Any success stories and ideas for secondary infertility?

[Annabellaboo]

Hello ladies.
I am hoping to get some ideas and support on here.
I am 35 years old, very healthy with a 3 year DS. We have been trying to conceive our second child for 2 years now. I became pregnant very easily with my first and had an easy pregnancy.
This time nothing.
I have had all the tests the nhs provides. Progesterone normal, I ovulate, DH sperm count is normal, no blockages etc etc. I have tried charting, ov sticks, changed my already pretty healthy diet (cut out refined sugars and have lots more greens etc, and alkalised my body). I take advised supplements and have even tried acupuncture.
I do however have short cycles, sometimes as short as 21 days but averaging 24. This is a little shorter than I had before my DS.
We cannot afford IVF and I am not sure I can face that anyway.
My consultant last month has prescribed me a half dose (25mg) of clomid, which a scan showed on the first round it definitely boosted things even more with a good few mature follicles. I already ovulate but she thought as my cycles are quite short and a little irregular it may give me a boost.
I have been convinced several times I was pregnant (oh how cruel our bodies and brains can be!) but AF always turns up.
I guess what I am asking is does anyone have any other suggestions of things I could try or why I can't conceive time. I am open to theories and alternative methods.
Any experience in this subject and success stories please share.
I try not to stress about it all, but some months it just really gets you down as there is no real 'reason'. The hard thing is watching other mums around get pregnant multiple times so easily.
Thank you for listening!
Anna

Anna - I think I am also going to restock on the internet cheapies. I too have never had an evap line and I know they work as they detected Hcg after I had my trigger injections for IUI.

Still no AF but I've noticed the spotting is slightly darker so it's on the way. This last week has been horrible. I'm struggling to understand how I could be so unlucky. I'm also hoping this spotting goes away after AF :( I was almost wishing it was a chemical pregnancy just to give some reason for the spotting and the positive? I'll attach a pic of the two first response tests. Do you think they are both evap lines? I think I'm trying to answer questions I can't answer. Boots test I did today was negative.

Oh, I also have a terrible cold and ds is off nursery and coughed all night! All this ahead of my busiest working weekend of the year :(

So sorry for being very self involved in this post. It really has been the worst week!

Better pic of Wednesday's test.

You're not being self involved at all.
Those first response lines are exactly like the ones I had one month. I also has them on 2 tests so had a suspicion of a chemical pregnancy but I honestly have no idea now. So confused and fed up with the whole thing. You read so much that a line is a line but then discover that may not be the case with certain tests. Never had them with other tests (except one blue-but have heard they are not so good).
If all other tests are coming out negative I would say it's a no but o guess we can't be sure
I know it's hard but try to let it go now this month and concentrate on your busy weekend. Our obsessions will not change anything, only make us more anxious. (I need to take my own advice!) I hope you feel better soon and get through it all ok!

But actually bloody hell isn't it just so shit!! I mean seriously seriously horribly shit! F#k f#k f#*k this!!
That's how I really feel this month.
And DS out of nowhere asked this morning- "mummy, where is my baby sister? Where is our baby?!" (With a sad face)
I mean really?? Just when I'm about to start AF too. Bless him I have no idea why he comes out with this.
Stabbed in the heart

Just for shits and giggles perhaps I should buy another Lloyd's test and see what it says. Maybe even get DH to do the other and see if he is 'pregnant' too!?

Another thought today was perhaps I'm having a ectopic!? But you're right Anna - I need to put this all to the back of my mind, concentrate on the weekend and see what the situation is next week. I do feel like AF should be here properly soon.

I'm not sure it was supposed to, but your rant made me smile :) it is indeed utterly utterly shitty. My ds does similar, he talks about 'when we have a baby' and he doesn't get why his friend is getting a third sibling when he doesn't have any. I find my mind wondering to adoption again this last couple of days.

Oh I prefer the phrase 'stabbed in the uterus' rather than heart. Feels more apt. And sometimes it literally does feel like it's happening.

