Would you be my Infertility/Clomid/Follicle tracking friend please?!

[scienceteachergeek]

Hi there ladies

I’m really looking for a ‘clomid friend’ or ‘infertility pal’!

I’m 30, DH is 38. I came off the pill July 2013 to regulate my cycles and ended 15yrs of antidepressants in March 2014 as I’d read that was the best plan if possible.

I’d been having regular 27/30day cycles since I came off the pill but after no positive tests, buying OPKs and the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor, plus charting temps and monitoring my cervix and mucus it quickly became apparent that I wasn’t ovulating. After all the blood tests, sperm analysis, trans-vaginal scans and the HSG it showed that he was fine but I wasn’t ovulating, but there was not obvious reason why.

Fast forward to now, 2yrs since coming off the pill, I have been prescribed clomid and have taken my first 5 tablets. I’m day 12 today and have been having follicle tracking to check if the drugs have worked. My largest follicle was 16.4mm today and have to go back on Wednesday to check it again.

Do any of you know if that’s a good size? Or have any experiences of being further down the clomid path? Or are you in a similar position? I just feel like I’m going out of my mind and could really use a buddy!

Thanks for reading and hugs to you all. Interested in hearing from any of you xxx

Morning flat woken up this morning feeling so sad and useless. DP and I had long talks yesterday, if you can call it that with me talking through tears I've been holding back for months. I'm still feeling very tearful and even writing about how I feel is making me cry. As soon as ad arrives (expected Monday) we will be 27 months into the process. Dp is insistent that we tell the Dr about the mc when we go back even though I have told him we will be sent away for another 6-9 months he thinks it's not safe to not tell the truth. I don't get it? If I hadn't been so obsessed with this whole thing no wouldn't have even known I was pregnant in the 1st place and would have just thought af was a week late or probably wouldn't have even noticed that af was a week late. Most women have probably had miscarriages if the stats say 1 in 4? He doesn't understand my view point at all and seems happy to just keep waiting and waiting for any assistance. As it stands when we have our appointment in January if we don't tell them about mc we will be put on a waiting list which best case will then mean treatment starts in April. I turn 34 in April. This is treatment will start in April, not Ivf, it will be tests, hormones etc with the likelihood of the actual procedure happening in the summer (gauged from lots of mn ladies who have been through the same thing). If we tell them it will delay us another 6-9 months which will mean I'll be probably over 35 before treatment starts. Not to mention that I'll probably have had some kind of mental breakdown by then from the horrible situation that is infertility but I'll also be at that bad age where they ease off the help.
It's all just so shit!
He has totally rejected the idea of private treatment due to the cost. I told him we should remortgage the house but he is having none of it because it isn't guaranteed. I told him that we should just adopt but he is not interested in that either.
It's all just so horrible.
And now I have yet another friend who I won't be able to see for fear of bursting into tears. It's all so bloody lonely and tormenting.
I'm just so sad.
I don't know what could lift this sadness apart from getting that elusive bfp. Maybe winning the lottery so we could fund the treatment? That would be great too.
Sorry everyone for bringing the mood down.

Good luck with your presentation!

Aww Vap0 I hope you are feeling better this morning - we will all get there, just taking a little longer to make our extra special babies!

vap so sorry your having such a shit time. I am 5 years into my infertility hell hole and 37. I recall having the biggest breakdowns to the point I have called in sick and not been able to face anyone. Mine at the time weren't helped by my sil who is like Mother Earth and has 6 children 3 of which have been born whilst I have been trying (all very close in age) and constantly updates Facebook!

I have learnt to cope much better. But it's taken me time to get to this point. Although that doesn't stop me being petrified to test which I am meant to do Tom day 26 as that was my last cycle length. But I am erring on side of caution. The only thing I am thinking I really need to test for is that I am out Tom after work and I can drown my sorrows or refrain from drinking!!!!

