Infertility meltdown

[HappyAmbler]

Hello ladies

I'm a long time lurker and very occasional poster.

This is really just a rant as I'm feeling so utterly shit this evening - hence the title (was crying when I started writing this ). My DH is asleep upstairs as he has to work tomorrow.

This is my third cycle of clomid and AF has just arrived. We have been ttc #1 for 19 months although in that time I've had 22 cycles.

I'm just feeling totally lost as I was only prescribed three months of clomid, and my next appointment at the NHS fertility clinic isn't until mid Feb - so I'm basically going to have two wasted cycles in between.

We still don't really know what the problem is. DH and I are both 31, his SA was normal, my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, my cycles are pretty regular and I'm fairly certain I ovulate every month (temp rise). The only possible factor is my post ovulation (day 21) progesterone levels are 'borderline'. i.e. they indicate ovulation has occurred but not high enough to sustain pregnancy.

I really thought the clomid would 'fix' this seemingly minor problem. And it has in the sense that my post ovulation progesterone levels have been higher, and my luteal phase has been longer, but I'm still not bloody well up the duff

Apparently the next step is HSG - feeling stupid for not insisting this was done before I started the clomid, but I was so convinced the clomid would work...

I guess I'm just starting to panic now. If we don't know what the problem is, how the hell can it be fixed??

Thanks very much if you've got this far. I'm not sure why I'm posting, just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I don't know anyone in RL who's going through this, so it's just helpful to know there are others out there.

These men of ours. I often read stories on here of women having to play the supportive role throughout this. And my own husband is no exception when I would love to be supported right now as I go through another IVF. Wish I had the answer but I don't! Just want to say you are not alone!

Don't quite understand your system that you have to 'wait for a referral letter'. Who sends this to you and why does it take so long? I am sure Ruby here can sympathise as she too is playing the NHS waiting game.

Hello DRS and Victoria [waves] - good to meet you although of course it could be in nicer circumstances!!

Sorry to hear the heartbreak that both of you have been thorough. I hope you get those BFPs very soon but that in the meantime, coming on here and chatting helps you to cope :-)

Shellster, waiting for a referral is when your doctor finally sends you for further treatment, but unfortunately this being the NHS they don't have specific guidelines of how long that should be! Quite often their attitude is "you're getting it for free so stop moaning". That said, they do have to tell you how long the waiting list is if you ask so at least you have an idea! Victoria, could you chase them up even just to make sure that your referral has got to the correct place - sometimes these things do go astray?

Went to fat club last night and the scales registered zero loss. Pah! It's enough to make me want fish and chips with cake for pudding...

Oh and good luck for this round of IVF Shellster!! As you know, I couldn't agree more re: unsupportive partners!

Really angry now!!! Been patiently waiting for our appointment with the fertility clinic to come though since begging another GP to refer us. Just thought I'd call the clinic to see how long the wait was and they've not recieved a referral letter! This is the exact same thing that happened with dh's Sa! Chased it after 9 weeks, and the result took another 3! My blood is boiling right now! Called the GP's and whoever is in charge of referral letters isn't in til monday now so they'll leave them a note to look into it!

This 'journey' is a pile of crap! Doctors actually do not give a damn that they're messing with people's heads! Grrrrrrrrrrr to the lot of them!

Really sorry to hear that Victoria - the NHS is so slow and frustrating sometimes!! I still can't believe that they don't scan and email results, it's all done by post and fax - same with referrals as I understand, instead of just sending off an email you have to wait for them to write a letter (which took a week at my GP's!), wait for it to be posted, received, processed etc etc. It sounds like communication has broken down somewhere in your case, I hope they can give you some answers tomorrow.

We were supposed to go to our GP yesterday to get more test results for me and OH, but OH had to work, so now the first time we will find out is Thursday at the consultants appointment. Grrrrrr!

Just got off the phone to the GP's. Apparently a letter must have gone astray in the post! Now I have to photocopy my letter and pop it in to the docs and she will try and get another doc to refer us as ours is on annual leave this week! Bloody joke!

Good luck with your results Ruby, what are they for? Sorry, not really read back far since joining this thread, don't know where everyone is at.

Hope you're ok shellster x

I am in Australia so not familiar with NHS. But I just can't believe the stories I hear on here. How hard is it for someone to write a referral letter Victoria???? I am glad you seem like a pro active person and keep chasing it up. But infertility is stressful enough without having to be stressed out by this extra crap.

So you are off the the consultants this Thursday Ruby? So you will get your final results and IVF will be arranged? I have spoken to you on and off on here for ages and I just can't believe how slow your system is. You are strong holding on waiting.

Here, if someone wants to start IVF, they can see a doctor today and get a referral letter on the spot. Then you wait 2-3 weeks to see the IVF Dr of your choice where all your IVF plans will be put in place. But it's not covered by NHS and we are paying $$$$ so maybe that's the difference.

