Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

I didn't test this morning Shell! Think I prefer the dreamland for a while….. whilst I haven't bled, it's not like I actually feel pregnant as such, so I'll give it another day

Do you think your DH might say no to another cycle? I know there is a cost implication for you but surely he can see how you feel and that you're not ready to give up yet/ for now?

Oh dear. All my calmness from yesterday seems to have vanished. Wish I'd tested after all now, already been on the phone to OH in tears!

Oh dear ruby stay strong hunny x

Thanks victoria - am in such a tizzy today, already rang OH to blub - what on earth will I be like tomorrow with either result?!

Best of luck tomorrow I'll be popping on every 5 mins to see if you've tested!

I can so understand the nerves Ruby. It has been such a big build up to this moment. I almost think you should have tested to put yourself out of your misery - you had 2 top quality blastocysts put back, you had implantation bleeding and your period hasn't arrived - I just really feel that I'll be checking in tomorrow to see that you are pregnant.

I am 11 hours ahead here so will expect to wake up to your BF tomorrow morning!

BFP!!!!!

After a rather sleepless night I did the test this morning - all my positive thinking had vanished by that point but as it turns out, I needn't have worried

It all feels a bit unreal still - I don't feel pregnant at all - have to keep looking at my photo of the test stick to remind myself...

A big big thank you for all your support ladies - I know it's very early days, but I wouldn't have got here without your support.

I did try to log on earlier to tell you all but MN was down, it was very frustrating! Off to work now to try to take it in!!

Of course it was a bfp ruby! I'm so pleased for you hun. I really hope things progress well for you. So what happens now? You call the clinic? Do they need to confirm it with a blood test? Keep posting won't you? X

Thanks victoria! I still haven't taken it in

Spoke to the hospital, I have to go there for a scan two weeks today, and collect some more medication on Saturday - I guess this means another few weeks of progesterone injections?! Ouch...

How's things with you? X

PS I did try to post before to say thanks again for all the support, but MN kept crashing, grrrr!

Meh same old. Day 5 of af. Bit longer than normal. And I'm aching so much as did my first ever bums and tums last night! Ooooooo me thighs! Lol

CONGRATULATIONS RUBY!! I knew it!! Now the question is how many have you got growing in there??!!

So it's very interesting that taking 4mg estrogen daily obviously worked for you then. So can you remind me before you disappear:

• Did you start the day after EC?
• Did you take two tablets twice daily 12 hours apart ore one dose of 4mg?
• Are you still continuing them now?

Obviously it worked for you and since I have been given the very stressful option of deciding for myself what I would like to do, it makes sense to follow what someone who got a BFP did?

So Victoria that leaves you and me to whinge about men, periods and all this saga. When is your semen test date again? So if its a good result, then go ahead with 3 IUI's. If it's not so good, then move on to IVF?

I hope to start IVF again next cycle (assuming I ovulate naturally this cycle - but I am on Aspirin as part of my IVF protocol and that has been known to stop me ovulating in the past). I will be OPKing like a mad woman today as it is CD13 and probably get a blood test to confirm so I can rest assured IVF will go ahead next cycle.

Hopefully things kick off for us again soon

Hi shell! Next sa is march 16th. Don't know if I mentioned previously but now this last af came early the sa results won't be back for us to start iui in March. Af was due 20th so I had 4 days to chase up results. Now next af is due the day of the sa! Ffs! With our holiday booked in the middle of the next one it won't be until May we could start iui! Of course if the results come back bad and we def need ivf things will be different. We would need to book another appointment with the consultant to 'order' ivf which has a 6 week waiting list. So looking at around the same timescale really.

Well, so that all sucks in terms of having a lot more waiting to do then victoria. This NHS system just seems crazy. So you will be seeing the consultant for the sperm results, but then have to go away and come back in 6 weeks to 'order' IVF, even though he probably just has to sign some form to process your IVF and it would take him two seconds. I booked one appointment with my IVF Dr which was about a 3 week wait, then we arranged my IVF protocol in that meeting and it was all set up. Oh well, if the results do come back as poor, perhaps a holiday before starting IVF is a good thing. Would you be able to get started straight away after your appt to 'order' IVF, or will there be more waits for more appointments before you can get started?

Hi ladies,

I'm not sure if you remember me but I posted a few months ago as I was referred for IVFafter having a loss and then not able to get pregnant.