Vap0 just seen your second message - I am sorry you are feeling so down. When you go to doctors why dont you just be elusive - say something along the lines of one month I was late but I hadn't yet taken a test so I am unsure if I was pregnant. Then they will have to treat you as you were not but keep in mind when treating that you may have been....

Men just take a little longer to come round to these types of things. dh said to me one day I didn't realise we were having trouble conceiving I thought it was just taking a little longer lol Duh'!!!!

Evening Vap - do not apologise! I think we should create a rule that nobody on this thread apologises for anything .

God, I got a lump in my throat when I read your post. I am so sorry that you feel so low. It is totally understandable and I relate to everything you've said, as I'm sure the others on this thread will too. It is probably a good thing that all the tears came out as they have obviously been building up over the past 27 months and that is never healthy. If it's any consolation I have cried every day for the past two weeks. Yes. EVERY. F*CKING. DAY. You are certainly not alone!

As for DP, all I can say is that men are infuriating. I think they drag their feet and refuse to be proactive because they're so scared of what that may mean and the decisions they may have to make. If they just plod along they can convince themselves that there are other reasons for things, or it's just been bad luck, rather than face facts. I nearly killed DH a few months ago when he said "we've only really been trying 6 months because we've only done it on the day you ovulated 6 times". With the exception of 2 months, we have done it between 3 - 10 times over the 'fertile period'. If you ask me, that's f*cking trying.

Flat looks at shocked faces and agrees to tone down the f*cking.

As for your doctor, whether you decide to mention the MC or not, I think you have to be ready to be extremely firm and almost demand (politely) that you need to be referred to the Fertility Clinic now. You have been trying for 27 months; that is much longer than many people who are referred, including myself. You should mention the effect it's having on your mental health and the rest of your life and say that, as you've been trying for over 2 years, you need to get the wheels in motion now otherwise you're likely to end up in a very dark place and there will be effects on other areas of your health. I don't mean that to sound manipulative, as I think it's true for all of us, and any decent doctor will be very wary about denying treatment which (while acting reasonably, which you certainly are) is likely to affect your mental health. I managed to get a referral after a much shorter period of time, and I'm sure it's because the doctor took one look at the strain on my face and the tears welling up in my eyes and thought "shit" (btw, that was all completely genuine, I would never fake any of that). If they don't listen, then book another appointment with a different doctor.

As for the private treatment, I agree that you shouldn't remortgage the house. If you want it that badly, then there are ways of paying (e.g. bank loan, although that will carry interest, then some clinics effectively grant you a loan to cover certain treatments and you pay them back with minimal, if any, interest). Also, and I know this sounds extremely patronising, it's amazing how much you can save if you really put your mind to it. It's no huge fortune or anything, but I pulled DH up on him buying M&S ready meals most nights (although that wasn't just the money, that was health reasons too!) and he pulled me up on getting between 1 - 2 Starbucks every single day. When I looked at it, I realised that if I stopped having those Starbucks I would instantly save over £1,000 a year. Scary shit! Obviously it would be completely unreasonable to ask me to forego ALL my Starbucks, but it did make me realise that a few small changes could make a huge difference. I know this sounds hugely preachy, but it's worth seeing now whether there's anything you 'waste' money on because in 18 months time that could massively contribute to private treatment.

And here endeth today's sermon from Flat.

As for DP and the point blank refusal for private treatment and/or adoption, could you sit him down and ask him (in a non-confrontational way) what his plan is and how long he intends to keep 'just trying'. He maybe needs to come to the conclusion himself that these may be your only options; it's difficult as we want to TELL THEM and for them to say "Oh yes what a marvellous idea, why didn't I think of that?" but because their little brains don't work quite as effectively as ours, and their egos will not like us telling them what their life choices should be, they probably need to be spoon fed until they stumble across the same conclusions we've come to. I know with DH even 4 months ago he was saying he would not consider adoption, it was only when I pointed out that (as it's looking less like we could conceive naturally or even that we could use donor sperm/eggs) without adoption it would just be the two of us for the rest of our lives, and the spare rooms which we'd set aside as the kids rooms would remain empty, and we'd never go out a buy Christmas presents for little people or plan a birthday party for them etc. I didn't mean to upset him/guilt trip him (this all came out in one of my money crying marathons) but it did make him stop and think about which would be worse: to adopt children or to have none.