I started my IVF drugs yesterday and went for a day 3 scan today. I have 19 antral follicles which have the potential to become mature. Usually about half grow to become mature with IVF. When I started IVF last year, my day 3 scans showed only 5-8 antral follicles. I have since done much research and changed my diet and supplements. Then last cycle I started with 14 antrals and this cycle a whopping 19. So it really shows that lifestyle makes a difference.

I wish I had of done research before my first IVF instead of having suffered emotionally with IVF failures. You would think the doctors would tell you everything you can do to ensure success. But it seems the only person who really cares is us and it wasn't until I suffered failure that I did research as to what is going wrong. That is something pro-active you guys can do now to keep you sane (and drastically increase your chances of IVF success) while you wait for your NHS IVF.

I have so much hope that this will be your cycle Shell x

Just wanted to send you a good luck message Shellster, I will have fingers, toes etc crossed for you!!

Thank you for all the advice too - I definitely feel better for going low carb and high protein - I take a B vitamins supplement now too with my conception multi vitamin. Hopefully it will all help once we finally get to the IVF stage :-)

Victoria, OH and I have been TTC about 18 months now - waited and waited through the (v long!) NHS process, tests etc. We get the results of my HSG and OH's latest SA at our consultant appt on Thursday, but as we already know he has a low sperm count, there's not much they can offer other than IVF - no idea how many rounds they will fund and what the waiting list is though.

www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/niac_2/ccg_details

ruby find your local council here and they tell you what you're entitled to. Can't help with the waiting list though! I found a facebook group for my local clinic and found out lots of info from them.

Thanks Victoria, that's really helpful. Apparently we would get three cycles but only if we've been TTC for 3 years. Hmmm, it's not yet two but I'm willing to fib about that if needs be, as I'm near the age limit!

I'd show OH but he's off in the garden faffing round with a shed or something. Sigh...

Thinking of you as your appointment nears Ruby. I guess you already know the results and that the SA will be low and that IVF is the answer. But I assume that the consultant will get the ball rolling for IVF at this appointment? Yep, not saying it's right, but I'd definitely fib too! It would be amazing to have 3 funded cycles to take the pressure off the first one having to work or it's all over.

And thanks so much for your well wishes Victoria. I actually forgot my injection this morning. Meant to take it at 9am but I forgot to bring it to work with me. Made up some excuse to get out of there and have just taken it at 10.30. Hoping that after all my hard work to get this far, me forgetting to take my injection to work and doing it 1 1/2 hours late hasn't ruined everything. Better get back to work now.

Need to get my bloods repeated before the doc will refer me now! Luckily af due next week so I can get my day 3's done soon! Such a faff! Asked the other doc if I needed repeats 5 weeks ago and he said no! Could have had them done last cycle! Grrrrrrrrrr!

I'm sure 1.5hours won't make a difference Shell. I read on my clinics Q&A page that you just take it within a few hours and its fine. Its like with the pill when you don't take it at the same time you have a leeway and you're fine.

Had a tarot reading last night. Forsaw a pregnancy but not with dh as he's not my soulmate! Apparently my soulmate and children are yet to come! Must remember..... Entertainment purposes only!

I just want to scream at these Dr's for you Victoria. Glad your day 3 isn't too far away. Glad I didn't get that tarot reading... might have been very tempting since my husband is the junk food lover with poor sperm and the reason for my arduous IVF journey!

Just finished at the doctors now - they were running an hour and a half late!!

Turns out they think that one of my tubes may be blocked - they couldn't tell from the HSG whether it was blocked or just cramping from the procedure (it bloody hurt!) so I have to have a lap & dye :-( as I'm sure you all know, it means a general anaesthetic with pre-op, recovery time etc. How annoying, and all to rule something out; apparently if I do then they will cut the tube so it doesn't affect our chances of IVF success.

More to the point, OH is down to 2% normal sperm with 6% rapid progression, his little swimmers are rubbish! He looked a bit shocked, I'm glad I made him come with me. He has to go for yet another SA at another hospital, not quite clear on the point of that one, but allegedly between the two tests they will pinpoint the cause of our infertility. Not that that will do bugger all good as IVF is still our only option...

Sorry for the long post, currently still in the hospital car park as I can't stop blubbing for long enough to leave! OH has already gone home (we came in separate cars) but I think men are more practical about these things - for him it's just "oh well, another thing to do and then we might finally get somewhere." Plus he doesn't have to have an operation. Men get it easy in my opinion!!

Trying to think a bit more clearly now and stop blubbing (supposed to be going out with friends in an hour!) - presumably OH's SA is more of an issue than my hydrosalpinx or (from what I've read from some quick Googling!) the problem wouldn't be getting pregnant as much as staying pregnant?

Shellster - I hope all is going well with your drugs regime now after a little bit of forgetfulness! I don't think an hour or so could make much difference though?

