Would you be my Infertility/Clomid/Follicle tracking friend please?!

[scienceteachergeek]

Hi there ladies

I’m really looking for a ‘clomid friend’ or ‘infertility pal’!

I’m 30, DH is 38. I came off the pill July 2013 to regulate my cycles and ended 15yrs of antidepressants in March 2014 as I’d read that was the best plan if possible.

I’d been having regular 27/30day cycles since I came off the pill but after no positive tests, buying OPKs and the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor, plus charting temps and monitoring my cervix and mucus it quickly became apparent that I wasn’t ovulating. After all the blood tests, sperm analysis, trans-vaginal scans and the HSG it showed that he was fine but I wasn’t ovulating, but there was not obvious reason why.

Fast forward to now, 2yrs since coming off the pill, I have been prescribed clomid and have taken my first 5 tablets. I’m day 12 today and have been having follicle tracking to check if the drugs have worked. My largest follicle was 16.4mm today and have to go back on Wednesday to check it again.

Do any of you know if that’s a good size? Or have any experiences of being further down the clomid path? Or are you in a similar position? I just feel like I’m going out of my mind and could really use a buddy!

Thanks for reading and hugs to you all. Interested in hearing from any of you xxx

Banana nope that was it - just the one scan. Now I have three cycles done I have to go back to see consultant. Fingers crossed for you that all those things come together and work for you!

Vap tested today - BFN - i was in two minds this morning if I should and I even consultant a magic 8 ball on the internet to answer for me (I am even laughing at myself) and guess what it lied as it said yes favorable result! Imagine the magic 8 ball getting it wrong.

Well I am planning a break from temping and POS - I wont be breaking from BD. Maybe everything will work out for the best in the end!

Have you also seen the news report this morning on BBC - they are wanting to nationalise the cost of IVF so everyone is getting the same options and that everyone can get up to three cycles. Wouldn't that be amazing! However speed NHS works at, I doubt it will be in time for me :-(

I am just looking forward though to finding out what is going on through lap and dye.

Hi science thanks for checking back in, I'm so pleased to hear you are doing well, apart from the sickness, please make sure you tell us how your scan goes. Everything crossed for you and a good pregnancy

I think the good news on this thread is slow coming....

birch sorry you had a bfn, when is af due? I hadn't heard that news about IVF but yes, how fantastic, and even though it probably won't be in time for all of us at least fewer people in the future will have to pay the extortionate costs for private sessions.

So, another mn lady told me about clear blue trials, not sure if it's for everyone as I think you have to post off your fmu samples (after storing them in the fridge) but you get a load of freebies so I've just filled out the form, take a look if you're interested in some free opk's and hpt's.

uk.clearblue.com/survey

Posting off FMU... haha! Poor postal service!! I had heard of the Clearable trial and if i was constantly in the UK i would probably take part too... i love freebies!

Good to hear from you sceince and glad all is going well. I hope one of us will have some good news this month too...

I'm going to start OPK testing this afternoon or tomorrow, CD14. The past few months I have got strongest + results on CD 19/CD20/CD24 so hoping for it to be around these days or if possible a little earlier. As yet I haven't felt anything happening in my ovaries, they still seem to be in holiday mode after america...

unfortunately next week, right in my fertile period, DH is working away in two different countries... 3 days 1 place, 2 days another place. Can you effing believe it. So I am joining him! Its crazy. If anyone knew the shit we had to go through to work towards that BFP. Its a joke.

Irritatingly for the rest of the month he is pretty much free and at home it just happens to be the wrong time he is away. With this being my penultimate clomid month there is no way we can let it slide so I am going along.

Sorry for pity party and downer mood but it is so F*ING unfair, annoying, irritating, grrrrr that this is the path we are in. And it still probably won't result in any BFP going by the previous two years so I almost feel like whats the point. Its so much pressure.

In other news it was also confirmed that friend down the road is now TTC, and the girls all exclaimed "So she will be pregnant soon and the next one of us with a baby!" ... yes, probably, probably BFP news next month from her!!!

