Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

Thanks ladies.

Shellster we have been diagnosed with unexplained. I am 32 and our tests have shown that ovulate naturally, have regular periods and DH has great sperm. We have had unprotected sex over 300 times so I know there must be something wrong that we haven't ever had a BFP in this time. The only thing the test showed was that I have a slightly low AMH for my age. It's 13.9 when the average is around 15.

We had a 3 day transfer and although we collected 10 eggs, only 1 was viable to be transferred (8 cell 3/3). The other 2 weren't viable for freezing.

I need to call the hospital tomorrow to confirm my BFN and then I will find out the next steps. DH has also called a private clinic as we will need to self fund this cycle now and we are hoping the waiting list will be much quicker. I just need the NHS to release my notes as we have had most of the tests recently.

AF has arrived properly too so will start TTC naturally again next week. A girl I work with failed her first ivf and then fell pregnant naturally a couple of months later. Am hoping for a similar miracle.

Can I ask about your situation?

Good luck with your cycle Ruby. I remember talking to you about 18 months ago on the conception boards. Hope everything goes well for you x

Shell, my OH is ok at taking the vitamins….. as long as I go and get them and put them in front of him, no way would he do it on his own!! He's doing 'dry January' (as am I, pre-IVF) and I think it will do him a lot of good to stop drinking for a while, he can drink far too much. My current efforts are channelled into eating more protein - finding it really hard as I'm vegetarian and a lot of low-carb books concentrate on meat as meals and snacks - but I will persevere…..

As you know, I can completely empathise with being very irritated with my OH, Victoria! Sometimes he can't even be bothered to make the little changes I've explained to him will help (such as drinking less) - his opinion seems to be, it's too late to change the sperm count now and we're almost at the IVF stage, why bother?! Grrrrrrr. Oddly enough my OH has also been on strong painkillers and anti-inflammatories for his back injury which was entirely his own fault and I'm fed up of him whinging about but of course, he didn't ask about it either.

Hello again Shoegal, lovely to talk to you again, although I'm sure we both wish it was in better circumstances!! Have you considered Assist Fertility if you have to self fund, they offer some money back if the IVF doesn't work? The bad part is that you don't get the money back if you do, but hopefully you will be so chuffed to have a baby by then that you won't care

No news from me but hope everyone is well!

Been googling 'IVF short protocol scan dates' to try to get an idea of which days I'll be needed back at the hospital (assuming that we even start IVF on my next cycle!) - it's all a bit vague as AF is due around 24/01 but of course I never know exactly. The issue is that we don't live or work anywhere near the hospital, so even a scan appointment first thing in the morning will need me to take a morning off :-(

Oh and Shell, I am scoffing down the protein as recommended!!

Hi rubes I'm still here. No news either. All dependant on dh's sperm next week. Tuesday is when his appointment is and then my next af is that weekend so I'm hoping they'll turn the results around very fast!

As I may have mentioned, I work at the hospital so just have to pop across site for appointments and scans. Easy for me, but not dh who works the other side of the city. I've already told clinic that I'll be attending everything alone apart from the insemination day. They were fine. Ish. They seemed concerned about dh's "lack of support" but I don't give a toss! Lol!

Hi Victoria!

Fingers crossed for quick results next week... Any chance you can have a word in the right ear and make things move a bit quicker?!

Difficult isn't it, hospitals seem to want both of you there for everything, but firstly OH runs his own business and can't always make it, and secondly he's been to some that really it was pointless him being at! And there are women who go through this process completely on their own (bar the sperm donor!) so it must be possible...

Ahh, it's so nice to be on this thread and read of you two victoria and Ruby whinging about your husbands. Just so nice to feel that I am not alone with this frustration.

Victoria, surely you should get the results back quickly - they have to test the sperm within a time limit after it is collected before they die, so surely the results are ready within hours. But after reading many stories on here from yours and Ruby's sheer frustration with the NHS, nothing will surprise me.

Shoegal, you are most welcome to ask about my situation. Our official diagnosis is that my hubby has 100% abnormal sperm - the acrosome cap is either small or missing (this is the outer layer that contains the enzymes it needs to break down and penetrate the shell of the egg). However I wonder if I am also not helping the situation as I have a very low AMH. It was 2.5 when I was 34 and I am now 37. As a result, I don't produce many eggs during IVF. My periods are very light and other and I don't produce ANY fertile cervical mucus before ovulation, so I am sure I am a contributing factor to our infertility. I have had 9 attempts at IVF! While I can't improve the quantity of eggs, I have been reading research and trying to do things to improve quality and I have seen improvement. My last IVF, I got 3 mature eggs of which 2 were great quality and transferred on day 3. I had a definite physical feeling from day 24 to day 28 of my cycle that was different to pre-period feeling and could only describe as a 'pregnant' feeling. My period was late too so I am sure that the embryo(s) did start to implant but I had an early miscarriage. In one way, it's reassuring that at least I got very close last IVF and it can happen, but in another way, it's still a BFN and I have spent another $6500 and am still not pregnant.

