Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

Tested this morning girls and it's a BFP for me! I am still in shock! X

Congratulations anroga although no to celebrate with just yet!!

I think you're right Victoria in that your DH's meds probably aren't doing his sperm any good - perhaps not doing harm as such, but stopping them getting any better. And yes, if he smoked less (or preferably not at all!) that should help with his asthma. Has he tried everything he can to stop smoking, or does he genuinely not want to?

Day 3 of the injections for me and the first day I've felt rough really; bit sick, tummy ache, dizzy. Nothing awful but I've felt better. Will see how it goes tomorrow as to whether I need to phone the hospital, I'm there Thursday anyway. Don't think I could have gone to the gym regardless….

Oh and apparently swimming isn't recommended either, because of the chemicals in the water. FFS!

Congrats anroga. I am genuinely happy for you but it does make me feel a bit depressed that it will never happen for me. If someone can get a BFP on the first IVF go and I have had 9 attempts without a hint of a BFP, it really says something. Sigh. Still I must keep trudging forward. It is reassuring that you are 38 and got a BFP as I am turning 38 in July so I should be positive and think of that aspect.

Victoria, I read your posts a few days ago but didn't know how to reply. On the one hand, I wanted to come over on your behalf and whip your husbands butt into gear. I can so understand wanting a baby and me doing everything in my power - taking supplements and changing my diet - eating fish after 14 years of being vego just to have a baby. If hubby was ruining this dream by smoking I would want to murder him. On the other, if I encourage your vengeful feelings towards him, what good will that do. It's only going to harm your relationship and it's not going to help him quit. You must be genuinely worried for his health aside from wanting a baby with adding smoking to his asthma.

Ruby, I still can't believe it's finally happening for you! After months and months of one hurdle after after and one incompetence after another, you are saying 'day 3 of injections'. Doesn't seem real! I am glad your scan and the funeral have worked out. I don't see any harm in being scanned early. Just gives you an earlier insight into what's going on. What medication are you taking? And what dose?

Thanks ruby still hasn't sunk in!

Sorry to hear you are feeling a bit rough with your injections - when are you doing them? I did mine just before I went to sleep so which I think worked well for me side effect wise x

Would love a btw!

I can imagine it hasn't anroga! How long were you TTC for before your BFP?

Yep, still rough with the injections. I'm doing them at 7am as my hospital told me to do them at the same time every morning, and definitely before 10am - sounds like yours had different opinions! I went to the gym this evening and did a bit of walking and cycling, which made me feel a bit better. Feels like pre-OV time magnified by about 100 - EWCM, ovulation pains, etc…..

Phoned the hospital today to ask about it, left a message for them at 9.30am. A nurse called me back at 4.30pm to say some pain is usual but if it's bad go to my GP, like I'd stand a chance of getting an emergency appointment there!! And good thing I wasn't waiting desperately by the phone for a reply!

My friend Mr Google says that if you have plenty of EWCM it probably means the ovulation injections have done their job - which is good - it also means that EC day may come forward!

Congratulations anroga!

Hope you start feeling better soon ruby

Hugs shell I know things are hard for you my love x

Dr Google is my good friend too Ruby! Sounds like a positive sign if you are producing lots of EWCM. I notice other women on the net saying they get loads of it during an IVF cycle. I never produce a single drop of it - natural of IVF cycle. And while hubby has the official infertility diagnosis with his dud sperm, I wonder if that is killing any miracle normal sperm that exist.

In my one last ditch attempt to try natural (and save me stressing about how I can come up with $$$$ for another IVF!) I performed a little home IUI last night! I got my LH surge yesterday to indicate ovulation is about to take place but was depressed that I only had creamy sperm killing stuff downstairs instead of this elusive EWCM which the sperm are supposed to love. So I embarrassingly asked hubby for a sample in a cup, drew it up in a syringe, placed one end of a thin tube onto the syringe, the other end just into my cervix (which was no easy task!) and slowly injected, then laid upside down on the couch for a bit so it didn't fall back out!

Well, you might as well give it a try Shell - it's certainly cheaper than IVF and if it helps you feel more proactive, go for it!

Started the Orgalutron injections this morning - ow, they sting! The Gonal F ones have been fine. Tomorrow's are due at the same time I'm booked for my scan, will wait till after that and see how things are looking

Nearly been 4 years ruby - great advice from the nurse not then! I was ok maybe you just need to let your body get used to them, hopefully a bit easier in a few days.

Talking abt nurses being useless Friday I had to go to the clinic to get some more of the dreaded pessaries, last night I started the new pack and looked at the back which stated 2 pessaries twice a day!? I have been doing 1 pessary twice a day up until now so last night squeezed the two in, thought I better check with the nurse today oh sorry abt that it's a error it's only 1 twice a day!!

If it's any consolation to you ruby am still rough with this hyperstimulation which has similar side effects to how you are feeling!

X

I am so looking forward to hearing how your first scan goes Ruby.

