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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

Would you be my Infertility/Clomid/Follicle tracking friend please?!

999 replies

scienceteachergeek · 06/07/2015 22:28

Hi there ladies

I’m really looking for a ‘clomid friend’ or ‘infertility pal’!

I’m 30, DH is 38. I came off the pill July 2013 to regulate my cycles and ended 15yrs of antidepressants in March 2014 as I’d read that was the best plan if possible.

I’d been having regular 27/30day cycles since I came off the pill but after no positive tests, buying OPKs and the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor, plus charting temps and monitoring my cervix and mucus it quickly became apparent that I wasn’t ovulating. After all the blood tests, sperm analysis, trans-vaginal scans and the HSG it showed that he was fine but I wasn’t ovulating, but there was not obvious reason why.

Fast forward to now, 2yrs since coming off the pill, I have been prescribed clomid and have taken my first 5 tablets. I’m day 12 today and have been having follicle tracking to check if the drugs have worked. My largest follicle was 16.4mm today and have to go back on Wednesday to check it again.

Do any of you know if that’s a good size? Or have any experiences of being further down the clomid path? Or are you in a similar position? I just feel like I’m going out of my mind and could really use a buddy!

Thanks for reading and hugs to you all. Interested in hearing from any of you xxx

OP posts:
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FlatWhiteToGo · 01/01/2016 17:49

Oh fck Vap*. Is it the same as before? I really hope it isn't happening again Sad. I know you must be freaking out, and I know this is what we said before and it was ultimately bad news, but just because there's bleeding/spotting it doesn't mean that you are definitely miscarrying. I really hope this is just a scare, but I know how crappy you must be feeling. When does the surgery open again?

I'm thinking of you and sending a big hug x

NewLeafExpat · 01/01/2016 19:23

Ohhhh vap Sad. exactly what flat said, just because of the outcome last time doesn't mean the same outcome this time. I am so thinking of you and hoping for some good news!

scienceteachergeek · 02/01/2016 01:41

Oh Vap0. I just don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry if it's happening again. On the bright side it could easily be implantation bleeding.

Happy New Year to you all. Let us hope that it's wonderful for us all. I see the fertility consultant on Tuesday. Really hope he wants to give me more clomid as I'm fucked without it. I've not even had a sniff of ovulation without it. So much for the whole "being pregnant once can reset your body and cure the infertility" bullshit. I'm sure it happens, just knew I wouldn't be one of the lucky ones!

Fingers crossed for everyone, especially you Vap0

OP posts:
FlatWhiteToGo · 02/01/2016 22:51

Hope you're ok Vap. I'm thinking of you.

Science - Good luck on Tuesday. Keep us posted.

bananafish81 · 03/01/2016 00:35

Vap thinking of you honey, hope you’re hanging in there, we’re all keeping everything crossed for you that this scare is ‘just’ a blip, and that this one is for keeps

science tonnes of luck for Tuesday - I know how nerve wracking it is in the run up to a big appointment. Is your DH able to come with you at all? I’m sure you’re already doing all of this already, so apols for stating the bloody obvious, but I find it really helpful to write down my list of questions beforehand, and to take copious notes during the consult - the appointments whiz by in a blur, and I get flustered and forget to ask things and / or forget what the Dr said. Obv it’s not always possible, but it makes a massive difference if DH is able to come for the big appointments. Although so much of this process focuses on our plumbing, making babies is a two person activity, and it really makes a difference to feel like it’s something we’re going through together. Also means he can hear everything the Dr’s said first hand; both so he can hear things he should be doing with his own ears (e.g. those vitamins I’ve been telling him for months to bloody take!) - and also helps me to have a 2nd pair of ears to remind me what we’ve discussed.

Flat your break away sounds just what the Dr ordered, so pleased you got to have some much needed R&R and time out. Your fallout with DH sounds v v familiar - I’m much the same. It’s so hard to deal with the complete lack of any certainty in this whole process. I find I need to game out every possible scenario to feel like I have some sense of control (in a situation where essentially everything is ultimately out of my control). We had a similar row, except ours was about donor eggs rather than adoption. I insisted I needed to know that he would consider it as an option, he insisted that we should cross that bridge if we come to it, and focus on the here and now. I argued that I needed to know we had a plan B (or C,D,E etc) - his (fair) POV was that it absolutely wasn’t a definite no, but that he couldn’t say definitely yes at this point as we didn’t know where we’d be, how we’d feel and he didn’t know enough about how it would work — so it was a pretty futile exercise to be going through all this now, and that we needed to take it one step at a time. I know he’s right, rationally, but emotionally it’s a different story….

Mad props on doing so well with your friend’s baby! I had my own mini baby bomb - basically I need to stay away from FB as it is just asking for trouble. DH’s brother had already told us privately they were expecting a second baby (he didn’t know about our issues), but it just felt like I’d been punched in the stomach when I saw his ‘end of 2015 round up’ FB post which announced the new baby (and the sex) publicly - with a photo of his daughter holding the ultrasound pictures of the new baby, saying how she was the absolute sunshine of their lives and how excited she is about having a little sister.