Sorry again for downer, long post and rant. Back tomorrow in better spirits I hope.

Also, Just to say vap I agree with you. I am desperate to tell some of the friends who ask "so are you guys not planning on kids soon?"

But I also don't want to be judged, have more expectations from people or them constantly guessing if/when I am pregnant.

Last night I answered that question (after a few wines), with "yes hopefully, but its not as easy as just stopping the pill" so basically I did let the cat out the bag I guess

Hi Vap - well if it was a normal cycle AF would be due today. First month of clomid it would be due tomorrow, 2nd month of clomid it would be due Sunday - So who blooming knows! Hopefully by Monday I will know for def either way. I don't think I will do anymore testing between now and then though. I dont feel overly anything. No preg signs but no AF signs either other than being a pure hunger monster which doesn't help when on slimming world! I need to lose 8lb should I need IVF so I am desperate to get to there so there is no hold up for anything.

This is the link to the BBC News article www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34658354 - would be lovely if the department of health approved it and if they fast tracked this. Its so heart breaking for so many couples. I don't know how they can't do nothing!

Newleaf - I have told two select friends and I think that is enough to keep me sane! I'm so ready for this now, i'm beginning to feel the frustration a lot!

Morning everyone . Sorry for my absence. It has been a shocking week at work. Hate it so much .

CD5 here and f*ck all to report. We have our appointment at the Fertility Clinic at the end of November. DH managed to get his results and he has a low sperm count, poor morphology and ok motility. Dr Google has basically said with my problems and his problems we'd need IVF.

Vap - that's interesting that you're looking at clinics abroad. Just make sure that you do your research and ask loads of questions (eg. what's the follow-up care like and what do you do if there's a complication following treatment).

That's great that you have your appointment on 18th Jan - it's something to work towards.

Like you, infertility is all I think about each and every day. It has affected every aspect of my life, to the point where my work is suffering and certain friendships are suffering. I also wish I could be more honest at work so they'd have any idea why my work isn't as good or why I'm leaving "early" (although hardly early compared with most jobs!). Unfortunately they would just expect me to "deal with it" and would also start putting together a case to get rid of me. I also don't really want them gossiping about me...

Banana - Your DH sounds so lovely . When is your ultrasound? I don't think that is OTT at all. I would definitely do the same!

That's interesting about the Viagra. I knew its history (ie heart med) but didn't know it could be used for so many things.

Badleg / Birchy - Good luck taking a bit of a break. I think that's a great idea, if you're able to switch off. I should do the same, but I know I would just obsess about "what if?".

Birchy - any update on your lap & dye? That will probably be a month where you're banned from TTC. I was told that the surgeon wouldn't operate on me if there was a risk I was pregnant.

That's good news about IVF being standardised. It's so unfair that there's a postcode lottery for this (and things like Cancer medications and all sorts!).

NewLeaf - How infuriating about DH being away. I totally understand the lengths you go to in order to TTC. We've taken so many random days off and booked hotels around the country when one of us is away from whatever reason during the fertile period.

You're also completely justified to have a pity party. It is simply not fair. You're also not allowed to complain in real life as people just don't get it and don't understand how horrific it is. They will think "just adopt" and not have a sodding clue. I really do feel for you as I know EXACTLY what you're going through (as does everyone else on this thread) and it is horrible. I hope you feel slightly better for letting the cat out of the bag.

Science - good to see things are going well. I hope you start to feel a little better soon.

x x x

FlatWhite So sorry to hear about DH’s results, thinking of you and lots of hugs

I can totally relate to thinking about infertility morning, noon and night. I am just so weary of it all. I find I’ve just wanted to withdraw from the world, as I’m fed up of trying to make small talk. I’m open about having fertility issues, and said we’re doing IVF, but people don’t understand that essentially it feels like our life is on hold and I just can’t be arsed to do anything - even though I know that withdrawing from the world is the worst thing I could be doing, as of course it gives me more time in my own head to stew about it all, and go into the cycle of hopelessness and despair. Ugh

Badleg / Birchy echoing flat - break sounds like a great idea. If you can switch off at all, that will be so so good for your mental wellbeing. It’s so, so hard, I hope you can take a break to get some headspace as it were.

