Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

Morning everyone, except those down under! A girl at work had her leaving do on Friday, she's heading to Australia for a year out. Make sure you say hi shell, grin ;-)

Had a nice day yesterday, breakfast in bed followed by reflexology session. Then me and dh went for a walk by the stream. Spring is definitely here, the sun was out, the birds were singing away, there was frogspawn and blossom. New beginnings everywhere. Even dh had a spring in his step and was making jokes :-) we just had a new Iceland (frozen food store) open in town and he said "dare you to go in and shout "is Peter here?!"" For those who don't get it Peter Andre does the tv ads. We were dying outside!

Anyway, back to being cloudy and rainy today. Might go for a carvery for lunch :-) Have a good one people x

So nice to wake up and jump on here and have my day start with your lovely uplifting post victoria. You have instantly made me decide that this is what I should do today - notice the sun, the singing birds and the beauty in the day, rather than consume myself with my inner thoughts about my IVF as I do my second injection today. I'm going for a walk to enjoy... thank you.

Nothing to report, just wanted to check in and make sure everyone is ok? Xx

Thanks sammy. I have my first scan for this cycle booked Thursday at 10am. Unlike ruby, I usually don't make any follicles so a part of me is dreading this appointment because I could get bad news. Knowing it's the last IVF I can afford, I don't know how I'm going to cope if it's bad news.

Shellster, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you, I really hope it's good news for you. Xx

Best of luck with the scan Shell!! We are all thinking of you and wishing you well xxx

Not much to report from me, went away for the weekend and had a little scare - bit of bleeding - I know it's common (or so Dr Google tells me) but I hadn't had any up to that point, so I was really worried that was Saturday night and of course could I get hold of anyone at the hospital on Sunday?! Not a hope, they finally phoned me back late Monday afternoon and said essentially: not to worry and if you have any problems go to your GP, we've discharged you so you can't come back!

Anyhow, no bleeding since then, I've been faithfully doing my POAS every morning to check all is well and also I feel sick as anything most of the time, which I'm hoping is a good sign…..! First GP appointment today to get on their list, the midwife was going to call me this afternoon to make my appointment with her but of course no-one's phoned, grrrrr.

Victoria, I completely empathise with your frustration with your DH - mine wouldn't have it at all that his low sperm count (and rubbish swimmers in general) had anything to do with his lifestyle - he doesn't smoke but then took up having a nightly cigar again "because one a day won't do any harm" - but then of course it turns into two, three etc! But nice to hear that you are full of the joys of spring

Any news from you Sammy?

Hi Ruby, no news here. Cd7/8 something boring like that. Tbh I'm now just waiting for my scans, I don't expect to get pg now after all this time.
Sorry to hear about your dh and the cigars, how annoying! Mine doesn't smoke thankfully, but is partial to a coffee or four. He works in a job where there are lots of meetings, and can easily have 2 or 3 without even thinking about it. Xx

Cigars? Gross! Keep him off that shit!

Hope the bleeding stays away ruby

Good luck with the scan today/yesterday whenever you read this x

I'm off work with a cold, urgh. Minging. Just in time for me and dh's romantic weekend away!

Hi Sammy chin up chuck, don't give up hope yet eh? There is always a chance. There are still some good spermies in there too don't forget. Was just chatting on the 10 months plus thread about but C, can't remember if I said about it before? 1000mg Vit C tablets, meant to help with free radicals and prevents the bad sperm sticking to the good ones and holding them back. Put my dh on them now.

Oooh Victoria, thanx for the bit c top, should be easy to get him to take that one, I'll just say I don't want him to get sick Xx

*vit

Victoria, I just checked all the multi vits and my bit c tablets and they're only 100mg, where would I get 1000mg from? Xx

You can get 1000mg in separate bottles. We have Tesco's chewable pack of 90. :-)

You know dh has his sa on Monday? I thought it best that he ejaculated (sorry to be blunt!) today so it would be 3 days abstaining. We had a lie in this morning then I got up first and went down to put the kettle on. Not that long later dh came down. Stood in the kitchen I said to him "don't forget you need to 'you know' today", he said "yeah done it just now". Is it bad that I questioned him and asked if he had any spunk filled tissue I could inspect?! (i didn't get shown any by the way). I just didn't know whether to believe him! He wouldn't try to scupper the results surely by having 2 week old sperm in there would he?! Was kinda hoping/expecting to be involved in it this evening! Its bad enough that we are away in a hotel Saturday night and we can't dtd to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary

Why would he try to make his results bad? Surely he would like them to be as good as possible.
Sucks that he didn't wait for you to be involved, but maybe you can make plans to enjoy some alone time together after the SA to make up for it?
Are you going anywhere nice for your anniversary?

Thanks for the info re the vit c, I'll take a look. Although I read that anymore than 1000mg a day can make you sick, and dhs multi vit has C, I don't want to make him ill? Xx

I dunno, it just seemed like he didn't really have enough time to 'do it' yesterday morning, plus he's the type of guy you always have to nag and remind about everything. He has very little initiative. Miracles can happen huh?

As for the vit C, too much can apparently cause a laxative effect, but any excess is just expelled from the body. The lady on the other threads GP actually told them to take 1000mg so can't be bad. Apparently the proven dose for improvement is 2000mg a day short term (!) But to keep it at 1000 if you're doing it ling term.

Any news from the scan shell? hope you're ok x

Yes, maybe he's trying to be better, I guess you just have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus if it had been a few days maybe it didn't take long, ahem ??

