I know this is prob a bit extreme but I just want to make sure I've covered all possibilities just in case I'm ovulating at a time I can't predict.
Telling you, it showed true dedication when we managed to keep doing it while DD had the pox! I was so tired from lack of sleep, but we managed haha!
Jenny, that makes complete sense wanting to start IVF sooner rather than later if the doctor gave you those figures, in a way Does it makes it easier that that decision has almost been made for you? My friends brother had a similar prognosis and had icsi in France and they recently got pregnant on the 2nd IVF cycle so fingers crossed it will all work out for you!

Closephine fingers crossed your spotting doesn't show up. I hate that 'toilet anxiety' you get every month, it's horrid.

Hi everyone, sorry I've not been on for a few days, been on holiday with girl friends and their kids. It was a family friendly holiday which meant everyone there had at least 2 children or 1 child and a prominent bump, everywhere I turned . It amazes me that people are so fertile- it was just everywhere! Then one of the girls I was staying with who has a child just turned one said they are ttc again, FFS I felt a failure when she got pregnant and I still wasn't last time and now they're gearing up for another one! I had better brace myself for that happy announcement
Yes I am going to go to the doctors, thank you for all your kind words, makes me realise I have been totally fobbed off, hopefully I'll be able to get a blood test/scan, it's just so difficult with dh being in the 'it'll happen when it happens' camp.
On a more amusing note having had a meltdown last month and telling family no we hadn't given up but it's just not happening I had a text from a family member saying there are these amazing things called ovulation tests and her friend had tried for ages to get pregnant then used these for one month and she was pregnant!! Really?? I know she was well meaning but FFS I said I'd tried everything so surely I would have tried basic stuff like that??
Sorry, rant over. Feeling particularly barren this month

closephine - I get that toilet anxiety too from about 5dpo onwards as I tend to get spotting, it's horrible isn't it

Kitten pie- your post made me laugh out loud whilst in a shoe shop. Brilliant, ovulation tests! So that's where we've been going wrong all this time!

Kitten pie- ha how irritating! Oh how wonderful it must be to be so ignorant in this subject! Wish I didn't have to know so much!
Rose- this is the most simple article on autoimmune disease I could find and a basic list of potential symptoms. The more I am learning the more I realise so many women who have unexplained infertility could have this issue. I personally have most of the symptoms listed plus more such as rheumatoid arthritis and raynauds syndrome.
www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14209/cant-get-pregnant-why-you-might-have-an-autoimmune-disease.html
I have been in a strange low mood the last few days. I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself (hormones mostly I think) and I just want to crawl under the covers and the world to leave me alone. (Plus eat loads of chocolate which I am managing very easily!) Need to snap out of it and get over myself! DH is giving me strange slightly terrified looks! Can't say I blame him I am not a joy to be around!
Decided I am definitely getting the immune tests done at the Athens clinic serum. I haven't contacted them yet but will do on Monday. I won't be able to go out there until August though due to work, holiday and family visits but am set on getting the ball rolling. I should only need to go for a couple of days to get some tests and have a consultation. If we did ever consider IVF this it where we would go as we wouldn't be able to afford England so it seems right to go out and have a consultation and tests.

KPie- Oh my, ovulation tests, seriously?!?? What was your response to her? People can be so naive. And it can be so frustrating when you share TTC disappointment and the fertility struggle with family and you just don't receive the support you need. My Mom has not been returning my phone calls since I told her a couple of weeks ago that it was unlikely that we were to conceive without IVF. She's rather religious and is against ARTs, she has the belief that conception will happen, "if its god's will". It hurts. I just hope the lack of communication has just been a misunderstanding.

Rose & Closephine - Thank you for the support! Yes, it does help knowing our odds...and having a separate RE at another practice give us similar "success" rates. Though I'm still holding out hope that somehow we miraculously conceive on our own (1% chance) or IUI (5%) after DH has been taking fistfuls of antioxidants/CoQ10 and proxeed and ditched caffeine and alcohol. My meds - Gonal-F (gonadtrophin) and Ovidrel arrived at my house yesterday for our IUI. AF is due to arrive today/tomorrow and drugs usually start on day 3 . Anyone take these medications? Getting anxious.