Birchy would be amazing if IVF could be standardised. I have to admit that I hadn’t been following the story too closely, so I thought it was just that Professor Nargund had called for the postcode lottery to be halted, as happens every so often i.e. just a talking point for the media. Didn’t realise there was any likelihood of anything being actually done about it. Would be amazing if it did!

Badleg re: fertility treatment abroad, there are lots and lots of amazing experiences from women who’ve cycled at Reprofit and Gennet in the Czech Republic, and Serum in Athens. Serum in particular seems to be a bit of a miracle worker, esp for difficult cases. There’s another clinic in Athens that has the most comedy name ever - Embryoland. It sounds like a theme park!!

Vap tonnes of luck for your appointment.I can only speak for myself and say that being open about things with my friends and family has made the process that little bit easier. I do run people on a need to know basis - work don’t know for example. I just said I needed some medical treatment and left it at that. I’m freelance so I can be more flexible about when I say I need time off, but lots of people get their GP to write them a sick note saying they’re having a gynaecological procedure, to enable them to have unpaid sick leave during their cycle.

science hope the nausea is abating. You must be so excited about your scan! I know we all are, can only imagine what you’re feeling! Looking forward to some wonderful news - we def need it on this thread

NewLead argh, that’s shit timing, but what a true TTC soldier you are! I know I’d be doing the same. I feel your frustration. My fertile window is coinciding with DH having work blow up and having to work at all hours of the day (he’s a record producer and having to work with people in London and LA so basically on standby 24h a day at the moment!) and basically he’s exhausted, stressed and about as far away from wanting to DTD as you could be (understandably). Although as this cycle is a bust anyway (see below) I’m not sure whether it’s even worth pestering him to summon him for duty, as it’s a futile exercise this month, and frankly I’m not sure the aggro of us both having to force ourselves to go through the motions when there’s little point.

AFM, well I had a crap birthday yesterday, following scan on Thurs which showed that although I had a 18mm dominant follicle and was gearing up to ovulate, my lining was a shockingly bad 4.7mm, and pretty much no way short of a miracle it would grow enough before ovulation. Aspirin, viagra, vitamin E, l’arginine - haven’t made a blind bit of difference. So this cycle is a bust. And unless when I see the Dr, he says it’s possible to give me some proper medication that will thicken up my lining within a natural cycle, then there’s pretty much little to no chance I will ever be able to conceive naturally, even though I now seem to be ovulating every month. It’s like buying food from the supermarket when the shelves are running really low, and then chucking it out without eating it - and running the risk of going back to the shop to find it’s closed! Urgh.

I also ended up in floods of tears as seeing birthday cards from my Dad reminded me that I’ll never get any cards from my Mum, as she passed away nearly 3 years ago, and it’s coming up the anniversary of her death. And tbh all I want throughout all this infertility nightmare, is just to be able to talk to her about it and get a motherly hug. Oh, and turning 34 means I’m now 1 year away from being considered of ‘advanced maternal age’. Although at least they’ve phased out the term ‘geriatric mother’! Although tbh it doesn’t really matter much as my ovaries think they’re in the 40s so I already am of very advanced maternal reproductive age. Sorry to be debbie downer, just not in a very good place right now.

Hope you have lovely weekends ladies xx

Sending hugs to you all.

WE WILL ALL GET OUR BABIES... It's just taking longer.

Banana - I'm sorry you're having such an incredibly shit time. I'm so sorry that your mum isn't here for you to talk to. I imagine that it's painful enough having to deal with the grief as well as going through the hell that is long term TTC and infertility. Are you close to your dad? Would he be someone you could talk to about things? I do appreciate that nothing compares to having your mum to speak to, if she was your "person". I really do feel for you with this.