Sorry you've started spotting, Anna. That sounds so hard with your DS saying that. Stab in the uterus sums it up perfectly, Closephine. I went to see a new GP this week, about something separate, but she asked me how my appointments had gone with the fertility specialists, and was genuinely really lovely about it all, the first time I've really liked a GP, and I've seen a fair few. Funny cos I was quite upbeat about it all, and putting on a brave face, and I think, that's the kind of impression people get as to how I'm coping with it all : 'oh she doesn't seem too affected by it' kind of impression. If people could see how low I get sometimes, especially around AF, they would be quite surprised. I think only DH sees that really. And maybe occasionally one of my close friends. But yes, I suppose my point is that it is quite shitty to say the least, and that post totally summed up how I feel when my AF comes, Anna! Hope you can both enjoy the bank holiday weekend nevertheless xxx

and meant to say, not being self-involved in the slightest, Closephine. Its sounds like the most horrific experience, and I would have been in shreads if that had happened to me. Hilarious about getting DH to do a pregnancy test though!!

Glad you've found a GP you like Anna. I'm lucky, I've found 2 lady Drs that I really like. Unfortunately neither was available the other day and I ended seeing a not so good one. Slightly kicking myself I didn't hold out to see one of them as I bet they would have given me a blood test/been a bit more thorough.

AF has arrived this morning which is a temporary relief as I don't have to worry about the spotting for a week or so, just have to hope it's not there after AF finishes. Weirdly I've just remembered I had a strange cycle last April too - perhaps my body behaves weirdly once a year!? :)

I was at my event yesterday and I was watching everyone going past, focusing on bumps and age gaps between children, focusing on finding people with only one older child. I was sitting there thinking to myself 'you're being ridiculous, if you are going to do this perhaps you shouldn't be at these events' when someone I knew years ago appeared to say hello. He is someone who has been married a long time and has no children. I have a suspicion they have wanted them and not managed it from fb posts. It made me wonder if there is someone out there reminding me of what I do have? Another childless couple I know came to see me at the end of the day, they are much older and I suspect were unable to have children when they were younger. This month has been particularly hard for me, and this rollercoaster journey is a shit ride I hope to depart very soon, but seeing those people reminded me to focus on how lucky I am to have my son.

I also find it helps to remember that I would not swop my ONE child for someone's else TWO. perhaps I'm biased but I'm fairly sure
I got the best boy in the entire world :) I did actually wonder to DH the other day that I don't know if I would love a second as much as I love him? I feel like it's gone too far... He might always be my favourite?! Is that a terrible thing to think or is it just a coping mechanism to make an excuse for not having another? Or do you just find a whole second world full of love for a second that you didn't know was there? I mean I know I certainly had no idea of the love I was capable of until ds arrived?

But on the other hand... I watch my friend struggling with her newborn and I think 'this is unfair, I could DO THIS now and it would be easier than the first time, I'd know what I was doing and I would be GOOD AT IT'!!

Wow... Deep thoughts for a Sunday morning, feels good to get it out :) hope the sun is shining where you ladies are. I'm off for day 2 of my event today and I'm not going to search out the bumps... (Who am I kidding?)

and thank you both for your kind words this week.

Sorry - should have said Rose not Anna when talking about gps!

Hi ladies, sorry for the silence, I have laid off technology this weekend!
Closephine that sounds like a hard but reflective and useful experience this weekend. Funnily enough I had a similar thought about how I need to just cherish my little boy and all his milestones. He may be our only child and if that is so then we are still so lucky because i also believe he must be the best boy out there! there are also some older couples in my family that I realise now probably tried and couldn't have any children at all. So I feel thankful and damn lucky really. It still isn't easy but we must be grateful for all we do have and cherish our little ones as they won't be little for long enough!

My husband has often said he doesn't think he could love no.2 as much as our DS, but I believe there is plenty of love for a second if we are lucky enough. I think the 1st is always your 1st but that 2nd just completes and adds to the love.
i am on day 3 of AF. Looks like we are all similar this month?!
And rose- yes there are lots of brave face moments now aren't there?! I find myself being more honest with people's if they ask, but not with self pity and I also put a brace but honest face on it all. What else can we do? I don't like sympathy anyway so would rather people think I'm superwoman

Hi Ladies,
Nice to hear you are both feeling positive this weekend. I have felt a lot better recently, which I think as I mentioned earlier, is partly due to my DD being much easier, (tantruming a BIT less), etc, but appreciating her lovely traits has definitely made me feel a bit more at ease with the whole thing, and grateful for her, so I understand what you both mean. Saying that, AF is yet to rear its ugly head (I should be due tomorrow) so I'm sure I'll feel somewhat less positive then.

