Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

That is fantastic that you get 2 fresh AND two frozen rounds on the NHS - that's the most I've heard of... PLUS you can go private while waiting! Confirming what your consultant said, I did read a study online showing that the conception rates went right up in the 3 months following the procedure. Sadly, that wasn't the case for us but it turned out husband has 100% abnormal sperm so makes sense why it didn't help our case. So do you have any idea how far away your NHS appointment will be?

It's day 14 for me over here. I got a positive OPK last night so I did the deed with hubby this morning in one last ditch attempt at the natural method before IVF next cycle. I am 99.99% sure it won't work but since there's an egg there, no harm to try. Then I start estrogen on day 20 and hope that my day 2 scan next cycle shows good follicle numbers to make IVF worthwhile going ahead. Sometimes I have 5 follicles in total, while other cycles I have had 15, so the day 2 scan is always nerve wrecking.

Shell I really hope this is your month and so the IVF doesn't have to happen, however if not then I wish you many many follicles!

Well our follow up appointment is 18th May on only just over a week, but for actual treatment on nhs we are looking at October at the earliest. If we decide on a private round then there is no wait other than making sure we've got the timing right! Xx

Thanks sammy. Of course I hope this is my month too, but after 4 years of it not being my month, I know this one won't be any different. So the lots of follicles wish it is.

That's fantastic that the NHS appointment is only next week. Although I guess really, it doesn't matter if it's next week or next month seeing as IVF is October and that's the real thing you're waiting for. Are you seriously considering going private or are you feeling like you can wait until October?

I know what you mean, I already feel that way after just under 2 years.

We're seriously considering private. We're very lucky jan that my parents have told us not to worry about the money so as we now know we won't lose our nhs entitlement I think we will go for it! I hate handouts usually, but they have been so insistent. Xx

Hi Sammy, that's a very long wait for treatment - well I guess not long in NHS terms, but long in ours! I'm glad that your parents have offered to pay for treatment for you; as you say, it's not that you'd usually take the money but in this case you'll need all your money for the baby!!

I agree, it is very very very frustrating to know what you need but be stuck on a never-ending bloody waiting list. At the same time I had to be pleased for other people's baby announcements - grrrrrr. Not that I'm not happy for them, but every time it made me sad that it wasn't ours

I had to spend hours in hospital yesterday waiting for the medication to bring my high blood pressure down - not the most fun day I've ever had!

Shell, wishing you lots of luck with the TTC, however you accomplish it

Oh no Ruby! Have they got your bp under control now? Xx

It seems to be better now sammy, thank you I think it's because the medication I was on before I got my BFP controlled it really well, and the new medication isn't so effective (on me, at least) - they're having to put me on a high dose to get the same effect, and that's making me sleepy, but I can cope with sleepy!

I forgot to say, that's great that you don't lose your NHS entitlement at IVF - part of the reason we didn't start private treatment is that we were told we'd lose our NHS tries. Mind you, I'm not sure how they'd know anyway?!

The private clinic had to get my notes from the nhs even just for the HyCoSy because they class it as an invasive procedure so get need all medical history, so they would have found out. We're very lucky I know, I just want to get on with things now.
Have you had a HyCoSy in the past?

Glad you're better now, sleepy is definitely better than high bp! Xx

Thanks for your well wishesRuby. Sorry to hear of your never ending BP trouble. Did you get any reason for it? Is it due to twins? Also, just curious if they say anything about the birth being different/more complicated due to twins because here, my IVF clinic advises against two embryo transfer as twin pregnancies and deliveries are more complicated. But I am having two transferred regardless because I want an end to this nightmare and would rather twins than nothing. So just curious what you've found out now that you're going through it.

That's a very loving gesture of your parents sammy. It certainly takes all the pressure off you knowing you don't have to find the funds to go private and if it doesn't work first time, knowing that you can then move straight on to your NHS cycle.

I do empathise with others on here who seem on never ending NHS waiting lists. But I am in Australia and don't get any free treatment and I am going broke, so I am jealous at the same time.

Shell I am so thankful to my parents, and to the nhs. The wait times are ridiculous but we are very lucky to have it. Xx

Yes, the wait times are absolutely ridiculous from the stories I hear on here - women are often already in their 30's and the wait is reducing their chance of IVF success - as well as their chance of trying again for a sibling to their first. So are you now deciding on a private clinic?

Has anyone heard from victoria?

Morning guys! Ive been on my hols to Malta and not been able to get much free WiFi! Currently sat in the hotel lobby at 7am waiting for our airport transfers. I've been awake since 4am as too hot/anxious to sleep and feel absolutely wretched :-(

Sorry to hear about your bp ruby I hope they can keep it under control and it won't affect the pregnancy.

Sammy great news about funding off nhs and bank of mum and dad

Victoria - sorry to hear you're not feeling great, must be a good sign though right? Hope you've had a fab break

Shell - our local clinic is a CARE one with an embryoscope! So we are going to use them I think! Xx

Sorry about the abrupt finish, minibus came. Jeez the driving over here, even dh felt sick and borrowed my seabands! I'm actually not feeling too bad Sammy I had a random days vomming at 6 weeks on the dot and took a day off work but managing the nausea with nibbling and seabands and life carries on as normal lol! Had a great holiday but spent an absolute fortune so in a way its good to be going home! The food everywhere is 'catered towards British tastes' apparently so fish n chips, pie n chips, pizza, burgers. Feel as big as a house, bleurch.

shell hope you're ok love. All my fingers and toes crossed for you for your ivf in however many weeks it is. Lots of follicles x x

I was worried you weren't feeling welcome since your BFP victoria and that's why you went' AWOL. But you've been having a lovely holiday instead.