I'm also so sorry it's not good news about your lining. Do you know if there's anything they can do or give you? Have you started thinking about your Plan B? I know you may not want to. God I wish my body wasn't such a collasal fucktard and then I could offer to be a surrogate. I wish there was something I could do to help you all, and to help others who will have to go through this. There is just no public awareness at all. It's just so lonely and I don't think many people view it as the life-changing problem it actually is.

I COMPLETELY understand why you want to retreat from the world. Have any of your friends noticed or commented? Maybe you just need a bit of time to yourself or with DH to deal with all of this. Tbh I'm doing exactly the same. I'm just so miserable I don't get any joy out of seeing my (now limited number of) friends. So many of my friends have children, so they've drifted away because our lives have been so different over the past few years. I also confided in one of my best friends about our TTC stuff as I thought she was the only one who'd "get it" as she had been worried about TTC (although she gave birth to a healthy baby and actually only took 6 months to conceive). When I first told her she was lovely and supportive, but since then she hasn't called or texted and I know it's because she doesn't know what to say. I try and initiate lots of conversations about her baby and how she's coping adjusting to motherhood and she always replies (after a few days/weeks) and gives updates and sends photos (actual hell, but I suck it up) but she never initiates conversation or asks how I'm doing or anything. It just makes me feel like I'm this depressing lump in the corner of the room who my "friends" just wish would disappear until I'm cheerful again. I also find I just can't be bothered doing anything because I'm physically and mentally exhausted by it all .

P.S. Happy Birthday for the other day! I hope you managed to have a sort-of ok day x

Morning all
Not read through will do later and reply back...
Quick question for those using clear blue advanced digital ovulation tests....
It's my 1st month using it and have just had my 1st flashing smiley face on cd9
How long do you normally see that for?

It's a bit early i thought as my fertile days according to my ovia app are supposed to be cd11-cd16 (which I thought was pretty accurate as ff also tells me ov date is going to be cd16.
Thanks in advance.

It really varies. Some months I get 2 days and then a solid. Other months I get 10+ days! I don't think there is an answer I'm afraid .

Thanks flat one of those annoying things where it's all guess work again.... Oh well, I'll just keep trying, also told dp we had a flashing smiley this morning so he knows he needs to be on form later. Temp continues to dip each morning, not sure what that means....?

How are you getting on with your opk's newleaf are they getting any darker? What a load of crap you having to go and travel to dtd. So bloody infuriating! And expensive I'd imagine! I officially hate yet another person I have never met, the girl down the road from you who is ttc! Argh! I'm just waiting to hear about her bfp! She can go f**k herself! Who did you tell after your wines the other day? Friends or family? More importantly what was their reaction? I do hope it was a supportive and non pity fuelled or opinionated (with no knowledge) response.

Has anyone else found Halloween really tough? All of those new babies who have been born this year in their gorgeous Halloween outfits? Argh! Jealousy bites again!

birch how are you doing? Any nice interesting tests to tell us about? Or has af arrived? Hoping for the best for you!

I'm on another thread which I've given up on, ttc after miscarriage, people keep getting their bloody bfp's which is great after what they have been though but these people were generally in month 2 of trying or not even trying at all and so it's driving me nuts. No long timers in there so am keeping clear of that group. It makes it harder when they just manage to get their bfp 1st time without really wanting it, have a miscarriage which makes them realise they did in fact want it and then try and get pregnant again in a couple of months.

flat I'm sorry to hear about your dp's problems. Does this mean at the end of November they will start you in the IVF process? Will you get on the list do you think? Best of luck to you! I do hope it goes speedy for you!

banana I know all about that shutting people out. We hardly see friends any more and anyone with babies are off the list entirely (apart from my bro and sil as don't have much choice there). It's crap, I've never been such a hermit. It is awful what this all does to your mental health, you would have though the nhs would speed things up because with the amount of people waiting for treatment and the dark places they end up would cost the nhs more money in the long run dealing with depression, anxiety, counselling etc etc. That's good to hear about taking sick leave for a gynaelogical procedure, I wouldn't have thought of that. It is definitely one I'll peruse when the time comes. Happy Birthday, sorry it wasn't the best. And even more sorry to hear about your mum not being around. And sorry to hear about your crap lining! When can you see your dr to see if they can give you something to thicken it up? What a shit week it has been for you! We are all here to lend an ear, I know it's little consolation for what you're going through.

flat you do make me laugh! fucktard - what a brilliant word, depressing lump - I love your descriptive phrases. Although I probably shouldn't laugh as we are all the same, totally useless at this ttc malarkey!