Awww I just want to give you another massive hug. You all sound like such nice people and the type of people who would be wonderful parents. I really hope we all get our babies sooner rather than later.

Badleg - Please don't ever mention you SIL on this thread again . She is our nemesis .

As for all the testers, firstly GOOD LUCK and secondly, why don't you delay testing by a day or two and go out and properly drink? Before TTC hell I never thought I'd say that, but if it's a BFN you'll feel shit and if it's a BFP it's way too early for a few drinks to do anything.

Sending lots of love to everyone x

Hello ladies

Hope you don't mind me butting in but I've been lurking for a while, watching the post, hopeful to hear some good from you all.

I was in a very similar position to you a couple of years back. Tried clomid for three months before a lap and dye diagnosed bicornuate uterus and severe endometriosis. I had another few months supply of clomid while I waited for IVF referral. After 6 months I had a consultation with IVF Wales but was told IVF would not start for another 12 months. I couldn't wait that long so booked initial appt at private clinic for £150 where she asked so many more questions than the NHS did and put a plan in place. We took out a 0% on purchases credit card and paid for the £5k treatment with it. We were so lucky that things worked first time and 14 months ago my daughter was born.

My advice, for what it's worth, is go to see private clinic if you can pay the initial consultation fee. They may advise investigations you've not thought of and you can get NHS referral for them from gp afterwards for any tests necessary. Alternatively they might suggest IVF is the best option. Some people are wary of clinics saying this but I had every confidence in my consultant at LWC Cardiff especially when compared to the NHS consultants. If your GP won't refer you for IVF on the NHS you could always ask for gynaecology referral for investigations and the consultant can then refer you for IVF from there. There's always option of private appt with gynaecology for the sake of £100-£200.

From my experience of my 3 year TTC journey, you have to push and push and push for everything. If I didn't fight to be seen by the right people then no one else was going to do this for me. If you're not happy with your GP, go and see another (my husband is a gp and there are definitely different attitudes to infertility within his practice so I'm sure its common in lots of surgeries).

Really hope there's good news from this thread over the next couple of months.

Good luck to you all xxxx

Flat I am glad you said that as I could do with letting my hair down and want to put off testing till next week - am I strange??

No. Not at all! To be honest it sounds like we all need to do whatever we can to let our hair down/have fun. Save a stick and your sanity and leave it a few days x

I didn't see you post until too late! Ha ha stick has been peed on and bfn has been given. I thought I would want to go out and get hammered with friends but the sadness is creeping in and I just want to go home and cuddle up on sofa and relax. My compromise is drinks till 7 and then home. Good luck to everyone else testing this weekend xx

Hi
Thank you all for your support and kind words. I tested yesterday with an ic and also dipped an opk and of course bfn. I haven't tested today. Decided not to. Until my frer's come in the post (due sat/mon). I had very unusual cramps in the right hand side yesterday which has made me hopeful it could have been implantation. Unlikely but you all know what it's like clinging on to any shred of hope. Also, I had A LOT to drink last night! Drowning my sorrows! Suffering today. Also it was so nice being back home. DP and I spoke properly about things and I explained about lots of people not knowing they were pregnant and being a week late and he has agreed that as we needed no medical intervention with the miscarriage that we aren't going to tell them at the appointment. He had spent the night of my meltdown researching these things. He also decided he wanted to use branded opks this month. So he has bought some and they should arrive on sat. I'm so pleased he is being so much more proactive and understanding. It is so much easier when we are face to face than in a bloody hotel room!

