Would you be my Infertility/Clomid/Follicle tracking friend please?!

[scienceteachergeek]

Hi there ladies

I’m really looking for a ‘clomid friend’ or ‘infertility pal’!

I’m 30, DH is 38. I came off the pill July 2013 to regulate my cycles and ended 15yrs of antidepressants in March 2014 as I’d read that was the best plan if possible.

I’d been having regular 27/30day cycles since I came off the pill but after no positive tests, buying OPKs and the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor, plus charting temps and monitoring my cervix and mucus it quickly became apparent that I wasn’t ovulating. After all the blood tests, sperm analysis, trans-vaginal scans and the HSG it showed that he was fine but I wasn’t ovulating, but there was not obvious reason why.

Fast forward to now, 2yrs since coming off the pill, I have been prescribed clomid and have taken my first 5 tablets. I’m day 12 today and have been having follicle tracking to check if the drugs have worked. My largest follicle was 16.4mm today and have to go back on Wednesday to check it again.

Do any of you know if that’s a good size? Or have any experiences of being further down the clomid path? Or are you in a similar position? I just feel like I’m going out of my mind and could really use a buddy!

Thanks for reading and hugs to you all. Interested in hearing from any of you xxx

Hi all sorry I have been AWOL - on leave visiting the parents. Vap0 I'm so so sorry to read what you have been through this last week.

Flat white I had lots of hope for this month as well, first round of clomid and was expecting miracles but now I have cramps where I have needed painkillers and eating lots and lots - af is on the way ????

I'm sorry to hear that . This is so unbearably, fcking sht . I'm sending a big hug to you as well as Vap x

Lets have a pity party, I am working in London away from DH and seem to be ovulating despite taking a month off clomid . . . Seems such a waste and a long 40 days til the next fertile period. ...

Who is going to bring us some good news then?

Oh no! London's awful!

Only joking! It can be a bit of a miserable place when you're feeling low. That's so annoying about ovulation...well, wasted ovulation. I'm so sorry you're having a cr*p time too. Yes - we desperately need some positive news!!

Birchy - good to see you back here (well not good, obviously, but you know what I mean!). What's the latest update from you?

What a mess we all are!
Something good has to happen soon!
newleaf how crap about ovulating when away! Argh! Positive outlook - maybe the clomid has woken your insides up and hopefully they know what they need to do on their own now!
flat & birchy sorry to hear about looming AF! At least you're both nearing the next fertile cycle.
science how was your 1st day back at school? I think you are next to be in the fertile window. Bring us some good news please!
The positive I'm taking is that if I've got pregnant once then it can happen again! Apparently you are more fertile after a mc so I'm hopeful this will be good news for the next couple of months... Did you know the average mc lasts between 10/14 days! Day 2 and counting. And you have to wear a pad. yuck! Apparently Drs say to wait a for a proper af before trying again (for their convenience so they can date the pregnancy more accurately) however there is not any medical reason to wait so we will be trying again as soon as this mc passes. Got my new pack of 50 opk's ready! Good job I didn't give them away as I was so close to! Ordered another 40 hpt's too yesterday so they should be at home when i get home on Friday.
Going to work was the best thing I could have done you know! It's kept my mind off things. Haven't cried once today. I think if I'd had a day off if would have been a totally different story!

Wishing us all some better luck for the month of September

So, the dr just called back.

He said that the early pregnancy unit wouldn't have scanned me until 6 weeks anyway so it's a good job I didn't sit around waiting for a scan which wouldn't have happened anyway.
From my description of what's happening he said it is pretty certain to be a miscarriage which I already knew.
He also said there was absolutely no reason what so ever not to try gain immediately.
After reading everything on the internet about early pregnancies I was expecting to have a scan to ensure everything has been "passed" however as it was early this is not necessary.
So, looking forward to this mc finishing and getting home so we can start again and make the most of this apparent increased fertility (didn't ask him about this)

How is everyone else?

Hi all, London is not so bad, it's the "smart" clothes and cold weather I hate!!!

Vap I am so glad to hear u are ok. I definitely agree about the work being a blessing in disguise as a distraction and something to keep your mind occupied during the wait. Totally if you can do it once u can do it again. Fingers crossed for it to pass quickly.

How's everyone else going in their cycles and who do we have up next? Science? Are u getting scanned during your clomid cycles?