DD and I just got back from a weekend away staying with my friend (DH is sadly working the bank hol), and we are having a lazy afternoon watching Frozen. Actually she has just been introduced to it by my friends daughter and is now annoyingly hooked.

Closephine, hope you've had at least SOME time to relax this weekend, sounds like an exciting event nonetheless, but whats with all the pregnant people?!

Spotting started yesterday, like clock work. Argggh. Feel so utterly frustrated at the moment, what on earth is going on down there and why won't it happen. There clearly is something wrong, despite what they say.
Anyway, I'm ok really, just thoroughly pissed off, echoing your previous thoughts big time, Anna.

Sorry to hear that rose. You're exactly right- there is something wrong but the hardest part of this label is the 'unexplained'. I honesty believed after the first year of ttc that if I was healthier and provided my body worth extra nutrients etc and had alternative treatments, less stress etc etc that it would happen. It will be 2 1/2 years of actively trying for a 2nd child soon with so many positive changes made.
2 1/2 years and not one bfp.
You bet there is something wrong. But no one and no test seems to know what. Despite all my research and theories I am still no further. I go back and forth thinking sometimes it is hopeless to being very positive and believing still it will happen at some point it's just a matter of time...
Sorry that is probably not much comfort. I remember thinking after the first year that it would of course not be longer than 2 years....
The good news is you have started the whole process faster than I did and are taking action. Hopefully you can have a faster outcome and you can always get support and info here.
Isn't it just bollocks!
I have had a lovely day really enjoying my DS and the sun is making everything seem brighter. Thankful for the good things.
Hugs to you.

Sorry to hear AF arrived Rose god this process is so crap. I hope you get some answers soon. Do you have any more investigations planned at the moment or have you just been left to get on with it? Perhaps you could try a private appointment to get their opinion?

I'm still feeling low over here too :( went on a shopping spree yesterday afternoon - felt good at the time. Now I'm just sad it wasn't for maternity clothes. It's my birthday this month. 31. We started trying again when I was 28 for gods sake!! This has even sucked the fun out of birthdays. I used to love them, now it just serves as a reminder that I am getting older and it still hasn't happened.

Anna - we are also 2.5 years without a BFP - unless you count last month?! It makes it all feel so impossible, like it's just not happening full stop.

Yes closephine- full stop is exactly what it seems like. I find myself wondering-when will I just totally give up and say I just can't do this anymore? But how do you ever give up when every month we know there is a chance....??
Just had a little argument with DH so feeling a bit shit about everything!
Is there anyone out there with a success story for secondary infertility that didn't end with having to have IVF and it just happened naturally eventually?? Seems very few stories. I could do with a pick me up story to put some hope back into me at the moment
How are you rose?

Hi ladies, for some reason I've stopped receiving emails when someone posts, so apologies for the delay. I've got a nasty cold so feeling a bit pitiful, plus AF is being very weird and have only had sporting so far, meant to come on properly today but now there's nothing. Normally this would be making me anxious, but feel like I'm getting to the point of not caring. Desperately want to get pregnant but finding it all so demoralising right now. My close friend who is now 12 weeks pregnant with her third (the one who was trying for a long time alongside me and who I confided in a lot) was telling me about her scan and how her older children have been talking about the pregnancy and having a baby sibling, and it was just so hard to hear. I have accepted that pregnant people just want to talk about it, and that doesn't make them bad people but gosh it is not easy when you're going through this and have to listen to it.

Hey, aren't I just fun and joy this morning?! The roller coaster this journey is. But the sun is shining, and it's the weekend soon so i will perk up soon.

Have to agree that retail therapy is the best when you're feeling low, closephine. I bought myself an expensive pair of jeans this month, half thinking that the last time I did that I ended up getting pregnant that month with dd and then ironically couldn't wear them for another two years (hoping this would have same effect this month- (this ttc business makes me so superstitious!).

