Any success stories and ideas for secondary infertility?

[Annabellaboo]

Hello ladies.
I am hoping to get some ideas and support on here.
I am 35 years old, very healthy with a 3 year DS. We have been trying to conceive our second child for 2 years now. I became pregnant very easily with my first and had an easy pregnancy.
This time nothing.
I have had all the tests the nhs provides. Progesterone normal, I ovulate, DH sperm count is normal, no blockages etc etc. I have tried charting, ov sticks, changed my already pretty healthy diet (cut out refined sugars and have lots more greens etc, and alkalised my body). I take advised supplements and have even tried acupuncture.
I do however have short cycles, sometimes as short as 21 days but averaging 24. This is a little shorter than I had before my DS.
We cannot afford IVF and I am not sure I can face that anyway.
My consultant last month has prescribed me a half dose (25mg) of clomid, which a scan showed on the first round it definitely boosted things even more with a good few mature follicles. I already ovulate but she thought as my cycles are quite short and a little irregular it may give me a boost.
I have been convinced several times I was pregnant (oh how cruel our bodies and brains can be!) but AF always turns up.
I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any other suggestions of things I could try or why I can't conceive time. I am open to theories and alternative methods.
Any experience in this subject and success stories please share.
I try not to stress about it all, but some months it just really gets you down as there is no real 'reason'. The hard thing is watching other mums around get pregnant multiple times so easily.
Thank you for listening!
Anna

Keep dreaming I'm pregnant. Every night. Huge bump, so realistic I can feel the baby wriggling about in there. Miss that feeling :(

Oh that is very painful closephine
Hopefully it's a premonition and not just a wish.

Well at the moment it's definitely just a wish unless we manage an immaculate conception. I'm currently petrified to DTD since all that spotting malarkey last month (even though it wasn't triggered by DTD, but my body has settled the last week or so and I'm scared to rock the boat so to speak!) going to attempt it tonight as I think I'll ovulate around Friday/Saturday but could result in punching DH as soon as he comes anywhere near... guess we'll find out later!

Closephine, thank you. We just met with our RE and although she gave us a dismal rate for IUI (

Sounds like IUI could be worth a shot Jenny - will you try natural or go for stimulated? Having done 2 rounds of natural I'm now keen to try stimulated as our next course of action.

My heart is breaking. Our next door neighbours have 2 kids and they have friends round with 2 kids, they are playing in the garden. Ds is trying to join in. Listening at the fence to what games they are playing/races they are doing and he's copying on his own in our garden. I've had to come inside for a cry. Feel like such a fucking failure (pardon my language).

Closephine, I'm thinking of you..such an awful way to feel. You are not a failure..a woman with a broken heart. The disappointment and heartache can be so much to
bear.

Medicated IUI with gonadtrophins. Not expecting it to work, the RE gave us a success rate of 5% with my DH's last low sperm count. Dismal. Just hoping that the last SA was just a fluke - we had tried extra hard that month (every day?) and had a little less than 48 hours to recover before the test. Feel a bit of a fool trying IUI with those odds, but really not ready to go to IVF.

Oh closephine! That is so rubbish, my heart breaks for you too. I guess just try and remember that he doesn't know what he's missing,, it's all he's ever known. It's you who's finding this so much harder than he is. Hopefully they'll all have a massive bust up and start screaming and hitting each other- that would be funny.

We are stuck a home with the chicken pox, it's pretty miserable. Her face is one massive scab 🙁

Sorry you are hurting closephine. The universe can be so cruel sometimes with things like that can't it. You just never know when something will stab you in the uterus as you put it! Hugs your way

Hi everyone. I don't know if you'll remember me, I joined you several weeks ago but went back to lurking as I was hit really hard by this month's failure. Next month will be the 2 year mark of ttc our second, so not a good time.
Sorry for everyone still having a shit time. closephine - your post brought tears to my eyes, that's exactly like my ds. He watches siblings playing together and tries to be like them and it makes me feel like a total failure. Also we went to a bbq today and he was reluctant to go and play with the other kids and that's all my fault. If he had a sibling he'd be more confident but he hasn't and that's my fault. It's just shit. And I completely avoided a social event last night as there was a friend going who is about 16 weeks pregnant and I just can't face her. I can't pretend to be happy for other people anymore, I'm not, I'm bitter and jealous.
Anyway, I'm back and will join in more now. I'm thinking of going back to the doctors and insisting on some help as the fob off I got last time was awful

