Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

Glad you're having a fab time! I wonder if I can stay inn MN when I go away next month.....?

Hi girls I hope you are well?

Af is due tomorrow or Sunday. I was worried about not having the correct number to get in touch with my day 1 on weekends so I rang them today. And good job I did!!! They said lots of people have rung already and they only allow 6 per week! I just got in! So they have booked me a preliminary place and I still need to phone on cd1 on the weekend. So I could be getting scanned either Monday or Tuesday!!! Tuesday is my birthday so I could be spending it with a dildocam up me wotsit!!! I also asked what the chances of it being cancelled due to big follies etc and she said it's very very rare for it to happen twice in a row so that's good. Typical if I'm the one to prove them wrong lol!

Phew, lucky you phoned up early victoria. Imagine after a long month of waiting getting told 'we're booked this month, try again next month'. Yet this must happen to lots of women there. Anyway, lucky not you.

So a dildocam for your birthday. I guess it's an okay present as long as it results in good news that it's all systems go for IUI baby making this cycle. Can't wait to hear how you get on.

I can't believe they didn't warn you before about the limited numbers, victoria - but good news that you're in!! LOL, OH looked very confused at first when I told him they use 'internal' cameras for scans - having only seen pregnant ladies with the gel on their tummies, I think he was envisaging it would go in through my belly button or something…..!

Not great news from me, my blood pressure is still too high so the doctor's put me on medication for it, I have to go back to the hospital today to have it checked and see if it's gone down at all. It was high on Thursday after I'd sat for an hour and a half in a boiling hot antenatal clinic but no surprises there really!! I'm also back on Thursday to the clinic and Tuesday for a scan, will be spending £££ on car parking charges if nothing else

Did get a little sneak peek at the babies on Thursday though as the doctor did a quick scan to make sure everything was ok even with my high bp. It's still a constant surprise to me that I actually have babies in there but she said everything looked fine, hooray!

Boo for the high blood pressure rubes :-( yay for the healthy twins though!

Yes, I didn't know they had a certain quota per week! The nurse said had I booked? And I said I'd been along last month and got as far as cd3 scan and was told to just phone on day 1 next month! Thought that would put me on their list! So then nurse told me to say I'd already been pre booked in due to cancelled cycle when I phone on my day 1! Which will be tomorrow as I'm feeling crampy this afternoon now. No chance of a last minute reprieve!

Hi ladies, I'm back from my hols now!

Victoria - fingers crossed for the scan, what a birthday present!

Ruby - glad your twins are ok, sorry about the high bp though xx

Af not arrived today so won't be getting dildocam on my birthday after all! I can do something nice instead. Don't know what I can do in the day on my own. Dh is taking me out for a posh meal in the evening :-)

Well Victoria - anything will be better than that surely?! Xx

Welcome back sammy - although you'd probably rather still be away on holidays than back to daily routine and our infertility sagas on our minds daily!

I was thinking that you wouldn't have a normal length cycle victoria since you started with a big follicle/cyst. At least that's my experience when I had a cyst on my day 3 scan. Sounds nice to be going out for dinner. Nice to do things as a couple and feel connected with an upcoming IUI cycle.

Wonder what's caused the high blood pressure Ruby? At least the extra monitoring means you get extra glimpses inside - despite the extra cash you are spending in parking.

I got a positive OPK late last night. So I woke up early and enticed hubby before we rushed off to work. Fat chance of it working after 4 years of failure month after month, but it does feel like I am doing something productive instead of all this waiting for my last IVF attempt in 6 weeks.

Thanks Shell, yes I would much rather still be on holiday! Although I have my US on Wednesday so at least I'm not just plodding along the same as before! X

Erm I have some news..... I've just had a BFP!

I'm not stalking you Victoria I promise, but congratulations again!! X

Sorry that was rather short!

So as you know I was waiting on af so I could call for my scan. I thought it would be sat or sun based on when I ovd and I've had medium cramps all weekend. Yesterday in work I felt like I had a hangover, af still hadn't arrived and cramps had lightened. This morning I saved fmu in a cup and walked down the local pharmacy as soon as it opened to get a test. Dipped it in and 2 lines came up almost straight away. Bit in disbelief really! Dh's reaction has been reserved to say the least!

Congratulations victoria!!! I hope your DH is still in shock and will be celebrating with you when he realises that you actually have a baby on the way!! I would have some for you but will save that for a few months' time

Sammy, glad you had a lovely holiday, and that there's some progress with your tests this week - makes you feel more productive at least.

I was back at the clinic today for our 12 week scan and would you believe they didn't bother taking my bp at all?!? I'm back on Thursday as well, maybe they'll review it then. We saw both of the babies which was great, amazing to see them wriggling around still can't believe they're actually inside me, silly as that sounds.

I had the blood test done as well - should hear within the week if there's any problems, otherwise we'll get a letter within 10 days to say everything is ok (or 'low risk' at least).

victoria, congrats again, really happy for you!!

I got the shock of my life victoria when I saw your message. Wow!!!! Can't believe it's the one cycle where you started with a big follicle and they thought it wasn't suitable for an IUI to go ahead - but obviously your perfect egg was there -and miraculously a perfect sperm as well!