Might do another home IUI tonight as it will be 48 hours after the LH surge so I assume I ovulated today. I had a little cramping yesterday after the last home IUI. I read on the internet this can be a side effect. A logical person would probably be worried about that side effect but desperate infertile me was happy as it was reassuring to know that I had definitely got it in there. I know I am wasting my time and even by bypassing my non fertile mucus (why do I never produce any?!?!), hubby still has abnormal sperm. As you say Ruby, it just feels like I am doing something proactive instead of all this waiting.

anroga, hope you are feeling better. I would trade my current situation of no hyperstimulation and a BFN for your hyperstimulation and a BFP any day! What an incompetent stuff up with the medicine! So is that the progesterone pessaries you are still taking? How long do you take them for?

Can I join in (again)?
I was posting here then got a bit frustrated with the whole shebang so stopped posting here and Ive name changed.
I'll have to read up and see what's happening but we have had to postpone cycle #2 due to lack of financial resources.

I know you would shell no more complaining from me promise!

Yeah bad isn't it and the nurse was so off hand at first then grovelling for my forgiveness when she realised they had cocked up!

Well at least until my first scan on the 19th of feb, yes they are progesterone pessaries.

Good luck with your iui x

Good luck with the iui shell! Is your DH being any help with it (apart from the, er, necessary bit?!)

anroga, that's shocking about your medication - if you made a mistake you would be tutted at like anything - I can't believe they didn't apologise straight away! Incidentally I think all my progesterone is in suppository form rather than pessary, not sure what I'd prefer [hmmm]

Scan went well, little follicles are coming along but early days yet - only on CD8 - we'll probably need another scan at the weekend before being given a date for EC. Did my daily injections in a spare room before we left the hospital. This IVF lark is so glamorous!

Hi ladies, nothing to report from my end i'm afraid.

Had tons of EWCM yesterday and said to dh he must shag me, but he was all tentative as i've still not fully got over the UTI. Then I went to the pub with my friends and got back very full of dinner and awash with pints of soft drinks. Dh tried to get frisky, I guess he'd thought about it whilst I was out, but I turned him down!!! I was just sooooooo full and tired! Gonna try again tonight but I am going out again for a leaving do!!!! I mean I doubt I would get preg this month if dh's sperm not deemed good enough for iui, why should it happen naturally?!

shell what do you have to inseminate with? I'm seriously thinking this should be a route for us as I'm sick to death of sex! lol. It's just going through the motions and i'm not enjoying it much so i'm not getting turned on and then it's all sore and unconfortable and crap. Sigh...

Hi grinandtonic what's your story?

You are entitled to complain anroga. I can imagine hyper stimulation is uncomfortable. It's just ironic that I could only dream of it with my poor mature egg count with each IVF! Although perhaps you'd better not complain and become immune to pain - you've got childbirth in 9 months time!

Gin, welcome (again!). It's so frustrating isn't it that our ability to have a child is determined by the size of our wallets. Meanwhile, my in laws both don't work and just had a child that I will be raising via my taxes! So not fair. Do you have any idea when you will be going ahead with cycle 2?

Ruby, do you know how many follicles you had???? I need details!!!!

I know what you mean about just going through the motions of sex for the sake of TTC and not enjoying it. For my home IUI, I used a syringe to draw up the sperm then clipped a long thin tube onto the end of the syringe. I work as a pathology collector so I have these at work. Could mail you a couple if seriously interested? You're not supposed to put unwashed sperm direct into your uterus as apparently it can be dangerous (according to my google on home IUI's) so I placed the tube just inside my cervix and not right into my uterus. I just wanted to bypass my sperm killing vagina because I make NO EWCM, but in your case, it doesn't seem like that's a problem. Perhaps you can mail me some of that stuff in return!!

Had my IVF Dr appt and arranged my next IVF. Now just counting down til mid March. At least it's finally Feb now so it seems a bit closer.

My cycle seems to be running mysteriously early this month, just to annoy me. You know dh has his other sa march 16th? Well my next af was meant to be march 20th so I had 4 days to beg for the results. Well now this cycle I've ovd earlier so will mess up the next cycles dates too. Law of sod. Might have to wait til April now. Which might be just as well as the insemination dates from march cycle might have fallen on Easter weekend and a girl I know who had treatment at my clinic doesn't seem to think they do things on Sundays or bank holidays! Lots of other clinics seem to be open 24/7/365, why isn't mine?!

shell I work in pathology! What tube do I need? I can raid the stock cupboard!

Evening everyone

Well for the uninitiated I'm 35 and DH is 42. I have unexplained infertility (no PCOS or endo or other issues and DH has super sperm) and have been TTC for two years. I've had every test under the sun (and I ne dr want to do a HSG again). Three rounds of clomid failed. First round of IVF/ICSI got two eggs but neither fertilised. We are planning a second round hopefully in March.

Hi Shell how have you been? What have I missed? We have moved (for DH work) to Central Qld so are now 11 hours drive from Brisbane.

Sod's law indeed victoria! I was never that sure of my AF dates (approx 28 days, on occasion 26, the record latest being 35!) therefore I can only ever hope when booking these appointments. Have you tried any of the fertility lubricants if that would help, either physically and/ or with the TTC? Didn't work for us but I guess OH's little swimmers were just too rubbish….