Well I went for my first ivf appointment back in November, only to find out a few days later that I had a natural bfp.

I have just had my 20 week scan and thank goodness everything was ok. I am taking each day at a time after my loss in 2013.

I have been following this thread though and I really am gunning for you all. Many many congratulations ruby and anroga! Shellster I do hope this next ivf works for you and Victoria fingers crossed for your DHs next sperm analysis.

Hi rogue, yes I remember you! Congrats on the natural BFP! Thanks for popping in to tell us and to egg us on. I hope the other half of your preg goes well :-)

shell We will get the sperm results on the phone to say if we can have iui or not. If we will need IVF we can make an appointment with the consultant. She has a 6 week waiting list, mainly coz she only works flipping 2 days a week! So at that appointment I presume she will explain what I already know about IVF and get our consents. Then I would need to make an appointment with the planning nurse to learn when and how to take my meds etc. Then I presume we would start pretty much straight away.

I'm actually quite glad of the wait now as I just want to clear my head of it all for a while. I can look forward to my holiday and spending some quality time with DH before the rest of the mental year ahead. Although I just had an awful thought! There are massive changes ahead in work this year! DO I want to be going through IVF at the same time as that?! We are moving to a new building and merging with another department so all our working ways are going to be changing and we are getting a new computer system to learn! It's all going to be very stressful and scheduled for around July, builders dependant as it's a new build. Shoot. Well I can't leave it any longer as i'll be 35 by then.... booooooo, What to do?!

Going through an IVF cycle is pretty crazy victoria. I am always so nervous as my scans draw closer and I wonder what they are going to reveal. Then the two week wait as Ruby can freshly recall is absolute murder. You might actually find being busy at work is a good distraction! Hopefully you can start to look at it that way rather than starting to feel stressed about the thought of being stressed with work. And it sounds as though you don't have to wait too long after your holiday to get IVF started so that sounds like perfect timing. I think your plan sounds perfect in wanting to clear your head and look forward to your holiday to spend quality time with DH.

Rogue, I am so happy for you. Although the more stories I read on here of women having success with IVF first time and then people getting surprise natural BFP's, the more it feels like it will never happen for me having been through 9 IVF's and not a hint of a BFP. This isn't normal and most people are getting a BFP withing the first 3 cycles of trying. Booooooo for me too! Thanks for your well wishes Rugue.

Congratulations Rogue!! I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and look forward to hearing about your little boy or girl in a few months' time

Victoria, I agree with Shell, being busy at work might be a good thing! As long as you're not overdoing it rushing around, it would keep your mind off things and stop you having time on your hands to worry. Anyhow, you have a few months to clear your head, enjoy your holiday and keep trying for a natural BFP

We were back at hospital today to collect more medication, this time we have two weeks' worth to keep us going till after the scan on March 5th - I presume that at that point they'll assess whether we need to keep going with it. (We should also find out whether it's one or two little ones for us!). So Shell, to answer your questions:

• I'm still taking 1 x 2mg estradiol twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening.
• I started straight after EC, as in, I had the EC in the morning and started the estradiol that evening.
• I'm also still having 100mg progesterone injection every morning - it's an intramuscular injection and blimey, it stings! That started the day after EC.

Absolutely no PG symptoms at the moment apart from getting more tired than usual and a slightly sore tummy. I guess I should be glad I'm not throwing up!

The throwing up kicked in at 6 weeks with my DS, so don't speak too soon Ruby! Although I don't know about you, but I will certainly have a different attitude towards it with my second pregnancy after the hell it's taken me to achieve it.

Thanks for taking the time to answer my question Ruby. I am so confused as to whether or not I should try taking the estrogen. My clinic doesn't do it as routine so I am a bit scared to just do my own thing and trial it. Obviously it worked for you, but I am doing a different protocol, so not sure if that makes my situation different. I've still got time to make a decision but I now just have the constant worry of what to do until I decide.

Hmmm, it's a tricky one Shell. The oestrogen is routine at my clinic - at least for the short protocol, which I'm on - but then again they have given me progesterone injections, not suppositories (as it states on all the paperwork) and I have no idea why! I only found out the day of EC and didn't have the energy to ask, quite frankly. It seems to be working but maybe the suppositories would have worked just as well, we'll never know.