My period should come mid to late next week so that's when my IVF will be starting - hopefully! I'm having a day two scan to ensure I have enough follicles to proceed.

Also, hubby is having a semen test tomorrow to ensure his swimmers are okay (well no more crap than their usual crap status!) He got sick 3 weeks ago so that's why Dr is checking. A normal wife would feel compassion for a sick husband but I just felt so frustrated. He regularly gets sick. His very poor lifestyle choices have affected me being able to have a baby. And now it's made him sick with fever and reducing the success of the last IVF I can afford.

Mmm, I'm starting to rant. The stress of this last IVF must be kicking in as the cycle draws closer!

Shell good luck with dhs SA, hope the results are no worse than normal. Xx

Would anyone mind if I came here to hide for a bit?

I've been struggling TTC for 2 years. Currently recovering after a laparoscopy to remove a cyst, where they diagnosed severe endometriosis with adhesions. The same day I finished work ahead of my surgery, a close friend of mine finished work to go on maternity leave. I have just learned of the birth of her baby, her third. I'm delighted for her, but I've just burst into tears and need to 'be' with people who understand.

Hi pjs - welcome. Other peoples announcements are so hard. We all understand here. Are you planning treatment following your results. Xx

Thank you Sammy, I feel so mean spirited crying over my friend's wonderful news, but just needed to have a moment of feeling sorry for myself.

Yes, I'll probably need treatment, which I want to start asap. I'm seeing the consultant who did my op in a couple of weeks, when he will explain the options to me - further surgery to remove adhesions, contraceptive injection to let endo settle which I don't want for obvious reasons, or do nothing and see what happens.

Once we've made a decision on that, I can be referred to the fertility specialist, who will likely refer me for IVF. Can anyone tell me what the likely waiting time is to start treatment? I've no idea, but am anxious of the ticking clock as I'm 37 this year.

It's such a horrible, complex, scary and overwhelming thing to have looming ahead isn't it. My deepest sympathy goes out to everyone on this same path.

I think the criteria vary, but for me it was 1 year for gp referral for investigations and 2 years for IVF etc. good news is your past the 2 year mark and you have a diagnosis so you will probably be able to get started right away. The problem is the actual waiting list - I was having to wait 4 months just for my HyCoSy! Again this varies so you will need to check for your area.

Still you might not need any of it yet, keep positive Xx

Welcome PJs of course it would be nicer if you didn't have to be here - but whilst you are, we'll send you - not to mention !!

We all completely understand where you're coming from and sometimes it's all the harder because you can't tell people in RL - I imagine you're thinking that your friend has three babies now and you'd settle for just the one! The good news is that I don't think it'll be long before you're referred for IVF (if that's the best option and your consultant doesn't have any other tricks up his sleeve!) - is there any way you could approach the IVF clinics you might be referred to to find out their waiting times? For example the closest/ most convenient one might have the longest waiting time, in which case I guess you'd choose another; we didn't research that beforehand as we didn't know which clinics were available, but were lucky that the one we did choose had only a month or so's waiting time.

I take it you've done your research via Endometriosis UK or similar? Fertility Friend I hear is also very good - our issues were with OH and there wasn't much I could do to improve that, but perhaps there is in your case. Either way we wish you lots of luck - sending you hugs for now! xx

Welcome pjs sorry to hear about your ttc struggles :-( I have a friend who has conceived with severe endo after a lap to remove adhesions. I hope you get lucky too. Life just finds a way sometimes.

shell grrr at your dp for getting sick at the wrong time! I dispair at him on your behalf for not putting the effort in to match yours. My dh is competing for sympathy in the who feels the sickest stakes which is really annoying! I feel sick and tired and want some fussing over and low and behold he doesn't "feel too good" either! Not unpacked from our holiday and the house is covered in dust and the lawns need mowing and he won't lift a finger to help! God help me when the baby arrives!

rubes hope the blood pressure is under control better now? How often do you need check ups or do you have a monitor at home?

Sammy good luck with the AmH results today!

Thanks Victoria - they've told me to call after 3, so might have to leave it till 4 when I finish work. Gah! Xx

My AMH score is 19 - is that ok??
I mean they said it was normal and needed to be higher than 5.5, but I've heard people with ALOT higher results... Xx

Hi PJ, we've been TTC for 4 years and I have been surrounded by family pregnancies in that time and I know how hard it is. I hope you walk away from your appointment with some options and a sense of hope that they can help with your endo. I'm in Australia so not familiar with your system, but Ruby's advice sounds good - too find out the waiting lists at different clinics you might be refereed to.

That is an absolutely fantastic result sammy. It seems as a rough guide that for each follicle produces .5 AMH. So that would mean you have 38 follicles! Don't take this as hard science but it was true in my case and I've noticed it is true for other women who I have followed on here. When I mentioned this theory in one post, other women said it was true in their case. So you have lots and lots of follicles for IVF.

I ate a whole bag of chips last night. I am so good during the day but night time is my crux. But this morning I wake up so annoyed with myself knowing that the study says increased success for a high protein low carb diet and a big bag of chips does definitely not fit this bill! Why do I want to ruin the last IVF cycle I can afford. Grr.