Good luck with choosing and organising IVF with your next clinic. Let me know how you get on.

Hi girls

Just looked at this thread and thought I must join in about my dh so you know you are all no alone!

It has been an uphill struggle from the word go with diet and alcohol. His sperm count if fine and so it the quality but he has moderate motility.

As you say Shell he is fine with the vitamins but only because every night I trot into the front room with them and a glass of water for him to take them!

Diet wise I have tried to get as much fruit and vegetables into our diets as possible but again only by me doing his lunch every night and the evening meal every day.

Alcohol he has cut back on but over Xmas on a couple of occasions over indulged in the red wine even though I had begged him not to (better than beer I suppose)

And to top all this off this morning we have a row (not good for my stress levels) about him having to do what he needs to do every 3-4 days before egg collection as instructed by the clinic. Apparently I was being a nuisance asking him if he had done it and putting him under pressure again! Never mind I am injecting myself twice a day and the procedures I will have to go through in the next week!

So good to vent girls sorry if I have bored you but I just felt so upset about it all this morning then came across this thread x

anroga vent away! I can't believe how our men don't care about what we have to go through when they just need to wank into a pot! I did say to dh the other night "do you want to know how my body changes and feels through the different stages of my cycle, I can describe it to you in great detail so you get the idea of what its like to be a woman". He said "not particularly"! Hrmph.

I don't know how I'm going to react next week if his sperm.comes back bad. Plus I actually found out Dec 23rd that he'd been smoking behind my back! "for about a month". I came home early coz I was offered a lift and caught him red handed! He was meant to be clean for at least 6 months before our referral and I thought he'd given up a year ago! Luckily our clinic has not asked him to prove it in any way with blood or pee or something. Unless they surprise us on the day?! I'm so disappointed in him. He says he's stopped again now. But can I trust him? We started to argue but he brought up 'the kiss' with the other guy. So that stopped right there!

Thanks for your message Victoria. They just don't get it do they. Mine has been supportive coming to the clinic and even doing my injections at the start until I got used to them but its just with things like the diet, alcohol etc.

Mine used to smoke but gave up nearly two years ago apart from the occasional one or two if he has a drink so that is something. I suppose now you have got to trust him when he says he will not continue with the smoking or you could frighten him by saying you found out they do a blood test to check!

As you said about wanking into a pot, I felt like saying that this morning and now wish I had because at the end of the day with this journey that is al they have to do. They could never do what all us girls have to do during IVF/ICSI.

Right rant over I have to go back to being calm and serene!

Wishing you lots of luck for next week Victoria x

Good luck to you too anroga!

Yes anroga, please feel free to vent away. I think it's reassuring to hear that all men are the same. It shows it's not my man or yours being particularly difficult but rather, it's just how they all are in dealing with this situation. It's very difficult anroga if you can't even ask if he's done his part before EC and instead you have to be stressed and worried not knowing if it's done or not. I hope for you that all goes well and it puts an end to all this for you in two weeks time.

victoria, you must be really upset that he is smoking. You say lucky that the clinic doesn't make him prove it. But even if he doesn't have to prove it and your IUI can go ahead, they obviously ask him to stop for a reason - because it will up the chances of success! That little kiss seems like it's going to be a thorn in your side from now on.

Hmph, men. I have given up with mine. Just can't be bothered with the stress it causes me. Since my IVF failed last cycle, I am going ahead with IVF after a 3 cycle break, but can't be bothered with the arguing about him taking tablets (as simple as that is for him to do!). Just trying to make healthy meals and hope the lack of stress about it is beneficial instead.

My friend, the kiss guy, has been chucked out by his wife. On Xmas eve! That so could have been me out on my ear. Luckily dh forgave me and we're moving on. This guy properly cheated on her (sex) with another girl though, 10 years his junior! But yes 'the kiss' is going to be at the back of all our tiffs from now to infinity.

When I mentioned to dh about smoking and our chances he goes on about 'nothing has been scientifically proven'. Plus my bezzie has had 3 kids by her dh who smokes a lot! And she was still drinking wine and tons of coffee whilst ttc. Her 1st took 1 cycle, 2nd 6 cycles, 3rd 3 cycles. My bezzie doesn't even know how long her cycles are or when she ovd! Oh to be so innocent of all this!

Oh here's another good one, listen to this!

Asked dh tonight if he still had enough vitamins left or do we have to buy some more. He says to me... "I'm nearly out so I've been taking them every other day instead"! Ffs! So smoking and saving vits by not taking them, the month before fertility treatment! What a pile of arse!

On they are useless aren't they shell and victoria what more can we do! I just think all we can do is try with them, look after ourselves and try not to get stressed about it all as that is the last thing we all need, hard I know, venting defo helped me!

Got my trigger tonight and egg collection Monday so it is all starting to feel very real now!

How very very frustrating for you victoria! I am sure there are studies on the net proving smoking affects sperm. Obviously it's something he doesn't want to stop though. Just came back from holidays visiting my sister who loves her daily morning coffee, evening wines and occasional cigarette who has had 2 kids no trouble (2nd when she was 38) to her husband who never eats vegetables, is a smoker and drinks scotch daily. My husband doesn't smoke, rarely drinks, does eat his vegies (albeit loads of crap too) but he is the one with the sperm issue. Doesn't seem fair.