DH hasn’t told his family about what we’re going through (he has a complicated relationship with them), but I felt for my own sanity I needed to let his brother know, given the new baby is going to be a pretty major deal for 2016. I privately told him (and told him not to say anything to anyone) - because at least if he’s aware of our issues, then he can try to communicate stuff in as sensitive way as possible. Still absolutely fucking gut wrenching though - as DH’s brother is younger than me, and they’re on baby no 2 :(

newleaf hope you’re suitably recovered from your new year’s festivities, and celebrated NYE in style!

AFM, I’m on the hormonal rollercoaster, have now been down regging for nearly seven frigging weeks

Been wishing the Xmas break away because my appt with the Dr is first thing Monday morning, i.e. the day I go back to work.

Obviously pinning all my hopes on this appt to get clarity about next steps and desperately hoping to get the green light to get this show on the bloody road. I have a horrible feeling that I might have to downreg for a wee while longer, as (second guessing wildly) if I have to restart the buserelin, I fear I might need to get past the initial flare effect and let the suppressing effect kick in before I’m allowed to start stims. Obv I have NO idea what the plan will be, and I’m doing the thing I mentioned above about gaming out every possible scenario - which achieves bugger all except to stress me out. Guess I’m just trying to steel myself for bad news on Monday and not to get my hopes up too much.

Except the adage that ‘a pessimist is never disappointed’ is obviously absolute bollocks. However much I tell myself to expect the worst, it doesn’t make bad news any easier to deal with!

Sorry for ‘poor me’ ramble - I realise my woes pale into insignificance compared to the devastation of the losses you amazing warrior women have been through. Thanks for indulging my hormonal wallowing xxx

FlatWhiteToGo · 03/01/2016 09:46

Wallow away Bananafish Grin. That's what we're here for! I don't even think you sound that wallowy, considering everything you've been through. I would be a lot more shouty than you at this point!

Wow - 7 weeks. Has it been that long? That's crazy! I'm so so so sorry that you've had to go through this. How totally miserable. How are you finding the down regging? Pretty bloody awful?

I really hope you get the green light tomorrow. Obviously do what you can to mentally prepare yourself for the doctor saying you've got to keep going a little longer. I appreciate that's easier said than done! I generally also go with the 'a pessimist is never disappointed' attitude, yet I somehow always seem to be in floods of tears when the bad news comes Grin.

I think it's only natural to think about every possible eventuality, what your response will be and what your next steps will be. A lot of us on this thread are clearly Type A personalities and have planned out (or at least thought about!) every step of our lives so far. It would be unnatural for us to then turn that off for pretty much the most important decision of our lives! When we do become mums, however that may be, we'll be super mums because we'll be so used to dealing with a million and one things at a time Grin.

Ha ha - your chat with your DH is exactly the same as mine, albeit about donor eggs. I also need to know what our plan B (donor sperm and/or donor eggs?) plan c (adoption?) plan d (no children but just become a crazy cat lady and go on holidays to The Maldives/The Seychelles every few months) is. My DH says exactly the same as yours: "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it". That's just not the way I do things. I have always pre-empted the bridges, made sure I had the full armoury to cross the bridges and if need be I have found alternative routes to avoid having to cross said bridges in the first place! He was getting annoyed with me talking about adoption because he says I'm "clearly not giving IVF a proper chance as all [I] talk about is adoption", but I just can't let myself get my hopes up about IVF. I just worry because we're 31 now (well 30, but we both turn 31 over the next few weeks), if we do a few rounds of IVF and get nowhere we'll probably be around 33/34 by the time we 'give up' on IVF. We'll then have to wait some time before we're allowed to even start the adoption process (6-12 months, depending on which source you read), then the whole adoption process usually takes a few years. That could mean we don't end up being parents until we're at least 36 and probably older. That age doesn't bother me, but the waiting another 5ish years for it to happen does Sad. I also worry that, aged 32ish, we'd be quite attractive as prospective adoptive parents. Aged 36, 37, 38 we'd be slightly less so. DH says I'm being ridiculous, but it's just so difficult to know what to do for the best! As I keep saying to DH, I'm never going to go on contraception again. Perhaps if we started going down the adoption route sooner rather than later, we'd adopt a child then fall pregnant naturally at some point in the future as well. We could be a bit like Brad and Ange, but a hell of a lot less attractive...

FlatWhiteToGo · 03/01/2016 10:48

P.S. DH is away all weekend and doesn't get back until midnight tonight. I did an OPK yesterday afternoon (attached) and it's pretty damn positive. Grrr....we'll probably therefore miss ovulation this month, depending on how quickly after the positive OPK I ovulate(d). Had some ovulation pains last night, but I don't know if the pain comes before, during or after actual ovulation.

FlatWhiteToGo · 03/01/2016 11:31

Now attached...hopefully...if not I give up!