Sorry for your bfn badleg, I hope you enjoy your drinks tonight. It's not much of a consolation I know.

sunshine thank you for sharing your story. It's nice to hear positive outcomes from fellow strugglers. I don't know what I'd do if they told me the list for IVF was 12 months. I really hope it's still 3 months like they said it was when I went last.

birch I like your suggestion of telling them I was late but not testing, I think that is a good compromise and they won't be able to send me away with that, I hope.
I'm feeling a lot more positive about this appointment now. There will almost certainly be tears when I'm there.

flat yes I'm going to ask him about timescales. I will let him pick a date where he will proceed with private treatment - if nhs is still dragging its feet and also about adoption. I've already told him i'm not going on a plane again until I get past 3 months pregnant and he really loves his holidays and so I think with that in mind the date will not be too long in the future. I would have killed your dp for that comment! They are infuriating these men! Yes, I'm going to try my best to demand help although I'm rubbish when it comes to it, is something about Drs and hospitals that make me useless. I had never even thought of the private clinics having payment plans. Of course they will. Everyone offers interest free credit these days. Will mention it to dp later.
I called my Drs yesterday and have a telephone appointment on Tuesday. I'm going to ask for a day 21 blood test to see if I'm ovulating. Just now hoping af starts today or Monday and not over the weekend as the blood tests can only be done on week days. So, this month we are stepping it up a gear. 2 types of opk, temping and a blood test. One thing is for sure, we will know if I ovulated in November! Dp said that if I don't ovukate and we know for sure we will go privately for clomid in December.

Anyone else testing this weekend?
Anyone doing anything exciting this weekend?

AF has arrived today. Any news from anyone else?

Oh, and in other news, I've been researching more about IVF abroad. There is a Czech Republic clinic which gives actual prices for treatment rather than the evasive British clinics and all in IVF is about £1,700. So I've decided if we do have an incredibly long wait with then nhs then we will go for that. Of course you have accommodation and travel on top of that but it's still worlds apart from British treatment. Oh, and the success rates are better. DP doesn't mind the sound of these costs at all. We will struggle though as are limited to school holidays for treatment so may be a bit of a mission but it's another possibility.

Big hugs Vap

And big congrats sunshine

Flat I agree 100% with your advice about private treatment. I’m sorry you ladies have had such issues with DPs not being as understanding or clued up as they need to be. It’s a fine balance, as my DH so so wants us to have a family, and is so very aware of the problems we face, and how much I am doing to try and get my body working, and how important ‘doing his bit’ is (hence why he was so inconsolable about being unable to provide a fresh sample on the day of egg collection - partly because it mattered so very much, and because I’d, as he put it ‘aced my bit’ and he was conscious of how everything now rested on him - although except of course it didn’t, as my lining issues were also a barrier). He asks about how the ovulation monitoring is going, and knows that when the CBFM has a smiley face, that it’s ‘go go go’ time. It’s really cute, actually, he talks to my ovaries too, haha. On my Clomid cycle, he asked which side the follicle was growing, and after trigger started tapping my abdomen on that side saying ‘come on in there!’. It’s quite funny, as even though the consultant has said it makes absolutely bugger all difference, DH says it makes him feel better if I lie with my legs up after DTD, as even though the Dr says the swimmers get up through the cervix immediatel - and any, er, back flow, is seminal fluid rather than swimmers - DH said ‘in my head gravity makes a difference!’, so ends up spinning me round by the ankles to get my legs up the wall and so nothing drips out!!!And then hands me my phone saying ‘BD!’ so I can mark ‘BD’ on my Fertility Friend chart, haha. But despite all this, he doesn’t get the urgency, and how every month feels like an eternity, and that every day crawls by and takes forever, and that yes an extra month before we’re allowed to cycle is unbearable. Even when they’re clued up and are invested in it, they don’t share the same deep ache and longing and sense of urgency about it - rationally he does, but emotionally it’s not the same. Hugs all round.

badleg ugh, can your SIL just knob off? I’m sure she’s lovely and all, but seriously. I’m godmother to my friend’s children, and they’re gorgeous kids, and I’m so honoured she named her younger daughter after me….but can she stop popping out kids on demand?!!! She’s just had number 4! And each perfectly spaced too - age 6, 4, 2 and just born. That’s just showing off, IMO, grrrr

As per aunty flat’s sage advice, I have told my evil TTC devil to bugger off and don’t be silly taking the progynova tablets

The TTC cray cray is still however very much there, as I’m obsessing about my lining in a natural cycle. Every month that I’ve ovulated it’s likely my lining has almost certainly been too thin to be able to support a pregnancy, and so it feels like I’m missing every possible chance to try and get a natural BFP!