It's very reassuring to hear a story that isn't 'I forgot about wanting a baby and then I got pregnant'. Instead, you knew when you were ovulating, you had sex and it happened.

So now Ruby has her twins, you are pregnant - and that just leaves me. I did the baby dance on the 12th. I only tried once because we were busy other times and I couldn't be bothered putting in any more effort since I feel it won't work anyway, but I would love a miracle too.

ruby, can't believe they didn't take your BP - such a simple task! So you have stopped the estrogen and progesterone now that you are 12 weeks?

Oh shell I wish you could get your miracle too :-( I have been feeling guilty for announcing it to my MN friends who are still waiting. I'll still be stalking this thread and updating like ruby if that's ok?

ruby glad the twins are ok! I thought they would have checked your bp too! Mines always been on the low side and I've been getting dizzy spells already :-(

Please don't leave Victoria! You've been where we are and we need your advice and encouragement. Off for my dildocam this morning ??

Of course we still welcome you victoria. Very sweet of you to be concerned about the feelings us who are still on this side of the fence. And while it does make me feel like perhaps it won't happen for me when I have been through 10 IVF attempts and it hasn't happened when it happens easier for others, you have still been through this and know what it's like. Your support and understanding is always welcome.

Please stay victoria! It's always lovely to hear good news how are you feeling now?

How did you get on yesterday sammy?

I'm still on the IVF medication Shell, only another couple of days left so the consultant at the ante natal clinic said I should finish it. I guess the thinking is that it won't do any harm to keep going even though it's probably not necessary any more.

I'm full of hayfever/ cold, not sure which but it's certainly making me miserable without being able to resort to medication!! I was back at the clinic yesterday and they've upped my blood pressure medication as my bp isn't going down as quickly as they want it to, back at the GP next week for it to be checked.

Nothing back so far after the NT scan and blood test on Tuesday / they said we'd get a call within a week if there's a problem, fingers crossed that no news is good news!!

Sorry you're feeling poorly Ruby.

The ultrasound was fine, she said lining/ovaries/womb size all looked fine... Although she caveated it with 'I'm not a doctor you will have to wait to see the consultant for the proper report' Xx

ruby, thanks again for your medication update. I am planning to get a well deserved BFP this last IVF and as my plan to take estrogen after EC is based on studies I have read saying it increases IVF success, but the studies mention nothing about how long to take it after the BFP. My clinic are not familiar with this protocol, so it's very reassuring to get an answer from you via your clinic. And more importantly, to see that your babies are still alive and healthy taking it until week 12. I'm glad they're monitoring your BP closely. Can't believe you're already 12 weeks in. You'll be in labor before we know it!

Morning girls. Or whatever time it is in Oz ;-)

Glad dildocam went ok Sammy

shell I really really hope after all this planning and research you get your baby. You've been through so much...

I still can't believe it and did another test yesterday. It does seem ironic though that I was so annoyed with my body at the start of the month for not being 'good enough' for iui. Lining, follicles AND hormones were all wrong! I don't think I mentioned that we only had sex twice all month did I? I though we'd have had no chance as his sperm hadn't been 'refreshed' since the month before! I really do believe it was the orgasm I gave myself after dh had passed out afterwards. Isn't it meant to draw sperm upwards? I thought I'd give it a go and I imagined telling the story of how I got my bfp to include it only on MN and not to my mum etc! So yes, here I am to tell the tale!

Yes, I really believed that you wouldn't even ovulate that cycle victoria, let alone end up pregnant! It's so nice to hear your story victoria, that you knew when you were ovulating, especially made the effort to have baby making sex rather than sex for the sake of sex, and actually got pregnant. There are so many stories and people telling me 'when you forget it will happen'. It's nice for you to reassure me that this isn't the case. I also do the erm... self orgasm thing around ovulation time as I too have read that it contracts the cervix and helps it suck up the sperm. But hasn't helped me unfortunately.

Alright, so that's Ruby done, now you. Must be my turn next. Then Sammy too!

Oh I hope so Shell!

I'm really confused this cycle as I don't have my usual post ov sore boobs at all, but my temps indicate I have ovd... Why would they not hurt?! Lol.

I need some ideas of what I need to be asking/depending at our consultant appointment in 8 days time please girls? Xx

Can't help you with the post ov boobs Sammy! But I personally didn't get the same level of soreness each month. As for questions, what do you need to know? Apart from screaming "why aren't I pregnant?"! Is there anything you'd like to know more about? They'll probably go through your test results one by one and maybe you'll think of something at the time too. Your next step will be a HSG probably, which I had the following cycle! Fingers crossed you won't need to wait long either. If you are "unexplained" be prepared to wait for the 2 year mark (or 3 in some counties, have you checked online?) before they will offer you treatment like iui or ivf. My consultant told us we were likely to conceive within 3 years and we did! Its all about waiting, and believe me I know its frustrating and hard!

Have you got your other half on vitamins? Asda 3 for £10 Wellman vitamins (they don't do the conception ones but I've checked and they have the same stuff in, they just try and charge you more for them!) And get him on 1000mg vitamin C tablets. Dh is convinced that's what did it (not my orgasm!) because he started taking them 3 months ago! It eliminates free radicles allowing the healthy sperm to break away from the duff ones (apparently).