Would you be my Infertility/Clomid/Follicle tracking friend please?!
Vap0 · 03/01/2016 17:13

Hi All

Hope everyone is having a Happy New Year!

No more spotting since nyd which is a relief but as I'm sure you can imagine every trip to the loo is pretty scary. We de-christmased our house today and have had a really good clean around. The house feels so much bigger. Not tested for a few days, decided I need to "chill the fuck out" about it all and testing every day won't help now I know it's positive. The not spotting is helping me stay calm. Hope it stays away next week as am away with work for most of the week.

flat that opk looks amazingly strong! Have you tested again today? I hope it's still super positive! Hope you manage to jump dh when he gets home to try to catch it. I think you ovulate between 12-36 hours of the last positive test so you may still be in with a chance. No idea about when the pains happen sorry. Best of luck Flowers

banana you are going through hell! You deserve to be wallowing. It sounds so crap 7 weeks of down regging! I have everything crossed your appointment tomorrow goes as planned and you can start your treatment. Can't wait to hear an update. Bloody baby bombs! After hiding everyone of child bearing age on FB I don't get them anymore, but I have to say my FB is really boring now! I think all the babies we were expecting were all born or announced last year and aren't expecting any others for a while yet too which helps. It's horrible when people are younger isn't it? My sil is 5 years younger than me and has a 3.5yr old and 7mt old. Argh! And she used to say to me that she had it tough as her cycles were long?! They were only 31 days and she managed to get pregnant pretty easily! (The 1st month of trying each time)

science best of luck on Tuesday, j really really hope they give you more clomid. Sorry you don't ovulate without it. Have you kept up with your folic acid or did it continue to make you ill? I really hope they can give you something to help things along.

newleaf how are you doing? Is dry January going ok? Dp has decided to do dry 3 months so we will have to see how he gets on... Is your dp doing it with you?

ChocolateCakeBrewFlowers

NewLeafExpat · 03/01/2016 18:30

Science and banana good luck for your appointments this week! Let us know how you get on and I hope you both get the results and responses you neeeeeed.

vap I'm so pleased the spotting stopped! Fingers crossed and still thinking of you often.

Flat that opk is so incredibly positive I hope you jumped DH as soon as he arrived..!! And well done on surviving the baby in. Your house! I haven't been around a real live baby in ages.

My NYE involved the girl from down the road talking all about wanting to fall pregnant and that it took her friend EIGHT MONTHS -gasp!- to fall pregnant so she has been four months trying so it must happen soon... So then I drank, a lot! Woooops ConfusedHmmHmm.

Dry Jan is going well, yesterday and today I wanted a drink but so far so good. DHs childhood friend just announced baby number 2 otw.... Baby 1 was conceived while we were trying and is now 1 year old....AngryHmm. Anyway it's ok.

11dpo and bfn today. Itching to test again tomorrow but have zero symptoms so I guess month 24 ticks by the same as the other 23!

scienceteachergeek · 04/01/2016 00:23

Flat, I get my ovulation pains before ovulation. That stick looked incredibly positive!

Vap, you going to the doctors at all?

banana, DH can't go with me unfortunately. I mentioned it to my mum who said no but my best mate said she would make an excuse and leave work early.

I soooooo don't want to go back to school tomorrow but grateful to gave two training days to ease myself in!

OP posts:
Vap0 · 04/01/2016 08:00

Morning

Booo! It's Monday morning and we are back to work.

science that's great that your friend can go with you. Will they speak up for you and what you want if the appointment gets too much? I have a telephone appointment tomorrow with GP where they are phoning to tell me why they wont prescribe progesterone so I'm going to ask for blood tests then. Also have my fertility appointment on 18th which was supposed to be for talking about IVF but I'm going even if the spotting stops. I want reassurance that they will help if this one ends badly too. And I've waited since June for this appointment so am not missing it. Even if I am pregnant.

newleaf have you tested again today? What kind of tests are you using? Bloody NYE friend! No wonder you drank loads. Well done on dey jan. I know how hard it is when there is no real reason to stop. Rest assured though it is no problem at all when you get our bfp. This is coming from someone who loves a drink and has always known in dry January how many days I haven't drank for and how many days left at all times of the day. We have done it for the last few years. I don't know if I've ever made it past the last weekend in jan though. Have you done it before? Best of luck Flowers

I had a little more brown spotting last night which is not good. Typical, as soon as I say it has gone it reappears. Boobs are getting more sore but nothing like these ladies who say they can't wait to take their bra off, I've heard that from so many people at 4 weeks? No other symptoms other than lack of AF and an abundance of cm snd tiredness so wouldn't know if I wasn't tracking.

Best ho, 1st conference call of 2016 starts in 15 mins...