Okay, I'm going to look in to the 1000 vit c then, see what I can find. Thank you for the tip. Xx

Sorry I've gone AWOL. My scan on Thursday showed only 5 measly follicles. I was so heartbroken and cried on the way home. I just didn't have the energy to shout to everyone and chat about how crap this is. Wanted to shove it under the rug. My last few IVF's I've started with 15-19 follicles so I just don't understand how there were only 5 this time.

I have a repeat scan on Tuesday and will see. Perhaps the lady only measured the larger ones and that's why there were only 5 at my early scan. I've read other womens stories on the net of more follicles popping up after their initial scan to give me hope (even if false!). Perhaps I will go for repeat scan on Tuesday and even these 5 aren't growing at an even pace and I will only have 2-3 mature follicles, in which case I am not sure the cost is worthwhile for such a slim chance of success with only 2-3 eggs. So that's my rant.

victoria, these men are well skilled at going solo when they have a few seconds to themselves. And they say mens testosterone is at it's peak in the morning so I am sure it happened. The 3 months seem to have gone quick (but probably not for you!)

ruby, I can only imagine the panic of seeing blood! And what panic having it happen Saturday and not being able to speak to the hospital until Monday. Disappointing that the same level of/lack of service continues. Discharged and not welcome here! And no midwife call on top. Grr. But all seems well and that is the main thing. I've lost track of time... does this bleeding co-incide with you stopping the estrogen tablets of the progesterone pessaries?

Best wishes for your scan sammy. Although I guess you won't get the result until your follow up appt at end of April. I hope that appt gets the ball rolling. The waiting is torturous.

Sorry to hear the first scan wasn't so great for you Shell - as you say though, lots can change and perhaps they were erring on the side of caution anyway by telling you they couldn't see many? Either way, hope you get better news on Tuesday xx

I'm still on the tablets and the pessaries and haven't had any bleeding since, no idea what Saturday was about! I've been taking it a bit easier and trying to sleep more (the only time I'm comfortable!) which hopefully will help. My midwife appointment is now on Thursday after I chased it up; even then she was a bit grumpy and told me that she's actually on holiday next week but is doing some appointments as overtime because they're so busy. I'm not sure how that's my fault!

LOL victoria, your DH can be very frustrating can't he?! All you want is a straight answer….. I hope you enjoyed your wedding anniversary anyway and that he stayed away from the fags and coffee

Sammy, if it's any help, I put my OH on the Wellman Conception vitamins plus extra vitamin C and zinc tablets. He didn't complain but I did have to actually get the tablets and wait for him to take them every single night! It did improve his sperm count a bit (from 2% to 3%) but his results were so rubbish that we were already on the IVF path anyway. Worth a try though!

Mmm, so no medication change that could explain the bleeding. Sounds like a good idea to try to get more rest. Gee, sounds like you've got a rough ride ahead if you are already always uncomfortable. Is it just your tummy area that is sore 100% of the time? Hopefully, you will feel reassured about everything after your midwife appt. But not a very welcoming start to be made to feel like it's your fault for being pregnant and she's doing you a favor by seeing you! Out of curiosity, do you have to pay for storage of your frozen embryos or is that also provided by your NHS funded IVF cycle?

It's 8pm here and my follow up scan is at 10am tomorrow. I do hope she was erring on the side of caution Ruby but I am getting pretty good at spotting follicles on the screen myself now and I too could only see two on the right ovary before she pointed them out and measured them. I didn't look myself to see if any more than the 3 she mentioned on the left as I had blurred out in shock at my measly two on the right.

Been okay up til now, but feeling very nervous now my scan is nearing. I just can't face seeing bad news tomorrow and the possibility that this will be another bust cycle and I can't afford any more and somehow am supposed to accept my son will never have know the love and closeness of a sibling.

Well girls, big surprise!!! I'm doing IUI this month!!!!! Crazy huh?

So this morning dh had his sa drop off at 8am. I asked if there was anyone I could talk to about IUI and they said no everyone was busy but gave me the nurses direct line and said to ring in the afternoon. 2pm I call the nurses and explained my situation... "Saw consultant last year who agreed to IUI, meant to start in Jan but hubby was ill affecting his sperm, said we'd wait a few months for a re-test, hubby dropped in sample this morning, unfortunately due a few shorter cycles my day 1 is today is there any chance of starting IUI this cycle?". Expected a big fat no chance. The nurse said she'd look at our notes and call back in about an hour. TWO hours later a call back. "Hubby's sperm in normal ranges, come in for your baseline scan on Wednesday"!!!!! Was so not expecting this!! Bit in shock I think. No idea if Wednesday I will get my drugs or what?! There looks like a lot to take into work after and then lug them home on the bus after....

So sorry your scan was not as you hoped shell, I can't believe that after this nice break from IVF's your body is still not doing what it needs to. I hope something better happens in your next scan hun xx

Not caught up properly yet, but yay Victoria!!! So pleased for you Xx

Wow Victoria. I am so happy for you that something is finally happening all of a sudden instead of all this waiting. And I am even more surprised that despite your husbands smoking and no other drastic change in diet/lifestyle, his sperm is suddenly 'in normal ranges'! Keep us posted after your appt on Wednesday.

So I had 5 smaller follicles on day 5 of my cycle. Today is day 11 and I went for a repeat scan. Only 3 of those 5 follicles are growing. I feel heartbroken but I am pushing forward with this anyway even though this is the last cycle I can afford. I just can't take it anymore and would rather continue on even if there is only a slither of hope with 3 eggs rather than cancel and watch my dream die as I continue to age. I am turning 38 in July and feel like time is fast running out.

Shellster, fingers crossed that these 3 are all perfect! Could still end up with triplets ! Xx

shell the only problem my dh has is low morphology. It was 2% in Jan and now its 6%! Highest ever been! I didn't ask about any other figures.