Some positive stories other than IVF wild be most welcome over here too!!!

Forgot to say- happy birthday closephine! At the risk of sounding patronising, 31 is still very young in my eyes- so don't get too down on this birthday.

Also thank you for your kind AF-related commiserations Anna and closephine. I totally know what you mean about not knowing how to 'give up' when you know there's a potential chance, however small, every month, Anna. I was talking to DH about possibly getting a second (private) opinion. I think we'll wait till our follow up with the NHS consultant in August and maybe consider it from there. I want to give it every chance to happen naturally of course but at the same time in kind of thinking, is this actually just never gonna happen, and an I just prolonging what has to happen ?i.e IVF. Anyway,

I think I need to put my optimistic head back on. Sorry for the disjointed messages, just writing this from my phone so struggling to see what you guys have written above xx

Yes happy birthday closephine. And I know it may not feel like it but 31 really is young.
Sorry you are a bit down rose. Yes the pregnant friends talking about it all is so hard sometimes. I have one friend who seems to have completely forgotten my situation and never asks and talks away about her new born and how great etc it is the 2nd time. I am sure she just thinks I maybe don't want to talk about it, but it sometimes feels like the elephant in the room.
I am lucky I live near the seaside and today we have been on the beach for hours. Always makes me feel happy
Hope you both have a nice weekend.

Anna - I have read a couple of success stories but they seem to have been from people trying for a very long time (7 years I think!) and the success has come naturally after failed Ivf attempts. I'm so scared to think it could take THAT long.

Rose - I get superstitious also. I broke a mirror two years ago - sometimes I think all this is because I've given myself seven years bad luck!! Has your AF arrived yet? Mine finished very abruptly about 1.5 days ago, now just have to pray the spotting stays away. I guess the only thing I'd say re private appointments, is that if you think you might go for Ivf, there is no harm in starting the ball rolling as the whole process seems to take time.

I also live by the sea and spent yesterday afternoon on the beach. Lovely :) more of the same over the next few days hopefully!

I know that 31 isn't old, it's just more that it will be the third birthday hoping to be pregnant and not being. Seem to be careering towards the fourth Christmas too! But thank you for the wishes :)

Very envious you are both by the sea, how amazing. We are pretty much surrounded by city here, but we are moving to (what I consider) the countryside next month.

Just been reading this article that struck a lot of chords so thought would share- I particularly like her response to if people ask if you want another child 'Lady, unless you've got a Kleenex and 20 mins to spare, don't go there"!

www.scarymommy.com/secondary-infertility/

Happy (belated) Birthday Closephine. I hope you were spoiled by your family.

We have a follow-up appointment with our RE later this week - I'm nervous. We are to decide next treatment path forward. DH last round of testing was "below range" and was urged to make an apt with a urologist - that's all we know. His first sample, mophology was very low (2%), count and motility was slightly low but within range. So far, everything has come up within range on my end - RE thinks its male factor infertility. DH has been on proxeed since the second "below range" test result, and I've been loading him up with anti-ox supplements and morning fresh-pressed veggie juices. He's been a sport. Hoping it helps.

Our last RE recommended IUI which we never did. The more I read about it, I feel like it could be a great option for us before considering IVF. I know the success rates are not great, 15-25% at best. Its been 18 months, and finally feel ready for treatment.

Anyone on this blog try it? Was clomid used? Anyone try it without ovulation drugs? Was there a lot of monitoring?

Hi Jenny - I have had a few rounds of IUI and our current plan is to have a few more
If we manage to raise DHs count. The rounds I've had so far were unstimulated, so they literally tracked my cycle then I had to give myself an injection to bring on ovulation, DH gave a sample and then it's put in (not glamorous!) basically like having a smear. We stopped as DHs counts were just 1 millions each time and everything I read said you need at least 10 million for success. What is your DHs count? We have since seen a male fertility specialist who has prescribed DH tamoxifen in the hope it can raise his count. If it succeeds we are going to give stimulated IUI a go, where I will inject each day to mature a couple of follicles. We just have to wait and see. Or whether we can get DHs count a bit higher (aiming for 12 million!)