FlatWhiteToGo · 04/01/2016 16:47

Hi everyone

Hope your first Mondays of the year have been ok! Mine was ok until I had my work appraisal (great start to a year, hey! You can tell it’s bad as I’m sneaking onto Mumsnet at work – eek!). The appraisal was generally fine, but they basically had a go at me about how I need to spend more time in the office and how I haven’t been put on the best projects this year as I have been “out of the office so much”. As background, since April I have had two weeks off following my laparoscopy (they knew I had surgery, but they don’t know what for) and from Christmas Day until today! Hardly excessive really. Additionally, I work very long days at the best of times and in the run up to Christmas I had several nights where I had to stay in the office and work through the night, back to back for a few days. They’re now saying that I need to prepare myself for “6 months of hard work before my next review” (by that, they mean 100 hour+ weeks). I just feel really angry because the additional stress they’re going to put on me is only going to be detrimental to my already sub-standard fertility.

ANYWAY. Rant over. Sorry. Just FFS!

Jumped DH last night. I have ovulation pains today as well and EWCM (only a tiny amount, but I never usually get it) so I just don’t know if/when I’ll actually ovulate.

Vap - How are you doing? I’m glad the spotting has stopped but understand why you’re anxious every time you go to the loo. Fingers crossed x.

Wow, an 8:15am con-call. That is depressing! Hope it went ok Smile!

I’ve also ‘unfollowed’ a load of people on FB. The minute a scan goes up, I unfollow them! That said, I’ve been doing a lot of FB stalking of a few friends to see if there are photos of them drinking over Christmas/NYE. I need to get a life.

I can’t believe your SIL complained. She needs to get a grip…NewLeaf - The girl down the road also needs to get a grip. Idiots, the lot of them!

NewLeaf - I’m so sorry about DH’s childhood friend. That really sucks. We’ve had similar, and I’m sure there will be a few second time baby bombs in the next few months. It’s so unbelievably unfair.

Banana - How did your appointment go? Hope you’re ok.

bananafish81 · 04/01/2016 17:19

Hi ladies, just a quick one, will pop back this evening to reply properly with personals, but update from this morning’s appt is that (drumroll) we have liftoff!!!!

Today is my last day of the pill, I’m to wait for AF and then start stims on Day 2. Which should hopefully be the end of this week, woohoo!! Dr’s switching me to an antagonist protocol as doesn’t want to downreg me any longer, so will be adding in Cetrotide after a few days of stims, like last time.

Baseline looked great - ovaries were quiet, antral follicles were nice and evenly sized, and my AFC was double what it was before my last cycle (it was 5, now it’s 10!!). Admittedly piss poor compared to the the AFC of 42 when I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2010, but certainly an improvement on last time.

Was a bit worried that DH’s morphology might have been borderline @ 4%, but Dr said it was absolutely fine (and that it was rare to see anything above 6% normal forms) and should be no probs to do standard IVF, rather than ICSI.

I also asked him about supporting my lining in a natural cycle, and he said yes we could def give my lining a boost with some progynova, would just have to be a monitored cycle to make sure we didn’t add it in too soon & interfere with the follicle growth. Which is bloody awesome news, as means we can TTC naturally between IVF cycles and at least be in with a shot of a natural BFP!

So, so, so relieved!!

Vap0 · 04/01/2016 20:15

banana what fantastic news! I don't understand much of what you said but it sounds really positive! Roll on AF! So, what does this mean for IVF? Does this mean that this cycle they will harvest and maybe transplant back in? Great to hear about possibilities of BFP during natural months too! Positive news all around!

flat your work sounds so shit and stressful. It is just mad that they expect so many hours! I thought my job was tough. What happens when you do have your baby? Will you be able to go back? Will you want to? Will you be able to do part time? Or will you get another job. Sorry for all the questions, ignore me if you don't want to answer, I'm so nosey. But also see myself in a situation where I know I couldn't and wouldn't want to do this job with a baby. I have 2 rental houses so far, very inexpensive ones but bring in an income. Should be able to buy a 3rd before having a baby, even if I am successful this time around. 3 will bring in about £700p/m after expenses but before tax on earnings and broken boilers/kitchens/bathrooms etc. But if I had 3 I could afford to go and do a job that I've wanted to do forever. Either a teacher or teaching assistant. Unsure whether to train to be a teacher and add about another £9k to my student loan, plus not earn for a year whilst training and then have a fairly stressful job (dp is a teacher) or to go down the teaching assistant route which will hopefully be less stressful and less hours. I could do it and have a child and not ŵork their entire life and also go home at night times... science do you know how much teaching assistant earns? I have an idea it will be about £15k? Also do you know what training you need to do to qualify and how long it takes?

science how did you get on with your tenant not paying their rent, have they paid up yet? Best of luck with your appointment tomorrow.

Not much going on here. Been cramping all day, but am I being paranoid? is it cramping? Is it implantation? Is it just wind? Who knows but I'm a total looney when it comes to tummy aches as all I can think is the worst. Luckily no more spotting apart from the small amount on nyd and then a small amount yesterday. I have everything crossed that we are on 3rd time lucky! Telephone appointment tomorrow. Hoping to get home on Wednesday night before blood tests close at 6pm so I can get some hcg tests done. Fingers crossed. So, we hit our target to go to Miami in March. I'll just be 12w if this one works out so won't have to make any excuses about not drinking. Hopefully.