rose - yes, ovulation tests- that's where we've been going wrong!
annabel - I know, I wish I didn't know as much either it must indeed be wonderful to be so ignorant in all this.
jenny - to be honest I was quite polite and said I'd given them a go. It is extremely frustrating when people don't get the struggle and think I must be thick or am obviously not having sex with dh because obviously that's all there is to it. It makes me so mad. I'm sorry to hear your mum has been like that but hopefully it is just the lack of communication, it's difficult enough without things like that to contend with. Good luck with taking your drugs, I'm afraid I don't know much about them.
In my news it's been babybomb central here today- first up was a girl I used to work with who stopped taking the pill and was pregnant 4 weeks later - FFS, then the other today was a girl I work with whose baby is 9 months old so she got pregnant since we've been ttc and today kept talking about when then changing it to if she has a second and kept touching her tummy so looks like there's another 'happy' announcement I need to fix a smile on my face for coming soon. I honestly wish I could hide away from it all, I'm sick of having to brace myself for announcements. The best of it is this girl knows we've been ttc a second for a long time but is that insensitive she'll probably inundate me with updates like she did last time. Why do we have to go through this hell?

Hi ladies, sorry I've been a bit quiet - work has been very busy and I've been trying not to think about all this ttc rubbish (ha!!) thought I saw spotting on Friday and panicked and called he fertility clinic - they said I'd have to see my GP and get my cervix checked before prescribing more progesterone. Saw the GP yesterday, she said all looks fine down there but has done a smear to be sure, waiting for the results of that and if all ok I guess I'll go back on the progesterone next month. Spotting again now but unsure if it's my cycle or just from having the smear yesterday?

Jenny - I've not used the drugs yet but should be in the same boat in August - I believe the use a low dose of gonal F to trigger folicle growth (I think this is the same drug they use in some ivf protocols but in much lower doses as they don't want to grow too many eggs as then the IUI wouldn't be able to go ahead). Will be interested to hear how you find it/any updates. Hope it goes ok. I have used the trigger shot (ovitrelle) to trigger ovulation - it's basically like an epi pen and you inject yourself (or DH did it in my case). You get used to it pretty quickly and it's really not too bad.

I too had a silly mother in law comment last weekend. About half an hour after enquiring how we were doing treatment/lack of baby wise our dog was playing up in their garden and she says 'it's like having a second baby isn't it!' ERM NO. NOT IN THE FRIGGIN SLIGHTEST!

8dpo this morning - took a test and it was negative. It's actually nice to be back using the Internet cheapies, there is no hint/'what if' of a second line. Ruled myself out and then told myself I was being an idiot as at 8dpo things could still be going to happen. Pretty unlikely tho! I'm becoming increasingly convinced that last month must have been a chemical pregnancy. The weird spotting, the positive test...

Anyway, this is turning into a ramble. Hope the sun is shining where you all are.

Oh also Rose - not sure if you meant to tell us your dd's name but Ella is my favourite little girls name :) always wanted to call a little girl that if I had one.

Mrs K - Oh the baby bombs. It can be so hard. Your friend has a nine-month year old and perhaps another on the way!?? That's nuts. And really insensitive way to share this "maybe" news - just goes to show that few people really understand. I often leave daycare drop-off in tears when another clearly pregnant mom announces that their child is soon to be a big brother/sister. Or the new baby announcements on the front door at school. Breaks my heart.

Closephine - You are right on. We were told I'd likely me on the same protocol (gonal-F/ovidrel) for the IVF. Honestly, its the only reason I'm doing the IUI, so we can see how I respond to the meds so the doctors can have a good protocol for me during my first round of IVF late this summer. Oh my, that is a callous thing for your MIL to say. Dogs to not equal children. Grrr.

Feeling very down today. AF was very late this month, arrived at 34 days. I thought I might be pregnant as chest was swollen all week (literally by one cup size). DH was convinced too. Took at test yesterday, negative. And surely AF arrived today. Feeling foolish that I had hope that we may have conceived on our own despite the 1% success rate our RE gave us for natural conception.

Heading to a "secondary infertility" support group tonight (my first). Hoping that will help. So fortunate that something like that exists in my area.

Thanks closephine, yes I didn't mean to post her name, I guess there's always that worry that someone you know may read this and figure out its you, but then I was thinking maybe it'd be a good way of them realising the full truth of what we are going through! Maybe you'll have your own little girl with that name in the future .