Thanks ladies for being so kind. I pulled myself together and went and joined in with him in the garden, so at least he had one playmate. He has no cousins either (I have three younger brothers but none of them even have partners yet) so he's the only child at family events too. I guess on the flip side he gets a load more attention than he would if there were others. And I think you're partially right Rose, he doesn't know what he's missing but he is totally desperate to 'have a baby' as he puts it. He asks me at least once a day now. I sometimes wonder if I should tell him the truth, that we are finding it hard. But it might open a whole can of worms.

Jenny - good luck. You never know, the less might give you a boost that will help things along as well. That's what I'm hoping anyway for when we try it again. When are you starting? 3 months from when DH started his meds will be August so I hope to be able to start then.

MrsKitten - so sorry you are feeling low. It's not your fault that your ds was nervous. How old is he? It could just be related to his age and stage he is at. Or just down to his individual character. My ds is the opposite, always wanting to join in with everyone and everything (even when it's not appropriate!) so I would blame that on his lack of siblings. Although I know that's easier said than done...!! Could you remind me what diagnosis/treatment you've had so far? If you're not receiving any help at the moment it definitely sounds like it might be time to revisit the Drs.

Jenny that should say 'meds' not 'less'!

Hi closephine - ds is 4, I don't know whether it is just a stage, he just seems to be quite clingy which he hasn't really been before and it makes me think it's because he hasn't got a sibling like most of his friends and now he's more aware of it as he gets older. It just breaks my heart. I've not had anything, I went to the doctor last year and was told they don't do anything for people with a child already, I was just given a leaflet for private treatment and told to go away basically. Now it's been nearly 2 years and I've read up on the Internet I think there should be some investigation done at least on the nhs. The other problem is dh, he is against any treatment as he believes what will be will be. I have tried all alternative things like reflexology and acupuncture - both said there's no reason why I'm not getting pregnant. Aargh, it's so bloody frustrating and shit. I hate who I've become - I'm bitter and cannot be happy for any more announcements - no one I know in real life has had any issue getting pregnant

Hi I dropped out of this thread a while back so I have lost touch on all your stories. We have a 2.5 year old and have been trying for over 18 months. We are now looking at the IVF route. That will mean remortgaging so we think it's not an option until end of year. Has anyone gone down this route yet? Sorry if you have said, it's hard to scroll back.

Sending hugs to all as this is such a hard battle to endure. X

Kitten pie- I am so
sorry and angry to hear the doctor dismissed you like that. You really should make an official complaint as it's not the norm and is just awful. There is indeed many basic tests that can be done to explore the reasons for not conceiving. That also must be hard that DH doesn't want to get assistance. Maybe try to reassure him it is just exploration for a reason and it could be something simple. Without the basis tests you won't know. You could be fortunate and find the reason with just a couple blood tests and scan so
please try again and see a different doctor. I warn you it can be a long process but you can arm yourself with info along the way and make some lifestyle changes to help with your fertility such as diet, supplements and possible alternative treatments. I have tried them all so feel free to ask away! My problem is however unexplained but I am still plodding on looking for answers and out the box theories etc. I am at present pretty set against any IVF treatment so I need to do everything alternative possible to try and make it happen. Without an actual diagnosis of my inability to conceive however it does make it very hard in every way. But with the testing I have had done through the NHS I have been able to learn more about my fertility and eliminate many possible causes.