Vap0 · 04/01/2016 22:09

Feeling better about being away tonight when I realised after so many times in this hotel I can't count that they give you free slippers Grin

Not just 1 pair but 2! I may even take them home...

Winning at LIFE!

Can you tell I'm bored?

Would you be my Infertility/Clomid/Follicle tracking friend please?!
NewLeafExpat · 05/01/2016 07:19

Heeeeey, Happy Tuesday.

science best of luck for your appointment today. Make sure as banana recommended, and I'm sure you are, you have your questions written down and your friend armed and ready to listen and absorb as much info as possible. Im not sure I would have any friend "suitable" to accompany me for the appointment you are lucky to have one xxx

flat and vap sorry you both had hectic easing back into work, jeez, i couldn't cope with 8am con-call OR an appraisal with a shit boss right away after a break. flat your boss and job sounds so demanding... do you think you can "suck it up" and get through or do you think its best to mention something? its so tough with jobs in the UK i know that. I am bad too because I always put work on this pedestal and hate "letting people down" and fall for all the brainwash of being a terrible employee when actually I am most certainly not, as neither are you for having such dedication!!!!!

banana bananana bananananana yippee!!! Great news your downregging is done. so now you wait for AF and then start an IVF cycle of drugs before IVF transfer this cycle? Is that right? I'm not that clued up on IVF forgive me.

I've had a few more baby bombs! One a missed-baby-bomb i didnt notice a friends FB xmas tree pic with baby shoes hanging off it. Gah, anyway, they were married and childless for 3+ years so that may not have been by delayed choice, we will let them off Wink and another... my ex boyfriend's (we dated 6 or 7 years!!!) new GF is due to give birth in: "3 days and counting till we meet baby X"... gah... PLUS, she is 10, yes 10, years younger than me. fucking fertile 21 year old girl. I just keep thinking while I was partying and being quite a naughty 20-something with her BF she was 10 years old at school.. hahahaha! So theres that thought keeping me going. Just. I think i must un-follow when its born. Im not coping ok with that baby news.... keep telling myself i would not want a baby with him but it only helps for a second...

13DPO here, still BFN on IC, I don't know why I ever think it;ll be otherwise... so i am out for another cycle. Sadly. I have examined by torchlight each test, its a no for sure. But dry Jan is going well. feeling positive. Its the first one i've done vap so i am quite happy to be doing it.

and YES to free slippers. I am wearing a pair at home now from.... a Boutique Hotel in Antalya in Turkey. Although they aren't very good. Last week I threw out my amazing ones from a gorge hotel in Krabi, Thailand when I spilled food on them while cooking. So upsetting ;-p Sad Grin hahaha

bananafish81 · 05/01/2016 10:04

Sorry not to have replied with personals yesterday, didn't get in till late - will try and reply properly later (LOVING your posts ladies. And I am all about the pilfering stuff from hotels. I'm still working my way through the enormous box of posh hotel travel size smellies I collected on various work trips - and that was years ago!! The REN and Kiehls stuff went pretty quickly, funnily enough...!)

Just popping on to wish you good luck at your appointment today science - we're all thinking of you! Xx

FlatWhiteToGo · 05/01/2016 11:21

Hi everyone Smile

Banana - That all sounds like great news. You must be so relieved to be starting the next stage! It sounds like things are going well so far. Hopefully AF will come sooner rather than later. Very best of luck Smile. Out of interest, why would you prefer to do standard IVF to ICSI? I only ask because I’ve seen a lot of people on Mumsnet say they’re pleased they don’t need to do ICSI and I’m never sure what’s so bad about ICSI (ignoring the whole part about IVF being bloody awful full stop!).

Ha ha – loving the REN and Kiehls chat. Those must be some good hotels! I’ve stayed at one of two with Molton Brown, but sadly my standard Ibis budget only gives you a mini Ibis-branded bar of soap.

Vap - Ha ha, enjoy the hotel and the slippers! Small perks of life hey Grin. When is the Miami trip? That will be amazing! How long are you going for? Will you get any free time to chill out in Miami?

I think you’re being sensible still going to the appointment. Hopefully you will still be pregnant and you can ask their advice and hopefully relax a little bit.

NewLeaf - That’s so frustrating with the baby bombs. If I’m ever lucky enough to get pregnant I won’t be doing any OTT Facebook updates. Obviously I’m more sensitive about this than most people, but I know how painful these bombs are and I would hate to put a friend who is struggling with infertility through what we’re been through.

I’m also sorry about your ex and his gf (21? WTF!). I think it’s only natural for that one to sting, as it’s so close to home. Presumably if you were together that long you had times when you pictured yourself having kids with him? I don’t know. On thinking about it, there weren’t many exes I imagined myself having kids with Grin. Definitely un-follow them on Facebook. That way you can control what you see and when you see it.