I’m taking L’arginine, high strength Vitamin E, baby aspirin and I’ve started, if you can believe this, as it sounds bonkers - using vaginal Viagra cream that many clinics recommend for thickening up lining. Viagra was originally developed as a heart medication, to do with dilating blood vessels, when it was discovered it had a rather different effect, the reason for which it is now best known and prescribed! However this also works on the blood flow to the uterus, if taken as a pessary or cream vaginally, and absorbed locally (doesn’t work if taken orally - and apparently you get all the horrible side effects and none of the benefits!) You can’t actually get pessaries or creams over here, a bit like DHEA, where it’s not sold or manufactured in the UK. So to get it in the right formulation, a clinic in Greece called Serum, who lots and lots of British women go to for IVF, liaised with an embryologist in Malaysia, who gets ‘V-cream’ manufactured over there (can’t call it viagra as it uses the generic, but it’s the same ingredient, just in a cream base). Mine arrived on Friday - it’s in little applicators, like a tampon (or pre-seed), and you just whack it up there, and hope it does its thing.

Completely OTT I know, but there’s a private ultrasound clinic about 10 mins from my office, so I’ve booked a £99 scan after work next week, to see a) if I’m gearing up to ovulate this month or if my cycle has gone wonky after the stims and b) if all of the above has made any difference to my lining, i.e. could I theoretically support implantation in a natural cycle.

Massively OTT and sounds utterly crazy I realise, but I feel so desperate after hearing how incredibly diminished my reserves are now - so feel like I can’t waste any opportunity I have to try and catch an egg, if that makes sense.

So will see if all the supplements and viagra up my chuff has made any difference at all - would give me hope that there is a chance I could conceive naturally at some point, maybe, possibly, one day - otherwise the months in between IVF cycles just feel completely wasted, if I’m ovulating but no chance of getting a BFP if we catch that egg!

Hope everyone is having lovely weekends xx

Sodding AF has come (well the pink CM). So crappy. I don't feel as bad this month, as with DH's test results and mine I know we're f*cked, but it still sucks. It also sucks because I've had 2 short cycles now so my fertile window is no longer when we go on holiday in Jan . Super grumpy.

I'll send a proper reply later!

Flat and Vap Im so sorry AF had come again. Its just not really fair. We do need some good news.

For me I said I wasn't get my hopes up this cycle, That i was just working towards my lap and dye to figure out what is going on in there, but now I have went and got what looks like triphasic chart - I know deep down its just my body playing tricks on me though

Hello all and i hope your all well.

Just wanted to share my story and see if anyone had any help or advice for me! Myself and my dh have been trying to conceive (no contraception) for the last 2 years and id say actively 'trying' for 1 year of that (tracking etc).

Last week we had our results back from the gp and my 21 day bloods came back with a score of 90 which im told is good but my oh semen analysis came back showing a low sperm count so we have now been referred to St Barts fertility clinic. At first i felt positive as we finally knew there was a problem which i was 100% sure there was in the beginning! Now i am feeling really disheartened and scared that we wont be able to conceive.

My oh has started to take Wellman Conceive vits, wearing loser boxers and is trying to change his diet from a healthy one (is a serious junk eater with a sweet tooth). Just wondering if anyone can advice on the next steps or if anyone has been in this situation with a positive outcome?! Thanks ladies

Helloooo ladies. I am back!

So many posts to catch up on, wow! I am so sorry this wasn't the month for any of us.. . I am really hoping someone gets another BFP soon. Also for the monumental meltdowns - I feel every word you wrote and have experienced similar crushing emotions. I second the fact that you MUST walk away from that doctors appointment with a referral and further testing. If u don't get it, book a different doctor.