So, fertile window is approaching and I'm hoping like mad this is our month! And at least at the end of this month we will know for certain if I ovulate. The abroad clinics look bloody brilliant with great service, caring staff and better than uk success rates. It all looks very positive! The only negative is that we were planning on going over Easter next year to have our initial consultations with the Czech clinic and have samples and tests done so all we would need to do is go back to egg retrieval and transfer which is only a few days at a later date. I always have the Easter holidays off - dp is a teacher so I'm limited to holidays. But work have planned a product launch over Easter. Wtf!?!? I'm one of only 6 in a sales team (with all of my major buyers coming to the event) and there is no way in the world I could get out of it unless I walked away from my job so now we are stuffed with our private plans and will perhaps have to think about a half term some time? We may be able to go for a couple of days over Easter holidays but we normally have the main launch and then regional launches the week after. They won't let us book holidays for next year until next year! Argh! So all in all, our plans have been scuppered! We may have to result in us both just going separately, dp going on his own when he can and me going on my own when I can! Romantic thought hey! Conceived not only in a test tube but also neither parent being in the same country at the same time! Wow! Who would have thought that story up! That will be one to tell the grandkids.....

So all in all I really have all my hopes on this cycle working!

Good luck to all! I'll keep you posted on my smiley faces as and when they happen!

Hey Vap - hope you're doing well. I find the clearable dual hormone ones infuriating. They're so expensive and I've had a few cycles where I've had to give up (the ones where I've ovulated around CD22/23 of a 28 day cycle) which is SO annoying given how expensive they are.

Ha ha, I think we should set up a 'see you next Tuesday' club. We can add the girl with the 6th baby (or was it 4th...have I just made up that it was her 6th? 6th is an awful lot...anyway HER), the girl from down the street and 4 month girl.

I know what you mean about the Halloween outfits. It's been heartbreaking. I've been a little shielded as I've blocked a load of friends from my newsfeed so I'm not quite so inundated. That said, I've had 2 baby bombs over the past week. I didn't even know I had friends left to bomb me!

Funny that you say you love my phrases, my colleagues are always commenting that I "have a way with words" (and no, that's not said in a supportive manner!).

I have no idea what to expect in November. I'm hoping they'll try me on some drugs (Clomid? I don't know) and see if there's something non-invasive they can do for DH. I'm not holding my breath though, so I'm hoping they'll say we can at least try IVF on the NHS. If they do, I assume the waiting list will be 6+ months. If it's longer I just don't know what to do. I'd be keen to go to Czech Republic, but DH is very anti it. Even though IVF is cheaper in our area than, say, London, it's still £4,000+ (and more for ISCI). My parents have said they would help us, but I just don't think I could do that to them. They're hardly rolling in it and both work 15+hour days despite approaching 60. They should be able to use their hard-earned money to enjoy their own lives, not continue to bail out their kids (I know it's not really like that, and they wouldn't see it that way). Sigh

That is simply unbelievable about the product launch. It's like the world's conspiring against you! Is there any chance the launch will be pushed back? Subject to you actually being allowed the time off, could you go in the February half term? I really hope you find a way! You're right - that would be a hilarious story to tell the grandkids (obviously by "hilarious" I mean "horrific"), but you know what? Needs must. There are so many worse conception stories out there, trust me. It's not what either of you want, but then none of this was. At least this way baby Vap will be an expert at project management and coordinating diaries .

Just your average bedside table of some ttc nutcase...