Well done to all you Dry January-ers! Great achievement. TBF I haven’t had any myself, but I’m not a massive drinker so it’s not a huge challenge.

Vap - If you’ve always wanted to be a teacher/work in teaching you should follow your heart. Can you do the course part-time? That way you could do it in the evenings/weekends (although I appreciate that would be VERY tough!). Also, are there ways of getting into teaching without having to do the course? Like learning-on-the-job type roles? I’m afraid I don’t know much about getting into teaching, despite the fact that loads of my friends are teachers! What degree did you do? Is it something that lends itself to teaching? I totally understand if you don’t want to risk ‘outing’ yourself by saying your degree. What age group would you want to teach? Like I said, I don’t know much about getting into teaching, but if you wanted me to ask any of my friends/family who are teachers any questions about it I’m more than happy to. Also, have you considered ‘Teach First’?

Yes, my job is a bit ridiculous. The problem is, everyone in this environment works crazy hours so they lose perspective of what is ‘normal’. A lot of the time there’s no real reason to work such long hours, it’s just part of the culture that you work through the night/weekends and sack off everything else in your life (and many don’t actually have a life outside work!). Vap - If you had asked me 2 years ago I would have said that I’d be back to work full time after a few months as I didn’t want to be ‘one of those women’ who worked their arses off (ie years of University and exams, then years of working every hour under the sun for peanuts) and then gave it all up when they had a baby. I had thought (ha) that I’d have a baby around each of 30, 32, 34 and 36 and that I’d take about 6 months off each time then go back for about 18 months. I’d thought that this would mean I’d progress much slower than my colleagues but that it would be worthwhile as in 10/20 years’ time I’d have both my family and career and wouldn’t be struggling to get ‘back into the market’.

Over the past year or so though my opinion has really changed. I don’t think I could ever be a full-time stay at home mum, but I would definitely be much more willing to sacrifice my career for the sake of having a family. I mean, I would have ALWAYS prioritised children, but now I’d consider giving up my career altogether. I couldn’t work part time in my current job (well of course I COULD, but my team isn’t particularly supportive so if they notionally allowed me to work 4 days a week, there would still be an expectation that I’d work the 5th day from home without getting paid!) so I’d ultimately need to move job if I had a child. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind doing something totally different. Maybe lecturing for a while? But I don’t think I would want to do that for the rest of my life! I always wanted to work for a charity, particularly a mental health charity, but it’s quite hard to get into those types of jobs, especially where I live. It’s so hard to know what to do! I sort of always thought I’d have kids and then I’d ‘know’ more about what I want to do. It makes me laugh that I used to worry about being discriminated against for having a child. Now I’d happily take the discrimination if it meant I had a child! I do think it’s very hard for working mothers (and many fathers), but at least most people understand on some level when you say “I need to leave at 5pm as I need to pick up my child” or “Can I please work from home as my child is sick” etc. I can’t say to my boss “I can’t work through the night tonight as I’m ovulating so need to have a shag” or “I feel so sick from IVF meds can I please work from home”. I think TBH, for now, I’m just going to try and focus on the positives of my job (eg while I’m not rolling in cash, I’ve earned enough to buy a modest house with DH and we can afford to go on a nice holiday every year. Also, if we do need to pay for round(s) of IVF, we should be able to do so. It would mean no holidays/going out/fun but we could do it).

Vap0 · 05/01/2016 14:06

Hi All

science looking forward to hearing your update!

newleaf bad times, commiseration on the loss of your best stolen pair of slippers. Bloody Christmas tree baby bomb! Although as you say, if it has been 3 years then perhaps they have had issues, probably best not to ask and just assume they have because if they had just decided to wait until now then it's so much more annoying. Bloody 3 days and counting people, how do they know? Are they being induced or having a section? So annoying no matter what. I has these countdowns for pretty much the whole of last year and it drive me absolutely nuts! Idiots. Not a word will be on my FB until my baby is born. And certainly not any whinging about pregnancy illnesses or pulled muscles or whatever all of these incredibly annoying pregnant women moan about all the sodding time.

banana I don't nick the toiletries from hotels anymore, I started but then found I had sooo many tiny bottles which just drove me mad so binned them all and haven't nicked any for a few years. I'm such a hoarder and don't need any help with miniatures. Ha. Plus, I don't often get the nice brands, probably would collect them more if they were nice Grin