Hi ladies. Another post to update on my latest route obsession!
I bought Dr Beers book 'is your body baby friendly'. Well talk about opening a can of worms!
Long story short I am now almost convinced I may have some sort of immune disorder that is preventing pregnancy occurring. The book is so interesting and makes a lot of sense to me. The work this man is doing is incredible but the frustrating thing about it is the limited amount of resources and belief supporting it out there. Now I find myself convinced I need to get the immunology tests that he recommends. Researching this is a bit of a minefield but there looks to be a couple of clinics in the U.K that provide these tests. Of course it's looking to be costly but I can't work out exactly how much as it depends on the tests they give you based on your medical history etc. But it's looking like £1000+ for sure, and that's just for basic tests.
I really am serious about it though because if I really do have this issue I want to know so I can make a decision from there depending on the treatment options.
Has anyone else read this book or had these tests? I am pumped but nervous about all this and want to wave a magic wand to get testing done, but at the same time it's a lot of money that is not a small spend for us so it's a big decision that I am also dreading informing DH about! He will be supportive but sceptical I believe. I think I should also wait until after my laparoscopy which is in a few weeks.
F*#k this not being able to have a baby stuff is a total headache and an absolute pain in the arse isn't it!! Feeling like a crazy lady!

Annabella I have heard of this immune disorder too. When I mentioned it to my consultant he didn't seem to entertain it. A lady I know is looking at this and has been quoted £4K for the tests. I'll definitely look up that book it's certainly something to think about. I would definitely wait until your laparoscopy first though. I'm still waiting for mine.
I'm having a crazy lady Google day too! Do you want to know my latest unhealthy obsession? Looking at old threads on secondary infertility then looking at that persons latest threads to see if they did end up pregnant- see crazy!

Hi Katymac thanks for replying. Wow 4K is so much! Really not sure we could afford that I am still going to look into it as I think some tests would potentially be ruled out to begin with depending on your individual case.
Your current crazy lady googling is one I have definitely explored in the past!

Katy - does it make me crazy too if I'm desperate to know whether you found any success stories? (Did you?)

MrsKitten - I second what Anna said. You need to go back to the docs and kick up a fuss! They should have offered you blood tests to see whether you're ovulating and then a referral depending on the results.

Anna - I'm afraid I don't know anything about immunology testing. I see you've posted another thread though so hopefully you will get some more knowledgable answers there. What is the basic jist? Symptoms, treatments etc?

Rose - how is the chicken pox going? Hope you're out of quarantine by now!

I think I ovulated today but it's a bit of a weird one. I've had zero fertility showing on the clearblue monitor until this morning when I got a flashing smiley (that means high fertility, not peak) but then a couple of hours later I had strong ovulation pains and pretty sure I ovulated this morning. I guess I'll see what the sticks say tomorrow, but is it possible to have some months more fertile than others? the clearblue sticks are meant to show a few days 'high' fertility before a peak. But mine were showing nothing until 'high' followed a few hours later by suspected ovulation? Weird.

Weird I don't get notifications anymore for messages which is why I dropped out a while back!

Closephine- ha no not as crazy as me! It even crossed my mind to tally it and then I stopped myself! Yes quite a few worked out well in the end. So gives a bit of faith.

Omg those clear blue sticks!! Do you know what? I actually got so stressed using those I ovulated a week late! I just got a flashing smiley for 10 days!! It was very acurrate though and I have thought about using them again but the pain was too raw! I did lots of reading on those too. i don't think it matters if you get a short "high" just as long as you get a peak which you have! Xx

Sorry I've been offline for a few days...out enjoying the warm Spring weather.

Closephine - Those darm blue sticks! I wouldn't stress about it, so many factors- timing, concentration of your urine influence the reading. I had a month where I didn't even get a faint line, and it later showed in my basal temperature and in an ultrasound that I did ovulate. My fertility doctor actually tells patients not to use them since there's so much variability...she recommends every other day baby dancing instead. Far less stressful and far more enjoyable.

Starting my first (medicated) IUI cycle next week....fingers crossed that we are the 5%.

Katymac - in the same boat. 2.5 year old and have been trying for 18 months. We are planning on trying our first IVF cycle in Aug/Sept. Dr is convinced its 100% male factor (count, mobility are all over the place) - she's pushing for IVF with ICSI.