Are there any clinics near you which do use the oestrogen, and then you could compare success rates on a more like for like basis?

Forgot to tell you, I am still going to POAS every morning to make sure everything's ok - in fact today I've done it twice as I didn't 'feel pregnant' - ridiculous I know, but it gives me a bit of confidence in what's going on! I've found one of those Clearblue ones which (I think) tell you how far along you are, but I obviously got it as a freebie at some point and didn't keep the instructions it can't be any more difficult than peeing on a stick though, can it?!

I've never done the Clearblue ones so I don't know how they work but can't imagine they could be too tricky. You absolutely should POAS every morning. Not just for your reassurance, but after so many months of tears and BFN's, it would be nice to finally see two pink lines.

The estrogen after EC doesn't seem to be done at all in Australia from what I can see Ruby but I think I am going to try the estrogen for my next cycle. It obviously worked for you or at least, it certainly didn't do any harm. Half the studies show it increases pregnancy rates. And the ones that show it doesn't increase pregnancy rates, it at least shows that it does not decrease the pregnancy rate. So I can see no harm in trying it.

Sorry to harras you Ruby when you should be able to enjoy your pregnancy, but obviously paranoid and wanting to give my last cycle the best chance possible. So can I ask:

• So you just took one estrogen tablet on the evening of your EC and then two from the next day onwards?
• What time do you take your estrogen tablets? Is it exactly 12 hours apart?
• Have you been advised a certain time of day? eg. right before bed?

Keep me posted as to when you stop them as I plan to finally get an elusive BFP next cycle and will need to know how long to continue them since my clinic does not do this.

We've struggled to get pregnant then had a miscarriage and are pregnant again after another long time trying. Getting sick of the endless disappointments every month I asked (pushed) my GP for a blood test. She was a bit resistant as she seemed to think it would just happen but I felt sure something wasn't right. Transpires my thyroid levels were a bit wonky (borderline underactive) without any symptoms and I was vitamin D deficient in spite of pre-preg vits. I then pushed for more blood tests and they discovered thyroid anti-bodies. I'd recommend getting a full blood profile done if you're not getting pregnant (or staying pregnant) as I felt 100% healthy and had no idea that there was anything wrong. Get a sperm test done early on too to know that's all as it should be. Again I assumed this was fine and our test results were poor. Again we'd never have known. Wishing you all the v best of luck.

Hi Boco, nice to meet you thank you for the details about your story and hope your pregnancy is going well!

Shell, you're right about the tablets, one in the evening then two per day afterwards. I don't take them 12 hours apart, just one in the morning and one at night, with meals; they didn't advise any particular time of day.

This week I've been feeling quite rough, not sick as such but really sensitive to smells and also suffering from indigestion and heartburn. I was reading that progesterone can cause indigestion etc, which makes sense as I'm still having my daily injections! I've given in and ordered some maternity trousers from ebay, as my tummy's very tender and I don't think work would appreciate me turning up in PJs…..

I was very sensitive to smells during my first pregnancy - which was not IVF. And I've heard others comment on this too. So it seems to be a normal pregnant thing rather than an IVF medication thing. I complained during my first pregnancy - especially when the all day nausea kicked in - but after all this heartache to get number two, I have vowed to take a different attitude and just be grateful during my second. I read your story of feeling rough, and can only dream of being in that position of having pregnancy side effects, rather than the fear that I will never have another baby that I carry with me daily now. First things first - I first must get pregnant though!!!!

Thank you so much for answering all my OCD questions about the estrogen. I just want to make sure I do it 100% right as this is the last IVF I can afford and I am now very much leaning towards taking it, after my Dr left the decision up to me. Interesting that you take it with meals - was that specifically mentioned by your clinic? I take estrogen twice daily starting tomorrow (CD21) in the lead up to IVF next cycle and when I looked online, all the websites very consistently said that estrogen needs to be taken on an empty stomach.

Your scan isn't far away now. Can't wait to hear how many are growing? Are you hoping for two so that you can have a complete family and never have to worry about this again? Or would you rather a single pregnancy and have the reassurance that you have frozen embryos for a sibling at some future point?

You will also have to let me know if they tell you to stop taking your daily estrogen tablets at that scan so I can be guided by your clinic seeing as this is not routine for my Dr and I don't know when to stop them (being positive here and assuming my next IVF will result in a pregnancy!)