I hope it's okay for me to post. I'm actually TTC #2, DS was conceived after 3 cycles of clomid and we've been trying again for a year and are on the first clomid cycle. CD14, negative OPKs, not feeling hopeful.
Anyway, I've spent the last few days reading my way through this thread and just wanted to say hello so I felt like less of a stalker

Vap0, love your 'ttc nutcase bedside table'!

Mine was the same only I had the advanced fertility monitor, pre-seed and the sexy plastic applicator on there...nice!

Also had a shot glass by both toilets to collect the wee! One of them is still in position actually!

Hi magpie welcome, at least you know DC1 was possible so all in favour of clomid working again for you fingers crossed.

I am on my third clomid cycle (which is ridiculous since I was prescribed the clomid in JANUARY. . . CD19 and negative OPKs… which sucks. Totally… and hardly a sniff of any line let alone a strong line. I am still hoping that I get a + because I am using “new” IC OPKs and they aren’t as good as my old ones. .

Banana your message really hit home and im sorry it’s a shit month for you. But I really believe that the thin lining problem as far as I know is “easy” enough to fix with estrogen tablets/patches.

its my birthday this month too and two years since my mum passed away. The anniversary of her death was in October and for the whole of September and until the day I would think and dread the upcoming “anniversary” but actually the day itself was not too bad thank god. It’s a stupid day, not a day to be remembering or celebrating. The day worth remembering and celebrating and treasuring I feel is her birthday. But I still have a birthday card from my mum and I bring it out each year on my birthday. Its tough that’s for sure. I wasn’t so close to my mum but nothing beats a mums hug or hearing from her that “It’ll all be ok”.

Im going to have to name change soon – far too much “outing” details on this thread!!!

Vap hope you have had better luck with your OPK’s! And thanks to u and Flat for your mutual irritation towards the girl down the road TTC. I am waiting for the baby bomb in the next month no doubt.

Another friend of mine is thinking of TTC and talking talking talking about it. I want to tell her of my journey to give her a shot of reality but I am not sure. Its so personal isn’t it.

Im sorry to hear your easter plans have got mixed up for IVF abroad. Its so ridiculously hard to align the moon and stars, schedules, calendars, fertile windows and all this crap. And no one understands as the most important calendar to manage is the personal TTC one which only you know about!

I started looking into IVF as a procedure, just getting my head around it and the constant injecting, timescales, obligations etc. If DH and I go down that route vap we will also be apart during it … so romantic and really couldn’t be further from natural baby making.

Science a shot glass for wee? That’s an accurate aim and precisely controlled bladder to shoot out that amount of pee!! Hahaha!

I'm afraid I have some bad news to add. 2hrs ago we went for another private scan. I felt something was wrong and it certainly was. Our baby died 6days ago. We are obviously totally broken. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow to discuss my options but I am pretty certain I'm going to have the operation to remove him/her. If any of you have anything to say to make an attempt on making me/us feel better then please share. Love to all xxx

Science there aren't any words. I'm so, so sorry for your loss

I will reply properly to everyone else when I have time, but Science I am so so so sorry. I feel a bit tearful just thinking about it and I have never met you. You have been through so much just to get to this point; this is just too cruel and I am so angry. I wish there was something I could say, but there just isn't. I know it doesn't help much, but everyone on this thread is here for you and we can all imagine how you must feel. FOR FUCK SAKE . I wish I could give you the biggest hug .

Oh my gosh science I am so sorry. There is nothing I think any of us can say to make you feel any better other than we are all here for you. My heart just sank when I read your post. I'm so incredibly sad for you. I think the only thing I can add after having an early mc in Aug is that it does get slightly easier in time. Please speak up if you need to share your pain, we are all here and ready to listen. You are not alone. I know how lonely it can feel but we are all here and hope for the best for you. I hope they can help you at the hospital and make everything as painless as possible. I'm so sorry xxx

science how are you this morning? I've been thinking about you all night. DP was so sad when I told him too. My thoughts are with you xxx

Science I am so, so incredibly sorry. Be kind to yourself .... Huge hug for you xx

Morning Science just a little message to say I hope today goes ok and that I'm thinking of you. We're all here for you if you want to talk. Sending so much love x x x