To whoever mentioned setting a time line or deadline with DH on what happens next I think I need to take that advice too... The deadline and timeline would apply more for myself to be honest as I am always the one dragging my feet and hoping for a miracle...

CD10 here of I think my third clomid cycle and I haven't rung the clinic yet to make an appointment. They will probably want me to come for a mid cycle scan but timings don't permit so I will ask for a CD21 blood test or 7dpo blood test to confirm ovulation instead. Fingers crossed I get what i want...

Anyway now I hope to keep up with u all as my madness fertile week approaches and baby brain occupies the mind more than . Usual!

Hi Newleaf I am 11dpo on my 3rd clomid cycle - I havent got any scans or any tests after my first month of clomid which they said confirmed I was on the right dose. Do you have tests every month.

I did lye in bed this morning arguing with myself - should I test or should I not test. I didn't in the end. I have a busy day at work and didnt want it on my mind. I also reckon before clomid my luetal phase was 12/13 days so tomorrow is probably a better day to test.

Where is everyone else in their cycle?

I am on day 2 of my cycle and take my clomid tonight and this is cycle 3 On clomid.

My cycle has been all over the place really since my laparoscopy but I finally done a 28 day cycle so I am hopeful things are returning to normal and this could be my month.

I have 1 final round of clomid left after this one and then I am due back. I need to decide what to do. I feel I need a break from all this fertility or infertility madness but know time isn't on my side (37 - 38 in February) maybe I will take a break until after my birthday then make a decision on if we pay for the IVF treatment.

I sort of feel I have accepted that there may be no children for me.

Badleg is so tough going - I have decided after when af arrives I am going to give it a break for 2 months as it does fit in nicely with not wanting to give birth when I am bridesmaid (although this is not the reason for giving a break) although I will keep trying I wont monitor or pay any attention and I wont even try to time things right.

I will be due a laproscopy in that time though - will hopefully find out next week when I will be having that. I am a bit cross I was given clomid before my lap and dye as what if I need it after as well. what if they find something they can treat and then I also need clomid but I have just wasted 3 months of clomid on something that was never going to work!! its so frustrating! I hate the first part of the month taking clomid - I get teriible hot flushes.

Please don't give up on yourself yet - take a break and come back fresh.

Hi birchy, badleg,

If you are 11dpo I would test if it were me, just due to POAS addiction. Saying that though unless u have IC tests it's "too late" to test today so u will have to wait until tomorrow.

For clomid for my first two cycles I went for scans but they never saw exactly what they wanted/hoped to see (small follicles and thin lining) so they said I can keep coming back for scans if I want. Which is great. But the problem is that I live in two places and with work, study, husbands job... It's really hard to coordinate where I will be and when.

As far as taking a break from TTC... I'm not sure if I could. I had two cycles break from clomid before this cycle but although I don't know if I ovulated and DH and I were apart some critical fertile periods, as hard as I tried not to, I was still "TTC" mode and hoping for the best.

I just don't know if it's possible not to try.

I am pleased today, DH is away with work and some guests have just been dropped at the airport. I have silence and the house to myself to relax and recoup. Nice to have a bit of me time. DH gets back on Saturday and the shagathon will begin.....

stace welcome - I think the wellman should have these both covered off but my consultant (who is lead clinician for reproductive medicine at Barts) said that zinc, selenium and vitamin C were all great for good swimmers.

birchy good luck with this round of Clomid. Are they going to scan you at all or is that it after the first month? I'm sure you'll be perfectly OK but the only reason I mention it is because of the potential effect of Clomid on your lining. I was unlucky that I have thin lining to begin with so even a slight thinning effect from the Clomid wasn't good news for me - my scan showed I was going to ovulate, but there was no way I could get pregnant because my lining was too thin to be able to support a pregnancy As I say, I was unlucky that it happened the first month, and it doesn't happen to everyone - but thinning the lining is a known complication from Clomid and the effect can build up over time. I think it's really bad of clinics just to offer blood tests to confirm ovulation - it was no bloody good ovulating when nothing could implant! Maybe worth asking what your Dr says?