Where have you all gone?
Let's have some updates!

How are you doing this week Vap? I hope work has taken your mind off things? So where are you in your cycle, or is it too hard to work out (or I guess you may not even have a "cycle" as things may take some time to calm down)?

How's London NewLeaf? I suppose the only tiny positive is you don't get your hopes up during the TWW!

How are you doing ScienceTeacher? I'm guessing you're back at school? Assuming you actually ARE a science teacher .

Ha ha. I was thinking it's been quiet. I was going to post yesterday but have had such a bad week and feel so down I didn't want to drag the rest of you down with me! I'm afraid you'll regret asking for updates once you've finished my massive rant...

So I'm CD2 or possibly CD3. I never know what counts as CD1 - originally if I had any blood I marked that as CD1, but then I read that if you start bleeding in the evening then you should count CD1 as the next day...

ANYWAY I'm now starting the next cycle. The past 5 days (since I started getting symptoms and my temps dropped) have just been awful. I've spent every night in floods of tears and so far have spent most of today crying. I had just really got my hopes up this month (ovulated early, lots of DTD around the right time, more relaxed DTD than usual, little stress compared to usual, EWCM which I hardly ever get etc then swear I felt a load of symptoms). This cycle has just really hit me hard. Also, I have suffered on and off with depression for many years and think I've been slipping back into another "bad episode" over the past few months (hence the uncontrollable crying and general feelings of complete despair). I came off Sertraline (tablets which really helped me) about 18 months ago as I felt "better" and didn't want to be on medication which could harm a baby (not that there's any evidence to suggest that Sertraline does this, but I didn't want to take any risks), but I think I should go back to the doctor and ask to get the tablets again .

I've also had a load more FB baby bombs, then I've noticed that my next door neighbours who got married in July have put up child patterned curtains in their spare room (clearly a honeymoon baby) and it just feels like everywhere I turn there are BABIES and FERTILITY.

Right now I think the only people that should be allowed to have babies are the people on this thread and my friend who has been trying for 15 years (!!!).

P.S to add to my rant, my neighbours on the other side have a kids party in the garden with a bouncy castle and lots of screaming kids who are adorable and who I want to steal. I'm stuck working, which means having to sit in the room that looks onto their garden and having to watch these kids playing. Grrrrr....

flat im so sorry you're feeling so down. If it helps I find some months are worse than others hopefully the sadness will ease over the next few days. Bloody babies everywhere I look too! I'm sick of seeing bumps every time I step outside the house! They are everywhere. The only consolation ref the baby bombs on FB I find once the babies are actually born, the really annoying, inane statements, complaining of tiredness and wishing the babies would just get out "friends" so seem to go quiet. I think I had 5 in 2 weeks a month or so ago. It's infuriating! But luckily there is only 1 left on FB whinging about being pregnant. I bloody hope she has it sooner rather than later and just shuts the hell up!
Maybe have a check with your dr about the pills and see what they say.
I hope it gets easier.

I'm doing ok thanks. Haven't cried about it since Monday which is good. I've been so busy with work and away so much I haven't had chance to think about it. I did have to hold back the tears as I walked back into my house though as all the memories flooded back. I'm staying positive with the suggestion that you are more fertile after a mc. The dr also saying there was no need to wait. Where am i in my cycle? I have no clue. I've been googling when you are likely to ovulate after a mc and there are so many confilcting stories so have no idea. I'm using opk's each day and so will hope they start getting stronger some time soon. I had a totally negative pregnancy test yesterday which is good - never thought I'd say that EVER! Couldn't even see a line when tilting it into the light. So I know now that if I get another line it is a new pregnancy. I also did an opk on Wednesday (I think) and the line was quite strong which shows that it's true that opk's do test positive when you are pregnant. This also has disappeared into no line what so ever.
Frustratingly I've had to start new packs of both opk's and hpt's so I don't know how these will react to my levels. This morning I had a totally negative (not even a sniff of a line) opk so should be able to see any increases. Will be sure to update as I see any line appearing. I think I must be the only person who has no line for most of the month on an opk. From what I understand most people have a partial line all the time?

Anyone else with an update?

I am so so sorry I have missed all of this. I just thought you'd all got sick of the thread, I have had no email notifications that any of you posted. I blame the hacks. I'll just have to check more often.