flat Miami is in March (will be 12 weeks just before we go - hopefully). Not very excited about it at all to be honest, we will be staying in a sub standard hotel with probably a day of free time, maybe a day and a half if we are lucky but that's only if you don't need sleep and time to get over jet lag. It's an awfully long way to go for a day in the sun. Ref teaching/teaching assistant, I looked into it more last night and it appears that unless you are super lucky you will need a years course before being a ta so it would make more sense following the teaching route. I have looked at teach first and went to an open evening about it last year, it is non funded and so still will mean £9k on to student loan plus a year unpaid but I'm sure I'd be good at it and would love it. I tried years ago and spent 25 days in a school to support my application but long story short couldn't get my application looked at in time. The obsicles which were there in the past are no longer an issue so could apply and get onto a course now. No option to do it in evenings as it's all about being in a school with kids, even if there was an ou course it wouldnt work for me as I don't get enough time resting now with this all consuming job so wouldn't be able to do it. You also need time in a school before you even apply. This is another reason I need to have a nice long maternity leave so I could do time in a school and get the up to date references I need plus recent experience. Couldn't possibly do it whilst working in this job as I think you need 15 days in a school which is more than half my holiday allowance and I need time to relax. So, long story short, I need to take time off work to get myself eligible to apply. Plus this job pays bloody well, not rolling in it or anything like that but I'd lose my car, phone, iPad, free hotel rooms, money back from booking hotel rooms on quidco, etc etc etc plus a very substantial pay cut if I was to teach and if I left this job I couldn't buy any more btl houses as I need a good income to support the applications for mortgages. It would only be primary I'd be interested in. I know it can be super stressful and I have friends who are considering leaving teaching due to the stress and I know it's totally dependant on getting into a good school but as you say, follow your heart. This job I'm doing now was another follow your heart job but I've done it now, got the t shirt and want to move on and go home at night time. Wow, sorry for the essay. Would you be able to do your job with a different company then in a part time capacity? Or do you think lecturing would be your best bet? It's amazing how all of this puts life into perspective isn't it. You never know, we may all look back on this in years to come and thank our lucky stars that we had such struggles because we may well make better life choices in future because of it. Or maybe not, but always on the look out for those positives.

Apologies for the massive post again! But now onto my telephone call with my dr....

She said no point doing bloods as it didn't tell us anything last time, she has a point. It didn't help other than stress me out waiting for the results. So we are just waiting and seeing what happens and hoping for the best. She was surprised we were pregnant again so quickly. She spoke about booking me in for an early scan at 6w, told her we have the appointment with fertility dr on 18th, she said it was perfect timing as he will scan me there and then. Asked her who we deal with if this does end badly and she said it was same fertility dr. So whatever happens we are going to the right place. So on 18th we will be 6+2, most likely won't see a heart beat then but should be able to see the sac.

scienceteachergeek · 05/01/2016 16:59

I'll reply properly later but THEY GAVE ME MORE CLOMID! BEYOND HAPPY!!!!!!!! GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
Vap0 · 05/01/2016 17:08

Excellent news science
Can't wait to hear the details Grin

bananafish81 · 05/01/2016 23:13

Gosh ladies, loving all your posts, so much to catch up on!

science that is brilliant news!! So, so pleased for you

Vap appt sounds perfectly timed - you might well find that you can in fact see a heartbeat at that point, you might be pleasantly surprised (although good to expect that it might be too early, definitely). Makes sense that having more betas would just be something else to worry about, so hopefully you can hold tight until your appt and your little embryo can chill out in the mean time

Newleaf Good luck with dry Jan! Apart from a couple of glasses of wine on my birthday, I haven’t actually had a drink since June, believe it or not! Given what a weekend warrior I used to be in my more, er, hedonistic days (and basically spent the year leading up to my wedding permanently pissed), how things change….!

God, the baby blitzkrieg just isn’t letting up for you! You’re doing amazingly considering the ex BF issue is understandably raw, however much you are way way better off with Mr NewLeaf. He on the other hand is with a gf who is barely more than a child herself, so when the baby arrives and he realises he’s with someone with zero life experience, he is in for a rude awakening.

Flat ugh your work need to just nob off. I work in advertising which is a pretty long hours culture - although nothing compared to banking or law, although not the salary to match. It is so so hard because we are all type A people who were brought up to want to be the high achievers that we all are, we’ve succeeded in our professional lives - I did a big project with EY last year all about women on boards, and I actually think it’s not just a women issue, it’s just that corporate life is fundamentally incompatible with any kind of life balance, regardless of your gender.

This article in particular really spoke to me - I realise this offers nothing useful in the way of advice, but just to say I completely empathise and know there are no easy answers

www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/02/25/recline-dont-lean-in-why-i-hate-sheryl-sandberg/

I hate the ‘Lean in’ argument - as I don’t think I’m a failure because I decided to step off the corporate ladder. I was on the senior management track, but decided I didn’t want to spend my entire life in the office and working myself into the ground, ruining my health. I’m not a freelance strategy director, working with lots of difference agencies on loads of different projects, I pick the stuff I want to work on, I don’t get involved in office politics, I come into the office and spend my time doing the work I enjoy, instead of on management bollocks. I work WITH companies and not FOR them, which gives me much more control over how I work - and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. OK, I’m not in a board position, and I might have been if I’d have stayed on the corporate ladder, but I’m earning the same, working less and tonnes happier than I think I wouldn’t be if I’d decided to ‘lean in’.So fuck off Sheryl Sandberg! Sorry, I’ll get off my soapbox

(Oh and I did used to get some great smellies, but stopped nicking them when I realised the stash at home was getting out of control- and I’m still nowhere near working through them, despite telling myself ‘oh they’ll be great for the gym’. I had a few months of glamorous sounding travel on the Coca Cola company’s dollar, but the five star hotels and business class travel were exciting for about 2 weeks, then it was just being on the road endlessly and being desperate for my own bed. Five countries on four continents in 3.5 weeks did me in - I handed my notice in when I got back from that stint!!)