Victoria, the NHS are very frustrating indeed... I'm now waiting for a post-op appointment when we will presumably/ hopefully be referred for IVF and sit on yet another waiting list! Grrrrrr...

I phoned the nurse re my forgetfulness and she didn't seem bothered. I have now stuck a needle on the inside of my front door (sealed!) to remind me to take my Menopur with me to work - so hopefully no more forgetting.
What issue did your hydrosalpinx show? Did it show one blocked tube? Sorry, going a bit vague as my brain is sidetracked by my 7th IVF and the $$$$ I am spending.

Victoria, what is a post op appointment? Did you have an operation recently? Either way, I have noticed through women on here the length of your NHS waiting lists and can only imagine the frustration.

Hi girls

Sorry you were so upset from your results ruby. Your OH should have stayed with you until you were ok! Useless aren't they?! How long will it be until your procedure?

We were told that the other SA our partners need to do at the hospital is more detailed and looked at by the doctors not the lab or something! I think they look for suitability for ivf or icsi, whatever they need to look for! I think they add up your chances of success from his and hers results.

The docs rang me again yesterday and told me as soon as my bloods were repeated and the results were in, I need to collect my own paperwork from them and I can book an appointment at the clinic of my own choosing!

shell, I'm not having the op ruby is x

Oops, yes now I re-look, I see Ruby posted that. Somehow in my IVF distracted mind, I totally missed your post Ruby from when you were sitting in the hospital car park. I have been where you are. I remember finding out hubbys' sperm issue and then it went from 2% normal to 0% normal. My next three cycles suddenly went haywire and I can only put it down to the stress of that diagnosis. Then finally IVF was the answer. Then that failed. And now here I am doing my 7th. Sorry, sounds like I am just talking about myself, but as I have no cure that I so desperately want to provide you with, all I can say is I know how you feel and how utterly crap this all is. Allow yourself to have a couple of days of feeling like crap. My IVF counsellor told me not to shove it down which I was doing with so many people saying 'relax'. This NHS waiting list seems to be the most gruelling part of it all. Do you have any indication how long until your post op appointment.

Victoria, things finally sound like they are getting moving for you. Seems like different people have such different experiences on the NHS depending on who you see.

Morning all and thank you for the good wishes :-)

Sorry for the late reply; OH and I were away for the weekend, did a lot of talking. We're going to plough on with the IVF process but surprise surprise, I haven't had any letters about the pre op appointment that was going to be made ASAP, will chase that up tomorrow if necessary!

No date for the actual procedure either but should be mid-August if the doctor was correct about waiting times.

How is everyone else?

Hi, glad you had a nice weekend away ruby, actually you didn't say it was nice I hope it was, as well as productive in the chat department. I've had the chat with my dh too, making sure he's 100% committed.

Finally af has arrived so I can get on with having this final blood test before referral! This time next week I should be officially referred! Huzzah!

Hope you are ok shell x

Thanks Victoria, it was nice to get away ?? I didn't always stick to my low carb/ high protein diet but am back on it now, tuna and cheese salad for dinner!

Glad AF has arrived and you can finally crack on with the tests! I still don't think OH fully realises what IVF involves but he just wants a baby; when the doctor spelled out that IVF was pretty much our only option then he finally clicked that it was a good thing I'd pushed him to go for the tests...

However, my pre op appointment came through and it isn't for a month - so much for me having the op within a few weeks!! I'll give them a call tomorrow and see if I can get it brought forward!

Difficult day today... Struggling to cope with all the uncertainty and the general crapness of the NHS :-(

Can't get my pre-op brought forward yet, so I will wait for that, wait for the op, wait again for another appointment to review the op and then finally (hopefully) get referred for the IVF they know we need anyway!! I'm just despairing at the moment, no idea how to improve the process - it seems so long winded and incompetent.

On top of that work is horrible, so busy; my ex's girlfriend is about to start work with us which I could do without, and the nearest place to escape to at lunch time is a park full of children!

Sorry, just needed to get that out of my system..,

Oh Rubes, I know the feeling hun :-( the NHS, as much as I love it and its my employer, its so darn slow! And I get no perks from dedicating the last 13 years of my life to it and probably the next 40, lol!

I had a mini meltdown yesterday, just a load of other crap was getting on top of me too and I just felt so darn ANGRY!

Hope we both feel better soon x

Thanks Victoria - I'm just so tired and frustrated with the whole process and wish I could see a way through it. I also find it difficult to cope as I'm sure some of OH's friends think I'm an evil cow for not having/ wanting a baby when they know how much he wants kids. Little do they know...

You were angry which I think is more productive than my blubbing, but yes, let's hope things improve for both of us soon! X

Just been given a TELEPHONE appointment at the fertility clinic. Not what I was expecting..... August 7th. Plus I have to call THEM at my alloted slot! Most odd....