A break sounds like a great idea and will give your lining chance to recover too. Hope your lap and dye goes well x

Newleaf So glad you've got some much needed me-time, that sounds lovely

Badleg oh lovely, I'm keeping everything crossable crossed for you - don't give up hope yet! I really hope you get your BFP soon

AFM CD12 - no idea if I'll ovulate this month or if my cycle has been thrown out by the stims. Or even if I do ovulate, if there's even the smallest chance of being able to get a natural BFP, if my lining isn't completely crap. Hoping to see some sign of a dominant follie and hopefully some evidence that maybe the aspirin and viagra have made some kind of difference to my lining. I certainly get no bloody indication that Ov is on its way from CM, as I don't get any. And the CBFM doesn't ever give me a High, because it can't detect rising levels of oestrogen (hence no CM and thin lining). I'm hoping that even if my oestrogen is still crap that if I can get my lining up by other means, and use a ton of Pre-Seed, that might create slightly more favourable conditions. She says, grasping at straws!

xx

Hi
banana best of luck for your scan, when is it? I do hope your v cream works. Did you get it from your Drs? When can you go back and have your egg implanted? I suppose they have to fertilise it first and maybe leave you to recover for a while. This waiting is excruciating!

flat I'm feeling your pain on holidays not being over fertile window! Dp is a teacher and so far the only holiday we have had of his over fertile window is summer holidays. Argh!

birch have you poas yet? Holding out some hope you could give us a bfp in October! Well done with your decision to stop trying for a couple of months. I couldn't even think about doing that. I am actually addicted to this whole process. So well done to you I hope the r & r helps gear you up for a bfp in 2016.

Welcome back newleaf best of luck for your fertile period! Will you be using Opks?

badleg have a look at fertility treatment in Czech Republic it is so much cheaper and results tend to be better than in the UK. If paying for treatment is the route you have to go down then it's certainly a very good option. Will the bed not help you? Sorry I have forgotten if it was your DP who has a child from a previous relationship?

I have finally sorted a date for my jan appointment, it's on 18th. That will give a few weeks to lose a little weight after the excesses of Xmas. And we will have had 3 more full cycles by then. They offered me 4th jan but don't want the stress over Xmas of being super careful about eating and drinking so took the safe option leaving time to starve myself to get to their desired weight. Feeling a lot better now that appointment is booked. I read an article this morning about IVF and the secrecy of it all and how much better people feel about it when they tell people. I would love to be able to talk about all of this freely but I'm terrified for my job. I know they can't just sack you for this kind of thing but I know my position would be weakened if work knew and they could potentially put together a case to get rid of me on other grounds. Although I'm probably just a coward as haven't told family about it all either. It's nice to have an escape from it all. Infertility is all I think about all day every day and as much as I rely on you lot (thank you all so much for being so supportive) it is a little light relief speaking to people who know nothing of our struggles where I can momentarily forget about it all and not have people feeling sorry for me or worse judging me for whatever life style choice I have which they don't agree with. There was a lady who commented on the post who had I think 5 IVF attempts all of which sadly failed and they have now gone on to adopt 2 children. I peeked at her profile pic and what a beautiful family and story and 2 kids who won't be pulled from pillar to post in care. If only we could see into the future and know what would happen. I'd love to adopt. Of course I'd rather have my own.

Any news from anyone else?

I have my rip off clear blue smiley face opks ready for this month.... CD 5 and counting

Been checking in every couple of days. Sending love and hugs to you all. I'm ok, the constant sickness has been better for the last 5 days but is back today. I'm sure it was you Vap0 who asked when my next scan is, it's 17th November when I'll be 12weeks + 4days.

I'm so desperate for you all to get some good news soon. Hang in there lovely ladies xxx