So, amazingly, I am actually starting stims tomorrow!

Consultant had said although general rule of thumb is that you don’t count spotting as CD1, and that day 1 is normally the first day of full red flow - in my case given that there was so little lining to shed after so long down-regging, it’s unlikely I would get a proper period, and should count the first day of spotting as CD1, so we didn’t miss the window for starting stims.

I only took my last pill yesterday, so wasn’t expecting anything to start for a couple of days - but spotting and crampy feeling started today. So emailed consultant’s secretary with the gory details of my flow - she checked with the Dr and he said to count today as day 1, and told me to start my stims tomorrow, hurrah!!

Basic outline of how my IVF cycle should go - this is the short antagonist protocol (although I started on long protocol, we've switched up because of the false start, Dr doesn't want to go back to square one to have to start down regging me all over again). I’ll start stimulation injections tomorrow, to try and get a decent crop of eggs growing. I’ll come in for tracking scans every few days to see how the follies and lining are doing, and my stims dose will be adjusted accordingly.

After about 4 days of stims, depending on what the first tracking scan shows, I’ll add in another drug, which is a blocker. Normally, when your follie grows and produces oestrogen, that signals the brain that the follie is ready to go, and that triggers the LH surge that OPKs pick up to say ov is approaching. Obv with IVF you do NOT want those eggs to go pop, so you take the blocker to stop this happening. So that’ll be two injections a night once I’ve added this in.

The scans will also monitor my lining, so once I’ve started the blocker, if my lining isn’t thickening up enough, he will give me some extra oestrogen (HRT tablets!) to help give it a boost. When the leading follies are at a certain size, I’ll be given instructions about when to trigger. The trigger is an injection of hCG (the pregnancy hormone) which simulates the LH surge, and signals the ovaries to finish ripening the eggs - however, the trigger has to be given at EXACTLY the time instructed by the Dr, which is exactly 36h before scheduled egg collection time. Trigger too early and you could end up releasing the eggs before retrieval which would be a disaster. Trigger too late and the eggs aren’t likely to be sufficiently mature. So you have to get the trigger time spot on. DH counted down with the stop watch last time, so I could push the plunger at exactly 2130 Hmm

Last time I stimmed for 12 days, and had EC on day 15 - so if this cycle goes anything like last time, we’d be looking at retrieval somewhere around 2 weeks today!!

In answer to the IVF vs ICSI question, the main difference within IVF is that if you’re self funding, ICSI costs a grand more! There’s also a possible school of thought that in IVF there’s an element of survival of the fittest - the strongest sperm selects itself to fertilise the egg; whereas in ICSI the embryologist is just going off appearance, and picking the best looking one. That said there’s no statistical difference in fertilisation rates or outcomes between IVF and ICSI so that’s really hypothetical. The bigger implication is that if you require ICSI it’s because of male factor issues, which obv has implications for a surprise natural BFP - so in my case, the fact that DH’s sample was good enough for IVF, means that we’re not considered as having any male factor issues, which is good news for TTC naturally if / when this cycle fails

There’s also the small possibility that the ICSI process can damage an egg, but that’s pretty unusual, and in a decent quality lab that should be very rare - but it is a risk you have to be made aware of.

I had a brilliant hypnotherapy session today and am trying to be mega positive and not do my usual endless catastrophising about every last possible eventuality. I’ve got my IVF cycle relaxation MP3s loaded up on the iPod to try and keep me sane throughout this cycle - although stims were pretty much OK last time, it’s the 2ww that will be the killer, if we get to transfer. But one step at a time!!

Stims ‘diet’ of shitloads of protein, 3l of water and a pint of milk a day starts tomorrow. Here we go…..!

bananafish81 · 06/01/2016 00:27

That should be 'I'm now a freelance strategy director', rather than 'I'm not a freelance strategy director'! Clearly I am not a copywriter or sub editor!! Confused

Vap0 · 06/01/2016 07:52

banana this all sounds great! Thanks for explaining it in English we can understand Grin
Hope the jabs don't hurt too much and more importantly I hope you get your trigger shot sorted at exactly the right moment!
Fingers crossed for you for all of it!
Let's hope that in 2 weeks you will be pupo! I presume they do the transfer just after collection so long as everything goes to plan?
Best of luck Flowers

P.s. That's pretty amazing you have drank so little! We are probably borderline alcoholics hence why dp and I make a conscious effort to give up every January just to prove to ourselves that we can control it. Shock