Hi ladies. Sorry for quietness, we are just getting over a turbulent few days with the pox, brings back memories of the sleep deprived newborn months- maybe I'm not ready for a new baby after all 😟.

Jenny, I'm interested that you've decided to go for IVF quite soon, part of me currently just feels like biting the bullet and going for it in 2-3 months time, but then we've only been trying about 15 months now and maybe I should give it more time- just getting so fed up at the moment, and feel like I really want to take some control.

Kitty- I def agree with the others that you should go back to your doctor (or rather another doctor) and demand investigations. At the very least a semen analysis and some bloods for you to check ovulation. Don't let them tell you otherwise.

Another week, another friends second baby born (who had her first way after I had mine 😞). Another comment at work about how I really should get on and have another kid (Yep thanks for that). Argh it grinds you down. Funny how you have some months of feeling really positive and then months of feeling so the opposite. I'm sure the sleep deprivation is not helping!

Katymac- I have done exactly that before, so you're not alone on the crazy front 😉

Good morning! Feeling agitated and emotional this morning, insane chocolate cravings..nibbling at a piece of dark chocolate and its not even 10 AM. AF must be on her way!

Rose - There's months that I go back and forth on whether we should wait on IVF. We met with our RE last week, she gave us a 1% chance every cycle conceiving on our own, and less than 5% to conceive through stimulated IUI. Dismal and not the first doctor to give us these odds. Statistics are not in our favor to conceive within the next year without IVF. All of DH's SA have been well below range on all fronts. He's trying supplements so hopefully that helps. We were given a success rate of IVF of 50% per cycle. I feel like right now its our only hope. We are so fortunate that one round is covered by insurance at 90%. If that doesn't work we can wait until Jan and I can go on my husband's insurance which covers 6 IVF cycles at 90%. I don't think we'd consider it so quickly without this financial support, I understand the cost is so much to manage and can add to the stress of treatment.

Hi ladies. Just checking in. Rose- I too have had a week of friends with new babies. Also, we had a playdate with a friend who has a son same age as mine and a 5 month old baby girl. I was completely fine until my DS started being oh so cute and kissing and cuddling the baby and asking if we could keep her etc. Really stabbed me in the uterus. I tried to hold the tears back as this friend doesn't mention my obvious infertility even though she knows we have been tying way longer then she was for number 2. It's the elephant in the room with her. I am sure she just feels she shouldn't bring it up, but really I want to scream at her or something and tell her to fucking ask me and stop pretending it isn't real! I like her very much and we have been quite good friends since our boys were born and I have always been open about things. I think since her number 2 was born she probably feels uncomfortable about it. It just really disappoints me.
Closephine- the whole immunology testing is a minefield that I am currently exploring like a crazy person of course. I am secretly convinced it must be my issue. It's too complicated to really describe the symptons etc as there are different types of the disorder so it depends. But I certainly have a few flags that are coming up. I am currently looking at getting testing done at an Athens lab as the prices are so much less and there are glowing reviews. All good except I will need to find the time etc to get to Athens....
In the meantime I have now spent a small fortune on yet more natural supplements that I have read up on for helping with immune disorders! Seroiusly I don't think I recognise myself sometimes with my obsession over all this. DH is totally on board however to do whatever it takes to find out why we can't conceive and hopefully a cure.
So sick of this roller coaster of an infertility journey, but I have no choice but to carry on. I just hope more than anything there is a wonderful outcome in the end (preferably sooner rather than later please!)
I'm also on the 2ww, however I am not obsessing this month as I genuinely don't believe I can get pregnant naturally anymore at least it will lessen the monthly disappointment-I think?!

Hi ladies, sorry dropped off the radar for a few days! Currently petrified every time I go to the loo in case the spotting starts up again like it did last month. 3dpo over here, started at 6dpo last month so time will tell I guess!

Jenny - you sound like you are similar to us with your DHs varying count. We've never been given odds but your 1% is quite scary. I wonder if that means if you try for 100 months you'll get success is that time? Only about 7 years to go then potentially! I don't blame you for thinking about ivf sooner if you get so much towards it financially. Definitely worth a shot if the IUI doesn't work out.