Anyway, anroga, this part is all done and dusted for you now. Yes, just look after yourself, TRY not to stress and report back to us Monday!

It isn't fair shell - I have friends with partners like that and even one who had her baby recently her and her husband both drink like fish and smoke joints most evenings!

Yep just waiting patiently to get this trigger over and done with tonight will just chill tomorrow ready for Monday and let you know how I get on thanks for your message x

Good luck anroga. Hope it goes well tomorrow x

Thanks shoegal managed the trigger ok last nite so glad I got that out the way! X

Good luck for tomorrow anroga

Shell and Victoria, as you know, I completely empathise about useless OHs!! Mine is (to be fair) not too bad at the moment, but I still get frustrated/ annoyed/ angry with him, it's his bloody fault we're going through all of this but does he get the hassle or the medical procedures? No, it's all on me. GRRRRRR.

Victoria, cheeky question, but would you ever consider going for the kiss guy instead?! Or is it just escapism with him? I frequently think about leaving my OH for the other guy - I don't think I would - but have been severely tempted, especially when he moans and whinges.

We have our co-ordination clinic appointment on Thursday BUT I noticed on the paperwork that it says I should have had bloods taken beforehand - why has no-one told me this before?! I phoned the clinic and made them aware (in no uncertain terms) that I wasn't very impressed, I've been there for two appointments in the last month and no-one asked me to go for any blood tests. Anyway, allegedly I can have any blood tests I need done on the day

Also they still want a second opinion from my hypertension consultant about what medication I should be on; I told them that he's said before that I'm on the best one, but they won't take my word for it. However, neither will they phone/ email him to clarify it, despite him being in a hospital within the same group! I emailed the department on the 2nd and finally got a pointless reply on Friday saying they've sent my email over to the fertility dept. They got a VERY annoyed email back saying that (a) that was pointless when Fertility have asked for their opinion, and (b) why has it taken them a week to press 'forward' on an email?!? I am really cross, more than a bit stressed and altogether not in the best of moods for starting IVF imminently…..

Hiya, good luck today anroga!

ruby no I wouldn't dump dh for kiss guy! Although we have lots of hobbies and interests in common and he's not a lazy ass like dh, there is no chemistry from my side. Can't remember if I said but I dated him way back in 2002 or 3 for a few months. But it never got any further than kisses and holding hands! There was no chemistry back then for me either. It was a shame as he's a lovely guy and he's not ugly. Just can't explain it, pheromones were all wrong maybe! So anyway it wasn't going anywhere and then he moved 200 miles to the other end of the country for work and that was that. We kept in touch as friends and I was happy when he met his wife. We got wed same year. It was just a weird thing that happened, his wife was being cold, my dh was being my dh and this guy was in my area on a business trip. He'd still been holding a flame for me after all these years and we just had even more in common than before. I considered it! But there was no way I could sleep with him. It was like that scene in back to the future when his mom kisses him in the car. "feels like I'm kissing my brother"?

Anyway, best get to work!

Ruby how utterly frustrating. Yes, what in the world is the point for them to forward your email to the fertility dept? And why does it take a week for them to hit a forward button? Good on you for following up. And why on earth didn't they mention the blood tests earlier? Surely this is routine as part of the co-ordination meeting and they should have systems in place to make you aware for routine bloods

I hope all these things are out of the way by the time you start IVF and then it's just a matter of you taking your drugs every day which is in your control and attend for scans which surely they can't stuff up.

Hope you can somehow breathe and let it go to get through this and work on being calm and serene for IVF. And if you can work out how to do that, then please advise me!

Hi girls

Got on ok with egg collection yesterday and good news they got 15 eggs and got a call this morning to say 12 have been fertilised so I know it's still early days but feeling quite positive.

Also now glad I don't have to worry about dh's diet anymore or lack of it more to the point!

That is an absolutely fantastic result anroga! I wish it was me in your position right now instead of the two hard months of diet and exercise that I have ahead of me before my turn.

Is it rude to ask your age? Just curious as I am 37 and the most mature eggs I ever got was 5, so to have 12 fertilised sounds absolutely huge. When will you next get an update? Keep me posted!

Hi Shell

Thanks I am pleased feels like all my hard work with diet, exercise, no booze blah blah blah has paid off. Yes I am sure you do feel like that and I would not blame you but fingers crossed it will all be worth it this time for you, hopefully 2015 is the year for all of us x

I was 38 in November. I had the phone call this morning to report that I have 9 that are all growing at the same speed and have divided and are of grade 1 quality and 1 that is growing a bit faster, so I am pleased.

I had misunderstood yesterday it was 12 that had been injected and 10 that had fertilised.

Tomorrow they will let me know if transfer will be tomorrow afternoon if 2 really stand out or if not they will keep them going to blasto on Saturday, day 5.

Still early days.

x