Good luck with passing the time till mid March Shell, I hope you plan lots of fun things to do

Hi [Grin] - nice to meet you although of course the circumstances could be better!! I have friends (husband and wife) going through IVF at the moment as they have unexplained infertility as well, they've been TTC for over three years now. It must be soooooo frustrating, I hope the next round of IVF is more productive for you!

Second scan for us today; the doctor didn't tell me anything about how many follicles/ size etc (in fact he didn't talk much at all!) but it must have been ok as we're booked in for EC on Tuesday! From what I could gather from his little chart, I have three of the size that they wanted them to be, and others approaching it. Just done the buserelin injection so we are good to go for Tuesday, er, as soon as I've asked my manager for the day off….. really hoping the transfer is on Sunday and then I don't have to think up any more excuses for time off.

Oh, and in my written instructions it says I'll have progesterone suppositories after the EC, but I've been given progesterone injections instead - no idea why. Not that I'm mad keen on the suppositories (have to do a diclofenac one on Tuesday morning) but it's just confusing, plus I have the vials but no needles or instructions!

My goodness but the Buserelin has made me feel rough! Hopefully I'll get through the day without throwing up!!

ruby!!!! I can't believe things are getting so close and exciting! Sorry to hear you're feeling rough, is burselin the trigger shot? I hope things go well at the ec tomorrow x x

I have the entire week booked off this week. Needed to use time before April. Initially I chose this week as I should have been getting inseminated this week so its a bit tinged with sadness. Nothing major planned, in fact today is pretty dull, have to wait in for the boiler service man! Tomorrow I'm getting a haircut and might treat myself to lunch at the pub next door to the salon after. Wed and thurs are unplanned but prob go into town one day and maybe even see that Stephen hawking film alone as no one wanted to see it with me! Friday I'm meeting my stay at home mummy best friend and we (and her dd) will have lunch :-) chillax

Hi grin nice to meet u. I'm 35 in April and dh is 37 in May. He struggles with his sperm morphology (am sure its from the amount of pills he has to shovel down his throat every day for a medical condition, even tho the Dr says they should have no affect, plus his poor lifestyle). We are waiting to do 3 nhs iui. The first was cancelled as dh's morph dropped to 2% when they like min of 4%. We are trying a healthier approach to life and plenty of vits to see if things improve in March for iui.If not then ivf only choice.

Hey Victoria

Yes, it would all be exciting if I wasn't feeling so rough! The Buserelin is the trigger injection, we have to be at the hospital (20 miles away) for 7am tomorrow. I will get to be prodded and poked again whilst OH has his little pot to fill... Not fair, is it?!

I hope you enjoy your week off and chill out - I can imagine it's a bit sad though - another step in a (very frustrating!) journey xx

There's a sickness bug going round at work so I guess I may be feeling rough from that... Gives me a good reason for taking time off, anyway!

Ruby, I too just can't believe this is happening for you. Month after month you have a setback or NHS incompetence to report and suddenly you are talking about egg collection tomorrow and going to have little embryos of you and your hubby made!!!! You sound very chillaxed about the whole thing. I would want to know exact numbers and follicle sizes. I guess that's the difference with having done 9 IVF's and having researched the heck out of everything. I can't wait til after your EC when you report back with the actual number of eggs. I am in suspense!

Gin, are you still going to the cheaper clinic then now that you have moved, or are you now having to go somewhere more local and hence the delay to save extra $$$$? As for me, I tried IVF in December. I had several mature follicles but am really annoyed that I lost part of the trigger when injecting and as a result had low hCG levels the next day and only 3 mature eggs. 2 of them fertilised normal and looked great at the day 3 transfer. I swear I was pregnant as I had a physical pregnant feeling from day 24-28 of my cycle and my period was later than usual. So I think it started to implant but perhaps it wasn't genetically right so I had an early miscarriage? I plan to finish this cycle out, then start estrogen on day 20 of my next cycle in preparation for IVF the following cycle. Still trying to sort out the finances though! Dr is going to fill in a form to apply for my superannuation to release some money to me but it's at their discretion if it will be approved or not. Have also applied to my work to have my long service leave paid out to me without having to actually go on leave and am still waiting for a reply from them.

victoriia I too have booked holidays in the past thinking I would be traveling with an IVF embryo safely inside me and it turned out I never made it to that stage. So I totally relate to your week being tinged with a bit of sadness. I hope it turns out relaxing. As for the IUI, I used
1 Syringe
2 Butterfly needle which is a piece of tube with a needle on either side.
One end of the tube has a needle with 'wings' on either side. I cut this needle end off the tube and this end of the tube is the one that goes up into my cervix. The other end of the tube has a needle that just easily pulls out of a piece of plastic that it is clipped into. I pull this needle out and clip a syringe into it's place (after the syringe has been filled with sperm).

I hope this makes sense. If not, let me know. I have seen others post pics on here so I could perhaps do that if I can get my stupid phone to connect with my PC.