Yep the baby bombs are hard, you think you're coping quite well then they totally take you by surprise and you realise you're not coping. Just spent half an hour chatting with a pregnant work colleague who's having her first, strangely I don't have much difficulty when it's the first but if it's the second it's oh so hard ☹️. Yes Jenny, I also just dropped my DD at nursery today and there was a dad talking about names for their impending second and I just felt a bit sick.

Oh Jenny, isn't Mother Nature cruel with the late period, I don't blame you for getting excited, I totally would as an used to being quite regular. I'm interested in your secondary fertility support group, sounds great, I have a feeling the uk is probably a bit behind there.
I am however going to see a play in June aboot infertility, which I read about in a national paper and just so happens to be playing at our local theatre so quite looking forward to that. Poor DH is obviously being dragged along for that one 😀

Jenny - so sorry you had your hopes dashed. How did your support meeting go? I went to a local infertility support meeting, it was helpful. But I have met a few people now in the same situation, or those who have 'got past' it and I see the same sadness I see in myself and I find it difficult to be presented with. I don't want to think that I will still feel/look like this in years to come if this doesn't all work out. I hope your group was better for you.

I'm just so tired of not being pregnant. Month in month out. Bfn at 12dpo this morning and can feel AF on the way. Sore boobs and getting irritable with DH so I'm out.

On a more positive note, DH had his blood test results and his testosterone has gone from the lowest normal (10) to the highest (30)! So now we just have to hope this translates to his sperm count too, but we won't find that out for a couple of months.

Read an interesting article in Grazia magazine whilst at the hair dressers the other day. Basically warning about money grabbing ivf companies and that ivf is not always the best course of action for everyone. Ugh. The thought of parting with all that money...

Autocorrect has tried to give me some interesting alternatives during this message. 'Inferior' instead of 'infertile' hah. Thanks phone... And 'partying' with my money instead of 'parting'. I wish!!

Haha closephine those typos are so cruel and ironic it's actually funny!
My period came on weds this week. I knew it was on it's way and for the first month in a while I didn't even consider testing. Feels sad somehow that I have lost so much hope that I don't even think it worth a cheap internet test. Feel like I know my body and signs so well now that the fact is I know when I'm out. After symptom spotting for 2 years I am a veteran!
Told the friend who is in the same situation as me about the tests I am planning on having and I found her response a little unsupportive. She responded with 'wow that's some extensive testing'. I have genuine reasons for going down this route and it isn't something I want to do but I would really like an answer as to why I can't conceive when supposedly everything is fine. It's the not knowing that messes with me most.
On a good note we are off on holiday next weekend. I am so excited to get away from the everyday norm and have some family time. Will help take my mind of all this infertility obsession too I hope??!!

Joining you ladies with the AF news.
Just started spotting this evening, and I broke it to DH by telling him that the good news is, we don't have to have sex tonight. Ha! How sad has our life become that we are actually relieved we don't have to have sex!
Bit bummed that it's much earlier than expected, didn't expect to start spotting till Tuesday at the earliest, but ironically I'm quite relieved that I don't have to go through the whole anxious waiting game now.

Just had a tearful rant at DH about how it's so f*ing unfair.

Anyway, on the plus side, I have just finished my training job, and so have decided to take a month off, and we are moving home in a couple of weeks, so this is all helping. Anna, good to hear you also have some hols planned, I think we all bloody deserve a good holiday.

Closephine, your comments about the typos did make me chuckle. Great that your DH's testosterone levels have gone up, it'll be really interesting to see if it has a positive effect on his sperm count, fingers crossed. I'm also so fricking tired of this whole debacle, the whole thing is so ridiculous. Just so angry, so so angry- I'm learning the stages I go through when I get my AF- anger, then hopelessness, then sadness, then hope again. It's such a joke.

So I have my pre AF insomnia. Where I lie here for hours unable to sleep and unable to think about anything else but my lack of baby. To top it off (and at risk of outing myself in real life) it's my birthday today (I think when you all wished me happy birthday earlier in the month, I did that British thing of being too polite to correct you all, but thank you for the premature wishes ). We were at a party yesterday and I had to sit there and listen to a discussion between a mum who already has 3 (eldest 9 months younger than my ds) and 2 other mums who have 2 each, about whether the ones with 2 wanted a third. That's how far past everyone else having their second we are now.

Sorry to hear about your AF news too Anna and Rose.