Vap0, now that I've stopped crying over your news I've sent you a private message, or at least I think I have.

Sorry you're all having such a shit shit shit time. I have gone back to school. Yes flat I really am a science teacher! Kids back on Monday. I have had some great news, MIL has been told her cancer isn't back at all and they fu*ked up her results!!!! Furious is a word that just doesn't cover it. Relieved too though obviously.

Newleaf, no I haven't been scanned since the first month. I didn't really want to be either, it was pretty emotionally tough sitting there in the waiting room with all the pregnant people.

I know what you mean about the moaning Mums on facebook. I've got one of them. Every single time she whinges I would like to climb into my laptop and yell in her face. She's due to spawn her second in the coming few days!

I won't be on clomid next month because I've run out of tablets and my next appointment to get more isn't until 20th October. As I'm currently in my fertile window I've been asking for sex everyday, we've upped our game! He's been working 4-midnight everyday so I've been getting my sex at 1am, the worst sex ever but at least he's put some up there everyday!!!

Really hope we can get some good news again ladies xxx

Welcome back science

Fantastic news about mil! What a relief! One less thing to worry about.

science sounds like your getting enough dtd in this month although I don't envy you with the 1am sessions! The things we do hey!? Have you ovulated yet? Are you using opk's? I've already warned dp we I'll be dtd once per day and if we can manage it twice when these opk's start changing colour...

It will be interesting to see if you ovulate next month without the clomid like newleaf, although I'm really hoping it doesn't come to waiting to see and you get caught this month!

You're 1st up for testing I think now!

Update - poas opk this morning - nothing what so ever!

Hi everyone

Vap - I'm glad you're starting to feel a little bit better about things. You're so brave not crying this week - I'd be a total basket case! I can imagine google says everything and nothing about when you will ovulate. After my op I tried googling to find out when ovulation would happen and it said everything from "[Op] does not affect ovulation" to "ovulation will stop for 3 months". I really hope you're more fertile after all of this - some good has to come of it!

As for the Facebook updates, they're soooooooooooo annoying. I've had a load of proud parent 'back to school' ones over the past few days. I've also had plenty of the moan-y ones, where I just want to call up the person and scream at them! Most of mine are the "Can't believe how lucky I am to have little [blob]", "Can't remember a time without [blob], [blob] is my whole world", "Having little [blob] has made me a better person" etc etc. I even had one a few months back where the girl had put a massive post along the lines of "Having little [blob] is the best thing that's ever happened to me, she's made my world complete, I feel so sorry for all the people out there who can't be mummies and daddies because this is the best thing in the world"....simply unbelievable.

ScienceTeacher - Wow, that's tough! The things we do to try and have a baby, hey! Fingers crossed it's worth it .

That's great news about your MIL, but how the hell can that happen?!

I don't know how it can happen flat. They just said that it might have been a laboratory error. I just can't stop thinking about where we woukd be if she'd taken her trip to Dignitas on the

...strength of those results!

Sorry, using my phone on here today but it's not really playing ball!

I'm still using my CB advanced fertility monitor, still says 'high' but when I get out bed and pee on it in a moment it should say 'peak', fingers crossed!

Hmmmmm...still no peak maybe the clomid just decided not to work this month.

Sorry to hear that science could it still happen tomorrow?

I've had a massive wobble today.

Went to my mums and dads to catch up with my 3 year old niece, not seen her in weeks. I haven't told them about the mc and I think they all think we have given up trying. My mum totally blatantly glances at my stomach at every possibility to assess the possibility of a pregnancy which really f*s me off! FFS! Just ask me if you have a question! Then my bro spent the whole day complaining he doesn't sleep because the 2 kids keep him up all night. Shut the hell up! You should feel lucky to have them! He is also joking about palming the 3 year old off on anyone who will take her. It was all just too much today. Dp was having a drink so I had to drive and I became really grotty with him making me wait to go home which made me just look like a bad tempered spoilt brat. I just neede to get out of there.

So this evening after crying for a couple of hours my sil emailed me asking me to go out for drinks with her. The last few times I have arranged this she has let me down. So I reply back saying I'm super busy over the ne t few weekends (which is true) but also I don't want to go out drinking as I don't want to end up in floods of tears which will probably happen. I said I was pleased her new job was going well as a end to the conversation and she replied back saying how she is working hard but she has her 4 month old on her chest asleep and it puts work into perspective. WTF! Why would she say that to me of all people? Cue more tears from me.