Anna - does your friend who is also struggling have a diagnosis as to why? I'm just trying to think of reasons as to why she might have been insensitive/negative about you going for testing. I guess if she knows the reason why she can't conceive, she may not understand how hard the not knowing is? Have you thought about when you will go and have your tests?

Rose - good for you taking some time off and moving house sounds exciting! That should at least keep you busy/your mind off Ttc (yeah right, like it's not on our minds 24/7 regardless of what's going on!).

My AF hasn't actually arrived yet, due Monday but I just know all the signs. Plus the negative tests are a pretty strong indicator too :) I can't believe that after all this time I still feel hopeful every month.
How ridiculous.

I feel like having a few drinks today but fear a melt down of epic proportions if I do. Probably best to avoid alcohol and let my family assume I'm pregnant instead.

I'm so sorry to hear all the AF news it's just so infuriatingly repetitive.

Rose- I totally understand the whole thing about tolerating someone who is pregnant with their first but second is too difficult. I actually am shocked at how insanely jealous I am and angry I am at people who are on their second. It really just brings out the monster in me!

Closephine- it's not ridiculous you get your hopes up at all. Don't give yourself a hard time. Happy birthday! I think you should just get drunk and unleash!! It's good news if your husbands results look like they are improving though.

Rose- I hope a month off helps with at least the stress part of all this!

We had my husband's second lot of sperm test results back. He was 65mill before we had our son, then last year were gobsmacked to see it had dropped to 9mill. This round also says 9 mill. So so depressing and my husband has of course taken it personally. I'm really thinking IVF now but will wait for our consultant appointment in 2 weeks. Closephine I need to read that article. On top of this I KEEP getting tonsilitis and now need to have tonsils out. Might as well move into a hospital!!

Hello. Sorry for all the latest AF news. Mine has finished now but I am almost not feeling like bothering to DTD as much because I am just a bit fed up with being so consistent and yet never with any results. It does get seriously depressing after years!
Closephine- hope the insomnia has passed, that's the worst. Great news about DH testosterone, really hope it's all the right path to get his SC up. I hear you with the multiple children and the age gaps etc. It sometimes is just unbearable isn't it. As you know there are quite a few new babies about in my life at the moment and I am finding it more and more difficult with each arrival/announcement. Want to just feel happy for them but that's really hard.
Good luck with the move rose! Exciting times and will help to take your mind off things a little I am sure.
The friend who made that remark. No she is in the same position as me, no explanation for her infertility so I thought she would be a little more understanding. She is about to start her 1st round of IVF so perhaps she just doesn't want to think about finding a reason and is hoping IVF will work. I really hope it does for her, she has been unsuccessful for 3 1/2 years.

I'm finally coming to terms with giving up on no2. It has been a long, hard road.

Well thanks for brightening all our days Olivia! I am sorry you have had to go through such a hard long road. I am still hoping for that no.2 and believe it can happen for many of us but of course also know it may not and am coming to terms with that as best as I can.
Anyone out there with a success story would be appreciated too please. Still got to hold on here, anything is possible...

Can I join you all? We've been ttc#2 for just over 2 years now. I had a mmc in September last year. It does get really depressing what with the timely sex, the crazy tww and raised hopes only to see one line on the test stick! However, I'm not ready to give up and will plough on. It took us 3 years with DD so I'm determined to carry on going.

Sorry to everyone who's had a visit from AF. Fx we will all get there.

Hi ladies,

Katy - did you also have trouble conceiving no1 if you had your husbands sc done first time round? I wish we knew what my DHs was when we conceived ds. I'm often wondering whether it was the same and ds is a little miracle (he is anyway!) or whether something has happened to decrease his count.

Anna - I'm slightly jealous of your shorter cycles. I think we started this cycle at the same time and my AF has still to arrive properly. It's definitely started and will be here in the next day or so, so hope is gone but it just drags the cycle on and on!

Dizzy - welcome and so sorry to hear about your mmc. Have you had any investigations? Did you conceive your dd naturally?

Olivia - thought you may have killed our thread for a second there. I'm sorry to hear you have been through this as well, but I don't think any of the other women here are ready to give up yet! We're still clinging onto hope.

Closephine we did conceive DD naturally after our IVF consultation. So far this time I've only had my day 21 test done which showed I am ovulating. DH has his SA today. We have decided to go for IVF in July. I have a history of endometriosis and was told at my previous IVF consulation I have low AMH but I have conceived twice before so I'm also clinging onto the hope that we can do this.