Such a sad day today. I'm now going to have to avoid my family as much as I can in fear of them upsetting me again.

I feel so isolated. All I want to do is stay in with dp and not see anyone incase anyone says anything remotely to do with kids. Again I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. It can't come soon enough to take my mind off things. However this week I will be seeing a customer who knows about our infertility issues and will certainly ask me about it - it will be with the best intentions but I just know I'll crumble.

I think it's all worse because I'm using opk's and not even getting a sniff of a line. I'm so worried I won't ovulate this month and this whole thing could have set us back months.

Excuse the angry post...
Oh what a load of bollocks! I'm so sorry you've been upset today. People can be so crap sometimes, and they don't even realise it. It makes me feel very lucky that I don't have any of that nonsense. I'm the oldest in my family so I haven't got any family making babies and DH's family are mostly in the loop.

God, how I wish I had a 4month old asleep on my chest!

I'm so heartily sick of all of this infertility bull!

It's such a load of SHIT isn't it!

The thoughtless people make it so much worse! It seems the people who know about our issues upset me the most probably because I expect them to act in a more sensitive manner. Yes I get that she is delighted to have her baby and her other child. Don't bloody rub it in to someone you know has been trying for 2 years! I actually just can't believe she messaged me that!

And all at the same time I have an apparent friend in FB who won't stop droning on about being tired and just wanting this baby out.

I can't listen to this bollocks any more.

F-OFF all you super fertile people with loads of kids and a perfect little family unit!

Sorry for my anger [anger]

I think we needed that swear-ridden rant! We've all been far too polite in the past!

FFS! What is wrong with people? I'm so sorry. That's miserable.

I totally understand how isolating this whole thing is and how painfully lonely. It feels like nobody else on the planet is going through this and it is soul destroying having no control or way to fix this. It sounds like we've all hit rock bottom tbh .

I think you're sensible not to meet up with SIL. All she'll do is talk about her kids. I'm sorry you don't have the support of your family though (and by that I mean they don't seem to understand the situation, not that they don't try to support you).

FB is officially a living hell right now .

Big hugs all round tonight x

New day

Fresh perspective

Very faint line on opk which is giving some hope we may indeed ovulate this month (expecting late on this week or early next)

Apologies for the rant! Thanks for listening!

So science did you opk again today? I hope it said "peak" although sometimes I think it all happens so quick you can't test at the right time (like me last month). Everything crossed for you. When is af due? And when will you be testing?

I think everyone else is still early on? Where have you gone newleaf & birchy

hellooooooo ladies!

Although its all angry posts it is so good to feel back in my crew with likeminded women going through the same shit and emotions!

I will add to the rant of baby friends/back2school friends etc with a friend (who i don't think is trying) who asks our girl group of friends here alllll the time "so when do you think you guys will have kids". She has directly asked me three times in 8 months in front of all the other girls (once on the day I got AF after getting my hopes up).

Hard to avoid the bloody question with no answer other than "soon hopefully". One of the ladies in that group said she was stopping her pill and booking a holiday to Italy in September with her husband to 'make a baby'. What's the bet in a months time she comes back with her news...? They are there now.

Anyway, on positive note I am about to crack open a bottle of wine and have a crisp cool glass of white, guilt free! I am back home (abroad home) with DH from a traumatising London work trip and have brought a head-cold back with me but oh well..nothing beats being at home.

CD26 for me on a usual 35 day cycle...? No clomid this month and i think we missed OV day (if it happened) by 4 days so hopes aren't too high although I am flipping bloated (or just fat?).

most likely just fat.

Another bastard 'high' today. Don't know if I ovulated or not. The sticks certainly got darker everyday, I look when it's come out of the machine, and now going lighter again.

Not going to test until I'm actually late, if I ever even go late! Can't cope with another frantic few days looking at lines like the last 2 months.

FB is just full of children in new uniform against doors...every damn post!

AF due 20th September, 13days to go. I think I'll stop asking for sex every day now! Going to try not to symptom spot as I really don't think I ovulated, I didn't get any of the pains I've had previous months. Going for a blood test in a few days to see if I did bring an egg out or not.

Hope you've all had a day better than mine!